Divorced 3 months ago, can I marry a married man?
I am 25 years old, am a mother of 2 children and single, i have met my ex-husband 4 years ago and it was an arranged marriage, i gone through very serious family problem through my whole marriage life. Before 4 months of my engagement I met a great guy in a work place lets call him MH I liked him and he loved me at the first sight, we made a relationship, we loved each other so bad, we were whole the time SMS, send Emails, talked on the phone in many hours.
He was so nice to me, respectful, honest, handsome, he was a kind of person who keeps culture and Islamic religion together. Some times I used to say myself that this man is the man in my dream, we talked a lot of things together cause he was so understandable so I used to discuss with him every thing about my life but that time he was married with two child although in Islamic religion in allowed men can marry 4 wife but I didn’t want to be someone who destroy some women’s marriage because that will be disaster, so when I get married that time was another disaster because I was leaving the love of my life with a arranged marriage, he was so nice to me even when I married he used to call me and care about me.
I was feeling that I can't forget that love that I always dreamed to met one day, he used to know what my situation is and what am planning my future like Education, career and self development . Now after 4 years of a marriage am single and mother; now while am free we get back together and have a great relationship, he wants me to marry him as soon as possible and he said to me all the time the he wants me as his wife whatever happen, he is going through a family problem as well and his wife said to him once that she will leave him if he married another woman.
So brothers and sisters I want from you urgently to give me an advice about this and what our Islam said about this.
NOTE: as long as I know that his previous marriage will end if he marries me will it be mistake for me according to Islam.
- Ummu muniir
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Assalamualaikum ,
I understand what state you are going through.. I will just give some advice which I think is good and I believe in..
You should not destroy someone"s family as you know already that his wife will leave him if you marry him..you should sit down calmly, think and pray..what if you were in his wife"s place?
At the end it's your choice but I believe if you leave something for good in this case not to break a family Allah(swt) will reward you with much more Inshallah ..
You will truly be rewarded with more happiness and your are young inshallah you will find someone who will love you and only be yours without breaking a family..
Forgive me if I hurted you..
Just pray, think positive and leave your matter to Allah..
Give a thought to doing Istikhara too..
I will pray for you..
Masalaam
Assalamu alaykum Sister Ummu Munir,
May Allah bring ease after the hardship in your life.
Islam asks for upright characters first. It demands modesty and keeping up the limits of Allah.
As far as marriage with this man is concerned, you know him better than us and his condition as well.
Islam allows up to four wives for valid reasons. If his intentions are pure in marrying you, it may be good. If it due to "love" that both of you want to be together, then Allah knows best. His first wife should get all her rights in her husbands time, love and wealth and if he is able to deal justly between you both, he may marry you, Insha Allah.
Islam makes life easy and suggests peace is better and co-operation and inclination to help fellow Muslims and maintain Islamic brotherhood is one of the primary duty of Muslims. Of course, both the wives should live happily and most importantly, the man should marry for a valid reason and not just to satisfy lust.
May Allah help you decide. Ask for His guidance. He is every ready to show us a way.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Assalamu Aleikom
I am a little confused here. I read through your letter and I read the two above comments and neither of the comments seem to mention the fact that it appears you are having and have had an illicit relationship with a non mahrem married man. With this said, maybe I did not understand your letter? Maybe you can answer for clarification.
1. You said : "Before 4 months of my engagement I met a great guy in a work place lets call him MH I liked him and he loved me at the first sight, we made a relationship, we loved each other so bad, we were whole the time SMS, send Emails, talked on the phone in many hours."
The fact that you met and "made a relationship" with a non mahrem is sinful. You state that you loved each other so bad and spent many hours on the phone talking and emails, texts. This is a sin Sister. Didn't you know that you should not form a relationship with a non mahem man? Are you not ashamed of what you did? I hope that you have repented sincerely to Allah for such acts. This is not allowed in Islam. If I have misunderstood what you meant, please correct me.
