Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am engaged to be married but my ex-boyfriend is blackmailing me

blackmail, black mail


I'm 30 and lives in Paris but belongs to a very religious family. I was also a very religious girl. I wanted to get married and started a new life like most of the girls of my age but my parents could not find a suitable husband for me. I prayed too much even had many wazaif for my marriage. I was never into any boyfreind/girlfriend relationship.

2 years back I fell in love with a guy who wanted to marry me, we did not intend to have any  romantic relationship instead wanted to get married but my family refused but we kept on talking as it was really hard for us to be apart after the attachment. We even had Istikharas that were positive. We never had any physical relationship but we talked sexual stuff many of the times. I always felt guilty for doing this. After some times, I finally realized that I was committing a big sin and asked Allah for his forgiveness and made up my mind not to do it ever again.

Few months back, my parents engaged me with a family member back in Egypt.  As it was the matter of family dignity and there was no way that my parents could accept my boyfriend so I had no choice except for making a sacrifice and making my parents happy and keeping my family respect high. However I kept on praying Allah, at the same time, for some miracle.

At first my boyfriend did not accept it and he yelled at me, later on he told me that he had recorded all our phone conversation including the ones in which we talked sexual stuff. I am much worried and anxious with the situation and I don't know what to do. If the recording will be disclosed in front of my family or my husband, what would they think of me? I know I have committed a sin but I was lost. I keep on praying Allah for his help, No doubt he knows what is in our hearts. Please I need help.

- Iqrah

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20 Responses »

  1. Well difficult situation and if he does have recorded conversations, which is a sign of extreme patheticn-ess on his part then he can of course use this for his personal gains.

    You should marry if you're happy with your parents choice, if you are not happy, then you must not marry. It is your right as a human being to spend it with whoever you please.

    If you decide not to marry the relative, then you must still not marry this former boyfriend, he is a really evil man it seems who only has his interests in mind.

    You're 30, I'd say you get married asap, the longer you go on in life unmarried, the more likely you'll end up depressed and/or likely to sin.

  2. assalamualaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakatuh,

    Allah (swt) is the best forgiver, to say "Allah (swt) forgive me" by just heart, not even raising your hands, it is enough for Allah (swt) to forgive all your previous sins.

    Now that you have commited it, all children of Adam (as) are sinners, everyone makes error, mistakes and do sins.

    forgivness is the best thing, and by reading what you wrote it seems you have done this, that is great mashallah.

    You best weapon is dua, and having firm belief in Allah (swt) that nothing wrong will happen. And if you do follow this, I am telling by my experience that help will come from such places that you will have never thought of. Inshallah, its all about having strong and firm belief in Allah (swt)

    And always speak the truth, because truth has power and it can win over lie.


  3. dearest iqrah
    i am suffering the same guilt. but there is a lil difference, my ex boy friend havent blackmailed me till now but there is a gr8 chance of it , means its possible. i prayed to God Almighty and kept on praying tasbeeh Astaghfirullah. i m also engaged n m also extremely tensed... i also used to pray not for my forgiveness only but for all the girls who got lost or even for coming female generations.
    La ellaha ella anta subhanaka ini kunto minaz zualimeen is very nice wird for taseeb for difficulty.
    n for ur own satisfaction recite darood shareef

    • May Allah help you...If Allah Forgives you and if he wills to help you, No one can harm you...not you your self will be able to harm Ask forgiveness and only dua will be able to help u.

      Did you listen the conversation..if he is not able to show you,then he is lying

  4. Aslam alikum wa rahmatullahi wa barkathoo

    Sister all i wana say is. pray to ALLAH subhan wA Tala and dont loose ur sabar in it, ALLAH subhan wa tala test us, in every way ALLAH subhan wa tala wills, and there may be somehwere ALLAH subhan wa tala have for u, all u have to do is wait, and please dont ask everything immideatly in DUA, have sabar keep faith, think that my ALLAH subhan wa tala will do soemthing good for me, and keep ur DUA strong.

    dont worry about that black mailing guy ask help from ALLAH subhan wa tala, not from us and inshALLAH ALLAH subhan wa tala will stop all his plans,

    nobody can do anything unless ALLAH subhan wa tala to stop.

    jazak ALLAH

  5. I have had the same situation and i am exteremly nervous anxious im not going to talk much about it
    But please could someone do some dua for me that my life doesent get ruined as it wasent my fault plz
    pray for me JazakAllah

    • Dear Sister Zara,

      May Allah protect you and guide you, aameen.

