Is disrespecting mother a major sin?
Asslam o Alaikum,
May I respectfully request some advice. It is regarding the treatment of my mother by my sister.
My sisters husband was sadly murdered while he was in Pakistan. My sister believes that our maternal aunt was involved in this dreadful crime. My mum does not believe that her sister could be capable of this crime. There is no clear evidence but there is alot of suspicion. My mum herself was deeply distressed by the death of her nephew but cannot believe that her sister had any part in it. My mum has no evidence it is just what she believes.
The issue is that my sister believes that my mum is siding with her sister and treats my mum with disrespect. She has excluded my mum from her life and has forbidden her children to see their grandmother. She is also saying derogatory things about my mum and is teaching her children to do this also. Now some of her children are also disrespectful to my mum and shun her. My sister also says derogatory things about my mum in front of my dad and other sisters which upsets them.
My sister and her husband were very close and there was much love in their marriage of 21 years and she was hit very hard when her husband died unexpectedly. I love my sister very much but I also love my mother very much and do not want to lose either of them. I find her treatment of my mother difficult to cope with and I feel it is against the teachings of Islam and is a major sin.
My sister prays 5 times a day and follows all the teachings of Islam. I feel that by disrespecting our mother she is jeopardising all the good work she undertakes. My sister is intelligent and if she sees some proof from a respected source I believe that she will rethink her behavior.
My question:- In Islam is my sister allowed to treat my mother with disrespect, swear and shout at her. Ridicule her in front of others and talk about her behind her back including in front of my dad and other family, if she believes that our mother is siding with the suspected murderers?
Is there any reason why my sisters behavior would be acceptable?
Is her behavior a major sin?
Will the gates of Jannat be open to her if she behaves this way?
Please do answer this as my family is breaking up.
Thank you
Allah Hafiz,
Isad786.
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Salaams,
I cannot comment about her access to Jannah based on this or any other behaviors. The inmates of Jannah are known to Allah alone.
But to answer the rest of your questions, no your sister should not be mistreating or disrespecting her own mother, regardless of what she believes or her suspicions. Respect of one's mother is imperative in Islam, as Paradise itself lies at the feet of the mother.
In the best case scenario, the authorities would be investigating the crime to determine who murdered your brother in law. One can speculate all day and all night, but there really is no way to know for sure who might have been behind it without the proper evidence. Sure, your sister may be right, and the aunt may be at fault and your mom may be supporting her unwittingly. The issue that's really going on here isn't what your mother is doing or not doing (by supporting the aunt), but the fact that your sister is devastated in her grief and is trying to make sense of the loss by finding a way to cast blame.
Your sister needs a healing hand most right now. She is not going to be able to do that on her own, and sadly even if she is proven right about everything she suspects, it still won't bring back her loss. I think right now the best thing your sister can do is start working with a grief counselor to start coming to terms with what's happened. It would be great if your mom can join the sessions as time goes on, so that they can mend the discord between them as well.
I want to advise you though, be sensitive to her. Don't approach her and start bashing her over the head about how she's being haraam by disrespecting your mom. She's wounded, and her ability to be rational is being veiled by her pain and grief. Be gentle, and try to offer her any support you can. If it helps, go to your mom too and apologize for your sister's behavior and explain she is reacting out of her deep emotions. Encourage your sister to seek the professional helps she needs, and insha'Allah in time the whole family will be able to work through this traumatic event.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you for your wise words
asamualakum my mom is so mean and hit me 30 times yesterday oh and by the way my brithday is Apr02
Isad 786
walaikum asslam ...
Its wrong that ur sister treating ur mom so badly please sit with ur sisiter go for some long trip there she need a space in her life let her live alone for sometime and then u explain ur sister what she is doing with her mom what kind of behaivour bcoz she willl be just removing her anger n frustration on ur mother listening to others she is blaming on ur mom so she need to come out of this mis understanding firstly live her alone for sometime then talk to her politely n show her the islamic way what shoudl be done what kind of behaivour to be followed and all how our prophets.s.a.w used behave with the person who the enemy of him so try and understand her the issues n try urself to solve the problemn pray for allah that he should give sabr to ur sister to bare that pain try to mingle with ur mom n be happy insha allah do this n always read surah bukhari at home as shaitan will be far away .....................insha allah
Thank you
Asslama-laikum sister I understand what problem you are facing and right now the only thing you have is and belief in Allah. As for your question it is a big sin to treat your mother with disrespect ,for it doesnt matter if she is innocent. All it is that she is your mother.I think you should step up and help your mom go through this obstacle between your sisterand your mother. Always remmber if we see are siblings do something wong that does not mean we sit back and relax. Just because you love your sister doesnot mean you cannot tell her whats right from wrong... If youstick up and help out Allah will reward you because it is yo who is putting effort to patch your mother and siser..
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May Allah (swt) help you through this rough time
Thank you. I have been trying to support them both but it is so difficult because they are both so upset. I love them both and we were always very close. Thank you to all who took the time to comment and may Allah (swt) shower you all with blessings for taking the time to advise me. Thank you
Dear Sister Isad dont give up. If you do who will take yhour mother out of this situation. I hope every mother has a daughter like you who cares for her and respects her. Dont let tears fall just have hope and beleive in Allah he will make everything better for you inshallah. Allahs is always there for those who call upon him,ask hime for his needs. You my Sister should ask Allah to forgive you for all the bad sins,and make youhave the courage to go through this rough conflict. May Allah desire your wish!
Thankyou for your kind words
in the quran we r told we r not even allowed to eaven say uff to our parents...
(Email address deleted by Editor, IslamicAnswers.com)
i am very sorry to hear wat your sister is doing you should try your personaal best ande tell her wat ur doing is wrong i feel very bad for yoour mother tell your mother not to worry just to pray all thallah dua adn tell god help me and evrything will be ok you explain to your sister tell her tell her kids about their grandmother and everything tell your sister tht how would she feel if she wasnt alowed to see her kids kids.tell her wart goes around comes around tell her wat she is doing with her parents her kids will do to tehir parents.also try all your ways to meet your sister with your mother adn try inshallah evrythign will help inshallah tell her read 1st kalma read namaz adn read thasbeah.inshallh everything happens for the best and also remeber tht watever happens happens for the best.