Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Don’t love my husband

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Asalam Alaykun my Muslim brothers and sisters.

I'm going to try and be brief. So I had someone I went out with for a over 5 years and I was deeply in love with him. I believe I still am. Unfortunately, he's not a Muslim and one way or the other we didn't end up together.

I got married last year, my Husband is a Muslim and we have a son together. The situation however is that I don't love my husband anymore or maybe I never did and I just saw him as a replacement for my ex when we broke up. I have started keeping in touch with him and I'm certain that he's the one for me. I love him deeply and we know eachother so well. I'm thinking to divorce my husband to be with him but I don't know what is even right at the moment. But I do love him very much and willing to take the risk. Please advice me.

Ameenah

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10 Responses »

  1. Respected Sister,

    i can understand your situation, you are god fearing lady. I sugest you to wait for some time ,One year is early for final decision. May be you start loving him. May be your son is the bond. Staying in touch with that guy will make it difficult for you. You should not do this.

    You can divorce but will not be able to marry him & incase you marry him hudood Allaha will be crossed. Do you think the beloved can keep you happy?

    Only Allaha can keep you happy here & after. Don't go for pursuit of happiness while disobeying Allaha.

    Discuss with parents, may be Allaha has created an other muslim man for you. Your beloved may convert

    Do ask God, you are loved by Allaha & best is waiting for you

  2. Salams Ameenah

    Inshallah may Allah guide you sister in a right decision..I hate to say this but I don't think Allah will bless your next marriage after you divorce current Hubby..Divorce is looked at the most bad things in Allahs eyes but it is permissible under certain conditions..This feeling for your first love is from shaitan it has to be..You are married with a son and you obvisiously moved on because you got married..In Islam a Muslim woman cannot marry a man that's a non Muslim...So you are choosing this::: Islam or non Muslim lover...You are a mother now..Your happiness falls mainly on that son..How is he going to feel if you divorce his daddy just because you are in love with a non Muslim ex..please sister turn to Allah, make astughfarullah..make duaa..You are in a test now..Sister if you marry this non Muslim man you are out of Islam..and Allah will punish you in this and the hereafter..unfortunately your son will witness this all..and might be exposed to other dangers around this non Muslim man..I know ure going to make the right decision..Shaitan is blinding you and hoping you will make a terrible mistake..Allah will make that non Muslim man your punishment in this world..take care sis..;))

  3. Sister,

    So that I understand you correctly, you are married and have a child. Whilst being married, you are now contacting your ex lover of five years and you want to dump your husband so that you can get together with a man who is a non Muslim?

    Before you do that, I hope you think long and hard because your decision isn't just about you. You and your husband have a son together. You are no longer single but a wife and a mother. What happens when you dump your husband for this other guy and the other guy dumps you a year down the road? Have you thought about that?

    Have you thought about how many people you are going to hurt in the process of you trying to live in the past? You and this other guy had five years together and nothing came of it and now that you are a mother and wife to another man...you are certain he is the guy for you? Stop.

    Wake up sister...you are playing with fire. If you don't want to be with your husband, divorce him. Don't creep around behind his back talking to this other guy. You wouldn't want your husband creeping around behind your back talking to another woman would you?

    Best advice ever I can offer to a woman in your position is to stop all contact with your ex lover. The past is the past. Leave it there. Respect yourself. Respect your husband. Respect your family. May Allah grant you the wisdom to open your eyes and see what is in front of you and the family you stand to lose. Allah hu alem.

    Salam

  4. If you take the risk wallah you will eventually regret.

  5. Salam sister Ameenah,

    Please do not marry a non muslim. This ex may give you all the lovee but remember that big or small emaan that you may have within you may gradually leave you. Keep hold of your emaan. Pls don't give your emaan away for this worldly pleasure. Please learn to discipline yourself. No doubt you are being tested by Allah swt, in shaa Allah. So turn to Allah and repent for even thinking to marrying a non muslim.

    Of course there are muslim females who have married non muslims but majority are either not happy/ not satisfied or they are very happy/satisfied but are very distanced from emaan to even some have come out from the fold of Islam.

    Please try your utmost to make your marriage work. Even if in past if you felt a hint of love from your husband then it means there is possibility for you to feel that love again from him again. Focus on all the positive things of your husband and in shaa Allah you may realise your husband is normal yet great individual (probably he is: responsible and hard working and caring and possibly funny too and sociable, someone who looks out for you and your son, someone at time to time gets moody/tired but later makes up to you, he might a very respectful individual amongst his family and people). This husband of yours may have a lot of great qualities but you are not observing it because you made yourself go into a fantasy/perfect world which in reality most often doesn't exists。

    My personal and humble advise is break ALL communication with this ex or non mahram. Focus on your marriage. Give your marriage at least two years or so and after this period if you still don't like your husband then consider getting separated from your husband for 6months or so (in the interim don't get in touch with your ex/non mahram). See how it goes. You may realise that you want to get back with your husband (alhamdulillah) but if you don't feel like to only then consider divorce. And once you are officially divorced then you may consider marriage with someone else other than your ex because your ex is not muslim so he shouldnt never be considered for marriage.

    May Allah swt make this phase of your life easy for you and may Allah swt always keep your respected family under His protection, aameen.

    Kind regards,
    Your sister, Me
    X

  6. asalam aleikum sisters and brothers
    am suraj 28yrs old with 2kids...am second wife...i too got maried to amarried man with 5kids 5years ago because of his deen and personality.mariage was arranged and i accepted...but i didnt love him at all not even attracted to him and i stil dont.....he provides shelter,food and basic staff...i thought it would work out...ive been patient with being sexually unsertisfied..which has made me disrespect him or even less behave the way amuslim woman should....i fear that Allah is angry with me...because ive desired other men ever since i got married but kept hunging in there because of cultural values....please help me,am sexually unsatisfied,unhappy,emotionaly depressed....

  7. Make dua to Allsh to put love of your husband in your heart.

  8. The woman says she does not love her husband. Forget for a moment this selfish lady and think about the 2 innocent parties in this. Her child and her husband.

    A loveless marriage is destined for failure. If it doesn't fail now, it will eventually.

    Three things are almost absolutely critical to a marriage. Love, respect and intimacy. Without these I don't know how a marriage can survive.

    So, if you cannot love your husband, then allow him to find someone who can love him.

    I know you have posted the question, perhaps expecting sympathy, but unfortunately I always think about the innocent parties in any story.

  9. This path will take you towards destruction .Stop it immediately .you seems selfish here.

  10. Aslamoalaikum.
    well in that case before taking any step you must think of your son also.think as a mother.what would be the impact of your decision on him.life doesn't always go well by being selfish.decisions must change according to the situations.so i hope u choose what is best for your son atleast.hoping the best for u.

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