Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Emotionally and physically tired

Muslim woman, alone, lonely, thoughtful

As salaam alykum,

this would be the first time I would be using this website and I fear I don't know where to begin.

I am only 21 years of age, and have been sick for the last past year and abit.

it all started in March 2015, I suddenly got paralysed and began to have seizures, upon which I stop breathing, choke and pass out. Due to my illness which is still under investigation, I have been left disabled and unable to walk, no longer able to look after myself, or be left alone at any given moment in case I injure myself. I also have been unable to continue my normal life and have been staying indoors, in order to protect myself. I am always in physical pain, from my back and sometimes I can barely move cos of it.

Since being ill, life has left me drained, both physically and emotionally, and even before I got ill, I lost my will to live and to carry on; due to the fact that every person I have met in my life has abused me, either sexually or physically and in some cases emotionally, since I was child, I do not blame these people nor do I have any hate for the ones who done such horrible things to me, I've forgiven and i know that Allah gave me those tests to turn to him, to make me a better person and to help others around me which alhumidallah I have.

I would pray to Allah every day to help ease my pain and suffering that I didn't let anyone see. But since getting ill, I have come to terms with most things that have happened, however as days go by, I'm beginning to feel like I have nothing to look forward to, that everything I could have wanted to do in this life, alhumidallah I have, and there is nothing left for me to do now. I feel like I have no strength in me left too keep on fighting my way through life. I feel as though there is nowhere for me to turn, whether it be going forward or even backwards, just doing anything comes with such emotional distress and phsycial pain. Even small things such as going to the bathroom, or getting changed.  I read my namaaz when I am Physically able to, I try read duas whenever I can to help with this, but all I can do when praying is cry, that I don't alway finish off my prayers before I'm thrown into a seizure, and unable to carry on, cos i pass out.

The doctors have resulted to putting me on anti depressant tablets but these do not help, and I try to keep myself busy with hobbies, and interests of mine, and even try to go out when I can, but I feel like nothing is helping me. Even when I'm reassured that there are people who love me, it doesn't help.

I constantly am battling with myself and the people around me, whom just seem to be putting me down cos I'm not physically  able, or because they think im over reacting of the situation, of becoming disabled so suddenly, and unable to do the things I once wished to do. I feel like there is no support for me and no where to turn, and when I turn to Allah I don't feel so alone, however the feeling of knowing Allah is there makes me feel worse. That I can not please him the way I should have done when I was Pyhsically well. It's hard on my family too, whom love and care for me, however my mum has been diagnosed with cancer, and she herself needs looking after, which makes me feel worse, that I'm not able to help her either, and I pray things will get better. I feel ashamed, that I'm being so selfish, and not able to do more for her.

I am thankful everyday to Allah for blessing me, with my illness; forgiving me, and the sheer fact that I still have all my limbs, my eyesight, and can breathe. However for the last couple of weeks, I have become so Pyhsically and emotionally tired, that I can not move out of bed not even to go to the bathroom. I wish to cry but I can't for physically I feel myself not able to breathe. And the emotional pain is making me feel like I'm dying. Everyday I wake up exhausted from the day before, it's coming to a point where I have not been able to Pyhsically talk to anyone for I feel so exhausted to carry a conversation with anyone to tell them how I am feeling. I feel like I'm a candle which has burnt out to the last part of the wick. I don't understand what's happening to me, and I feel helpless. I don't want to give up and I'm trying my hardest to try hold on, but the exhaustion is becoming to much for me. I know there is a place for me in this world and I know I can be of help to many people, As I have done in the past, I don't want to give up,  so I don't understand why I am feeling like this. I have never felt like this, In my life not even in the darkest moments where I have mentally broken down.

I feel like the end is near for me, and I pray that it isn't for there is so much more I need to do in order to please Allah, and grant myself a place in paradise inshallah.

This exhaustion feel so deep within my soul, that I don't know what to do. Most people just think I'm depressed, but I fear it more deep then just being depressed as I've suffered from depression my whole life and it's never been like this. Never felt like I'm exhausted from all the pain, both Pyhsically and emotionally.

Can someone please help me? I've been to see counsellors and even on meds but nothing seems to help. I even try to meditated and talk to Allah but that doesn't seem to help me all the time either. I don't understand what's going on with me, and I need some way to snap me out of this, for I can't go on like this any longer. There seems no way to ease this exhaustion I feel. That even sleeping doesn't help me and I feel more exhausted after. My body seems to feel really weak all the time, that even breathing takes so much energy out of me. That all I can do is just lie there, and not move, cos if I do then my back starts to severely hurt.

