Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Do I stay and break up my family or go and risk everything?

Muslim woman

I got married 11 years ago in America to a man from England. The agreement was always in place that we would eventually move there. I knew my husband as a friend, it was a love marriage. Only met his family at the wedding. Only realised what a mistake I had made when I was around them.

They are emotionally manipulative and controlling, and my husband was immediately under their spell. It was implied during the wedding that I was lucky to even be near him and that I wasn’t good enough. His sister and her husband have made up lies about me. I can’t go into the details of the family dramas as this would turn into a book but think of any typical desi family and their hatred for the new sister in law. Then more recently I found out my husband was drinking and seeing prostitues behind my back.

Believe it or not, in other ways we have a good marriage and we’re friends. We have two beautiful children. I have learnt over the years to stand up to his and his families bullying behaviour. The crux is this: if I don’t go to England he says he’ll divorce me. Even if he didn’t, he’d make my life hell. Do I go and endure his family and a lifetime of being put down and not supported without my friends and family, just so my kids can have their father? Or does what he did justify me in staying? He's apologised and acted remorseful but unfortunately he’s inherited lying and schemeing from his family. I know it’s an unhealthy situation but he’s fine when his family aren’t around. I also know I’d be fine without him - I just don’t know how far I should go to keep my children’s father in their life.

fatimazahra

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam alikum
    Leave him. This poison will extend to your child and further into you.

    Just make sure you are fullfilling your part of the covenant with Allah swt

  2. Read your post to yourself several times. Sometimes we have to have serious talks with our selves to know that we are in a bad situation. And sister you are in a bad situation. Prostitutes. Alcohol. Family deceit. It is beneath you to live with a man who visits prostitutes. The family drama added to that is not of any benefit either. Can you not see the giant red flags? Most people who are contemplating divorce make a list of pros and cons and have those items weighted. Do you really think your husband would stay with you if you had a lover or two in the past. If your family members were something out of a bad virtual reality show. No. Get your ducks in a row -- make sure you will not be left high and dry and at the appropriate time ask him to divorce you. Send him on his adulterating self to London by himself.

  3. Obviously, you stay in America and continue your life there without your sorry excuse of a "husband". It's not YOU are subjecting your children to a fatherless childhood, it's that your children's father would rather spend his time with prostitutes and booze than with his own children. That's HIS choice, not YOUR'S. Sometimes, it's better for children to not have their father in their life. Like in this instance, when all they are going to learn from their father is lying, cheating, paying for women and drinking booze. If that's what you want to teach your children, go ahead and move to England to be closer to your husband.

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