      SisterZ Editor

    • what would be the best way to ask dua from ALLAH swt rabul izzat, then the person in trouble does it, so u are saying...ur dua are weak? and u want us to do dua for u? u think that ur dua wont be answered? ours will? .....sorry to offend u in anyway or so sister ZARA....inshALLAH will do dua for u...but i think the very best has to come from u..........ASK FROM THE ONE WHO CREATED US..........dont ask help from dua from us.....we all here have sins only ALLAH swt rabul izzat knows......

      DO DUA CRY IN DUA......GO NEAR TO ALLAH SWT RABUL IZZAT IN DUA....HE IS THE MERCIFUL....AND WILL SOLVE UR PROBLEM........believe in ur dua.....have believe in ur dua.......that it be answered.....

      inshALLAH ...ALLAH SWT RABUL IZZAT...may ease ur problem and take u out of ur problem inshALLAH , he will give u peace

    • i also have the same problem,,,,
      i am engaged ,,, and going to get married veryy soon,, i am blackmailed by a boy who is a stubborn and dangerous kind of person,,, i was lost by the trick that he promised me to help me get a get job, i used to talk to him for more than 1 month,,, one day i realized that i am doing completely wrong ,,, i apologized to ALLAH and cried bitterly for Tobaa,,, and sougjt help from Him...
      now he threatens me that he will show screenshots of my conversation to my whole family,,, He has my casual pics,, not of negative repute,,
      but i want to get rid of himm,,, please help me what to do now,,
      i want to live a peaceful life with my husband ,,, 🙁

      • Just forget him he will not enclosed
        I promise
        If someone wants he can do without telling u but he says I will share ur all pics and vedios it means he is just distrubing u

  6. I am also facing the same situation plz tell me some wazifa plz

    • What is a wazifa?

      Just make dua, pray Salaah, do tawbah and all the obligatory acts of worship and take practical steps to help yourself.

      SisterZ Editor

  7. see dont be afraid in front of your x boyfriend,whenever he calls and blacmails you be confident and tell
    him that you have told your family and your would be husband about your far i feel he must have not recorde your conversation.tell him you told the truth to your fiancee...and even if he gives the
    recording to your fiancee just tell him the truth it was your past and you regrett for that i am sure if he is a mature gentleman he would forgive know i was blackmailed for my pictures with my ex and he even
    mailed pictures to my fiancee..but alhamdulillah he is a great gentleman he supported me to fight against him for blackmailing me and alhamdulillah we are getting married this dont worry everything would be fine.

    tc allahafiz

  8. I am facing the same problem but the only difference is my ex bf has my inappropriate pictures and he is forcing me to send more and be with him or he will post them on social media.. i dont know what to do.. i am in nikkah with a guy and he knows about it.. i know i have committed a really big sin but i really need help..

    • Assalam alaikum,

      If your ex-bf is forcing you via text or over the phone or in person or however, record it and/or save the threats. Report him to the police. Never let him know that you are scared and tell him that you are ready to face the fight (even if you aren't). Fake it till you make it, as they say. Do not send him more pictures to prevent him from posting the pictures because he can say that you were doing so willingly and still involved with him.

      From the sounds of it, your husband knows. If he is supportive, talk to him about it.

      If you are living in the country where the police will do nothing, still do not do what he asks you to do and cut all contact from him and change your phone, email, online accounts completely. Don't worry about giving explanations to people.

      I pray that Allah ease your difficulties as you learn from this lesson, Ameen.