I am not complaining nor am I feeling self pity either, I know that I am blessed in many ways, alhumidallah. But is there anyway that I can re energised myself? Get me to not feel that death is near and things are coming to an end? Is this normal thing to feel, after going through so much in such a short time?

May allah bless u.


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

8 Responses »

  1. Well I am not really always good with words so pleasr forgive me if i say something which i should not.
    I cannot say that i can feel your pain especially the physical one, but the things that have helped me move on from bad times are pretty simple.
    1. Keep believing in Allah, that He always has plans.
    2. We are all dieing, but as long as we dont, "live". And i look forward to death as a new beggining, so whatever needs to happen has to happen.

    By just writing this post you have helped another person, and as long as you can help another person you have a purpose to life.
    We so often over look the small things which are purposeful and can make us happy, in order to make big plans but its the small things that really matter.

  2. thats very sad to see...Allah tests the kind and gentle muslims...and washes away their sins if the muslim is sick or suffering so even though it looks like a terrible is a blessing in disguise.

    Allah insha Allah will make it easy for all of us.

    Scarlett Girl, from a medical perspective, normally people who suffer paralysis, they have to force themselves to get physically fit again, so hard as it maybe, you will have to eat well, and try to get back on your feet...literally.

    i hope Allah creates ease in all our lives and forgives our sins.

  3. Dearest Scarlettgirl,
    Your nick is really nice. What does it remind you of? It makes me think of a sweet girl dressed in all red with a red feather in her cap 🙂
    You seem to be in a wonderful state of Iman and faith because your illness has made you realise the temporariness of this world clearly and precisely. You have forgiven people and moved along. That is so strong of you.
    Your condition is as you say is undiagnosed but as you would have been explained any chronic illness is draining; physically and emotionally. It is a part of the disease. Certain chemicals are released that make one feel like that, besides the fact that your activities have been limited for your safety. I would say do not be too hard on yourself. Take each day as it comes. Continue to be patient and know that Allah is rewarding you for your sabr and increasing your good deeds even if you can not be as active as you were. Instead you are being equally rewarded and probably even more.
    It is natural to feel that this might be your end or maybe not. Your desire to live is important for your cure and recovery. But, we all have to go one day. You feel it more clearly than others. Do your best everyday and do not be upset if something stops midway because of your seizure. Do sabr and hope Allah will give you complete reward out of His mercy.
    Besides, I think your medications must be adjusted to keep you seizure-free if they have not been already. You could hurt yourself badly in a seizure. Talk to your doctor.
    Keep your hopes alive but do not push yourself too much and compare yourself to your former self. Do whatever you can easily and enjoy it thoroughly. And if you must rest, so be it. That is what your body demands according to your situation, so do it without feeling guilty.
    Allah willing, you will get your health back completely and this period will become a distant memory; but a life-changing one. A change for the best. Ameen.

  4. Assalam o aleikum wrhmatullah wbarakatuhu
    May Allah bless you with good health
    please check out these link
    maybe it will help

    there are Shifa ayahs in Quran those are really helpful for sickness
    in shaa Allah you will be well soon

  5. Dear Sister,

    May Allah SWT ease your suffering and make it a means of purifying your soul.

    The beginning stages of an illness are often the most difficult because your life suddenly changes and you have not yet adjusted to all of the new challenges. It can also really be hard when you don't know what the problem actually is.

    Over my lifetime, I have seen people totally incapacitated by various illnesses who seemed on the brink of death or insanity...and yet they eventually made full or partial recovery. You should always carry the torch of hope within your heart and know that just as suddenly as you became ill, you can just as suddenly become well by Allah's will. I have seen such miracles in front of my eyes. No matter what, continue to be patient. Your life has value, and this is a journey that you are taking right now.

    Epilepsy can be a very challenging condition to treat. When it is not controlled, you live in fear of having another seizure, and the medications often have undesirable side-effects. I have a relative with this condition, and it took a while to find the right treatment. While researching the person's problem, I learned that it often takes about two years to find the right combination of medications. This is somewhat typical for many people. So don't despair, Insha'Allah. It is part of the journey.

    If your medications are not working, you need to communicate this to your doctor as soon as possible. Do not wait and suffer in silence. Our appointments were every six months, so we used to wait before we said anything. Then we learned that we needed to be a bit more aggressive about these issues. Many different medications are used to treat conditions like epilepsy, and the doctor tries to prescribe the right ones based on tests and feedback from the patient. If you are not providing this feedback, the doctor won't know how bad things are for you. Write down everything you are feeling, and share it with the doctor, whether it is by e-mail or during a face-to-face appointment. Keep persisting until you find the dose and combination that works for you. It can be exhausting and very difficult to deal with the medical establishment, but Insha'Allah you will eventually find relief. Having a compassionate doctor certainly helps, so try to make sure that the person you are seeing is not dismissive of your complaints.

