Do I tell my future husband?
Salam, I’m a revert to Islam, just over 6 months.
I originally became Muslim as my partner at the time was a Muslim. He piqued my interest and although he now lives in a different city, I have seen him in the past on different occasions, on a few of these occasions we committed zina.
Although I tried to repent at the time I really wasn’t sure what I was doing. My partner has become a more practicing Muslim, and we are not committing this sin any more, also we rarely see each other.
I need to know how I can fully repent, and also as my partners family don’t approve of me I may not marry him, so do I tell the man I decide to marry that I committed this sin and have repented? I really feel I couldn’t keep this from him.
Thanks
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Salaam my Sister,
In order to repent, the first step is to sincerely regret what you have done - without sincerity, there is no repentance, or prayer. The next is to pray to Allah for forgiveness, and follow this up with a firm intention to never repeat this sin again and set yourself to making yourself a better Muslim in your actions, words, deeds and thoughts. Never repeating the action again is essential.
Regarding future partners, this is really your decision. I would advise that you use careful language if you want to share your past, you can allude to a past that you are not exactly proud of, or say that you are not a virgin and you need him to be comfortable with that - rather than state factually that you have done x, y or z actions and then give a list of bad deeds or sins. A good man who accepts you as you are should be fine with that level of information - any more than that is unnecessary, but again, it is your decision and .
Peace,
Leyla
Asalaamualaikum Sister,
I agree with Leyla about repenting.
With regards to revealing your sins:
The Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “Every member of my nation will be forgiven, except those who expose their wrongdoings.”
He further said, the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam commanded us to conceal the faults of other Muslims saying: “Whoever covers up the fault of a Muslim, Allaah will cover up his fault(s) on the Day of Resurrection, and whoever exposes the fault of a Muslim, Allaah will expose his faults.” [Ibn Maajah] This is because such acts spread evil within the community.
Also see: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=articles&id=144831
Sister, you may feel the need to tell your future husband about your sins as this makes you feel better in yourself. However, this is not pleasing to Allah. It is better that you remain silent and be grateful to Allah for concealing your sins. A decent person will not ever question you about your virginity. If the matter does arise, try even then to conceal it. If it becomes revealed through other sources, then of course you will be compelled to admit. A good man will understand that you are human and sinned, but also repented and regretted and will not love/respect you any less. If he does not understand, then you will have to deal with what arises, but know you will have done nothing wrong in remaining silent about your sin.
Your sin was against your own soul. It is now only between you and Allah. Your repentance is enough. By you 'willingly' uncovering what Allah has so Mercifully kept covered for you, you are sinning again. If you want to share your sin in order to try and remove the internal guilt; then remember that unfortunately fluctuating between hope of being forgiven and fear of not being forgiven and guilt are lifelong consequences of such major wrongdoings. But even this is a sign of a true believer.
Just remember your goal is to please Allah. Also, remember Allah can conceal the greatest of sins if He(swt) so wishes; so do not worry. Accept Allah's gift of Mercy to you and rather, try to seek peace of mind in turning to Allah's commands, not away from them.
SisterZ