Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Does it come under zina?


Hi.. i was in relationship with a Non Muslim guy for 2 years.. He promised me of loving and marrying me by converting as Muslim.. and so we kissed n hold hands.. we had sex once but it was not the complete one. He cheated on me later and i am repenting for my mistakes..

my question is am i equally responsible for committing zina? but it happened without my willingness yet i didn't stop him too.. and i further have a doubt.. can i marry another guy in future? should i have to tell him my past? as i read that in Islam Allah has hidden your sin to the world and so it is not necessary to reveal it.. if i hide it will it comes under cheating him? and i further have a doubt is hanging/ or even talking (through call or texts) to a guy is also sin in Islam?


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9 Responses »

  1. This honestly hurts my feelings. Bit I think parents have a responsibility to address this issue before stuff like this happens.

    You had sex, but not the complete one? I don't know what that means.

    Are you equally responsible? Allah only knows, as we weren't there to witness.

    You can marry in the future. You don't have to tell him your past in detail. I hope there were no pictures or videos because that could be later used against you.

    Talking to, hanging out with, being alone with non mahrams is always wrong. Everytime. Allah doesn't protect relations between man and woman unless they've married. Every time you are alone with a non mahrams, Shaytan is the third person there. And Shaytan is real. I hope you understand. Shaytan wants you to transgress against Allah. He wants you to sin against Allah. I'd use this as an example why we say to stay away from haram relationships in Islam. And if you don't know what a harm relationship is. That's any relationship before marriage.

  2. Salam sister, I don't think you should tell your future husband anything about your ex because that is your sin, not to tell anyone .... Hide your sins sisters , that is yours and Allah s business he has no right to know as long you keep asking for forgiveness to Allah by heart I'm sure Allah will forgive u don't worry about the past just ask forgiveness ,just look at it as a lesson, learn to never make that mistake again and get married if it helps , it's better to be married than looking at the haram 🙂 Allah hafiz May Allah guide you to the right path

  3. Asalaamu Alaikum Nasrin,

    My dear sister, I would like to bring up something you said in your post: "Am I equally responsible?"
    My sister, I am very sorry to say, but I think you are. Unless he REALLY forced you into it, then that would fall under rape, which is a totally different thing altogether. If this is the case, you may want to take legal action.

    Anyways, your main focus here is repentance.
    Allah(swt) loves it when his slave repents, so sincerely repent and regret and strive not to even go NEAR such sins again. Literally, don't go near!
    Because He(swt) says in His Holy Book:
    Surah Isra, Ayat No. 32

    o وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
    And do not come near to adultery, it is a shameful deed and an evil, and opening the road to other evils.

    So repent, repent, repent, and fight hard to fix your life and become the person you want to be. Sister, do not despair. Believe me, I have done MUCH worse things, I should be the one with fear! (and I am)

    Don't get me wrong, everyone should have fear in their hearts of Allah. But you should strike a balance between fear, and hope in His mercy.

    May Allah make things easy on you, Ameen.

  4. Asak,

    1. First of All relationship with man it's Haram upon that relationship with Non-Muslim is another Haram and it's was for 2 years. How did you believe non Muslim and you the one gave permission to use you.

    2. You only responsible for committing fornication, that you are committed one of the gravest acts of disobedience against Allaah after shirk.

    Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: I do not know of any sin after murder that is worse than zina, and he quoted as evidence the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood who said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which sin is the worst?” He said, “Setting up a rival to Allaah when He is the One Who created you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said: “Then what?” He said, “Killing your child for fear that he may eat with you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said, “Then what?” He said, “Committing adultery with your neighbour’s wife.” And confirmation of that was revealed in the Qur’aan:

    “And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment”
    [al-Furqaan 25:68]

    You must also understand the effects that zina has on the soul (or on one’s psyche). Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    Zina encompasses all the characteristics of evil: lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, loss of chivalry, lack of protective jealousy (gheerah)

    3. I give you the best advice, which is to make du’aa’. Get up in the latter part of the night and beseech your Lord, submitting yourself to Him and humbling yourself before His Majesty, asking Him to rid you of the problem. Turn to your Lord and call upon Him, for He is the best One to be asked – may He be glorified – and He does not turn away His slaves if they are sincere.

    4. And your looking forward for marriage and hiding from ones partner is grave wrong, May Allah find someone who accept you with your past grave sins.

    Please ask forgiveness from Allah for your grave disobedience against him on every minute, May Allah forgive your sin here and after life.

    Thanks for reading.

  5. assalamualaikum sister.

    ask forgiveness and repent for sins and move on in your life , never ever discuss about past to anyone neither to your husband , Allah knows best


  6. OP: and so we kissed n hold hands.. we had sex once but it was not the complete one. He cheated on me later and i am repenting for my question is am i equally responsible for committing zina? but it happened without my willingness yet i didn't stop him too....can i marry another guy in future?.....

    Sex.....not the complete you mean no penetration? You did not stop him, shows you were willing to a certain degree.

    Yes you can marry. Never ever tell your husband that you even held hands with another man

  7. YES. You too are equally responsible for this fornication and sinfull ..

  8. You are not alone who did this. Millions of Muslims and non-Muslims do it. Repent and move on. People who do every thing before Nikah, don't enjoy start of married life as much. they may start comparing their love object with their spouses which some time can cause problems.

    An experience with lover is, first experience one eagerly looks forward to experience. This anticipation may not be as strong when people with experience get married. Don't waste energy thinking about past and sins you committed. Every one commits sins.

  9. Asalam o alaikum,

    Sister, I am sorry that you have been through this. Yes you were responsible and for that seek forgiveness. You trusted a wrong guy and i can't say that this was your mistake because you were in love with him. But when he asked you to do wrong things that was a sign for you to stop but you didn't so that was your mistake. But repent with sincere heart and come back on the right path.

    ALLAH said:
    160. Except those who repent, and reform, and proclaim. Those-I will accept their repentance. I am the Acceptor of Repentance, the Merciful.(Surah Al Baqarah)
    Read Surah Al- Baqarah translation, you'll find every answer. Infact Whole Quran is a come guidance.

    Yes, you can marry in future and ALLAH said to conceal your sins so i would suggest you to sink this ship and fade your memories. I am not saying to hide.I am just saying forget everything. If your future husband ever asked something regarding this then just tell him yes i did some mistakes in past. But don't go and tell him that listen i did this and that in past. Your sins are the matter between you and ALLAH. So, leave this to ALLAH.

    "One who sincerely repents of his sin is as if he had never committed it. When Allah loves one of His servants, his sins do not harm him. Then he recited the verse: aAssuredly, Allah loves the oft-repentant and those who always seek to purify themselves.'"

    Or read

    INSHAA ALLAH, ALLAH will help you and forgive you. Pray for everyone.
    Stay Blessed.

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