Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Emotionally blackmailed into Marriage?

Forced marriage poster for people in the UK

Salaam I am a British Pakistani Muslim girl and I'm 19 years old soon turning 20.

When I was 17 I got a marriage proposal from a relative in Pakistan. my dad wasn't too bothered about it as he always said I'm his favourite and he doesn't want to think about giving me away. Anyway three years have passed and my whole entire family is absolutely obssessed with this guy it's seems as though in their eyes there is nothing wrong with him at all! He is not a bad guy but my heart is not set I do not see myself getting married to him ever! Because I feel as though he's like an uncle to me.

I'm in Pakistan right now and I'm being emotionally blackmailed by my mom into marrying him she says I have a choice so does my dad but then they say things like I'm going to end up un married and my sisters (younger) will be married and happy and I'm a burden on them. My mom always curses her self saying things like I'm going to give her a heart attack and if I get married to someone of my choice that she'll never speak to me.

Islamically I believe I have a right to agreeing if I want to marry the guy because I'm the one who's going to have to live with him. My parents think British boys are wastemen who don't have any aspiration in life but I honestly can't be on the same mindset as someone from Pakistan. I know for sure id have a better understanding with someone from here as I've been brought up here (England) I honestly feel so helpless that I think I should just give up and agree because they make me feel like killing myself 🙁

Ayesha

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3 Responses »

  1. Asalamu Alikuim Sister first of all you are 19 years old . you have so much time to meet people and decide who to marry . You shouldn't be burned if your younger sister gets married because everyone shines their own time . If you don't love him or never been wanted to him . He can't make you happy sister please don't do it . This is your future your parents could die and you will have to live the consequences . If they don't talk to you Allah will ask them in the Day of judgment . I have seen parents who cut ties with their daughters because she married someone out the clan , Culture all that And they live Happily . Sister you are too young to be in that situation tell them you don't have anyone in mind or want him

  2. As-salamu alaykum,

    Sister, it is haram for the guardian (wali) of the woman to force her to marry someone she does not want, so don’t give into the emotional blackmail and stand-your-ground because, remember Allah (swt) is the most just and he (swt) has given us women the choice to marry whom we wish as long as they are al-Mu’minun (The Believers).

    Taking your life over Allah’s will is not the solution to your problem and nothing in this world is worth losing your Akhirah over, so instead I advice you to communicate with Allah and seek for his help.

    May Allah (swt) help you overcome this difficult situation in your life and Allah knows best.

    Ameen.

  3. Asalamu Aalaikum sister. First of all you are 19 and 20 is also way too young. What your mum is doing is wrong thats not what islam is about. What do you know about tgis guy like his age, his character or his education or his work. I have also live half my life in uk and yes your mum is right not all pakistani British boys are good but if you look hard enough there are good muslim pakistani boys in uk. But some pakistani boys in pakistan are not good. Speak to your mum about this. Finish your education and only then you should think about getting married. Islam dose not say to force your child into marriage. Pray to ALLAH swt and he will guide you. In Sha ALLAH I will make dua for you and no need to stress over this.

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