Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Ex situation and jealousy of his new gf

Ex-husband, ex-wife, the ex

Beware of the ex!

Asalam ualaikum.

I am 20 years old. I dated a guy when i was 16 years old he was my first boyfriend, and I fell for him because he was the only guy to like me at the time. ( I have a huge regret of this). This regret haunts me all the time and stresses me out i want to kill myself for meeting this guy and falling for him. Even though i have forgiven myself for it and have never ever been in any other relationship like his and mine (Alhamdulilah). I am a clean person and i am very scared of doing anything haram with anyone without nikkah. We are from the same country and culture and speak the same language. He has never had other gfs like me.

We dated for a few months, eventually broke up because of his parents finding out. We stayed as friends because we could not move on and let go of each other. Through the years he had more girlfriends in college and I was perfectly fine I did not care.

He still most of the times flirt with me and he has a girlfriend now too. They have been together for almost 2 years, she is not muslim. I have tried cutting ties with him a lot of times and it always failed and we started talking again. Now he flirts with me and also talks to me about how much he loves his gf.

I tried telling him we should get back together and keep it halal or get nikkah since he always sounds like he's into me, still this was a while ago when i thought we both had feelings still. He disagreed and said he loves his gf and she loves him too and can't step over her to get to me. His gf thinks we are normal friends she does not know how he talks to me and how he behaves when we hangout which is not often at all maybe twice a year and he lives in the same city as me. I cant stand his gf and she knows about me too and knows that we're just friends.

I have tried so many things to get over this guy even fasting more for good deeds, i have found myself praying more and being way more closer to Allah than i was before.

There is a guy in my life at the moment and we have big plans of getting married soon his family knows about me and most of mine knows about him. I am very confused as to why i cant stop being distracted by my ex because i like this guy more and i know i want to be with him, he has brought me closer to Allah and is way more mature and better than my ex. I know everything, i know that i dont like my ex still, i know he is not for me i know i dont want to be with him.

There is a huge difference between my ex and my soon to be husband. I can clearly tell who respects me more. I dont know why i get jealous of his gf still. He always says we're best friends and so i agree but i still dont understand his behavior. The thing is i dont have many friends or people to talk to. My ex is one of few people that knows me inside out and i share everything with him. My almost husband lives very far i never see him. And so communication with him is a bit limited due to the time difference.

I just need advice or any duas to stay focused on one person who is the guy that will send a proposal soon InshAllah and to not get stressed out or care about my ex or his gfs. My ex knows about this guy as well.  I have been very stressed out for the past few years and now its getting too much, i have cried to allah while praying to get rid of this situation.  I need help please.

Zee1993

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3 Responses »

  1. Bad news sister.As some what learned man sunni muslim married to a scholor.All of this is haram socializing with opposite sexs dating social media is bad news.This world is cause and effect. I want you to remember this.SUCCESS IN THIS WORLD AND THE HEREAFTER IS ONLY OBEYING THE COMMANDMENTS OF ALLAH AND TEACHINGS OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD.PEOPLE WHO ARE RICH OR POOR AND CHOOSE A LIFE OF DESIRE LUST LIES GAMES OF CHANCE WILL NEBER SUCCEED IN THIS WORLD.Allah will fill there life of hardships.....one prob after the next!!!And a terrible punishment awaits them! So as a muslim you have a duty and a responsibilty or else good luck your life basically will be a write off. DO NOT MIX DUNIYA WITH RELIGION.Learn your deen properly and practise it.

    • raul, sometimes you make good comments, but then you say things like "your life basically will be a write off." Comments like that make me want to ban you. Do you have any idea how arrogant and self-righteous you sound with such comments? A person's life is not a disposable product to be written off. And you are not God to make such pronouncements. Fear Allah and have some humility.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Sis,

    please look at the big picture and try to keep your emotions out of this decision..ie. marriage and your Ex.
    it obvious your Ex is messing around...and even if he were to get back with you (sounds like he dosent want that either except as a last resort) he doesent seem to be mature enough to marry you right away and keep your relationship from becoming haram...which it already is.

    please dont ruin your chances of marrying a nice religious mature man just because your ex portrays a "bad boy" image.

    i have been somewhat like that in the past....playing with women's emotions...and am getting paid for it in full now (long story). so please look at this from the perspective of the mature woman that you are now and quit going for your Ex...you probably dont even love him...its just that he reminds you of a time when you were younger...happier and had no cares in the world...again i say this out of experience i had with a girl 🙂

    hope that helps.

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