    Educate yourself. I cannot emphasize this enough. There is so much information out there to digest and absorb. Join an on-line support group for people with epilepsy (or other conditions you may have) and talk about your issues. If you have joined an intelligent group, there will be people with ideas and suggestions you never considered before. They are often very experienced and can help you cope with common challenges and communicate with your doctors more effectively. If this is difficult for you, ask a friend or relative to help out...but be proactive. Make it your mission to empower yourself with useful information that you can implement.

    On the home front, it seems like you might benefit from the help of a physical therapist or perhaps an occupational therapist. They are trained to help people with disabilities learn to be self-sufficient and perform as many tasks as they can for themselves. Can you go out in a wheelchair? Do you have anyone, such as a friend, sibling, or other relative, to accompany you on outings? These are things you may have to request. You may need to find out if such services are covered by your insurance or if there are other services available to you. Disabled students, for example, are often eligible for special services at school, such as an aide to help them take notes or get around. Since you are relatively young, you may be depending on your parents to take care of such issues, but if they are not being proactive, then you need to do your own research and come up with your own ideas to add comfort and stability to your life. You may even find some volunteer organizations offering practical ideas, suggestions, and help for people in your situation.

    You mentioned hobbies, which is great, masha'Allah. Is there anything you can do to turn your hobbies into some kind of business or something else to keep you occupied and mentally engaged? Can you attend school, even if on-line? Can you help others with their problems? There are people on this very website whom you may be able to assist.

    Ask yourself: What would you be doing with your life if you weren't in your current situation?

    Formulate some goals (write them down if necessary), and see what steps you might take to achieve them. People here might be able to help with ideas. Twenty-one is very young, my dear sister. My oldest son is 21, and it breaks my heart to hear you saying that you have already done everything you want to do in life. When I think of myself at that age, I did not have even half of the self-awareness and faith that you are showing through the words in your post. The trick now is to harness that into something beneficial that will propel you into a bright and prosperous future, Insha'Allah. Throughout it all, remember that your journey has just begun.

  6. Assalamo alaikum sis. I'd start off by saying how highly impressed I am by you, at the level of maturity and the level of Imaan, you have. Masha Allah indeed. Life throws curveballs in some way or the other at all of us, but few of us handle it as well as you.

    I understand the vicious cycle of anxiety and depression, how each thought after the other sucks the life out of you, how merely the thought of living , and having to face each new day is too painful, how very , very afraid you feel, having to face life, fear of failure, always the fear of our warped society or some members of it looking at us, judging us, trying to bring us down intentionally or unintentionally, through their looks, gestures or words. This whole cycle is a whirlpool that sucks you down and makes you weaker by the minute. I understand all of that.

    What I've also come to understand with time is, that these negative thoughts , this anxiety and depression , these are all traps of Shaitan..See, Shaitan knows us well, too well. He knows what our particular weaknesses are, and he lays specialised traps inorder to entangle us , to keep us from thinking straight, to keep us so mentally distorted and overwhelmed that we are too confunded to worship Allah, through thought, word or deed. And the stronger the person, the more devious the trap.

    I'll tell you what I have started to do, whenever I get these negative thoughts, I just imagine Mr Shaitan sitting up there in all his fiery blaze chuckling to himself and thinking, I have her now..and I mentally say Oh no you don't, Shaitan you ol' coot..and I get up and I either start doing something productive, or I read Namaz, or the Quran and after I've done that , I mentally give my 'good' angel a high five 🙂 I'd suggest the same to you..when you feel overwhelmed by such thoughts, just try to make yourself more proactive during those times, so you don't have time to think them..Go to your mom and sit with her, and give her a hug and tell her you love her, and how much you pray that she be healed will be so comforting for her to hear that, I'm sure. Do good things just for the heck of it..every little smile, kind word, kind gesture, counts and can bring about a change for the better to some one. You are the very opposite of useless, my sister. Dedicate all your senses to Allah and to bring positivity to mankind, and, insha Allah your life will eventually find grace and meaning.

    When I was reading your post, I suddenly remembered a line from one of my favorite Disney movies, Mulan..I'd like to share it : 'The flower that blooms in adversity, is the rarest, and most beautiful of them all'. Best of luck, sis!