2. You said: Some times I used to say myself that this man is the man in my dream, we talked a lot of things together cause he was so understandable so I used to discuss with him every thing about my life
Again, I cannot believe that you are worried about what you and him should do now when you should be worried about what you have already done and what will happen in the hereafter because of those sins. The fact that you had such an intimate relationship with a man is really troubling. I don't see how you can be worried about other things when you should be worried about repentance and staying away from this man and these sins. Shaytaan has gotten to you and him both and you both are in the wrong for having such a relationship.
3. You said: but that time he was married with two child
Please correct me if I am wrong but here it appears that while you were having an illicit(and illegal according to Islam) relationship with this man, he was married? If this is the case, then Sister, how can you trust that this man is such a good man? What married man does this? What good, Islamic married man has an affair with a woman outside of his marriage? I do not know any man that I would consider good, Islamic and respectful if they are talking on the phone, expressing love and affection and texting another woman while they are married. This is an affair. This is cheating(on his part). You both should repent to Allah as soon as possible and you should consider finding a TRUE honest and good respectful man to marry instead of a man who has no respect for you not only as a woman, but a Muslim and has no respect for his wife and the mother of his children.
If he cared and loved you so much, he would have stayed away from you, not contacted you(especially while he was married) He should not have lured you into the traps of Shaytaan. If he really loved you, he would have done things the proper way. Not contacted you and when he knew you divorced, contact your wali and inquire about a possible marriage. He should not have contacted you and started chatting with you in this manner. This love you speak of is a delusion that is fed on lusts and secrecy and sins. Of course it appears to be so strong love. This is what shaytaan wants you two to believe so you will continue doing such horrible things. Please repent. Please love YOURSELF enough to resist temptations.
4. You said: I didn’t want to be someone who destroy some women’s marriage because that will be disaster, so when I get married that time was another disaster because I was leaving the love of my life with a arranged marriage, he was so nice to me even when I married he used to call me and care about me.
You were still talking to this man while you were married? And he was married? Sister, how could you do that? You were not being fair to your husband. You probably didn't give him a chance because your heart and mind were with the non mahrem man you formed an illicit relationship with. Any marriage will have problems if one spouse is talking and having love for another person outside of marriage, a person who is NOT their spouse.
5. You said: now while am free we get back together and have a great relationship, he wants me to marry him as soon as possible and he said to me all the time the he wants me as his wife
I don't know what more to say. I pray that Allah gives you the strength and opens your eyes so that you can see the truth. I pray that you will be able to see clearly how wrong and what a terrible situation you have gotten yourself into with this man.
6. You said: NOTE: as long as I know that his previous marriage will end if he marries me will it be mistake for me according to Islam.
How can you be worried about this now? You have had a relationship with this man for years and years. You still kept in contact while you two were both married to someone else. You both have already ruined both of your marriages, so why are you concerned now that you will ruin his marriage? The damage is already done. You have kept in contact with him. He now still lusts after you, a non mahrem woman, and still talks to you and expresses his love to you. A woman he is NOT married to. He cheated on his wife. He betrayed her trusts and her love by staying in contact with you. You also betrayed your husband when you were married and now you only betray yourself. You want to continue having a relationship with this man. You did not care about Islamic issues before, but now you are concerned about Islamic issues? I do not understand.
Sister, what I have said appears to be very harsh. It may also appear that I am angry and I want to tell you I am not. Neither do I mean to be harsh. I actually feel sorry for you and will definitely pray for you and your children. Sometimes men can be so smooth talking that they will convince of things that are not real. You say this man is good. But sister, I don't think you can say that he is good and then say he loves you and talks and emails you in the same sentence and not see the contradiction in that statement. A good man would never do this. I am sorry, it is true. Alot of what I said here is true and I know that because you are "in love" and because this man is feeding your brain with words of affection you will not listen to anything that says something you don't want to hear.
I have seen people here get very angry at the comments because the comments spoke the truth and they didn't want to hear the truth.
You need to worry about YOU and your CHILDREN who are innocent in all of this. You also should consider his innocent children and wife in this as well. You have taken something from another sister in Islam. You have taken the time and affection and love from her husband and children. He should be spending hours talking to his wife and kids, NOT YOU! If he wants to marry you, then he should go about it properly and sort his affairs at home prior to having and keeping an illegal relationship with you.
