Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Dua for getting married to the one I love?

Dua woman at Sunset

Assalam - o - Alaikum!

This post is going to be long. I apologize in advance.

I am a teenager. I've been loving a guy for so long, probably 6 years. Many unusual things took place. Few years after when I saw this guy in person, I found his ID (accidentally)  and starting viewing it. I've seen him in person for like thousand times but never talked to him. My love grew even more after this. Years were passing, and I thought I am going to forget him but this didn't happen.

Last year, I was doing something else and this time too accidentally, I found his account on another website where we could just talk. I started talking to him and told him about my feelings. He was really happy; he told me nobody had ever talked to him like I do. He was willing to be in a relationship with me but I told him that I want to get married to him and asked him if he could wait three or five years. I knew it was too long, but I just could not be in a relationship since it is haraam and I could not cheat on my Parents.

However, he gave me his number and deactivated his account because I asked him to. I've never sent a single message on that number. I know he must be thinking that I am a joke or something. He told me this same thing, once. Well days back, I've got to know that he came into a relationship with two girls; and he is still with the second girl. His relationship with the first girl started after one month or days when both of us stopped talking. I know, this is because he thought I was someone playing with him or I was a joke. But few days back he reactivated his account and messaged me. I don't know why when he already has a girlfriend..

Now, I feel like he and his girlfriend are in love with eachother. And I feel like dying. It is too hard to control my feelings. Although, I know he had many girlfriends and he had loved some of them, but all those relationships came to an end; still I am afraid by even thinking that 'if he gets married to that girl' Astaghfirullah. I just don't want this to happen. Is this wrong to pray for their breakup and his marriage with me? But I don't want this breakup to be painful rather I'd wish this breakup to be of their choice without any pain. I want this breakup to be like one of those breakups in which both of them were serious with their ex'es. Is it right?
I am not too selfish.. In fact, I really don't want to hurt anyone. I have never wished for someone's breakup and I don't know if it is wrong to pray for their breakup. I know whatever we do can happen to us as well. So, I am really confused. I really love this guy with all my heart. Would that be wrong if I wish for our marriage even I know he is in a relationship?

Anyway, his birthday is coming and he is in another country. So, I had planned to send some gifts in a parcel. I don't if it is right or not. Or how he will react on it. I don't know how much it costs and how I am going to do this all. I was also thinking how I am going to buy the gifts and how I am going to find the address where I would be able to send this parcel. But the day after that day while I was thinking all this, I was allowed to go to the shop and there I bought some gifts. And today I found the address. The thing I am trying to ask is, are these some of the signs? Maybe, I'll get the other things done too. In Shaa Allaah
I just want to make his day.

My Mother once told me about the Waqia of Hazrat Musa (A.S) related to Du`a'. I cannot recall the exact Waqia but it was about three boatmen. Allah (S.W.T) told Hazrat Musa (A.S) that the boats of these three boatmen are going to be drowned; so Hazrat Musa (A.S) should make them aware of it. Hazrat Musa (A.S) did this so. The first two gave the same answer, "We are happy with Allah's Will." And their boats got drowned. But the third one's response on this was: "We are happy with Allah's Will. But we will pray to Allah (S.W.T) that He (S.W.T) save our boat from drowning." Hence, his boat did not drown. When Hazrat Musa (A.S) asked this from Allah (S.W.T), He (S.W.T) told that the first two were happy with Allah's Will and what happened was Allah's Will. But the third one was happy with Allah's Will, but at the same time, he made Dua and Allah even changes Qadar from the Du`a'.
This Waqia made my Iman even stronger. Masha Allah.
But I read the article, "Can Dua change Qadar?" on this site and I found out Qadar is of two kinds:

1. Unconditional predestination

2. Conditional predestination.

And Du`a' has nothing to do with the first one. How can I know that my situation is the first one or the second one?

Okay so now, I want to know how to do Istikhara? And when done what are the signs? I want to know if this decision of mine sending the parcel is right or not. I've heard Du`a' can change Qadr and I absolutely believe it; so I want to know about the Du`a' which can make this parcel a right decision for me and does not create problem for anyone. Can you please tell me some Du`a's to get married to this guy? And for his and his girlfriend's breakup (if it is not wrong)? Following are some Du`a's for getting married the one you love (to make him love me and to make our Parents to get agree) which I found on different websites. (For long methods, I've also given the website's name. I don't know if giving websites' name is allowed or not. I don't know about all the rules. I am sorry.)

I also want to know about the Du`a' to make someone pious and best for us.

Jazak Allaah.

