Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Does a hug or a kiss come under zina?

muslim couple

Assalam o alaikum brothers and sisters,

I have got this problem that I'm 16 and half years old, and I'm not engaged.
My mother wants to get me engaged to my cousin even his mother wants us both to get engaged in future.
I really love him and he do really love me truly too.
The problem that I've got is that he likes to hug me and sometimes kiss me as he thinks it's not a sin because we have the plan to get engaged after 4 years in sha Allah. And he is totally true.
But the thing is his and my mothers don't know about our meeting up like this. I have following questions

1- is this a sin that we are doing by hugging each other while we are true with each other?

2- does it comes under zinna? (We have no other sexual contact just a hug)

3-if it is no sin so can he only hug me till engagement?

4- if it is a sin how can I tell him without getting him hurt?

5-if any of us died before engagement will Allah show mercy on us?

Please Im really confused. I really fear Allah and don't want to upset him. I really need help.



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90 Responses »

  1. 1- is this a sin that we are doing by hugging each other while we are true with each other?
    ans: yes it is a sin as it is forbidden in islam for a non-mahram female to touch a non-mahram male. untill you are married to him, you are in the bounds of nikkah you can't touch him in any way.

    2- does it comes under zinna? (We have no other sexual contact just a hug)
    ans: it does come under the heading of zina.

    3-if it is no sin so can he only hug me till engagement?
    ans: even after engagement he is a non-mahram for you he can only talk to you with the presence of your wali like your father if he wants to know you more.

    4- if it is a sin how can I tell him without getting him hurt?
    ans: by talking/ hugging /kissing you are hurting Allah and He should be your utmost priority. your cousin comes after Him. you can tell him that by doing such and such you are displeasing allah and you want His barakah in your marriage so it is better for us not to talk to each other.

    5-if any of us died before engagement will Allah show mercy on us?
    He is merciful to you now sister by not punishing you right away for your wrong-doing of talking/kissing/hugging him.
    repent to allah, amend your ways and finds ways to get closer to the Higher Being.

  2. It could easily lead to just touching and more. If you do that it is possible that you guys may not even get married. He may find a reason not to marry you.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    Until nikah, you and your cousin need to ensure you observe Islamic limits as they apply to non-mahrams. Even though the two of you firmly believe you will be engaged and inshaAllah married, none of us can 100% know what the future holds. Allah alone knows what will be.

    If you both wish to be together in a halal relationship, and your parents are in favour, then one option would be to have your nikah sooner - if this is legal in your country (different countries have different age restrictions for when people can marry). That way, you can spend time together in a halal way, after the nikah. Nikah doesn't mean you have to move in straight away or leave your education - setting up home can be done gradually, and you and your cousin could support each other to continue your education.

    Midnightmoon editor

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    It is in your best interest to not kiss or hug your fiancee, nor let him. Both for worldly reasons and for your hereafter. This type of touching is haram before marriage without a doubt. Besides that, there have been numerous posts by girls who allowed their fiancee to touch them prior to marriage and later the boy ended the engagement. Do not be another such example. If you protect yourself and your chastity before marriage, even to the smallest extent, you will benefit in the hereafter, inn shaa Allah and here as well. Furthermore, your fiancee will respect you more for it. If he pressures you, tell your mother without a second thought.

    May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.

  5. i'm also 16 and i also have done the same thing with my cousine we also love eachother we never thought that we'll do such thing and i really didn't knew that it is zina may Allah forgive us i'm really ashamed of it and i'm really very sorry to Allah 🙁

    i am 23 year old. From past 3 years, i am in love with a guy. initially i hate him but once when i was alone he forcefully kissed my lip and hugged me after that he was sorry for all that but from that time, i don't know it is LOVE or anything else, but we met at least five to six time in a year and he use to kiss me and hug me each time (nothing else) and we feel as we r addicted of each other. i always try to not to meet him but always such things happen that i have to meet him in any way. he always use to say that "it is ALLAH Who make ways between us to meet with each other.
    we belong to two different casts and my parents can kill me even for hearing this. Now tell me what should i do now???

    • Sister you should not allow him to kiss or hug because u both are from different casts..nd if so u both are of same cast it is still not allowed in islam..ISLAM teaches us not to even touch or think about any Na.mehrum so how could anyone of You think that its halaal to kiss...Hope answer to ur question..:)

      • Because they are from different castes???! SubhanAllah, this is so ridiculous. First of all there are no castes in Islam! We are Muslims, not Hindus. Secondly, this kind of body contact between unmarried people is haram, period.

        Different castes... SMH.

        Wael Editor

  7. Kiran: i am 23 year old. From past 3 years, i am in love with a guy. initially i hate him but once when i was alone he forcefully kissed my lip and hugged me after that he was sorry for all that but from that time, i don't know it is LOVE or anything else

    It is just has already happened 5-6 times. i assume you meet him alone. First time he hugged and kissed.......he felt sorry, i guess now you both are used to it. I am surprised nothing else has happened. You friend says "it is ALLAH Who make ways between us to meet with each other" I am sure if you want, you can find a way to stop this.

