Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Does forced marriage and delaying marriage are haram in islam ?

AsalamuAlaykum

me and my bf already in relationship for one year (we started before i convert to islam, and now i convert already). He asked his family to accept for him to get marry with me, but his family refused it almost 1 year already and now they force him under huge pressure to get marry with another. They told him if he gets marry with me he not gonna be their son anymore. They refused me because his brother got married with foreigner before and they had problem with that foreigner woman -> now they afraid its gonna happen again because i'm foreigner too. We tried to convince them but they don't accept to talk to me, or meet me, they just get angry everytime when my bf ask them to accept for us get marry, and all the time they say if he gets marry he wont be their son anymore.

We're so hurt and sad now, all we can do just can du'a to Allah to open his parents's heart to accept me. Also is there anyway we can talk to them ? I've heard about forced marriage is haram in islam, and delaying marriage is haram in islam, is it correct ? The time they refused me if they accept me maybe we have our baby already....

please give me some advice, he scared to lose his family, i dont want he lose his family too but i can't imagine my life without him, because i always tell myself he is my husband and i try to do all the best for him. Thats hurt so much if i have to look at him get marry with another, and also he doesnt want to do it but he have no choice.

please pray and du'a for us to ask Allah help us make his parents take it easy and accept for us. Thank you all and Allah bless all u guys !

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2 Responses »

  1. Your boyfriend needs to man up, and you need to gain some more self-respect. If someone refuses to talk to you and accept you, you don't force yourself upon them anyway...you tell yourself you deserve better and move on. Especially when your boyfriend isn't standing up for you, or fighting for you. He's weak and spineless...is that the kind of man you want to marry?

    Let's say you miraculously do force your boyfriend's parents to go along with a marriage...they would have done it out of obligation, and they'd still want to try to control your husband and your marriage. Imagine having children...they are already using your boyfriend's child against him, by saying he won't ever see his own son if he marries you. You honestly don't think his family will do the same to your children? Take them away from you and use them as pawns in their weird little games?

    Do yourself a favour and run away from this man and his family. As fast as you can.

  2. Assalaamualaykum quynhanhnguyen,

    You write:

    "he scared to lose his family, i dont want he lose his family too but i can't imagine my life without him, because i always tell myself he is my husband... Thats hurt so much if i have to look at him get marry with another."

    If this brother is very much tied to his parents and their wishes, then he is going to have a hard time commiting himself to you as well...even after marriage, his actions may be very dependant on what his parents want. That's not something that is necessarily bad, but I don't think you are aware of the many implications of marrying this brother.

    If his parents are not accepting you, do you really want to marry him? It will be an uphill battle with the In laws, which is the stress of many people...Perhaps Allah is giving you a signal to avoid this very stressful problem! Try loving yourself more...give yourself a big hug...you shouldn't have to fight for or prove yourself and your value to anyone. If they can't see your value, then look elsewhere, because surely, Allah has created a very large pool of better candidates.

    Also, you have actually been in a sort of denial and giving yourself incorrect self-talk...you shouldn't be telling yourself that this is your "husband," because he's not. He is currently your boyfriend!

    I know it will hurt if you have to watch him get married to another, but life isn't always comfortable. Sometimes we have to sit with our uncomfortable feelings until they go away. Try to block him from social media or other avenues of getting information on his life, and you will be spared the reopening of the wound over and over again. You will find healing away from him and from Allah.

    May Allah grant you from his Great Peace. Ameen.

    Hugs,

    Nor

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