Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Dua to get seriously ill or die?

Hijab lady

Salaam people,

I live in the western part of the world yet always have followed my religion despite it being hard at times with social influence. As I child I was regularly abused by my mother and father. I am the oldest in my family but lived with my grandma and grandad till 5 yrs then moved in with my parents when my grandma and grandad moved to pakistan. I would get hit and often spent time alone, my younger sibling was then born and it came as though I was invisible. I can honestly say I never formed an attachment with my parents and the one that was formed with my grandparents then broke when they left me. I grew older and only differentiated between right and wrong myself as my parents were reluctant to even interact with me. When I reached the age of about 15 they stopped me seeing my friends and I became really depressed and alone yet somehow I managed to soldier on. They never cared about my education or life, when I left school I got a job at 16 and began to see light at the end of the tunnel.

At 25 I met a guy who is the most perfect person on earth in my eyes, he's a hajji he's prays all namaz and I truly love him. I informed my mother one day about him to take the relationship further in terms of marriage, but her answer was something else she told me if I ever think about this again she will tell my dad who not spare me, she then completely stopped talking to me. It has now been about 1 year neither my mum or dad have uttered a word to me despite living under the same roof, and by that I actually truly mean not one word has been spoken. I have a very big family and Izzet amongst family and community is a really big thing which I also understand. I feel I had this one chance to be happy but will never get it. I can't bring myself to even think about going against my parents even though the way they treated me as a child was inhumane but I really love this guy from the heart. It's the only relationship I've ever formed in my life that's from the heart. My parents will never agree to this and I'm left with no option.

I've self harmed before and thought about suicide but haven't been strong enough to follow through.But now I just want to give up in life. Please tell me a dua where I can become either seriously ill or die or should I simply just commit suicide?

Anything will be better than going against my parents or breaking this guys heart. I know 100% if I go against my parents they will disown me, I spend so much time along just crying and asking Allah to show me the way but nothing is working, I just give up now I don't want to live in this world. Please help me someone, please.


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5 Responses »

  1. OP: At 25 I met a guy who is the most perfect person on earth in my eyes, he's a hajji he's prays all namaz and I truly love him.

    Are you sure this Haji guy even want to marry you? How come he has not sent his family to talk to your parents? I hope you have not told him your mom does not like him as a potential son-in-law. What kind of work this Haji guy does?

  2. According to what you say, your parents have never respected you and since day 1 day hae done what they wanted. They never respected your feelings. So even if you marry that guy, yio are not going against your parents. Your parents will not disown you, they hae never owed you since you were small. So the question of disown does not arise.
    Allah has already shown you a way from a man you think is a strong believer in Allah and prays and will not do anything wrong to you. You should go ahead and marry him even if your parents do not agree because in your parents case they do not care much for you which is very wired.
    As we say Allah is far more loving than a mother, he loves you too and thus has shown you a way. Don't break his heart.
    As far as suicide is concerned, it is never the answer. We has humans as not allowed to decide when we die, only God will.
    You will be much happy with him inshaallah. Just go for it and leave your parents home.
    Everything will be alright Inshah Allah.

  3. Salaam,

    Reading how distraught you are feeling i couldn't not send you a message.

    From what it sounds like although your parents have not played their parts aswell as they could have you have a big heart and still would not want to hurt them.

    You need to think about yourself as you are hurting YOU the most - to think about suicide i can't imagine how bad you must be feeling to think there is no other way out.

    You say you have a big family, could you speak to any of them, to maybe talk your parents round?

    I know it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but don't give up hope, Allah swt gives the hardest tests to his truest believers, In Sha Allah you will get through this.

    If you can see a happy life with this person then you should go for it, he sounds like a decent, pious man, you just need to make up your mind what it is you want. If you stay you hurt yourself, if you leave your family may not speak to you for a while but that is something you can work on.

    Don't worry about anything, everything will be ok In Sha Allah, you will be ok.

    You are in my Dua's.

  4. I'm so sorry! First, keep in mind that hurting yourself isn't an option. God cares. He will help you 🙂

    Allah tests us all. He never places a bigger burden on anyone than they can handle:

    “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” 2.286

    He's testing you because He knows you can handle it, and the suffering will help you grow. You're strong! Don't worry.

    First of all, you should seek help from a counselor or someone. Your parents are clearly driving you insane. If they're destroying your life and refusing to allow you to commit to a halal relationship, that's a major problem. I recommend that you seek help from an imam or counselor and consult further with this man's parents.

    You might be praying while frenzied and worried. Calm down, listen to nice music, and then pray. Also read chapter 19 of the Quran. It's not really about suffering, but it always calms me down.

    Good luck! 🙂 Peace:)

  5. My dearest sister, you should know that you are a beautiful soul with so many colors. May Allah help you and dear believe this life is all about good and bad things which either overtly or covertly we have to face. And there is no reason to hide behind the curtain, your words were so pure that they touched my heart. Sister know about the SUHABA who after accepting Islam was thrown out of his house by his mother and even they put off his clothes. And how he reached to Muhammad (SAW) history will tell you, so dear such things happen in life and when man sacrifice his will only with the intentions that ' may Allah get pleased' remember he/she is the most successful person living on this planet. So my dear sister don't give up, love your parents and i believe that InshaAllah they will realize one day. Your words say you are optimistic so why to let pessimism to ride on your shoulder.
    May Allah help you and all. AAMEEN.

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