Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He did a fake conversion to marry me

A Muslim confused about marrying a Christian

I dont know how to start my story..

ive met a christian man from 7 years ago and i loved him so much.

i tryed to stay away from him couse ive started to be attached to him alot and he started to love me too but from day one he told me "dont you ever think that i'll be muslim one day" and i did not care because i just wanted to be with him and spend as mcuh as i can with him i did not care about getting married or people talk or anything i just wanted to be with him

But after sometime i've had an idea and it was a hopeless idea after i tried and tried so many times to make him at least listen to islam and what is islam but his mind and heart was blocked from islam, so i told him you just convert on a paper in the court to get married and father will agree and after 2 or 3 years will immigrate and you can be a christian again but ill stay muslim .

I thought maybe one day if we stayed at one house and he saw me praying and fasting as muslim and he converted maybe he'l stay muslim and step by step he'l change his mind...

He agreed becouse he want us to be together, but he told me "are you sure you want your kids to christian couse i won't accept my kids to be muslim " i was hopless and i told him yes as long as im muslim...

Then he did his part and he converted only on a paper but deep inside in his heart he doesnt beleive in islam he did that just for me and becouse later he'l be back to christianty ... And we got engaged, and we started to prepare eveything and it was only 3 weeks to get married ...

But i couldnt continue his family were very sad and angry from him and they dont know he converted they tought that we'll get merried civil way, and he wasnt ok  and i was very scared from Allah "God" what im doing and know one knows anything ...

I was very scared from God if what im dong is halal or haram is it right or wrong ..and i canceled everything after i bought my wedding dress and after he agreed to convert on paper and after my father accepted him and i was living my dream that we will get married but i could not do it couse i know its not right .

And after one month he's wearing a cross and he didnt blame me he said you releived my i wasnt happy i wanted you but i dont want to be muslim.

I dont know did i rush everything maybe he was going to listen to me and open his heart to islam one day becouse he loves me ??

shall i get back to him and maybe he will change?couse i still love him and he loves me and i can't move on im trying but im lost . if we did get married was this marrige was void or not??

is what i did was right or wrong when i cancelled the marriage??

please help me couse im keeping on blaming myself and im so sad of  losing him.

- 8muslim

Tagged as: , , ,

8 Responses »

  1. There are many people who to satisfy their desires try to find pretences in islam to justify their shameful acts. This is of utmost disgust.
    A woman is not allowed to talk to a man (muslim or non-muslim), who is not his mahram, let alone being in a relationship.
    If you are trying to justify your act as doing dawah, know that you are only deceiving yourself and by no way you will be able to deceive Allah, 'azza wa jal. Using a haram way to do dawah is not the way that our beloved Prophet, Muhammad (may Allah send peace and blessing upon him and his family).
    Also if you think that by doing some actions that you will be able to change his heart and make him accept Islam sincerely, then you are gravely mistaken and I would urge you to read and contemplate on the Quraan and the Seerah.
    If you want to help the guy, the best thing that you can do is get someone else to help him, your brother, cousin or someone involved in dawah and you should cut all form of contact with him.

    About marriage to a non-muslim it is strictly forbidden as it is mentioned in these ayats:
    “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon[polytheists] till they believe (in Allaah Alone)” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

    “O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allaah knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mutahanah 60:10].

    If you want to disregard these ayats then know that Allah says:

    “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error” [al-Ahzaab 33:36]

    May Allah guide you.

  2. Salam Sister 8muslim,

    InshaAllah, you are doin okay.

    At the very end you did the RIGHT thing, made the RIGHT decision for cancelling the unlawful marriage act in Islam. Allah (swt) protected you! Be happy and thank Allah (swt) for guiding you.

    Turn to Allah (swt) for forgivness. You were very close to committing major sinful mistake. Please repent to Allah (swt) and never go back to this sinful act again

    Now what you are facing is the feeling of attachment towards this non Mahram. You need to break all form contacts with this man. Don't see him, don't talk to him, don't have anything to do with him. Please distance yourself from this man as far as possible. The quicker with sincereity you give your love to Allah (swt), the quicker and easier you will find to forget about this whole thing, inshaAllah! Islam means to SUBMIT. Therefore, with love submit yourself to Allah (swt). Continue with your prayers. If you already not observing hojab, start wearing it. InshaAllah, month of Remadhan is coming, take the opportunity and become closer to Allah (swt). Socilaise/spend your free time with good Muslim sisters. Recite the Quran on regularly basis with its meaning. InshaAllah, do as many good deedswith sincerity as possible. Make good and fruotful provisions for your hereafter.

    And please note, in Islam under any circumstances Muslim women are only allowed to marry Muslim men. Please seek to marry a good pious hearted Muslim brother. And no matter how your marriage life with a muslim brother turns out to be (inshaAllah, it will be good!) you must ensure 100% that you raise your off-springs as very good Muslims, inshaAllah.

    Sister, please takecare of yourself. Never have a premartial relationship again. It is not allowed in Islam. You and all of us will be answerable to our tiniest actions by Allah (swt) on Judgement Day!

    And please remember, the ultimate POWER of guiding and misguiding one to Islam is with Allah (swt) alone. We slave of Allah (swt) can only (with Allah's Will) deliver the message of Islam to mankind and that's it. If one chooses to become Muslim, we as Muslims are responsible to find out thoroughly whether that individual has really wholeheartly accepted Islam or is it just for show to increase the level of fitnah within the Muslim ummah.

    Please sister, repent to Allah (swt) and never go back to the sinful acts again. Become a better Muslimah
    Learn what is position of Muslim women in Islam. Learn what is your rights in Islam. Learn what is Allah (swt)'s demands and expectations are from us. Allah (swt) is not in need of any of our prayers, supplications and worship to Him, but we are in need of Him.

    Sister, takecare of yourself and always thank Allah (swt) for guiding you to His straight path (Islam).
    Your sister, Parveen

    • thank you sister parveen , really everytime i feel so bad and i feel missing him and wanted to call him i read your comment and it really makes feel ok and faith.

      thank you so much for your help and being a sister

  3. Assalamu'alaykum
    sister the above two advices are enough. Please follow them!

  4. sister this world is very less and short so please dont do mistake please go on a stright way go on that way which lead us to jahnaat we have other world too which is unlimitted world which wont be finished dear my dear sister when i was reading your life story realy i cried and when you understood that i went on wrong way i must return to right way i became happy very much because you are my sister because of islam so please please muslim are less that you selected a non muslim which is the real enomey of your deen and beautiful life which you will have in hereafter

  5. you should repent , because you were so naive. he never promised you that he accepted islam because of Allah..but just because to marry you...

  6. im trying to repent but i cant imagine my life without him i do love him alot im trying to stay away from him but after one or two weeks i contact him again and ask him to be a real muslim but he does not want anymore and still im thinking of him and love him.

    i really dont know how to get over him im trying and trying i need help im lost please help me.

  7. Dear sister,

    Just remember ever second that God is checking you. And what would you do if this man would die? You would go on and would try to built hour life.. So why not now when God is checking you, why not now to make a right choise and continue on the path of Allah. Remember that Allah promissed to check us before we enter paradise, just to say i am a believer is not enough... Accept this as a check from your Lord and seek help only from Him. Only Allah

Leave a Response