Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Emotional Neglect Leads me to a Male Friend

          I am married to my husband since 6 years against my family's will. I have got three kids two boys and one girl. My husband gives me emotional torture, maximum 6 months in a year he does not talk to me and most of the time if he sees my face he gets angry.

I am working since ten years and fulfilling my own expenditures and helping my husband in his responsibilities but still he is the same, he does not care for me, love me or share his feelings.I am deprived of all these rights , he is not the least bothered/thinks for me, he never gifted me anything on Eid,birthday or wedding anniversary. I am always thinking about him and I have sacrificed all my happiness for his sake.I don't buy anything for myself because my husband does not even looks at me.

I recently met a guy who knew me since 10 years and I came to know him just few months back.He is also happily married with 3 kids, we discuss daily issues and he is caring for me a lot what I need from my husband.He is aware of my issue but sometimes I feel guilty talking to him because I am betraying my husbands trust.I will never go for a physical relationship but he is very caring.

I just want to know is this gunnah/haram having a friend who is a boy without any physical contact.

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8 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Yes, it is haram to be talking to a man to whom you are not related to by blood if you are already married. What is going on between the two of you now (innocent talk about each others' lives) is exactly how affairs start, and in a matter of time there is a chance the physical boundaries will be crossed. Since this is haraam, you need to stop interacting with him.

    If your marriage is as bad as you describe, and beyond endurance, you have the right to request a divorce. I would suggest exploring your options in that direction, but only after you've exhausted every possibility of trying to bring the marriage to better place. Will your husband at least talk to you about things, let him share his thoughts and you share yours? If you can't even have a simple discussion with him, then perhaps you should think about separating. It's better to divorce and find a husband who will treat you as you deserve and fulfill your rights, than to stay married and end up commiting adultery.

    -Amy Editor

  2. First mistake you're making is you're trying to justify your haraam actions. Bad move, you need to acknowledge these haraam actions, repent for them and pray for forgiveness.

    Then when you've done that you need to decide whether you want to stay in this marriage and try and work it out or do you want to get divorced and later on find another man who can fulfill your rights.

    I personally think you ought to divorce him and find another man altogether, not this shameless married man who goes around speak to married women. But that said you're doing the exact same thing.

    • John,

      I really don't know how you are allowed to make such outrageous comments on this site! [Wael, plz if you are reading this, either block him coming on this site or stop him from making such negative coments in future]. This website is not to make people guitly or said to them that they are "shameless"

      Who gives you the right to say shameless to someone. Don't tell me that you don't talk to any girls or sit next to them whilst taking photos for fun or spend time talking to strange girls at work/facebook/street because you are alone in this country etc. This woman just shared her problems is not just any random person but someone who had known her for long time.

      You really ought to keep such statements to yourself. It's you who is shameless for making such accusations!!!! Really John I have seen your previous posts- you really don't have any respects for women. I feel sorry for the girl who is about to get married to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

      And by the way, before you start making such accusations and judgement about other people's action, next time think about your own actions (you are not as good as you think you are).

  3. Salaams,

    You're asking a question to which you already know the answer to. Ditto above points. This guy you speak of is 'happily married'. Thus retreat and don't jeopardise his marriage.

    You ought to try and find a way to communicate with your husband, instead of soing so with someone elses.

  4. I disagree. Your husband sounds awful. You need someone to talk to.

    I don't think it's haram to talk to this boy but if you find your feelings changing so you like him more than you like your other female friends then I guess that's when you get into dangerous territory.

    Is it possible to divorce your husband? I'm sorry to suggest such a drastic thing, but he sounds just awful. I don't think he values & treats you the way Allah believes a wife should be valued & treated.

    I will pray for blessings to be bestowed on you & for your problems to be solved by Allah.

    • Katelyn: You said: "Your husband sounds awful. You need someone to talk to. I don't think it's haram to talk to this boy but if you find your feelings changing so you like him more than you like your other female friends then I guess that's when you get into dangerous territory."

      I completely disagree with this. This sister feels lonely and deprived of her husband's love, and she is finding comfort in speaking to another man. So there is a very very strong chance that she will develop feelings for him outside the realm of 'friendship. There is also a very very strong chance that this man will start to develop feelings for her and that will jeopardize his marriage too. She should have no contact with this other man. This is how haraam relationships start off - in the name of 'friendship'.


      Muslim Wife: You are having a difficult marriage already. Why are you complicating it by bringing in a third person. It is not the Islamic way to have close friends of the opposite gender as it is almost inevitable that feelings will develop. That you are already feeling guilty means that your instincts are telling you something is wrong. You are a threat to this other man's marriage and although you already have problems in your own marriage, this 'friendship' will make it harder for you to fix it. You will also displease Allah.

      You need to talk? Talk to your husband. He is the one you have a problem with. If you need advice or support, seek it from your female friends or family members. But do not find comfort in this married man. Even if you both feel nothing intimate towards each other, it is still wrong. Focus on your marriage and decide on how to progress things towards separation or towards trying to work things out. I suggest you speak to your husband with a view to trying to sort things out and as Amy said, you exhaust every single option possible. So you identify the problems, you admit to your own mistakes, you speak to your husband, your family and an Imam if necessary and you try to improve your communication skills as it appears that you may need to. If all fails, then Allah has given you other halaal options.

      SisterZ Editor

  5. As-salaamu walaikum sister

    Yes it is defiantly HARAM and its a dangerous road your going down.

    Try talking to your husband if that doesn't work get a family member from each side to be there with you and your husband to talk things through make sure its brothers/sisters that fear Allah. If that doesn't work then You should seek advice from a scholar/shaikh but make sure he is a trusted one.

    Turn to Allah for help and make plenty of dua InshAllah Allah will make this easy for you.

    If i were you i would cut any sort of communication with that other brother and tell him to fear Allah and look up the punishment for ZINA as this is what you both could be facing if you carry on.
    But inshAllah you stop right away.
    Remember Allah constantly and remember shaytan is your ENEMY.
    Nothing or No one is worth going to hell for.

    Take care
    As-salaamu walaikum

    p.s remember what effect it will have on your children and what kind of terrible example you'd be setting for your children.

    All good comes from Allah swt

  6. yes, it is very very haraam and dangerous and trecherous.


    the mouth commits adultery by talking to a man who is not related to you.

    Allaah said in his book
    "and whomsoever fears Allaah, HE WILL MAKE FOR HIM AN EXIT [ from hardship]"


    "whomsoever fears Allaah, he will make his affairs easy"

    so fear Allaah, DONT EVER LOOK/TALK to this man again.

    also my sister, we as muslims have only 3 special occasions annually till the day of judgement

    'eid al fitr
    'eid al adhaa
    yawm al jumu'ah

    thats it.

    please dont celebrate birthdays, wedding anniversaries etc.
    it will not be accepted.

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