  8. a kiss and hug is the part of zina. you cannot kiss or hug anyone but if you feel any emergency for hugging in order to feel comfort yourself without any sexual feeling you can hug your mother

  9. no, it is not like he has'nt even tried to do much more.....he tries a lot even each time we met. but i wear my gaon and hijjab. but he is mad about kiss... he promised me that if i allow him to kiss him like he want and hug him than he will never go ahead to do that much. that's way i am still save even with a 3 year relationship and meeting him alone.

    • you should plainly tell him No , ask him what would you do if i dont allow you to kiss i am sure he will leave you. he is not sincere if he is the man ask him to send his parents at your home.

    • I agree with the person who told you that he might choose another to marry later on, how will you feel then? Used as a plaything? If you do what Allah wishes instead of this boy, you will be happy no matter what! This boy seems like he is not a good choice for you anyway, the never satisfied kind with what he has, and always wanting more. Satisfy Allah first, and all the right things will come your way, including your confusion about this matter! It's normal feelings you have, haram to act upon them until Allah shows you who you really should be with!

  10. Can someone help me please I recently married my muslim husband and I'm going to convert but my husband doesn't force me to stop doing things like drinking and smoking he just explains why I shouldn't and leaves it to me to stop. We live in 2 different countries so I get lonely sometimes. I went out to he other night and got very drunk I kissed another man. I am so scared of Allah sending me to hell. I want to tell my husband but I know it will break his heart it's broken my heart the fact I could let this happen. As I really wanted my marriage to be the first thing I'm my life I got right How bad is my punishment going to be from Allah. And is there a way to fux this I live in a British country so everything is mixed men and woman. How do I fix this?

    • Amira, if you're "going to convert" then do so. Your husband shouldn't have to force you to stop drinking, the desire to change should come from your own heart. If you want things to be different then stop going out to bars or parties. Don't tell your husband about the kissing incident, as it will surely destroy your marriage. Just be faithful in the future.

      Wael Editor

      • Thank you so much for your advice.

        if i stick to your advice will Allah forgive me or have i committed Zina?
        as im new to Islam im still trying to learn i will NEVER do this to my husband again it makes me feel sick i did it in the first place as he is my world but i feel so guilty

        • You have not committed zinaa. Even if you had, Allah will forgive any sin as long as you repent sincerely.


          • I know someone who the same but how is it not zina because she is married and kissed another man. She felt bad and repented too and is sacred

          • As Salaamu Alaykum

            Sorry to says that but you are mistaken.What you are talking about ist the Major Zina.
            Zina comes in different forms. There’s the zina of the hand, when one touches the opposite gender who is not ḥalāl for him or her. There’s also the zina of the eye, where one extends his vision to that which is not ḥalāl for him or her. Also, there’s the zina of the tongue, where one could ‘sweet-talk’ the opposite gender. We also have the zina of the ears, when we listen to the ‘sweet-talk’ of the opposite gender.

            and about this" Allah will forgive any sin as long as you repent sincerely."

            only Allah knows who he will forgive or not,because we dont know he can forgive but like i says,only Allah knows about it.(Of course we have to ask Allah for forgiveness but we cant says Allah will definelly forgive you,this is wrong.Allah can forgive but he too can punish one,so one have to pray to Allah,that Allah will forgive his sins.)

  11. I am 24 years muslim girl liking a boy since 6 months he also like me but we are from different cities now he offer me to come on date and he want to kiss me i cant expect this from him becz in these 6 months we only talk on meassaging 3 times on call but no any wrong thing and any abused talk we do he also respect me but when he asked for kiss on lips by offering date i mind it alot now i m very confuse please guide me if he is wrong guy or not

    • Obviously he is not serious about marriage and is just looking for a girl to play with.

      Wael Editor

    • I haven't met him and don't know anything else about him to make this verdict but I'm going to go with "wrong guy". He can't ask you to kiss him on a first date after three texts, what is this America? Come on, tell him you're bringing your dad and he can kiss him and ask for your hand. Good luck.

  12. Saalam

  13. Saalam Alaikum.... Am 19 years and i have been in a relationship with a guy since high school when i was like 15 years old although we've kissed and hug occasionally nothing as ever gone beyond that because we are both virgins waiting for our marriage and he is in the uk and am in canada so the distance makes it impossible to commit any act of zina even though i didnt know that kissing was zina!!!!!. But the problem is that he's not a muslim and he's hell bent on getting married to me. Although he was a muslim when we were in high school but now that he's in the uk with his mum he started going to church with her probably to make her happy. And my family will never agree to him not being a muslim and i love him so much and he has been through alot just to assure me that he loves me despite the distance. I dont know if i should pressurize him to take the ghusul again or i should let him do it on his own...but either way my family wont let me marry a non-muslim and he doesnt see it as a problem because he believes that love can conquer all

    • Aisha, a Muslim woman CANNOT marry a non-Muslim man. It is forbidden in Islam and would not be recognized as a valid marriage. So there is no reason for you to have a relationship with this young man.

