Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Do I wait for my loved one?

yes or no

Salam Alaykum,
I fell in love and since then my life got complicated. I always thought I had the answer to all my problems, I used to laugh at people who where in love, now... look at me , it caught me. I see how quick, karma comes around. I have tried everything to forget him but my heart wouldn't let me.

I had once told him but he turned me down saying that he could never love me in that way and I am only like a little sister to him. I cried for months.  Eventually, I forgot all about him but i was lying to myself , the feeling was still there.

A few days ago, he confessed to my mother,  these were his words : " I have always loved your daughter and in the  future I want her to become my wife. My life isn't in order but after two years when am done with everything I will return for your daughter. I couldn´t tell your daughter how I felt about her because first of all she is a muslim girl , I respect her and I care about her. I am scared because I can't control myself\feelings around her and I am afraid I may take her virginity. I want her to finish school and make her dreams come true and right now I don't have anything to offer or show off if I ask for your daughter hand in marriage".

I am confused , how do I know if he is speaking the truth???
I am scared and the thought of marriage scares me. I want to confess to him but he made my mother to swear that she will never tell me. I ask myself what if I wait for him and after two years have past he never comes and I may have missed out on other opportunities. I love  him so much and I pray to Allah if he belongs to me then , bring us together as husband and wife.

Please reply me soon.


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6 Responses »

  1. Salaams sister

    I don't think you should wait for this guy. If you do get good proposals, consider them. What if this guy changes his mind after two years. What shocks me is how can he speak to your mother about "taking your viginity". Does he not have any respect for your mother to speak about things like this? How can he not ask your mother not to say anything to you? You have a right to know. This issue concerns you. Does he expect your mum to keep you unmarried for two years and to keep you for him. In this case he should involve his parents and let your mum know about how he feels but I wouldn't advise you to wait too long. Anything can happen in two years!


    • Thank you Rumaysa,

      Just noticed about the viginity, you are right. I advise her to wait, just because she is scared of marriage and she loves him.

      But you are right.

      María Editor

  2. As salamu alaykum, sara

    It seems to me that you need those two years to get ready to marry, if you are scared to marry now, it must be because you are not ready for it yet, then just give yourself that time to mature and see if things move towards marriage.

    Trust and Respect your mother´s Word, don´t put her on evidence. Be patience and give him and yourself the time you need to acomplish all the tasks to be together, in this time you can really become a woman confident about marriage, insha´Allah.

    Pray Allah(swt) for what is the best for you and for him, He is the All-Knower, He knows the unknown.

    May Allah(swt) guide us all to what is the best for all of us. Ameen.

    All my Unconditional Love and Respect,

    María Editor

  3. Salaam Sara,

    Im sorry to hear what you are going through, May Allah give you the patience and strength.

    You said you have been crying for months when he told you he considers you like his little sister, and a few days back he says he has always loved you and wana you be his wife? does that not seems weird? if he truly loved you and did not want to hurt you by being together for now for the reasons you mentioned, he should have said he considered you like a friend only, nothing more. but saying you're like his sister...Personally, I would not trust this guy as he seems to contradict himself.

    Why tell you mum not to tell you anything? it's about you, about you life, your future, you have all the rights to know and then decide what to do.

    As sister Rumaysa has so well pointed out, talking about virginity with your mum is just a very disrespectful. If he is loves you so much as he claims to, I would advise you to involve his parents as well and let them know about this "relationship". You may also be more peaceful when you know parents/elders are involved. Ask you mum to propose involving his parents as well and see his reaction. Im sure you will already have an idea about what to do.

    If you are still pre-occupied about the waiting or not, please perform Istikhara which is indeed very helpful and leave everything in the hands of Allah.


  4. i forgot to mension that im only 18years old and the reason why he didn't want to tell me is because he want me to complete my education and he has nothing yet to offer me if we decide to get married.i have parayed to Allah and perfomed salatul ishtikara , im waiting from answer from life is in a mess it not long until im going to be sitting for my exams.what do i do ???

    • Sister if you feel that your life is in a mess then you can get out of this. Turn your back on this man and concentrate on your studies. Your exams are close-by, concentrate on that. Education is something nobody can take from you. It's yours forever. You may lose the person you love but you may never lose your education.

      This man has already mentioned that he does not want to marry you now. You also seem confused about getting married now. Rather focus on whats more important for you now - your studies.

      Remember it's for him to come forward and propose marriage to you with his family and until he does that-nothing else can be done. You can't force him to be with you. Keep your options open and consider good proposals. If he does come forward after two years then he was in your taqdir-until then you never know.


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