Do Looks Matter?
The singer Amr Diab, considered by some to be one of the most handsome Arab men. Do looks really matter?
I am. 21 years old female and I got married recently to a guy whom I didn't know anything about but was a close person to the family. I was happy to marry him since he is a religious person and whose well known for his good manners and so and so...
It's been months and I haven't seen him yet as we don't live in the same country and we are both busy on our study and I don't expect to see him till the summer as that's the time when we are both free inshallah.
I think I really like him but the problem is I get the thoughts that I am not attracted to him, I do admit I am person that really cares about looks astagfurullah I know its wrong. . . but for some reason I didn't care when this guy asked for my hand. He is really a sweet person and I know that he loves me allot and I really don't want to loose him because I don't feel attracted to him.
People are talking and keep saying something about it and it gets of my nerves, I try not to make it get into me but I think it did. They keep asking me why didn't you ask to see him before you got married to him, I was quick in giving him an answer and that am too nice and couldn't ask questions or extend the time.
I am sorry about the long essay; I will appreciate any advice so please help me. I don't have any regrets in marrying him but I am scared if my feelings get worse I don't want to let anyone down and most importantly my self.
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asalamu alaikum,
hi how are you? hope you are doin well. after readin i can understand that for you looks matter, but looks arnt everythin since it fades with age. whats more important is his charecteristics. since not all pretty faced guys are sweet also its hard to find a sweet guy just based on pretty looks dont you think?
since you said hes a sweet person then i think you should give him a chance cos there might be somethins you like about him in the things he says or does which will attract you to him. before you know it his looks wont even matter anymore.
if you happen to go to the mall/town you will see fat bald men with beautiful young woman why? its not cos of there looks its cos of there sweet charecteristics.
overall its your choice if looks is really important to you then dont get married.
ma salama
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
Mabruk (congratulations) on your marriage. It sounds as though you made a very mature decision to marry a man who is a practicing Muslim, and I pray that you both have a blessed future together.
It is normal for you to have these uncertain feelings about a man who is, even though you are married, still a stranger to you. I would have advised you before marriage to meet him and see him in person, and the same for him. Attraction is an important part of marriage, and Prophet Muhammad, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him, advised his Companions to see (what is permissible) of a prospective spouse in order to see if there is a basic attraction there:
From al-Mugheerah ibn Shu"™bah: "I proposed marriage to a woman, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: aHave you seen her?"™ I said, aNo."™ He said, aLook at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you."™" According to another report: "So he did that, and he married her and mentioned that they got along." (Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah, 1/574)
This means that a man can look at a prospective wife, and a woman can look at a prospective husband, and there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, they must both be dressed in accordance with Islamic dress standards - he cannot see her hair or other body parts that must remain covered. So it would have been better for you both to have seen each other before marriage.
You did marry, and there is every reason to believe that you can have a successful marriage. Know that often love and attraction are not instant, but these feelings grow over time as you share your lives and struggles. So even a plain woman or a plain man can be beautiful in the eyes of their spouse, because the beauty emanates from their hearts and personalities. Any other fears you have now are the whisperings of Shaitan, who strives to separate a husband and wife from even the earliest days of the marriage. Do not listen to these whisperings; busy your mind and your tongue with dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Do not allow your mind to wander to negative thoughts. Read Qur'an, pray, make du'a, and talk to your husband online or on the phone to get to know him better.
Ignore the questions and comments of others because they are of no benefit. Change the topic if it comes up and concentrate on his positive qualities. If you cannot be together until summer, then until then you will have to be patient and busy. If it is possible for you to talk online with a webcam, that may be a good way to see one another. Remember, even though you are separate, you are husband and wife, so it is permissible to see one another and this might take away some of the anxiety of the first face-to-face meeting in the summer.
I pray that you have a good marriage and this man is a strong believer who will help you complete half your deen, Ameen.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com