      Wael Editor

      • Where does it say in the Quran that it is haram for a Muslim women to marry a non muslim man?! Please tell me, because last time I checked it is not specified that it is haram or hallal. And to assume either whether it is or whether it's not should be left up to the choice of the individual. Also whether the act itself is haram or Hallal, that should be left up to ALLAH and ALLAH only to decide in the hereafter. Not because you have a personal intolerance to it. Because you don't know if that boy is going to revert to Islam this way or not. State the facts not your opinion. ☺

        • Marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim has indeed been prohibited in the Quran in more than one place. Read our page on this subject here:

          Why can't a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man?

          We cannot make up own rules in Islam. If we want to follow Islam, we must accept what Allah gives us, whether it agrees with our own personal desires or not.


          • wael buddy i think you are doing a good thing here guiding others but my opinion differs from you becauze i think we should seek guidence from ALLAH not by discussing with people and a better way of seeking guidence from ALLAH is by understand QURAN and in the upper coment you reffered magatte to your page are you implying that your page is most authentic than QURAN if i were in your place i would have given them the surrah name and verse number and asked them to read for themselves thnx if you understand what i m saying and sorry if i hurted you.

          • Asfand, if you read the answer on the page I referred to, you'll see that it does indeed quote from the Quran.

            Also, there is nothing wrong with seeking advice from other people. The Quran says about the believers, "wa amruhum shura baynahum." Their decisions are a matter of mutual consultation. The Prophet himself (sws) used to consult with his sahabah about battle strategies and other such matters.


  14. I'm 22,me and boyfriend love each other alot , since childhood and it's been 5 years into our relationship , we had no physical relation uptil the 4th year, after which he asked me if I wanted to be his wife, I said yes .we consider ourselves married after that . We can not have a proper nikkah till we complete our degrees , it's just out of the question. We can't even tell our parents due to cultural problems ...
    After it though we've had sexual relationships but no intercourse ....
    1 is our nikkah valid... he asked me to be his wife , I agreed .
    2.if not , have we commuted Zinnah...?
    3.what do we do now...

    • Meena, your "nikah" is NOT valid, and yes you have committed zinaa. You cannot just considers yourselves husband and wife. This makes of a mockery of the deen and of social norms. Marriage is a religious institution with rules. Let the boy come to your parents with a proper proposal of marriage, and in the meantime stop seeing each other. It is nothing but sin.

      Wael Editor

  15. m sadiya 19 years old i ws in a relationship with a boy. he is my czn. As our parents also want us to get married. so we kissed ech other as we thought we have to marry definetly. but i really regret for this as i came to its zina. i seek for Allah's forgiveness. so my question iz
    1. will Allah forgive me as i really regret my mistake.
    2. i asked him to leave my life as this ol is nt alowed in islam. he said we can only chat as czns. Is dis alowd in islam?
    3. can we have a simple frndshp wd any boy.
    4. can we b cntctd wd a boy whom. u say ua brthr by heart bt we hv no. blood relation with him?.

    hope i ll get my rply soon

    • 1. Yes, Allah will forgive you if you make tawbah sincerely. 2. You should not chat with him. 3. A "friendship" with a boy will only lead to haram. 4. There is no such thing as a boy being your "brother by heart". That is a fiction that you tell yourself to justify engaging in doubtful behavior.

      It sounds to me like you are sorry for what you did, but you are not ready to change the behaviors that led to it. In that case your tawbah is not sincere. To be sincere, you have to make a change in the way you interact with boys.

      Wael Editor

      • thnx alot..... for ua ansr........
        i really seek for Allah forgiveness as i m really afraid of Allah.....

    • No, you cant have friendship with any boy, as it is illegal in Islam, and coming to your second question, "If Allah will forgive you or not" only if you confer toba. Toba is not just about having a tasbeeh of astaghfar, but it requires one's conviction not to repeat that mistake ever again. Since you have committed a huge sin, you must avoid it to the best of your abilities.
      Third question chatting " Since it also leads one to indulgence of haram things, this of course is also not allowed in Islam."
      Few words of advice to the young guys to avoid this sin.
      1. Try to limit your interaction with an opposite gender.
      2. Indulge yourself in other activities like helping your parents, playing games on mobile etc.
      3. Spare out some time in solitude and think critically what advantage it is going to provide to you ultimately and how harmful this thing can be. As I am a young guy going through the same phase, I attribute my success (a bit) to this activity a lot Alhamdulillah. I have personally seen human's desire never ends, first they engage themselves in chatting, then they arrange a meeting then they go for touching hands, so on and so forth and this never satisfies and even that satisfaction doesnt lead you to an ultimate satisfaction. The beauty of Islam is it strikes to the core of human nature, and only a marital relationship can fully satisfy one's needs. If you have a problem of not controlling yourself ask your family to get you married, if you are afraid of the responsibilities of children, postpone your child's birth (4-6 years), as the usage of contraception is not haram, but this activity is totally illegal, try to avoid it and go for a marriage.