  •  'For urgent wishes, recite Ziyarat e Ashura for 40 days '
  • Someone told this, 'I tried it for 40 days. On the 10th day I started to get proposals, but to my not so surprise they didn't come for a second visit. I heard Surah Taha is good for this. If you do decide to do that Surah, keep doing that Surah until your prayer is received.' with this source:
  • This Surah was revealed in Makkah and has 135 verses. It is mentioned in a narration from the Holy Prophet (S) that whoever recites this Surah will get the reward equivalent to the number of companions of the Holy Prophet (S) from the Muhajireen and Ansaar.Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) has said that Allah (S.w.T.) befriends the ones who recite this Surah and this person will receive his book of deeds on his right hand. His sins will be forgiven and he will get so much reward that he will be pleased on the Day of Judgement.This Surah should be recited before war, going before a tyrant ruler and trying to guide a community towards the path of Allah (S.w.T.). If a girl is not getting married and she wishes to get married, she should take ghusl(bath) with water in which this Surah has been dissolved and by the will of Allah (S.w.T.) she will get married.
    If a man wishes to get married, he should write verses 131 and 132 of this Surah with saffron and then wear it as a talisman, In Shaa Allaah, his proposal will be accepted.
  • Dua Talabil Hawaa-Ij 
  • and
  • 'Read salatul Lail for a few months. Either Allah will grant you your prayer, or you will fall in love with Allah and forget about all the fake loves.
  • Kindly, tell about this one. The Dua suggested here is Hazrat Dawud (A.S) Dua and they have told how to perform it. And when can we remove the ta`wiz?

Please do tell me also, if I get my periods in between, can I recite all the above Du`a's specially Ziyarat e Ashura? And ofcourse I cannot recite all the Du`a's, kindly tell me the Du`a' which you believe works effectively.

Jazak Allaah!

May Allaah (SWT) Bless you all! In Shaa Allaah! Ameen.





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10 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,
    Walaikum Salam, I do not know where to begin but I must ask you are you really willing to be with a man who has had multiple girlfriends and is in a haram relationship? I do not think you should send him gifts either because he does not have any relation with you. I think simply at this point it is mere infatuation and not love in both your and his case. If this guy has not had the strength to end his haram relationship for you and come to your parents to ask for a halal relationship with you then it seems he may not have any intention of being with you. It seems he would rather be with his girlfriend and may not have feelings of the sort for you. You should not have any expectations of him to leave his girlfriend to be with you let alone make dua for it. I know it is hard to forget someone you have such strong feelings for but maybe Allah has something better in store for you. Ask Allah for strength in removing him from your heart and build your relationship with Allah (SWT) instead. Our Lord does not turn away our dua's he simply grants them when the time is right or if it is in your best interest. Ask Allah (SWT) for what is best for you and for someone who may be best for you and your faith. I would suggest you stop talking to the person and engage yourself in other activities. Fulfill your salats, find an extra curricular activity, focus on your career, your faith and your well being. Give more time to your family and friends and keep yourself distracted by positive activities. It may seem hard but time heals all wounds. Keep faith in Allah for He knows best.

    • Asalam aleikhum warahumatulah wabarakhat
      Amira thank you for the advice and am quiet very sure its going to work for me as well because am facing the same problem
      May Allah help us and guide us through the right path and find us the righteous spouses In Shaa Allah

  2. Assalam alaikum Learner10,

    Dear Sister,

    You have written the following:

    "He was willing to be in a relationship with me..."

    Why wouldn't he want to be? & this phrase speaks though to say that he was willing to be a relationship with you, despite you, instead of because of you - for some reason, you are inadvertently putting yourself down and lowering your standards, not because of him, but because of raging emotions, mere chemicals, that you have inside of you. You know, we all have those feelings of attraction, those moments when we feel like a certain person is rather amazing...and this is bound to happen, no wonder, Allah swt tells both men and women to lower their gaze. We are instructed to do so because Allah swt, our Creator, knows best what would start this infatuation, this "love", these raging emotions.

    These feelings strip us from reality and when we are actually void of spirituality, standing in a desert with nothing, instead we think we mistake the mirage in front of us as reality. Sister, pinch yourself. You have uses every rationale to make yourself believe you are on the right path even though you have repeatedly said you are not sure "if this is right." Since you do not know, I can assure you 100% this is wrong - this path that you came upon either "accidentally" or because you can't control your emotions--this is the essence of the problem. The problem isn't the boy, the problem isn't your feelings even, the problem is that you can't control your actions because of how you feel. It is like driving a vehicle with your eyes closed and blaming the vehicle. Open your eyes and take control once more of your life. This is all just a distraction, a time in space pushing you towards losing yourself--shaitaan's just waiting for the right time to snatch you of your innocence.

    As for Du'as, perhaps others can share more with you, but I can tell you that any du'a which is guarantee to work after 10 days is probably a wazifa and wazifas are innovation. You can't make Allah swt accept your prayer. There are so many bad people, Muslim and non-Muslim whose prayers are answered without them even thinking about it. There are so many good people, Muslim and non-Muslim, whose prayers are not answered even after praying. We can't make Allah swt do something for sure if we pray--we just pray and we accept the result which can either be immediately accepted, immediately rejected, or delayed. That is it. We accept Allah swt's decision, we say Alhumdulillah, and even if we don't know the wisdom, we seek Allah's guidance to give us patience and the wisdom to move on.

