Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Divorced American woman in love with Saudi student.

Hi,

I am an American woman studying finance at a university in the USA. I was married at 20 to a physically and emotionally abusive atheist man. we had two children together before I realized at 23 that I needed to get out. It took all of my strength to leave this man and to get back on my feet. I now work full time, care for my two sons, and also attend school.

One of my classmates at school watched me for an entire year. At the very end of the school year he asked me to go out with him and confessed a crush on me. I was surprised because we had spoken very little before then. However, his approach was more kind, sincere, and gentle than anyone I have ever met. He told me all of the reasons why he liked me and was very respectful of me from the first date. We have been dating ever since. He understands my past and accepts it. He's amazing around my kids and treats me wonderfully. We share a similar sense of humor and outlook on life - if you can believe it. I am absolutely falling in love with this man. However, I have a lot of concerns because we are from completely opposite cultures!!

He is a Muslim from Saudi Arabia. He is not a good Muslim in some ways because he drinks on occasion and is not a virgin (was not when we met). However, he prays every day and has impressed me with his faith and knowledge of Islam. Since Ramadan has begun he has been strictly following the Koran. I knew nothing about Islam or Ramadan before I met him, and I am honestly extremely impressed with his faith. I wish that more Americans had the commitment to moral values that Muslims seem to. I view him and his friends whom I have met as classmates to be extremely kind, sensitive, and ethical.

I am seriously considering converting to Islam now - although it is not something that my boyfriend and I have discussed. i am drawn to the religion in part because it seems to answer all of the questions and problems that I have always had with Christianity. My questions are:

1) If I were to convert to Islam, could I be accepted by a good Muslim man as his wife, despite being divorced?

2) How is a relationship like the one I described typically viewed from inside of Islamic culture?

3) From a Muslim's perspective, is it likely that my boyfriend views me only as a temporary distraction? Or might he be considering our relationship as something more substantial, as I am starting to?

Americanxtian.

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2 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I applaud you for being courageous enough to work on making your life better for yourself and your children, despite the harrowing experiences you had in your previous marriage. I hope my answers to your questions help you gain clarity on where your life's path will take you next.

    1. If you were to convert to Islam, it is as if all your past sins and mistakes are deleted. In this sense, it is very similar to the Christian idea of being "born again". Being a Muslim, you would be perfectly acceptable as a potential wife for a Muslim man. The fact that you are divorced has no bearing on that, since even those who were Muslims when they were married the first time and divorced may freely remarry according to Allah's will.

    2. If by this question, you are asking about your relationship status as being one of 'dating', Islam does not recognize this at all. In Islam, any affiliation men and women have with each other of a romantic nature (assuming they are not married) is considered forbidden (haraam). In Islam, young men and women are encouraged to marry as soon as they feel they are compatible for one another. As such, the fact that your Muslim friend is spending time with you and doing other things you mentioned (drinking), and not going through the proper channels of Islamically courting you (even though you are not Muslim, it would be the same process) would be of concern to most Muslims. What he should be doing is getting to know you under chaperoned supervision, with the intention of determining if you would be a suitable wife for him. I can not tell you what you should do if you are not a Muslim now, but if you were to convert to one and he continued to try to affiliate with you in the manner he already has, you would be strongly encouraged to cut your ties with him until he can approach you in the approved (halal) manners.

    3. It's hard to say how your friend is viewing you and your relationship. It's possible that he is just "sowing his oats" and acting in ways he knows is sinful, but perhaps he has deluded himself to believe he still has time to get his life together before really looking for a wife. Or, he may really feel you are a good match for him, but all his haraam ways are stemming from personal weaknesses he has. If I were you, I would ask him about it bluntly, and tell him that you know he can't be just dealing with women for the heck of it and that he should only be looking for a wife, or not speaking to women at all. Ask him clearly what his intentions with you are. If he does indicate that he is thinking about proposing to you, then you will have a whole new set of aspects to think about! However, marriage is considered half of the religion of Islam, so Insha'Allah your query will sober him up and he will start being serious about everything he's neglected, and begin living his life with the best piety he can.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. No no ... he is only using you. when he is fully enjoyed he will say good bye.

    so stop connection with him from TODAY .....or FROM THIS VERY MOMENT. ok please try to understand.

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