  16. Assalamualikum,

    After reading some of these posts, I ask that Allah guide us all on the straight path, make us from those who are righteous, protect us from the shaytaan, make our intentions pure, and forgive our sins - Ameen.

    I have a question regarding kissing, toughing, and hugging. I myself have never part taken in any of the given with the opposite sex, however is it considered haraam that I have read/ watched comics, anime, manga that have animated characters kissing, touching, and hugging? Also when I read books that have such content? Is this not acceptable, I would like to know so that in the future I can avoid these things, and ask for repetance. Jazakullah.

  17. aoa i have a problem, i need to know if kissing and touching someone of the opposite gender is haram or counted as zina? I dated guy who i had kissed several times for about 2 and a half months. we currently are not together because i do not want to break my parents' trust about me doing the wrong things. the punishment for unmarried zina is 100 lashes but it kissing and touching also counted as the zina there needs to be a punishment for? this has been bothering me and i have been asking Allah for forgiveness especially in Ramadan but i need a little insight from the right authority.

    • Yes, kissing and touching is haram. However, it is not zinaa. Furthermore, the hadd (corporal punishment) for zinaa is applied only by a Qadi within an Islamic nation or state.

      Just make tawbah, as you have been doing, and stop that activity.

      Wael Editor

      • How can kissing and touching not be zina? can you please give sources?

        • Sumaiya, I will clarify. In a general sense, kissing and touching is certainly a kind of zinaa, as the Prophet (sws) said, "Allaah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zinaa, and there is no way to escape from it. The zinaa of the eye is a glance, the zinaa of the tongue is speaking, and the zinaa of the mind is wishing and hoping; then the private part either acts upon this or it does not.”

          So as I said, kissing and touching a person whom it is not allowed to touch is definitely haram and is a sin.

          When it comes to the kabaa'ir, however (the major sins), and that to which the hadd (corporal punishment) applies, zinaa means sexual intercourse. You can read more at IslamQA here: Is Zinaa intercourse only?


    • Assalam o alaikum
      I just want to knw that I m also 16, me n my cousin we really love each other but we have not done any thing like zina etc we just talk to each other my mom is kind of old times she hates all this stuff but my cousin wants to marry me with all his Heart. My relationship started 4 years back but I am in Dubai n he is in Pakistan. So I just wanted to ask that is my relation with him is it good or bad ? I don't won't to hurt anyone in my life nor my ALLAH nor my love cousin or my parents... he has already spoken to my mother about our marriage but my mom didn't reply him well so we just talk to each other secretly is good or bad? But I asked ALLAH that to give me him as I loved him since my childhood we really love each other but for the sake of ALLAH we never came close to each other in a haraam way we never did zinaa


      • Your mother is not old fashioned, she seems well versed with religion and subsequently knows how terrible this act is, first of all, I pay your mom loads of tribute for having such views even in such an age where these things are pretty common. I see my aunts, they are sending their daughter with their (boy) friends openly and apply no restriction on their daughters and sons which in today's age might be considered as a modern thing but in actual it's an act which doesn't conform to the logic even.
        1. I will advise you to leave chatting on phone, you must not be part of anything that may annoy Allah (SWT), of course, He is the First and Foremost.
        2. Chatting will lead to other sins, as I said these desires keep on increasing and (God forbid) you may come to a point where you will commit a mistake, so better off, leave it.
        3. If you are really interested to get married to him, try to bring your mom close to him, by applying few tactics. (by complementing him indirectly)

  18. i had a relationship with boys and had done touchng,kissing but nothing more than that. How can i seek refuge from ALLAH? im very disappointed with my these acts and feel ashamed for this 🙁 i also prayed to ALLAH to forgive me is there anything else i can do ? ;( im not sure ALLAH will forive me. i did a horrible sin ;(

  19. I talk to my cousin and we want to get engaged after a few years and we want to get married as soon as our families think it is the right time. We have been talking for 2 years now and we truly love each other but we have NEVER talked about cheap and stupid things, just asking the other what we do and all...
    Our conversation started out fine one day until it somehow unexpectedly progressed to kissing and he says he wants to kiss me just once and he says i'm just being this frank with you. I couldn't believe it. He seems so kind and not cheap and he tells me how i have beautiful lips and wants to kiss me. and he says cant i just once kiss my future wife and i was like u'll want more in the future and he said no. Oh God, I will not kiss him but I cannot believe he would talk like this. I told him youre so cheap and im being mean to him but he says ok dont i also have some self respect i just want to kiss my future wife because we are serious abt each other and he really is just waiting for my approval to tell his parents to come for marriage talk but my family will not agree at this stage so we have to wait. I love him and cannot leave him we have started this relationship now and i promised myself i'd marry him at the start so that i wouln't be with more than one person. Leaving him is not an option. What should i do? I can't live without him

