Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Does piety count at all?

Love marriage and Pre-marital relationships, man with flowers


Brothers and sisters in islam! I am a young, educated man from Indian held kashmir. Let's get straight to facts: I have been looking to get married for quite some time now, but so far no luck. The problem is that I have a job that earns me a little less than most women would want their future husbands to earn. But it's not so little, alhamdulilah. I can fullfill the basic needs of my family with the money I earn, and I am in a position to support a wife and complete half my deen.  I believe that Allah swt will inshallah provide me with increasing responsibility, but people around here just don't understand that.

Alhamdulilah, I've abstained from drinking, smoking and casual dating, and have in fact always lived a pious life, but it seems to me that piety just doesn't count at all. People look down on you, and there are high demands and expectations that sisters have. I mean in all that, where would pious men of limited means go? What will they do if sisters have so high standards and aren't ready to compromise at all? I am frustrated by being turned down for having a beard, for not earning a six figure amount, and loads of other things that just discourage young men like me from even considering marriage. I mean is there anything I can do about it? Is money and looks such a big deal that it outweighs piety and steadfastness in religion?

Please answer.


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7 Responses »

  1. Wa'alaikum alsalam was rahmatuAllah!

    Of course not, brother. Matters of religion and the hereafter are far more important. Unfortunately we live in bad times when people have become unreasonable and when many have lost sight of what is truly important.

    You mentioned that you've been turned down because of your financial status? Would it be possible for you to look for a wife in more humble neighbourhoods?

    However if you wish to complete half of your deen you should continue to strive to do so and not let yourself be discouraged by turn-downs. If Allah has not helped you find a wife yet then he has good reason for it. We must think well of Allah and His intentions Bear patience and keep looking and Insha-Allah he will grant you a pious wonderful wife that will bring peace and joy into your heart.

  2. Asalamu alikum,

    My dear brother, I totally understand how frustrating it is when you keep getting turned down, its really tough and I am sorry you are having a hard time.

    I want you to know that the people who reject you and dont appreciate you for your deen are not worth your time.

    Wouldnt you rather want a religious woman who loves your beard, your humble spirit and the real you- and not your money, looks, and worldly things you can provide.

    There is a woman out there for you. Just keep doing what you are doing. Make dua for a good spouce, pray istikhara, and Allah will provide you with a spouce when its the right time to meet her inshallah.

    Also, be proactive, ask your family/friends if they know a poius sister, and do go to the masjid- to keep your mind busy and meet good brothers who might know and link you to good sisters.

    Put your trust in Allah my brother, be patient, do your part and Allah will take care of the rest.

  3. Brother,

    There are plenty of women out there who would love the opportunity to share a life with you. Please don't give up and keep steadfast in your prayer. May Allah guide a pious sister your way.


  4. Dear Brother,

    I guess we are in the same position, your statement resembles my thought and perspectives. So that I would like to share my view in this regards.

    I would recommend you to read the Quran, Allah mentioned many times to be patient in Quran. For instance,

    Sura Al-Asr

    In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

    [103:1] By the afternoon.

    [103:2] The human being is utterly lost.

    [103:3] Except those who believe and lead a righteous life, and exhort one another to uphold the truth, and exhort one another to be steadfast.

    I believe you might get pious and righteous woman as a reward from the most merciful and the most gracious Almighty, Allah when He wills. You should not worry about anything when Allah with you. Allah is enough for us.

    Forget about what others say about you, focus on what Allah want to tell you. And you can find what Allah want to tell us in the final, last, details, complete and protected from all manmade fabrication, Quran.

  5. I totally understand where you are coming from and there are plenty of sisters and brothers going through the same thing as you.

  6. Salam Brother,

    Most women would be over the moon to marry someone pius with good character such as yourself. Its very hard to find people who have abstained from relationships before marriage.

    You say they reject you for your beard? If that woman was religious and pius she would be looking for someone with beard! So I think the problem lies with you. You are looking into the wrong families, the wrong girls who are not the match right for you?

    I could be wrong but many times I see men who are not attractive and not educated or have low income looking for the ultimate perfect women, a Beautiful girl who will also be pius and humble and educated and accept a man less attractive and with less money then her! But women have dreams too! Some of them also dream of having a handsome educated husband too! You can't just accept women to be the patient ones all the time and accept anyone. They also have the right to be picky.

    But most of the times looks are not important for women as it seems to be for many men. Women are more attractive to men's character and piety, their morality kindness etc etc. they would compromise looks and money for character anyway.

    Mostly pius men and women will not look for Beauty or money. They will look for deen and character and will not reject a good women or men!

    So I advise to look for women who have the same characteristics as you, in deen, piety and looks. You need to compromise. Maybe look for someone lower then you in money education etc, then they will be thankful to get married to you and may also proof to be a good spouce. why will someone complain about money if they are poor and will be giving them a better life in terms of wealth? you will not get everything in one person, and more importantly you will not get your perfect spouce, or perfect anything in life. Perfection is in heaven.

    You need to lose something's to gain something's. so think what is the deal breaker for you in a spouce? What thinks do you need to compromise on? What qualities in a spouse will be good for your duniya and akhira? Then you will be looking for the right type of women and should not get rejected Insha Allah.

    May Allah give you the best wife and a blessed marriage.

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    Brother, you wrote:

    Alhamdulilah, I've abstained from drinking, smoking and casual dating, and have in fact always lived a pious life, but it seems to me that piety just doesn't count at all. People look down on you, and there are high demands and expectations that sisters have. I mean in all that, where would pious men of limited means go?

    Forgive me if I am wrong, but from what you have written it seems that you are avoiding drinking, smoking, dating to please the people--whereas this is for protecting your own soul and for pleasing Allah swt. There is no point in discussing or arguing about how many women are struggling with the issues you have and more--the point, my brother, is to have the right intention for pursuing good deeds. You can have all the expectations from family, friends, relatives and so forth--and in your case looking for a spouse--but people do fail us and sometimes we fail people too.

    I don't know exactly who these women are who are rejecting you, but please do not them be the reason for your piety or the lack thereof.

    May Allah help you to find the perfect match for you, Ameen.

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