Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Emotionally blackmailed to marry and question about marriage in jannah?

Assalamualaikum. I am a female in my early twenties. I liked someone for a long time and wished to marry him and couldnt bear the thought of marrying anyone else. Although I know it is a sin but I couldnt control how i felt and i was a teenager then and I have repented for it and stopped contacting him. But now my parents are not allowing me to marry him for some reason. And they told me they will hate me and disown me if I still go ahead and want to marry him. I love my parents a lot and do not want to cause them pain so i agreed to marry who they choose for me although i do not want to, and also because I am scared of my parents hating me if i disagree or choose to remain single if they wont marry me to who i wish and scared of going to hell for hurting parents. A few questions i have below:

1: If I agree and marry for their sake I know the marriage will be valid and even if my future husband is good to me but after marriage what if i detest being with him still and do not want to spoil his life too then will I be forced to remain in that marriage without an option of divorce if I really can't give my husband my love and obey him and give him his rights(eg: if i detest being intimate with my husband then will i have to put up with this whole life)?

2: Since divorce without a valid reason I heard that paradise will be forbidden for a woman who asks divorce without a sound valid reason. But me being in a marriage unwillingly will that be a valid reason?

3: Since my parents had emotionally blakmailed me to say yes then it won't be considered a forced marriage right if i had said yes..although my heart says no. And if i marry someone else because scared of parents but my heart and thoughts are always on someone else isn't this cheating and wouldnt this lead to temptation and sin and lifelong pain? In that case will divorce be allowed if i cant commit my heart to my husband and dont want to spoil his life and mine? if my parents had allowed me to marry who i loved then it could have kept me away from sin since i can be true to and find happiness in who i marry but in this case where i dislike who i marry but marrying because i dont have any other choice then would divorce be allowed if i want to save myself from further sin and temptation? of course i will try my best to moveon and to be a good wife but in case if it is still not possible for me then what option do i have?

4: And also if I die as this man's wife and if by Allah swt's mercy He grants me jannah, then will i still be married to this same husband in jannah or will i have an option of marrying the other man who i had badly wanted to but sacrificed for parents happiness, if he also goes to jannah? Since several quran verses state in jannah you will have all that the heart desires. but i am confused since scholars opinion is a woman will be with her last husband in jannah if both enter jannah(but quran didn't mention it specifically and since quran mentioned few places a person wil get whatevr they ask and souls desire then does it mean the desire to marry someone of choice will be there or will it taken away since it is considered haram desire? But if we repented for it and sacrifice for parents sake then can we choose to marry of our choice in jannah? )

Zuhra

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2 Responses »

  1. Well
    Tell me more about the boy.
    How long have you known him?
    Is he educated?
    Does he have a good job?
    How is his reputation?

    It is possible your parents know something about the guy that you dont?

    You did not provide much info about the guy or why your parents turned him down

    Please provide more information regarding the guy and why your parents said no.

    Yes not wanting to me married to a certain person because of unwillingness is a legitimate reason to divorce

    There was a time where the holy prophet helped a woman divorce because she was not comfortable with the person
    And the person was not even bad

    But your parents can not force you to marry someone you don't want to

    That's a sin

    And they would disown you for such a reason
    it is completely unfair
    For that and your question 4

    You need to consult an Imam from your masjid
    They are trained in such matters

    It is not a sin to be in love
    I don't know who filled your head with that
    But they need to be smacked

    Humans need to be with other humans

    Did you forget that Khadija proposed to Prophet Muhammad? She was 20 years older and a business woman.

    If she can do that
    Why should it be different for you?

    Ayesha forced her parents to go to the Prophet's home and marry her to him.
    So?

    If they are free to love, why is different for you?
    Once again please provide more information regarding your choice of man
    And why he was rejected.

  2. W'salam,

    I wish and pray that your problem is solved. Ameen.

    1. You, yourself know the answer to the question when you wrote Forced Marriage. There isn't any such thing in Islam. And you are not sinning if you marry even if your parents doesn't approve. It is clearly evident from the incident during the time of Holy Prophet when a lady (r.a) asked about a similar situation where she was forced to marry someone. Prophet (s.a.w) gave her right to annul the marriage. But she said I wanted to know that if parents can force their daughters and women have right of choice.

    2. Parents should be obeyed and respected but that doesn't mean that they black mail you in this regard. Allah says of the same thing in Surah Bani Israel/Surah Israa that "God is well aware whats in your hearts for if you are righteous then Allah is very forgiving to the righteous" This verse is immediately after the verse where Allah says that don't even say "Uf' to parents. Parents have rights but that doesn't mean that they take away their children's rights. Marriage of one's liking is children's right. Parents should give the right of children to them as children are required to give rights of parents.

    3. What will happen in Jannah isn't known for sure. But it is generally believed that people married in this world will be married there too. So, that is why you should think what you want to do.

    One of the solution is to ask some elder in your family to talk to your parents and remove their misunderstandings about their rights and responsibilities and rights and responsibilities of children.

    You can show them the hadith of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) where Prophet (s.a.w) gave the Sahabiyah (r.a) right to get divorce out of forced marriage. No one is above Prophet (s.a.w) neither parents or anyone else. Don't give in. Just stand firmly and I believe that God will help you insha'Allah.

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