    • No need for deletion of the comment, this is a clean question that needs a clean answer.
      You have to know that you are not allowed to kiss, hug, and even chat about this stuff, until you legally marry.
      Try to avoid kissing him, it is a sin, so avoid it as much as you can.
      The thing that you should do is talk to him about his bad question, tell him that it is a big sin, and is not good for both of you, especially if your parents find out.
      I am sorry if I am late, I felt bad that no buddy commented for you, even though there was a lot of people answering other questions, and I really hope you read this and I hope this helped you as well, may god bless you

  20. Assalam o alaikum
    I want to ask about physical contact between same genders.. If 2 girls as a frend come closer to each other.. Lik hugging nd physical contact and sometime kissing too.. But just as a frends nd for rlaxing each othr nd thats only for comfort..
    Can u tell somethng about it in the light of islam?? Plz

    • Faria, it really depends on the context. If it's just a normal touch or hug as friends sometimes do, there is nothing wrong with it. But if it takes on an intimate tone, or if you find it sexually exciting in some way, then you are crossing into haram. And kissing is not appropriate in any case, unless you mean the light peck on the cheek that is common in Arab cultures.

      Wael Editor

  21. Its not related sexualy.. Bt kissing is not only limited to the cheeks.. Thats sometime realy a kiss bt there is not any thng going on lik sexauly.. Then??? Can u plz tell me about the kissing??

    • Its not related sexualy.. Bt kissing is not only limited to the cheeks.. Thats sometime realy a kiss bt there is not any thng going on lik sexauly.. Then??? Can u plz tell me about the kissing??
      Plz kindly rply.. Plz can u clear kissing between two girls to me.. Plzzzz...

  22. I request the admin to please delete the comment I posted on September 10, 2016. I'd really apprecite it.

  23. my hindu freind and his girlfreind are kissing each other infront of me in my activa scooty while i have just watched them ...does i will get involved in this sin too which i have not commited ?...

  24. In am 15 and I live in america I really like this guy but I never did any this more than to think of us together, like in dating not more, would that also be considred zina?

  25. Assalamu alaikum
    I am 15 years old and my ex boyfriend kiss me ,touch me and hug with me and he always forced me for that after that I realized that Islam don't parmit that then I breakup with him now i think I had lost my virginity.Now my question is does I lost my virginity? If I lost,what can I do now for forgiveness?

    • What you did was certainly haram, but loss of virginity only happens through sexual intercourse (i.e. penetration of the woman's sex by the man). It does not sound like you did that.

      It's good that you broke up with him. Do not fall into the traps of Shaytan again.

      Wael Editor

  26. Assalamualaikum... I m 21 years old. it has been 1.5 years since I m in a it is urgent to get married.But it is not possible because we are in a degree and our family will not allowed to be married without degree. so is it allowed to be married without the permission of our family ,so that we can escape from jina?

    • The woman cannot marry without her wali. You can either be patient and wait until you get your degree (and stop your relationship in the meantime, so that you do not commit sins) or try to convince your parents to agree.

      Wael Editor

  27. A/S.

    Honestly saying I would avoid any interpersonal relationships, including marriage, because I don't want to give love to anybody except Allah SWT. We humans are just incomparable to Allah SWT himself. I want to come to Allah SWT and I dislike socializing at all. I avoid everyone approaching me, I don't even let my mom hug me, because although a mom is a mahram, I am more ascetic and proud and think that Allah SWT is better in everything than everyone, including mahrams. I hate people, I love only Allah SWT.


    • Brother Umar, you are deeply confused. It is contradictory to say, "I hate people, I love only Allah." In the case of your mother, for example, you say you don't even let your mother hug you, and you are proud of that. But don't you think that your behavior hurts your mother's feelings? In that case you have offended Allah, because Allah commands you to be kind to your mother, and the Prophet (sws) has also told you that Jannah lies beneath your mother's feet.

      Your imaan is incomplete unless you practice kindness and goodness toward your family, brothers and sisters, and neighbors. The Prophet (sws) said:

      "By the one in whose hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you submit, and you will not submit until you love one another. Greet each other with peace and you will love one another. Beware of hatred, for it is the razor. I do not say it shaves hair, but rather it shaves away the religion." Source: al-Adab al-Mufrad 260, Grade: Hasan

      So you can see your paradigm of loving Allah but hating the people is impossible. It contradicts Islam. Furthermore, asceticism and pride are also incompatible. True asceticism, like that practiced by the Prophet (sws), is humble, not proud.

      Read this article on the Golden Rule in Islam.