      • Hi I have not same kind of problem but something similar to that... some guy like about 6 years ago asked me to get married to him and I was hardly 17 at that time n he was 18... so I just asked him to get tell your parents not me.. but with passage of time we became Frnds not even good frnds... after when I started to get proposals I told him that this is happening and my parents really want me to think about it as he always used to ask me to wait... I told him I can wait but just only if u give me your words.. he said he has got some problems at home so he can't talk to his parents right now and he is not sure about future I don't know what happened to all that attraction phase he used to show and as I never showed him any interest I said OK ... and our frndship stayed ... he went to australia n I got engaged to a very nice guy and fell in love immediately .. he is really religious and a gentle man too ... he asked me to stop wearing men type wears n stop talking to my class mates unless its very important ... I said that to this Frnd of mine too that my husband doesn't want me to talk to guys unless its necessary so stop msging me often ... he said OK n asked me to help him with his assignments and he would pay me for that as he has to do job and can't make his assignments ... so I agreed ... I made him so many assignments and he paid me and I used to earn a fine pocket money for myself .... but from some time ago he is saying he would tell my fiance that I was his girlfrnd and I have also been taking money from him ... n he has all those receipts n it has my number n NIC ofcorce.. and this is something will ruin my position of being sophisticated but a greedy girl ... that makes me feel terrible the way he is potrating it..... I have told my parents I have been working like this n they after few queries were OK with it ... I didn't tell them about the blackmailing part bcz I know they won't be willing to take it n neither will my in laws will as I am going yo be in a joint family system ... he is not worrying me much as I am sure I havnt done anything wrong whole my life but yeah a bit turned on because of money thing 🙁 ... and I was told by my fiance not to talk to any one but I did with this guy for money ... I made a mistake forsure but nothing like what he is making it up to
        .. thing is that I don't have any one to talk about this ... things may get complicated when it comes to family to family n I know my both family would support me but I even know it will threat my repo which I have .. n I really don't want it... as a sister I just want to hear that what best can I do... I am praying n I will too but just want someone to talk about it

        • Do you have evidence of the assignments you did for the guy? Tell your fiance everything and show him the assignments. And then cut off your relationship with that other boy totally and call his bluff. That's the only way to get free of this problem.

          If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah.


        • You should not have been doing his assignments for him in the first place. If what you mean is you do the assignment and he puts his name on it and presents it to his professors as though he is the one who did it, that is cheating and is a big sin for both of you, and the money you are making from doing this is haram. Know that this work is haram and you should fear Allah! If you need pocket money then find a halal job and spend from that, even if it is much less. Money you make from sin is like pieces of fire in your pocket. Stop this immediately and get a halal job that will please Allah.

          • 🙁 I didn't realise that at all... I am not doing assignments anymore and I have brought an iPad I will give that away and all money I saved out of that ... and ask for forgiveness ... I didn't realise what I was doing.

            Yes I have all the evidence and when I told him so he said it just shows more intamacy and nothing else .... so I told I still have that conversation in which I agreed to do Ur assignments and everything although I don't have that conversation saved with me but I just said it ... he didn't reply for that and I blocked him from everywhere after sometime .. just before that, i asked him to find someone else to do his assigns now.... but I was still scared and wrote everything here just after it happened ... thanks for help ... may Allah give u jazaahh..

  9. Please guide in this situation. I am in a similar condition, the guy i like, got to know about my past relation, and is now trying to blackmail me. I was in a relation when I was 18-19 years, it was immature and stupid. I repented to Allah about it.
    The guy asked me if I had any relations in the past, I kept denying that it was nothing major. I dint say anything after that as exposing sins was a sin itself, and I had already repented. In the past I touched and kissed, but never did a major sin, it was upto the extend of touch and kiss. I know its a sin, I am covered in shame, I don't know what to do. I kept lying also about it, as Allah said not to expose our sins.
    But now he got to know and is blackmailing he will destroy my life and all. I come from a very religious family. I don't know what to do. I am ashamed of my past, but please tell me what to do to wipe it away. I did dua, I repented, but he still got to know.

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