    AND THEN AT NIGHT REPEAT PROCESS...THERE IS ALSO ONE MAIN THING THAT PEOPLE BECOME WEAK IN AMMALS.THAT IS EATING 100%HALAL IF THE BLOOD IS CONTAMINATED THEN WE LOSE....ALSO SOCIALIZING WITH OPPOSITE SEXES MOVIES MUSIC ESPECIALLY THESE LEAD PEOPLE TO PROBLEMS INWARDLY OUTWARDLY...FACT! IT IS MENTIONED CLEARLY THAT ALLAH WILL A HEART WITH SO MANY WORRIES N PROBLEBLEMS DESPITE HIS INTELLIGENCE OR WEALTH BEAUNE OF HIS DISOBEDIENCE. .....NOW FINALLY THE CURE....THE CURE IS FROM ALLAH BUT IT IS UPTO YOU AND YOUR CONNECTION...I SPECIALIZE IN BLK MAJIC OR ANY JINN ACTIVITY.BECAUSE I'M NOT THERE TO ASSESS YOU IT SEEMS POSSIBLE THAT YOU MAY HAVE JINN EFFECTS ...IT'S OK IT HAPPENS...actually a scholor who specializes in exorcism told me the majority of people are effected with jinns in there life and they don't even know it......think how many people live first on interest mortgages adultery drugs alcohol. ..the list goes on....So play manzil morning n evening and listen nicely do not be distracted by anything can play it continuesly all night as you sleep. If you can read it is also good but do both .If you read blow 3 times in glass of water and drink.....if you need more info see the local sunni imam .Manzil is selected duas of the prophet Muhammad. People sometimes put evil on others because of jealousy or whatever reasons...sometimes we might have done something unknowingly. ...Do your research and get info from people who are scholors or else things become dangerous n confusing.....Myself I was a revert studied Islam in England and married to a wife who is a scholor....Oh 1 more thing ...Those who help Allah's Deen Allah helps them.....So spread the word Allah is all e and has no partners and Muhammad is the best humanbeing n role model.....

  8. Dear sister,

    I like brother Amel's advice and post and will expound upon that.

    First off, you are such a strong girl. The weakness you are having is merely superficial and temporary (physical and emotional), while in the more important spiritual and lasting ways, ways that will take you beyond anything you can imagine inshaallah, you are very, very strong.

    It sounds to me that you have a combination of physical and psychological symptoms, but fortunately, everything is interrelated, and cracking away at just a little bit of the problem at a time may result in exponential results. For example, as hard as it is for many people to force themselves to exercise, the moment they do (that first step requires sheer will) they feel so much better and wonder why they didn't do it earlier! There is also a momentum that comes with that first step, whatever it may be.

    Therefore, If you don't do so already, I would start off eating very healthy whole foods, as that is something in your control. It will take some time for your body to rid itself of toxins and be purer with fruits, vegetables, whole grains, etc, from the inside out, but it will feel better from day 1, as you'll know what you are putting in your body is fresh and good.

    Then, if you are too physically weak to get out of bed, I would go to a doctor and have at least the basic things other than the epilelpsy stuff checked to rule out anything other than epilepsy and mental illness (i.e. clinical depression, etc) that could be contributing to the problem..aside from the paralysis, could you be anemic or have thyroid issues? These can result in fatique.

    It's also important, in my opinion, for you to acknowledge that , from what you are describing of your past experiences with abuse, etc, it is completely normal and, indeed, expected that you will present with mental health symptoms. Yet if you are not being able to get out of bed and cannot rule out other physical causes as the sole reason, I would venture to say that your mental health meds are not working and need to be adjusted and/or switched. Do you see a psychiatrist on a regular basis? From your condition, it sounds like you need to be seeing one every week or every other week at the most. The psychiatrist should be trying you on different meds until they find one that works. There are not only so many antidepressants out there, but as you may know, some of the epilepsy medications also double as medications for mood disorders. It is very important to stick with the same psychiatrist until they find something that works, and as the brother mentioned, this can take longer (or shorter) than expected. Just be perfectly honest with your doctor and put your trust in the process. (meaning you should trust what the doctor gives you until and unless it doesn't work, at which time you should relay to the doctor that it's simply not working and what symptoms you are having...a good doctor will listen to your concerns and give you something different)

    Inshaallah you will make a full recovery very soon...there is nothing you have mentioned here that is not known to have a solution or cure...and if there is any doubt, remember simply that Allah says there is no disease sent down on earth but that there is also its cure. You just have to find it, taking LITERALLY one step at a time out of bed. Please do not be hard on yourself at all sister, even if the first day, all you do is just that one step and then climb back in! One day at a time, one step at a time, one thing at time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time....whichever of these you have to use or say to yourself to get through a challenge at any given time is perfectly fine!

Leave a Response