      Wael Editor

      • I want also to tell you that I avoid all communication between people exactly because I don't want to lead myself to zina. Like I remember, since hugging is leading to zina, that's why it's forbidden. I have nothing against other people who hug their mothers, but I don't want to hug my mother, or my mother to hug me, because I don't want to have sex with her, or feel horny when she's around. One thing is having a sex outside of marriage, with a non-mahram, but another thing is having a sex with a mahram such as a mother etc. That would be incestuous. Definitely haram. Literally, all communications can be leading to zina, even if no sexual vibes are involved, because 99% of people around us are non-mahrams. I don't want to talk to people exactly because I don't want to fornicate. What is also worse is that I don't want to be raped by other males or to have gay sex with them. I don't want to have any friends, of any gender. And pets, too. I don't want to be a zoophile. I love only Allah because he is the only one that can lead me away from the footsteps of Shaytan. He's the only one who knows best.

        • Peace be upon you Umar.

          I can clearly say that you're very much concerned and distressed about fornicating just by trying to talk to people, and you've went antisocial as far as even trying to boycott your mother.

          As Wael (peace) has stated, such behavior would indeed hurt your family's feelings, and that loving Allah while hating people/being antisocial is indeed contradicting the message of Islam. Although I'm kinda glad to hear that you let other people hug their parents and family members, I guess you said this because you simply don't care about anyone else but yourself. That's just plain selfishness, and as far as I can only guess, it's maybe a sin.

          I'm really also sad to hear that you don't want to have any pets, too. Animals, from Islamic perspective, are Allah's creations. Abu Hurayra's name, may Allah bless him, is translated as "father of kittens", because he loved cats very much. I can understand you might not want to keep a dog not just because the whole book of hadiths is titled that "angels won't enter a house with dogs and images", but also because dog's saliva is septic and easily contaminated with microorganisms. In times of Muhammad, peace be upon him, it could have been justifiable. Now we have vaccines, antibiotics and all the other modern medicine achievements, so this is no longer a risk. Also, keeping a dog for utility purposes outside, such as guarding, shepherding, SAR, hunting etc, is not haram at all. Even from secular perspective, dogs need to be taken out for a walk frequently, because unlike cats, they won't use litter boxes etc. I remember also there's a hadith that showed Muhammad, peace be upon him, comforting a boy whose pet nightingale (!!!) has died... But giving up on pets altogether??? All over not becoming a zoophile??? That's definitely not a good choice.

          Coming back to fornication with people and having sex with your mom. Yes incest is 100% a sin. From both Islamic and secular point of view. Children born in incest have very serious genetic issues. Some similar issues appear with cousins, although cousins are non-mahrams. My former friend's parents were cousins, and she has weak lungs and chicken skin. Sex with a non-mahram outside of marriage is dangerous because it can transmit STDs, HIV and lead to cancer.

          So far as I remember, you have decided to cut off all communications with people, and what's worse - your mom, because you're overly concerned that you would be leading yourself to zina and committing a major sin. Especially that you've mentioned that you fear being raped by other males. I can guess, you know that gender mixing can lead to Shaytan getting in your way, and that hugging can potentially lead to zina. Yes almost everyone around us who is not a part of our family is a non-mahram. But this doesn't mean that we should give up socializing. Umar, you should open yourself up, hug your mother at least once, let her hug you at least once... Given your extreme concerns, you should probably just avoid talking to girls until you marry one. Though, I feel like with such closed attitude, you would never marry anyone. That's why you should open yourself up. Stick to guys if you fear Shaytan getting in the way so much. Though there is a big chance they might talk to other girls too.


          P.S. 1:
          Although this is a Hindu story, here it is. It shows exactly the situation you're in.
          One man came to Ramanuja, a great mystic, and asked: "Please show me the path to God".
          Ramanuja said: "Tell me please, have you loved at least someone?"
          The man replied: "I am not interested in worldly affairs such as love etc. I want to see God".
          Ramanuja asked again: "Please think about it. Have you given love to at least one woman, at least one child etc?"
          Man replied again: "I say it once again, I am a religious person, not secular one, I don't love anyone except God. Please show me the path to God".
          Ramanuja cried in desperation, and said: "Then it is impossible. First you have to give love to someone. This is the first step. You're talking about last step, while not even making the first step. Go and give love to someone!".
          Umar, you should not just love your parents, but also let them love you too.

          P.S. 2:
          The same story is the reason why I love my friends very much, as much as, astaghfirullah, I hug them. I don't kiss them though, that would be too much. And yes, astaghfirullah, many of them are female, although there are males too. And one of them, who is my very good friend, is a Muslim girl. I don't have any girlfriends and don't date anyone, and will never do. Astaghfirullah. Though I think, the whole point is, that loving and being kind and nice to people, regardless of gender, especially if they're your family, is more important, than blindly trying to avoid leading yourself to fornication, even though this is important too.

          Umar, I hope you understand, and do the first step to Allah, by letting your mother to hug you.

        • Umar, I say this not as an insult but as an observation only. I think that either you have been abused in some way as a child, or you are suffering some psychological problems. Either way I think it would benefit you to see a therapist. The thoughts you have are not normal or healthy.

          The other possibility is that you are a troll, just here to cause mischief on the forum. For that reason I am putting you on mod status.


