Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Don’t know how to approach getting married

marriage nikah arranged forced

Salaam 🙂

I feel like it's the right time to ask this. I am in my mid 20s and my parents have recently started about me settling down which is alarming. It makes me upset to the point of depression because I know that the issues will be inevitable. It is difficult for my siblings and I to get married because extended family always interfere and stop the process because they are jealous and need us to fund their living. Another issue for me is that I don't want to marry anyone from the same culture. I don't identify well with my ethnic background- Having grown up in a western country, I don't speak the language, feel really awkward around most of the people and can't stand them (extended family first and foremost), and I don't want to go overseas, not for a visit, not to live. I am an anxious introvert and I can't picture myself in a set up with a guy from overseas, having to deal with his overbearing family who I probably won't even be able to communicate with. I've seen it in front of me far too much and it's only been a disaster.

My family place a high importance on culture which irks me because I don't understand what the big deal is. I believe deen is far more important, and that's enough. I'm happy with a man who has grown up in the same sort of society as I have, and as long as he is practicing, I don't mind what background he is from. I feel like we are more likely to have a much better understanding, and we can go on a journey and improve our deen together Insha'Allah. If there were guys like this from my own ethnic background, I would be alright with it... But there aren't many where I live.

I've felt this way for a very long time and I know it's not going to sit well with particular people. On top of all this, I'm struggling to figure out how can I find someone to begin with. My family aren't really social and neither am I. I struggle with confidence big time.

I have also become practicing, so I don't want to do anything wrong like I have in the past- Meet someone online as an easy way out and be in a relationship hoping for the best, only for it not to work. I want to do things the right way where I can potentially find someone I like and convince my parents beforehand. How are some ways I can do this?

I know that my fate is already written by Allah swt, and I know I need to put my faith and trust in Him. However I also feel like I need to do something about it as it won't just land in my lap. Apologies if this is too long, and thank you.


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1 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    ask your relatives/friends if they know anyone, matrimonial site is another way seems common nowadays. some masjid some organize matrimonial events or some sort etc.


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