Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Emotional Affair – How should I recover?

Extra-marital affair bar chart.

Extra-marital affairs

Assalam Alaikum,

I am a 30 year old married woman with 2 daughters. I am working with a MNC company. I am married to a very good person- rather he is the best person person on this earth for me.  We both are absolutely happy with each other.

In my office,  I have to talk to lot of vendors, customer and colleagues. I came across an unmarried man of around 27 years. He used to chat with me. He was normal in the beginning, but later on he started coming close to me by saying he likes me which later got converted into love. I always tried to explain him about I being married and having kids. Still he was interested in me.

The worst part is I lost my control and went with his flow. I don't want to be in this state as per Islam it is the biggest sin. Please guide me how should I control this emotional affair and be loyal to My Allah, and my husband. What is the punishment for this sin, please explain it me. I have strong regrets regarding whatever happened.

-Shifa Sayyed



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26 Responses »

  1. Salam sister Shifa,
    You already know you are wrong but unable to control your behavior . It is sort of midlife crises. You are getting pleasure out of this nonmehram man attention. This pleasure is so strong that despite having insight about this sinful act you promoted and continued this emotional relation.

    You cannot hide these things forever. Your husband will find out ultimately . He will be devastated. You are on road of disaster for all of your family.
    Because you have weakness in your heart only solution is to repent sincerely and completely eliminate your exposure to this man even if you have to change your job for it . There is no other way.

  2. Sister pls stop this affair - your husband is innocent in all this, if he finds out he will be so hurt and it could compeltly destroy the marriage. Ignore him, and stop all communication with him! Focus on your husband, change jobs if u have to. Your happy with your husband so kick this other man out of your life, he's a nobody !

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    If you truly wish to save your relationship with your husband and end this emotional attraction to another man, then you need to get this other man out of your life. Make sure that you observe appropriate limits (for example, make sure you are covering appropriately and that you avoid non-essential communication with non-mahrams) and arrange your work so that you don't need to be around this other man. Yes, this might be difficult or even mean changing jobs, but you need to think whether it is worth the sacrifice to protect your marriage and avoid further sins with this man.

    Repent for what has happened, and resolve that you won't repeat it. Then, focus your energy on the man in your life who truly loves you (your husband!) and the family the two of you are raising.

    Midnightmoon editor

  4. Time to stop it before emotional affair turns into an inttimate (physical) affair. You have to be good role model for your daughters. Stop for your daughters sake. If you got caught it will have serious consequences.

  5. I will not try to go soft on you because you need to know the facts

    Perhaps this shall convince you

    In your grave, the ummahs entire punishment will be split between you two who committee this act while married.

    Half of the entire mmahs punishment will go to you and the other half to him in your graves. This is why it's a grave sin.

    Repent and move as far from that sin and or environment that leads to it. perhaps Allah may forgive you.


  6. Dear Shifa ,

    Did you had sex with new guy ?
    If yes then it will be called as Zina and for a married person the the level of sin for Zina is too high .
    You need to Stop it and need to tell this in clear words to this guy that you don't want to continue this further .

  7. Strange human behaviour .

    One way we see women suffering due to their bad husbands and this way we see a sister despite married to a good husband and having 2 daughters falling for lust with her junior in office for pleasure .

    My question to you ,
    Are you done with enjoyment and pleasure so feeling urge to stop it or you really realised that it is bigger sin in Islam ?

  8. Dear sister Shifa,

    It is good that you have realised that you have committed grave sin and cheated your husband and daughters .
    Remember that most of 27 year old guys will be just interested in just SEX(All praise and emotional chat is fake to get sex) and they will run away from taking responsibilities .
    You are already 30 and mother of two daughters so why a 27 year old be interested in you ? Its nothing but physical pleasure .So you fell in to the shayateen's path and committed adultery .

    Any muslim (male or female) should present a good image of him/herself in front of all non Muslims as we are supposed to give dawa to them .But here not only you have cheated your family but also represented Muslim women badly in your office(Obviously people are quick enough to know what happens in office)

    So first thing is you need to tell him harshly to get out of your life and if not possible better you start searching job in some other organisation .