        • Umar Aziz ibn al-Muhammadi: I have nothing against other people who hug their mothers, but I don't want to hug my mother, or my mother to hug me, because I don't want to have sex with her, or feel horny when she's around. One thing is having a sex outside of marriage, with a non-mahram, but another thing is having a sex with a mahram such as a mother etc. That would be incestuous...What is also worse is that I don't want to be raped by other males or to have gay sex with them. I don't want to have any friends, of any gender. And pets, too. I don't want to be a zoophile.....

          You are obsessed with sex. You don't want to get married. You feel horny when your mother is around. If you feel like that with your mother, how you feel about your aunts, sisters, neighbors, teachers? Who do you live with? How old are you?

  28. As Salaamu Alaykum

    First to Umar.

    Umar you are not allow to make halal to haram.Of course you dont have to married if you dont want to but you cant says you do this for Allah because thats not true and now about the hugging matter.

    To Umar,Wael and hikayamasan353

    Here Iam on Umar his side.You maybe asking why.
    I will explain it now.

    If your hug your mother,Sister or Daughter and you feel any haram desire than it is haraam to hugging them and you forgot maybe if you hug a Women you have to be carefully that you not touch her breast because this 100% haraam if she is now your mother or a ghair mahram because, you are not allow to touch the breast.(The only women you are allow to touch her Breast is your Wife,if one have a Wife of course.)
    Umar and if your mother or Sister or Daughter are abused, than you have to explain it to them.That you fear you get haraam desire for them,than i think the will understand it.

    and now about you.

    It is haraam to hug Ghair - mahram you have to stop this and in Islam there is no friendship between Boys and Girls like in the Western Countries.You are allow to talk to them in a normal way but touching is 100% haraam and flirting and whatever and Wael please next time not to fast to abuse other People because you have a different view position then him,because he is right with what he was saying,if he feel he will get Haraam desire if he Hug his mother than he ist not allow to hug her but again to Umar.Umar but Umar you cant break up your contact to your mother this is not allow.You have to be nice to her and fullfile yout Duties as her son.In this matter Wael is right.

    • Umar Aziz ibn al-Muhammadi
      May 8, 2017 • 9:42 pm

      I want also to tell you that I avoid all communication between people exactly because I don't want to lead myself to zina. Like I remember, since hugging is leading to zina, that's why it's forbidden. I have nothing against other people who hug their mothers, but I don't want to hug my mother, or my mother to hug me, because I don't want to have sex with her, or feel horny when she's around. One thing is having a sex outside of marriage, with a non-mahram, but another thing is having a sex with a mahram such as a mother etc. That would be incestuous. Definitely haram. Literally, all communications can be leading to zina, even if no sexual vibes are involved, because 99% of people around us are non-mahrams. I don't want to talk to people exactly because I don't want to fornicate. What is also worse is that I don't want to be raped by other males or to have gay sex with them. I don't want to have any friends, of any gender. And pets, too. I don't want to be a zoophile. I love only Allah because he is the only one that can lead me away from the footsteps of Shaytan. He's the only one who knows best.
      Umar about that.
      Are your believe really so weak that you have to fear this??
      Pray to Allah,that he will save you from this harams.
      I first saw only your first text(May 8, 2017 • 6:40 pm ) because,I was tired and now i was looking again and saw,there was a second text from you.This kind of believe a dangerous,you have to change your believe.About this with your mother,this i can understand but this text,i dont know what i can says to this.You allways write how you love Allah but where is your Taqwa?

      • I too now understand why Wael was abusing Umar and i have to apologise to Wael for my harsh words,because really i dont saw the second text of Umar.

  29. I wonder if you've got married to him yet

  30. Hi I want to know if I can date a girl at age 14 she is a really nice girl and is my best friend

    • Ibraheem, we do not date in Islam. It will not lead to anything good. And you should not have a girl as your best friend either. It will only lead you into haram eventually.

      Wael Editor

  31. Sheikh I have a question, so I’m in medicine and obviously it is extremely girl dominated I’m one of the few boys in my entire year and to stop me from having bad thoughts about the other girls and not joining in with the haram drinking and zina that the other boys do, I have a girlfriend that I have absolutely no sexual relationships with, the worst we’ve done is hold hands, the only reason I have a girlfriend that I plan to marry is to prevent temptation that comes from being the only male in classes that are small and last for very long times, is it permissible to continue this as I’m doing it to prevent myself from haram? Also neither of us have any temptation whatsoever to commit zina or have any kind of sexual relations with each other at all, we are both purely dating so we can stay loyal to God, in my point of view it’s better to talk to one girl then talk to a 100 that I have to, and we Both remind each other to pray and such as well to prevent ourselves from haram. Can we have some advice

    • Haris, I think you're fooling yourself. How does having a girlfriend protect you from zinaa? Just the opposite, if you continue you will eventually fall into haram, which in fact you are already doing by holding hands. Next thing you will want to kiss her and you'll tell yourself it's just a kiss. Then maybe a little more... This is how Shaytan seduces people.