I pray and wish you well. I hope that this fantasy world you are living in does not have you end up divorced again. I truly wish you the best and apologize for my harshness. I am just really sad at this whole situation because it seems to be common in the Ummah today.
Forgive me. And forgive me if I have misunderstood your letter and I am totally wrong about everything.
Sorry 🙁
Assalam O Alaikum sister Ummu Munir,
You asked for advice sister and Insha Allah I will try my best. Sister, there are so many questions that came to my mind while I was reading your post. To start with sister, your relationship was haram to start with, it wasn't his place and neither was yours to be in contact for WHATSOEVER reason before you got married. It doesn't matter what he is been helping you with or what you used to discuss and assist each other in any way. Still he kept it secret from his wife (I guess) and it is not acceptable for anyone to speak or be in contact with a non-mahram of opposite sex regardless of their religion or else.
Yes, it's true that a Muslim man can take up to four wives if he is financially capable of supporting them and the children, share his love equally between all of them and fulfil their emotional needs as well. Sister, how difficult that would be to treat all of them equally as we are humans and chances are that he will be inclined toward one wife as compared to others or vice versa for several reasons. This is human nature or more so a man's nature and doing justice in this case is extremely difficult thus he will be committing sin by not treating them equally. Also, sister remember how many lives are involved here? WHAT ABOUT HIS CHILDREN AND FIRST WIFE (what is her future if she decides to leave with kids?)? I am not saying that you shouldn't marry him but at the same time try to find a middle way, because, he will never be happy and at peace if you take his children away by marrying him(if his wife decides to leave). Also, first of all think CAREFULLY, whether he is capable of providing everything what a husband and father is supposed to provide?
I would request you to consider a few question and think before you take any steps.
1- What is it about this person that you like and think that he will be a better husband and a father figure for your children?
2- What is his level of imaan and what other qualities does he possess which you think are desirable and how important they are when it comes to a relationship in general and to YOU?
3- Have you asked him; what is missing in the first marriage that he thinks is not working and is not happy about?
4- What does he wants in a spouse and do you have all what he is looking for and his first wife doesn't possess all that and is not willing to change AFTER HE TRIED TO TALKING TO HER?
5- I understand sister that your first marriage wasn't successful and there must be some reason that you and your ex decided to call it off. But, have you thought about the fact that it is a possibility that when we have options, we don't tend to work on the problems that we have in relationship in order to make it successful.
6- Also, how sincere he is with you and won't do the same with you like, talking behind your back? I understand that there are challenges involved in every relationship and marriage in not an exception but still he should have taken the right steps of first i-e; talking to his wife and work out his problem and if it couldn't be repaired then approach you in a decent manner observing the boundaries set by our religion.
7- I want you to take a good look at his character sister and do all the checks possible. I don't want to speculate but there is a possibility that he might be in contact with someone else at the same time and you don't know. When you realise this after marriage then it will be too late.
I repeat again sister that before you take any decision, please take a good look at all the points I mentioned above. Life cannot be perfect as it's test but by being cautious we can make it less difficult Insha Allah by following the code of conduct set by our beautiful religion.
I hope this helped and write back if you need any further assistance.
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Thank you my Muslim brothers or sisters for your honest and heart-touching answers.
In this reply I want to make more clarification to you on some points; first I wanted to give more detail about how our relationship started. Now we don’t see each other we just SMS or talk on the phone although it is Haraam but we never become alone together. now I repented to ALLAH and am convinced that what I have done was wrong, I gave up this evil action and regret what I has happened in the past, I asked my ALLAH for forgiveness and I prayed Istikharah asking whether this person is right for me or not. He is now proposing me a marriage after he is regretted in the past, is this relationship permitted or not?
Assalamu alaykkum Sister Ummu Munir,
I had an idea that you are mature enough to know the right and wrong in Islam and so I did not write on that part, but answered specifically to your question related to marriage with this man.
My reply is there above, you may read it again.
Remember, do not do injustice to anyone. Make marriage happen for a good religious life form here on. See the iimaan of that person and grow yourself in Islam as well.
If your divorce formalities are complete, a man is allowed to marry you for the right reasons. It should not be done to satisfy his lust and break his current family in this madness, that would not be a good thing.