    Also if you are financially stable better you quit the job and get involved in Deeni activities .

    Islam prefers women to stay at home and what happens once women works with non mehram men is one such example here ..You can't generalise but it happens if job is totally deviant from islamic rules like yours ...Time to change yourself before you die else you will get punishment in your grave even if you escape from this world .

  9. Firstly:

    Zina is a major sin and one of the worst crimes. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

    [al-Isra’ 17:32]

    “And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

    69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace”

    [al-Furqaan 25:68-69]

    It makes no difference whether zina is committed with a Muslim woman or a non-Muslim.


    As for the punishment for zina in this world, Allaah has enjoined the hadd punishment for it. Allaah says concerning the hadd punishment of an unmarried zaani (i.e., one who has not been previously married) (interpretation of the meaning):

    “The fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allaah, if you believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment”

    [al-Noor 24:2].

    As for the one who has previously been married, the punishment is to be stoned to death, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh (3199) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “For a previously married person with a previously married person, one hundred lashes and stoning.”

    In this case too, it makes no difference whether zina is committed with a Muslim woman or a non-Muslim.

    The seriousness of this crime is not limited only to immediate punishment in this world, but the punishment in the Hereafter is harsher and more severe. It says in the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari (7074) from Samurah ibn Jundub (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Last night two persons came to me and woke me up, and set off with me. … We went on and we came to something like a tannoor oven, in which there were shouting and voices. We looked inside and we saw naked men and women, towards whom flames were coming from the bottom of the oven. When the flames reached them they made a noise. I said to them [the two angels], ‘Who are these people?’ … They said to me, ‘We will tell you… the naked men and women in the structure like a tannoor oven are the adulterers and adulteresses.”

    What the one who has fallen into this major sin must do is repent sincerely to Allaah, and keep away from everything that may lead to this haraam or cause him to return to it. Allaah rejoices over the repentance of sinners and accepts it from them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

    [al-Zumar 39:53]

    Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This verse is a call to all sinners, kaafirs and others, to repent and turn to Allaah. It tells us that Allaah forgives all sins for the one who repents to Him and turns away from them, no matter what they are, even if they are many and are like the foam of the sea. End quote from Tafseer Ibn Katheer (7/106)

    And Allaah knows best.

  10. Sister ,

    You need to repent yourself sincerely and cut all contacts with him .Change the job if there is a fear of indulging in to same sin again .

  11. Dear Shifa ,

    Are you still continuing this affair with your new guy in office ? You had sexual relationship with him ?
    If you are not able to take new man out of your life then i think you need to go for some kind of counselling .

  12. Sister Shifa ,

    You are doing a grave sin and you need to stop this and quit this job too .

  13. Shifa,
    Are you still with the man at your office ? If yes then i think you need to quit your job to come out of this affair else you will be sinning always .

  14. Shifa ,

    It is really shameful for you to behave in this way .Have some decency else it will be disaster for you.

    Punishment for this sin(if you committed zina) is stoning to death if you are in islamic country .

  15. I think you need to change your job ..Quit this job now .

  16. Throw him out of your life .Quit company to save marriage .

  17. Shifa,

    How are you doing ? I suggest you to look for other job to avoid fitnah .Stop communicating to this guy and keep a distance .

  18. Change the company and stop it completely . Don't keep any sort of communication with him ...

    Only simple step you need to do is delete contact number from your mobile and from your mind ...Its so simple ..

  19. Forget him .Change your office .

  20. Stop this and cut all contacts with new man .

  21. Please stop this .This is not good from religious and moral point of view .

  22. This is very bad for a married woman to sleep or chat wth other man in office .you need to change yourself.

  23. Stop this .You are married woman and can fulfill your sexual desire in halal way .You will be committing bigger sin if you go for zina .

  24. Better you quit this job and move to new office .

  25. Shifa ,

    As everyone is advising its better to quit the job and move to some other jobs . You never now when you will commit Zina if you spend time with him .

    Its old mail but still ok to advise 🙂

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