Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is expressing love before marriage haraam?

     “O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.”

“O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.”

Is it wrong for those muslims who are completely in love to text each other everyday?

We are planning on getting married when the right time comes but we need to communicates as none of us can survive a day without talking.

We never have bad intensions as we are both good muslims and religion is first to us.

We only complement one another, talk about daily activities and say "i love you" very often.

Is this haram, are we doing anything wrong?

(It is a long distance relationship as we only see each other around 1 or 2 times a years, since we are first cousins)

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3 Responses »

  1. As-salamu Alaykum,

    I think it is inappropriate. No matter what you feel for each other, the fact is that you are not married, and one of you may change your mind one day and decide to marry someone else. You would definitely regret all the texts and declarations of love if that ever happened.

    A solution could be to perform the nikah so you are legally married, then have the actual wedding party at a later date when you are ready to live together. This gives you the flexibility to talk and communicate without falling into sin. Of course, the relationship must be out in the open with the approval of your families, and I only recommend this if you are serious about living together as a married couple in the near future. Otherwise, it is just playing games, and that can only last so long before one person gets bored or frustrated with the situation.

  2. ASSLAMALAIKUM-
    Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
    As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
    Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.

    All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.

    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?

    He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    Personally, I feel that it is acceptable to like and want to be with someone to whom you intend to be married, as if you don't feel you are compatible with someone then they may well not be the best match for you. It is, however, essential to avoid transgressing limits.

    If you are organising your nikah, I would feel it would be acceptable to participate in focused dialogue regarding that issue, provided you were being chaperoned by a mahram. When distance is an issue, people can feel "well, text and email are our only options" but modern technology has plenty of ways in which you can involve a third party - for example, you can copy both sets of parents into any email correspondence and write and read emails in the presence of a mahram, you can use Skype or other video calling with a mahram present at your end.

    One of the problems with long engagement periods is that they can easily end up with people feeling overfamiliarity and boundaries can then get blurred. Why not have a simple nikah with the participation of both families? You can then interact as husband and wife in a halal way.

    When considering whether something is appropriate to say, a tip I use is to imagine my mother in the room with me. If I would not say something in front of my mother, I definitely should not say it in front of Allah.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

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