    Here is the link for Isthikhara prayer:

    I suggest that for this situation you recognize that this is a total distraction from your relationship with Allah swt. Stop talking/communicating in any form with that boy. It doesn't matter if he is good or bad--however, in this case, with his many relationships, it is yet another red flag to not pursue this boy. Had the boy been pious, I would still suggest that you not communicate with him.

    You have also written:

    But the day after that day while I was thinking all this, I was allowed to go to the shop and there I bought some gifts. And today I found the address. The thing I am trying to ask is, are these some of the signs?

    Yes, these are signs. These are signs that shaitaan has you one step further in his trap and he has you convinced that your destiny is in the making - these, however, are not signs that you should move forward. This is a trial - and the more you feel that you have to fight these emotions, the more likely you can be that this is a trial in which you have to prove your worth to yourself and to your Creator. Don't falter. You will feel way better knowing you got through this by stopping now, than to move forward and regret later initiating a relationship with a non-Mahram (regardless of the outcome).

    You are a teenager, please listen. Please read the stories in the archives in which some even sound like yours. I hope that you do the right thing and protect your soul.

    May Allah swt ease your pain, help you to see through these foggy emotions and give you peace in your heart once more, Ameen.

  3. 6 years, you would have been 10, 11 or 12 when you fell in love with him. this is not love its attraction, he is not even serious with anyone, you don't know what kind of activities he is involved in abroad, if he ever loved you he would have left all the gfs, you said he deactivated the id for you which is a lie. he deactivated just because he was with some else busy somewhere else, it was a good pretext.
    secondly, he will never love you, you came, he chat with you, you are just an ordinary person to him, by running after him you r insulting yourself. this is your age when people start to think about their studies , career, future, religion. please focus on that. relationships before marriage are haram in Islam, you should think about it, its a sin to have relations before marriage.
    about marriage your parents will find a good person for you. you have enough time, you will meet many people in your life.
    you will get out of it but don't take such steps, don't let him use you just because you are in love (infatuation) he will take benefit of you plus don't waste money on gifts, spend it on yourself.

  4. As salaam walikum I want to get married to the person I want he is telling me he will marry me once he is wel settled I have been with him 3years now please give me any Amal or dua I wul recicte so that he can marry me aftr ramadhan

    • Nizba, have you expressed a willingness to marry him in his current state, before he is "well settled"? If so then I think he should have married already. In my opinion it's time to move on with you life and find someone who is serious about marriage.

      Wael Editor

  5. Aoa! I want to share my problem. Actually I love someone and want to marry him, he from india nd work as tv actor. We both chat daily and now I falling love deeply with him. is it right if I pray to Allah for him? As I am a girl it is very difficult for me to propose to him, can you tell me some dua or wazeefa to inculcate the feelings of love for me in his heart and urge to marry me. Please help... JazakAllah

    • Nighat, there is no such dua or wazeefa. Just tell the man that you cannot continue to chat with him anymore since he is not your husband and your relationship is not halal. Then see what he does. If he does not come to your family with a proper proposal of nikah - i.e. if he does not respect you as a Muslim woman and is not willing to make your relationship proper and halal - then leave him be and move on. I realize that is not easy to do, but it is better for your deen and your heart in the long run.

      Wael Editor

  6. Assalam u allaikum
    Im a muslim girl .. but im not sure that im followup al the rules and regulation in islam but i believe allah as well as......
    After few months ago i ket a guy and he trying convincing me to love him for nikkah.... i have somanay problems in my life personally with the knowledge pf my family.... and im not to ready for a romatic situation on that time.... he is also a guy who faced lot of problmes through a past love relationship..... with the help of his brother we knowed and understood each other without any misunderstandings.... and i love him truely and madly....
    But after a few days ago i feel so missings from his side..... and after a day ago he says that his ex loves can came back so he dont promise me nothing because of his situations... i understood his feelings.... but the ex lover is a engaged girl for another marriage for her family ..... and im sure that his or her family cannot support the relation and it is not good
    And i topd about him to my brother a day ago and amy brother he aupport me to love him and promise me to support for nikkah......
    I love him truely amd when i starts loving him i pray every secoond to allah that gives me us my partner through nikkah .....
    But in this situation i feel soo difficult to leave him .....
    I love him..
    I like to live for him....
    And im sure that no one can restrict me or him to married from his or my family.....
    But he is now behave like difficult.....
    I dont know how to pray to allah for get him back...
    Plss help me....
    Please advic me a poverful dua for get him my life partner....

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