      You haven't said how old you are, but if you are old enough to marry then marry her. Otherwise stay away and protect yourself from haram.

      Wael Editor

  32. First of all marrying your cousin is not very smart, but if you love him and he loves you i dont see the problem. But no it is not a sin to hug before marriage, but kissing isnt exactly sin but should be after marriage. Allah will show mercy to you if your faith is strong enough. Remember that you choose over you and your body and your cousin cant kiss you if you dont want him to. But remember that Allah loves you. -Henni

  33. Sir please say me tht is it haram to hug

  34. hello to where this topic started i am not here to comment on that but want to tell my story that i am boy now 20 ,but when i was 16 there was my uncle of mine not any blood relation he had good friendship with me back then once we were talking he just removed my shirt from the side he was sitting & started to kiss my body upper part from throat till my shoulder chest & a bit of back i feel terrible for that luckily a friend of him came to him in the room he knocked so he had to stop i dont think its right to tell every inch of story but i felt in instant shock what has happened that time and still i feel bad even though i am a boy wtf he would think like that later on he use to keep telling me to come & meet him in his hotel room but i didnt he acted as iam ur friend we r bestfriends but i knew what was upto him he finally told he liked me & wanted to sleep spent night & do everything with me i blocked him told him stay away as i am not gay at all but anyhow did i commit a sin as i didnt stopped him when he did the thing with me i just couldnt understand but later that he use to press my butt idk wtf crazy as**** he was
    so there are people with knowledge here so what is the punishment for such men in life & hereafter i would like to know

    • I am the same guy again that uncle who raped me was my father's friend. Please someone help me I lost my manliness after that incident i felt like a girl who was raped. I just met him first time he was showing alot of interest to talking to me i did talked to him about many things me & my family were in hotel for a function we reached the hotel at day time & at night time the function started he told me to come with him till his room to get his phone & I did so and when we reached in his room he seduced me. I was in shock and didn't stop him. Then he tole me to leave and he left for abroad flight where he came from. I felt worthless and abused after that.

      Next time he met 2 years later he came to my home since he was my dad's friend he told me to sit next to him again i tried to have some space while he was talking & asking me about my studies i felt that he might not do that nasty thing again but while i was sitting he started to touch me. I immeditely went away but did'nt had courage to tell my parents because i thought they would blame me for not being wicked enough to tackle him as they do tell me usually to every situation.

      again he left from our home & again after two years he kept sending me messages when i was 18 to do skype with me i did thinking what harm he would do on skype but he did while talking he got naked & told me dirty stuff. I decided never to get in contact with him & deleted him from facebook.

      later he never stopped kept sending me messages that he wants to meet me & i should come to his hotel room for few stays staying there. i decided last time to talk about why he's doing such stuff I was not a real friend of his. He finally told he wants to spend with me intimately and he also was saying he would pay me around $$ which i definetly rejected & told him no I am not gay & islam doesnt allow this. i told this in a calm manner he accepted what i said but i feel bad i should have beaten the crap out of him. why i couldnt resist for him doing in the first place? please someone help i still feel as victim & bit of trauma in myself.

      • Brother I edited your post somewhat as there is no need to give us the precise step-by-step details of what your uncle did to you. You were abused and molested. You should not blame yourself. I suggest that you see a therapist or counselor who can help you come to terms with what happened to you. And stop all future contact with your uncle. There is no benefit in it.

        Wael Editor

  35. Salam! I am a teenager girl and I am in love with a muslim brother, also a teen (i am also muslim). We both love each other a lot and we have been texting each other for a few weeks now. He asked me to meet him at our school tomorow so we can hug each other fot the first time ever. i know that this is a sin and its wrong but i dont know how to tell him that wihtout hurting his feelings.I do want to hug him and stuff but i know i cant cuz its wrong....idk what to do!!! idk how to tell him that i cant hug him without upsetting him becuz he already in the past told me to meet him and hug him 3 times before but i managed to not hug him but this time I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!...i really need urgent help right now. so if someone can kindly give me some good advic as to what to do tomorrow ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Jazakallahu khairan!

    • Aisha, you tell him straight up, "I can't because it's against our religion. So please don't ask me again." Honestly, sister, this relationship will not benefit you and you need to let it go. If you give the boy a hug, next he'll want a kiss, then more and more. He's playing with you. Getting romantically involved with a boy at this stage of your life will only lead you to sin.

      Wael Editor

  36. I really hope that you engaged now, because the article is now 4 years old, please let me know!

  37. We are only talking to each other and never met but we love truly...... Is this come under zina...?

  38. Iam 15 and he is 18 I love my cousin and he love me to its been 5 years since we are in a relationship
    We hugged and kissed eachother before but we didn't knew that it was forbidden in islam, what should we do now we are really ashamed of what we did,
    Will ALLAH forgive us
    Please tell what we do.....
    We both really love eachother

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