It is a senstive issue. Better decide keeping in mind the consequences of your action.
May Allah help you attain peace and move further.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Dear brother Muniib i hope that i didnt post this article to say to me READ AGAIN, I narrated my story and i really want to get real advice from my Muslim brothers and sisters, i need URGENT advice from you.
In my religion i have enough knowledge about it and i really want to be REAL Muslim.
I need more advice.
Ummu muniir
Assalamu alaykum Sister Ummu Munir,
I am sorry if you got a wrong expression of my post to read again.
Sister, what do you yourself think is the best?
If your divorce is complete, you may marry another man.
All we are concerned is about a family breaking up due to one marriage.
I said in my previous posts and I repeat again, this is a very sensitive issue Sister Ummu Munir, it is no child's play. You should get to know from this guy if he is really ready to handle the "consequences" of marrying you, if he will be able to keep you happy, if he is not doing injustice to his other wife and children if he has any.
2. Give unto orphans their wealth. Exchange not the good for the bad (in your management thereof) nor absorb their wealth into your own wealth. Lo! that would be a great sin.
3. And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.
128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing. - Surah An Nisaa.
Sister Ummu Munir, Allah has sated conditions of marrying other women. It is purely Islamic reason.
If you ask me, would his marrying to you and divorce from his wife be the right thing?
My answer would be : I don't know. It is for you to see the Qur'an, see why a man should move for a second marriage, is he fulfilling the condition in the Qur'an?
My advice is marry a man for his iimaan and marry someone who does not ruin his own family just to marry you. That would be fair and just for you as well as the other person and his family.
You may look for better advices from our intelligent and well experienced brothers and sisters and the Editors of course.
Salaam,
Your brother.
alaykum wa salaam Brother Muniib
I really appreciated your great advice for me, they are very useful and thank you for your understanding but let me add one important point here, my divorce has taken place in front of Islamic court legally and completed.
I can see that you got my point now when you where saying “would his marrying to you and divorce from his wife be the right thing” because the only thing am scaring now is if I get marry this man may be it will cause that his wife will leave him so what I want now is what Quran says about this. Will I be punished for this I mean the destroy of another family cause I married him?
Thank you.
Ummu muniir.
Assalamu alaykum Sister Ummu Munir,
All things have a peaceful solution. He should speak to his wife in peace and decide the matter with her first. He should make it clear why he wants to marry you in the first place? What is the need? His wife should make herself clear as to why she does not want him to marry you?
If things work out in peace it is better. If his first wife takes divorce from him, it is her choice. The issue has always been sensitive. Not many woman would like to share their husband with other women or woman. Just as a man would not like his wife to go to another man while in marriage with him.
Islam allows marrying women for just purposes up to four at a time if a man deals justly with them. He may arrange for time, money and wealth along with his love to be given to both wives with equality to the maximum he can. This way a woman who was sensing need for a husband and could have been abandoned by the society for some reason could find a husband, a place of security and love in a halaal way.
In short, deal justly, do not abandon one wife for another and make peace between yourselves, this should be the objective for all three, you, the guy and his wife.
If this objective is achieved Alhamdulillaah, no problem. If not and the wife seeks divorce from the man, it is her choice, Allah will provide each out of his abundance.
May Allah help you and our brothers and sisters in similar situations and guide you to the right course of actions.
Salaam,
Your brother.
umm munir,
May Allah forgive my speech and lead me to see the right. amin.
in my opinion i think you may regret this decison
- first of all, when a man is courting you as a second wife, you want to ask yourself - is he courting me according to Allahs laws? if yes then go ahead, if no then FLEE!
- secondly, a man who marries you to escape marital issues with his first wife is not a man you want to be with. He probably isnt responsible and not man enough to manage conflict -which he will DEFINITELY have with you too. there is no problem free marriage. if you want to be second wife, investigate the quality of relationship he hs with his first wife. that gives you an idea of what treatment you'll get. My husband is not very responsible and he hurts me a lot. He comes to see me once a year and I fend for myself and kids. He dates quite a few women and ONLY ALLAH knows what he tells those women about me. I'm sure those girls he dates thinks he's a sweet man UNTIL they marry him to see what he's really like. Anyway for me, I'm glad I had the courage to leave. enough of ZINA!
