Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Emotionally blackmailed into marrying a guy I don’t want to marry

Ok, so I'm a 21 year old muslimah residing in the UK. Before I was born my parents promised my maternal aunt who is in Bangladesh that if my parents ever have a daughter, they will get her married to her youngest son. Now that I've completed my studies, attained my degree and finally bagged a good graduate job my parents want me to get married, which is fine, but my mum is adamant to give me to her sisters son, which I don't want.

My dad alhumdulillah is understanding, he would never force me into anything, the problem is my mum because it is HER sisters son. the only reason she wants this is so that her nephew can come over here to the UK and basically earn loads of money and make his family rich. I've tried telling mum I genuinely don't see him the same way, that I ain't prepared to marry him and to be frank I don't like him. I've told her this many times, and she always finds some way or another to emotionally blackmail me into saying yes by saying I'm selfish or how she wished she had another daughter. So it's futile trying to her because she don't seem to care about my feelings and about my consent. To her emotional blackmail does not constitute forced marriage, which is obviously ridiculous.

i feel depressed about this, I feel lost, I feel cursed. I feel helpless, I stay up some nights crying over this, praying to Allah but I just feel doomed. Is there any way out of this, I don't want to be in a marriage where I know I won't be happy. I've been a good Muslim all my life, I've never committed zina, never dated a guy or anything which is why I wish I could marry the guy of my dreams. Someone who I can communicate my feelings with, someone I'm comfortable with, someone educated. What can I do, please help a sister in need.

Thank you so much.


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9 Responses »

  1. Salaam Sister,

    You are in a very difficult situation especially when your mother becomes emotional - it makes you feel so badly.

    Firstly it is unislamic for your mother to force the issue. So by saying no, you are not doing anything wrong.

    Secondly, marry someone who you are comfortable. Someone who is on the same levels educationally, socially, morally and islamically.

    Don't marry your cousin as you are unlikely to have a happy marriage and also when there are issues, it's even more difficult if families and relatives became involved.

    I hope that it works out for you. Make dua to Allah to guide you and all of us.

    Jazak Allah

  2. Dear sister, i felt like i'm reading my own story because i'm facing the same situation in my life, so just like you even i asked on this forum if i should marry a guy to make my mother happy and Alhamdoelillah i got such a nice advice from great people, so i would advice you the same.
    Whatever happen don't marry that guy talk to your mother once again and don't give up till the end cause that's what i'm doing right now, it's sad that in love of their siblings, parents don't even realise that they are being unfair to their kids. I know right now your mom won't listen to you, she will come with baseless reasons like why you should marry your cousin but at the end she's still your mother, she can't love her sister more than you, you need to give her some time to accept this even i'm giving my mother little time so that i can talk to her again and make her understand that i don't want to marry my cousin and In shaa Allah i'm sure my mother will listen to me and will understand my problem so plz don't cry just make dua and pray Salat remember ALLAH (swt) is always with you, there were many days where i felt nobody loves me, my own mother cursed me all the time, you have atleast your father by your side and i ? i have nobody except ALLAH (swt) cause like my mother even my father is busy with making his family happy. This forum was my last hope cause i was almost ready to go to my mom and accept my cousins proposal but thanks to such a nice souls who gave me advice on right time, i decided that whatever happen i'm not gonna marry my cousin if i'm fighting for something right ALLAH (swt) will help me, marriage is our right sister when ALLAH (swt) has giving us permission to decide if we want to marry someone or not than how can our parents force us ?
    Nice person will never reject someone for no reason we both know that we are rejecting our cousins for right reasons so why soo much guilt ?
    You said you're a good Muslim and i'm sure you are, so just stay the same, pray salat and remember ALLAH (swt) In shaa ALLAH everything will be right and wait for your future husband and concentrate on your career and most importantly Islam and also try to marry someone who's liked by you and also by your parents cause marrying someone against their wish will also be wrong. This is all what i can say my sister , if you need more advices pls do read my post.
    here is link :

    may ALLAH (swt) make everything easy for you
    In shaa Allah 1 day parents will realise that daughters are not some toy for their family to play neither visa or passport that you can stamp on, we are humans we have also feelings and dreams.

  3. Sis,

    if you are as independent as you say you job and money, then let your mother know that you will leave the house if she keeps pushing you to marry a guy you dont like ruining yours and his life.

    bring your dad into this, im sure he can talk some sense into your mom.

    hope that helps.

  4. Asalaam Walaikum.

    Its your right as a Muslim Woman to decide who you marry. If the boys deen and character isnt very good and you are 100% in your decision which by reading your post you are, then do everything in your power to make sure that it never happens.

    Alhamdulillah atleast your dad seems to be on your side, its always a lot easier when atleast you have the bcking of one parent. Now you've said no let your mum know one last time and then don't even humour your mum in any talk about her nephew andnignore any emotional acting she does - its all an act normally ... Just be patient and move on to other propasals or start actively looking for a spouse.

    May Allah SWT make it easy for you and bless you with a pious Husband ... Ameen.

  5. Write to your dad and say if you love me you will understand my feelings.Explain that in Islam a women has rights .that you have the final say!!!When at time of nikkah doesnt the witnesses have to ask you????so then . Say i want to get married to a scholor whose involved in tabligh and is educated.This the most blessed person on the face of the earth.

  6. Sister are you a Bangladeshi? Me too a Bangladeshi as well, my ancestors house is in Sylhet. I can understand your emotion what you are facing now, but I am not understanding why your mom give wada (promise) to marrying your aunt's son? Islam don't allow this.

  7. Sister,

    Don't let your mother push you into a marriage you do not want. Your happiness and well being is what matters here...not your mothers sisters son. I watched as my sister in laws family pushed their daughter to marry a man she did not want to marry. She begged and begged her parents to listen to her, however they tossed her feelings aside without a care in the world. Her wedding day was like that of a funeral. The girl was miserable and never once did she smile. She was miserable from the day she married till the day her husband divorced her less than a year later. She is mentally unstable today as a result and has never remarried. Never allow anyone to push you toward something not of your own choosing...that includes your mother. Women have rights in Islam and one of those rights is to choose your life partner.


  8. Salaam Sister,

    As others have rightly pointed out. Please do not marry this guy out of your mothers pressure.

    Also, try to find someone through whom you can communicate to him or his parents that you are not interested in marriage with him. Hopefully if they are nice people they will understand and won't force your mother to marry you to their son.

    May Allah grant you a righteous spouse.

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