Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Divorce or stay??

Muslim woman in hijab

Aslamualaikum brothrs and sisters. I need ur help and advise. Hope u can help me out this satution.. im my self is so canfused and lost i dont knw wht to do??

I got married 4 years ago. It was mostly emotionaly force marriege. We were both force in to it. We were not happy about it and we did not wanted to do it but becaz of famly presser we had to gave up and got married. Soon after marriege i got pregnant and had a baby girl. Its been 4 years of this marriege but its stil not going anywhere.

We have no love, no understanding, no happiness and no disre for eachother. Since our marriege we been phaiscly intamated only towice after tht we,ve been living like friends or room mates.. Im tired of having a loveless marriege. We both tried to make it work but nothing changed.. I praied salatul istikhara.. all the time i feel like i should leave this marrieg it wont work.. i even tried to get divorce.
But my perents are coming in the way again and again. They think divorce will bring shame to them in socity and people will talk bad about me and them.. they told me i will ruint my doughter's life if i get divorce. Thy said people will call her divorcee's doughter bla bla... ☹☹
Now i dont knw wht to do??? Listin to my perents again and give up hoping things will get better (although we,ve tried and i knw it wont work even if we try again!!) or do i file for khula?? Will allah forgive me for hurting my perents if i go for divorce.??? Im not happy. stil cant eccept him as a husband from my heart and somtimes ive been vry rude to him.. Im scared i wont be able to filfull my right towards him in the future too. Nor he will be able to love me as i wish to be loved.

broken_hearted

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3 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum broken_hearted,

    I hear you sister. You're basically "just not feeling it" as they say. Have you tried marriage counseling? There may be ways to actually get the love you want from your husband, but it will require some help, perhaps from a therapist. Also, I know that part of you really wants to leave the marriage, but have you tried really communicating your respective needs to each other? Sometimes we need to ask someone to be more visibly, tangibly loving with us or intimate, as it doesn't necessarily come naturally to both or one of the partners. There is nothing to be bashful about. Try that first sister and see if it works.

    Now, if you try those things and you're still not really feeling it, you can go for the divorce.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  2. as saalaamu alaykum sister

    I don't know why some Muslim parents Force their children into marriage! The prospects of such a marriage are worse than Poor. Try to explain to your parents that a marriage is supposed to be happy and harmonious and wasting ones life in a Miserable marriage is Wrong! For instance the Prophet's (saws) adopted "son" Zaid, divorced his wife Zainab and Allaah swt admonished the Prophet for having attempted to stop the divorce for fear of what people would say.

  3. Wa alaikumsalam dear Broken heart. I am sorry to say that divorce is not the right way for me to suggest at the moment. I understand how are you feeling but I have to look at both sides. I don't know how he actually feels toward you. 4 years is long enough for a love to be derived, perhaps there is an obstacle that avoid it be exposed. Anything could possibly happen withon that time. If it is not good for you at the first place, Allah wont simply let you both married easily and have a daugther. Something good wont come without you want it with all your heart, maybe you should try harder until Allah makes you feel you've tried enough. If you feels like it is over, think about your daugther. She deserve a best chance. Always remember, Allah has reason for each and everything happens in our life.

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