- thirdly, on a non spiritual ground, marriage counsellors/therapists recommend having a break between marriages. i thnk 3 months is too early. You need to sit down and reflect on your old marriage, what went wrong and YOUR contribution to the breakdown of that marriage. WHATEVER you think, YOU have contributions no matter how little to any conflict whatsoever. Until you learn from the mistakes in your old marriage, you'll probably will have the same problems in your new one.
- Laslty, I THINK if you are certain the first wife would leave and you marry this man then I THINK it might be improper to go ahead. You know certainly that your marriage to him would cause her distress. Allah knows best
Women destroyed my own marriage. Now I am a single mum of four and praying Allah would provide a man for me but I always plea to Allah not to give me a married man (though he knows best) purley because I know the pains polygamy can inflict on the happiness of a woman.
If you tell Allah you are not willing to ruin the happiness of another woman and are willing to sacrifice this man you love for that Allah would provide you with someone even better.
I strongly feel second wives should form a habit of helping their husbands display justice and stop encouraging him to spend too an imbalanced amount of time and resources with them.
In your case, you should encourage this man to fix his marital problems and leave you alone.
My Muslim sister MEEN thank you for your great advice and sharing with me your experiance, thank you for telling to give a break to myself between the two marriages.
In our Islamic religion i know marrying a married man is legal but after i repented to Allah for having long relationship with non-mahram man it came to my attention if the the first wife dont allow him to marry anothe women and the effects that will happen to my marriage if she leaves.
Now, i stopped to SMS him and seeing him but still we talk on the phone not like before but just to check everyone's situation and he/she doing.
Honestly, i love him from the bottom of my heart and still want the marriage but am trying to be best near Allah.
May Allah lead us to the right place here in the World and hereafter.
Ummu muniir
Asalaamu calaykum Ummu muniir,
I am really sorry that you are going through that dilemma. In today's muslim world many similar stories are happening all over. Islam values marriage and therefore sets rules to be fullfilled. It is not clear from your note why this man wants to marry you as second wife. He may be missing something in his marriage. To be frank with you, although many men out there are led by their desires only, there are many as well who have genuine reasons to marry second wife. I know many of today's muslim women in many parts of the world do not fulfil the rights of their man. When the man sees that many of the things he was expecting are not there, and that the wife is not willing to change, they opt for this chance of marrying second wife. I heard of many families that are not meeting the bonding rights of the marriage therefore living while not being happy, and therefore committing sins. My advice would be if the man is willing to marry you, and he has shared that with his wife, although you said she will leave him if he proceeds with it, then you have the right to accept this marriage. It is not you who asked him to divorce his wife, but rather a legal step set out by Islam is there. I am sorry if this is confusing, but this is from very small knowledge of religion and what i have collected from various imams.
May allah lead you to the right path.
Taking a second wife does not solve your problems with the first. It merely complicates your life. Allah would not permit polygamy if it were not good for the society but polygamy is disastrous today BECAUSE brothers do it for the WRONG REASONS and in the WRONG WAY.
Polygamy is frequently used as an easy way out of marital conflict. IMO, it is only a weak man who takes up a new wife to distract himself from problems at home. Its like getting new shoes cos ur old one doesnt serve you. While you enjoy your new shoes, your old ones are still there and you know what? - its got feelings and WILL react and probably get worse. If your shoes aint good enough, then get rid of them and get new ones to REPLACE them. Worse still, your NEW wife is human as well and you WILL have conflicts too.
Brothers need to improve on their conflict resolution skills and try to see how their behaviour affects their wives responses. A nasty wife more often than not is usually a reflection of the man himself. Afterall we are made from your ribs. if a man is kind, its hard for a MUSLIM wife not to respond appropriately.
If a man marries a new wife because they have marital problems, it means he is leaving her alone in that unhappiness while he seeks his happiness elsewhere. The best gift you can give your 1st wife is to relate well with her and try to resolve problems. Conflict resolution skills are very important in a marriage and any man with marital problems IMO is not fit to take on a new one. The Prophet (SAW) displayed excellence in his first marriage for 15 years before taking a new one after her death. He had proved he was fit enough to be a husband.
