Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I was engaged to him 3 years ago; now I don’t want to marry him

Engagement ring on finger

Engagement and Marriage

Salam alaykum,

I've been engaged for 3 years to a very wonderful guy, also has a wonderful family and i know they all love me. I agreed to the engagement because I didn't want to upset the family. I'm going on to year #4 of being engaged and he still doesn't want to get married because he said he still feels like a kid.

Although, he only wants a wedding this summer because of peer-pressure. My heart hasn't been into it for the past 2 years but I went on with it because begged and prayed to Allah every night hoping that my feelings towards him would change.

I prayed Istikhara, constantly & still never felt better regarding my decision. He loves me very much (at least I think he does) but I don't have no feelings for him whatsoever. He doesn't deserve someone who doesn't love him the way he loves her...

He deserves better and I believe i deserve to be happy as well. I want to break off the engagement but now everyone is flipping out on me because I'm supposedly making the biggest mistake ever!

I understand he is perfect and the ideal Muslim husband but what's the point if I'm not happy. Do you think I should go on with this engagement if I haven't been comfortable with this whole thing since day one? What do I do?

My family thinks I should just marry him because he's a good kid and comes from a good family and to leave my feelings aside. I need Islamic point of view.

~ albint alarabiya

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5 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    hope you are doing well and in best of health. sis if you are not happy and forcing yourself just to please others, i suggest you dont.

    in order for a marriage to work, both parties need to put in 100% otherwise its a high chance the marriage will fail.

    tell him/family now that you dont wanna get married, dont delay till the wedding day, sooner the better.

    remember one thing, no matter what family and friends say, you are the one gonna spend the rest of your life with him not them.

    ma salama

  2. Salam sister,

    Your family want you to marry this man because they love you and want the best for you. However...what matters the most is what you want for yourself. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into a marriage that you do not want, it's as simple as that. You put your foot down and you let your family know that you have reconsidered things and this is a marriage you do not want. Sure their going to flip out but the reality is, this is your life and yours alone. It's a better and wiser decision to take now than wait until your married and then have regrets.'s a bit too late.

    Two years ago, my husbands relative came to ask for my daughter. She felt there was no chemistry between them and politely declined. His grandmother was so upset that she said we should force her. that would ever happen. Now, he is married to a wonderful girl with a child on the way and Alhumdillilah, he is a happy person.

    Listen to your heart Arab girl and listen well. Make Istikhara and see how you feel. Take control of the decision regarding your marriage and don't simply sit by on the sidelines and let every one make decisions regarding your life and your happiness. .


  3. wow, i cant believe you wasted THREE years on someone you didnt feel anything for :/

    Well, i personally think you will be doing the right thing by breaking it off. Because its better to do it now than being trapped in a marriage you arent happy in. I am sure Allah would want you to be happy, marriage is a lifetime committment afterall. You dont want to be miserable for the rrest of your life do you? If you do get married to him its for a lifetime because Marriage is sacred and you shouldnt be divorcing without a just cause and you siad he is a nice guy so i dont think you would really have a reason. I think you should start looking for someone else who will make you happy and has a good character.

    I hope Allah makes this easy for you, Ameen.

  4. I am curious to know what's your age? However, you never realize the worth of someone until he/she is gone. If you are not interested somewhere else then dont make the decision to break up. You will only regret it later. Engagement is nothing as compared to Nikkah which is a lovely and very scared bond.


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