Islam says if you do not like your wife for some reason then divorce her in kindness rather than leave her hanging. If genuinely a wife is bad, then the threat of divorce should be sufficient to reform her. if she is good and still gets divorced then it is a form of mercy - a release from unhappiness.
Umm Munir, if you really want to marry this man, then go ahead. ITS your life but bear in mind, you do not know why he's unhappy with his wife and he's most certain to give you the same treatment. A leopard cannot change its spots. MAY ALLAH guide you.
May Allah forgive my speech wherever i have erred and improve my perception. And HE knows best!
I think you've raised some important and insightful points about polygamy and the way it is practiced today by some brothers. Thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Allah would not permit polygamy if it were not good for the society?
But Allah has not allowed up to four wives without putting any conditions.
We should remember, Islamic polygamy is conditional, the verses in the Qur'an are clear enough and our "desertion" of Qur'an results in ignorance of the reason and wisdom behind taking more than one wife or limiting one's self to only one.
Brothers ignore Qur'an and as Allah says, it is our livelihood, so how can we live life without livelihood?
75. Nay, I swear by the places of the stars
76. And lo! that verily is a tremendous oath, if ye but knew
77. That is indeed a noble Qur’an
78. In a Book kept hidden
79. Which none toucheth save the purified,
80. A revelation from the Lord of the Worlds.
81. Is it this Statement that ye scorn,
82. And make denial thereof your livelihood? - Surah Al Waq'ia
Salaam,
Your brother.
Salam,
My brother, I have not said Allah permitted polygamy unconditionally. IMO, polygamy is a prescription for certain 'ailments'. If you do not have that 'ailment' and you take the prescription (polygamy) then you are in 'soup' You merely damge your 'health'
The truth is i dont like polygamy and sincerely dont pray for it but, Allah has permitted it. As such as muslims we need to exercise caution in displaying our dislike for it. The best brothers can do is to administer this prescription with caution and in an appropriate dose. This way, it becomes a less painfull pill for sisters to swallow. A lot or men take on second wives without caring how badly it affects the mental health of their 1st wife. I cannot over emphasise the importance of establishing a solid relationship for years with the ist wife BEFORE taking on a new in the PROPER way
again IMO, a brother who fears Allah would try his best to avoid polygamy. Not because he does not desire it, but because he fears falling into error due to injustice which may displease his Lord. 'Co-importantly', there's more to polygamy than a SHINY NEW BRIDE. There are spiritual responbilities men have over their women and children. Are you ready as men to discharge this duty to 2 or more women? Remember you are shepherds of your household and you will account for your 'sheep'. Polygamy aint all about equal distribution of material posession which itself is hard enough.
If brothers thought deeply about the spiritual implication they would hesitate to jump into it and curtail their desires. Indeed it takes a strong man to manage 2 wives or more.
All said, Allah's QADAR is certain. May HE make it easy for us to accept his Qadar and be sincerley pleased with it.
Assalaamu caleykum my Muslin sisters and brothers,
It was 2yrs and 3months since i posted this article, now am here again seeking another advice from you Muslims. I married the mentioned man in the article on November 2011 and we have a baby boy of 1 year, i have mentioned in the letter that we love each other badly and that he had another wife, they have been divorced 3 months before we get married.
Now its only two of us and my previous children from the other marriage live with us also we had such a wonderful time together with all the children, i had with him the most amazing life, i felt a happiness i never had before, i loved him from all my heart i thought that he is very honest and respectful as i noted in my posted letter but now i suddenly discover that he is cheating me with having a FACE BOOK account which i did not know before, the account has different name so i thought that its one of his friends who has this account and curiously i went through the account and have noticed that this account is for him, i found his photos sending to another ladies, communicating another ladies with bad words i even found out that he has a relationship with his ex-wife.
My life is a mess and i dont know what to do. Any advice?
Jazakallahu kheyran.
Salaamu alleykum
Please am still waiting your advices.
Jazakumullah kheyran.
It's almost 4 years later. How are you now? How is the marriage?