Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I keep falling into wrong path more and more each day!

Abused girlAssalam u alaikum wr wb.

I am asking for counseling and please please answer it!

I am 19 year old girl.

When I was kid I was forced to do masturbation, and after that I was forced to kiss a guy and I was a li'l kid after all of these i wasn't able to sleep properly and didn't complained anyone about these stuff. and after a year or two I met girls( who I use to take my Best Friends!)  they use to play some couple stuff and asked me to play with 'em and I end up playing with them, it was related to Sex. and after all these incidents I became kinda addict to it and forced a girl to do stuff with me for the sake of  thirst i felt ( I still feel ashamed of that) and I started watching zina on tv and i did some other terrible stuff for years, and  I was literally insane. still my family was unaware of these stuff.

After sometime I was fine Naturally and was staying away from all of dirty stuff and we moved to different place and I was fine for years. But, it started all over again I feel the Lust and guilt I end up watching Pornography. I use to do astagfirullah and now I don't even do that anymore. I try to fight it but at the end up the day i am same as I was like, an Animal! And even my Emaan and fear of Allah pak is slowly fading away. I don't know what to do. and my surroundings in school talk about sex, and i become prone to it and my mind quickly start thinking about it more and more and again I end up watching stuff.

Sometimes I think about getting married but I don't wanna end up doing more than watching . but, i sometime think marriage is more responsibilities and If i don't listen to my husband I will end up doing more gunnah. and all these stuff.

I don't know what to do?

- Lost Nagina

I've been asking this same question everywhere and again and again, but no site really responded me back I don't know why, but please please please please answer me

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25 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister, you need to start praying five times a day In Shaa Allah that will strengthen your imaan and give you a reason to remain clean I.e condition to pray.

    The other thing you need to explore is potential rishtas - discuss this with your family as thinking about the na you will marry might give you the strength to stay away from these things you watch and do as a way of keeping yourself righteous for your husband In Shaa Allah


    • Walikum salam

      Sister/brother in Islam I can't really discuss this thing with my family or 'bout Nikah due to some situation. And Al-humdulilah I do pray Suma Alhumdulilah actually. It's just I don't understand the thoughts and other stuff. But In sha ALLAH will give a try ^_^ Jazak'ALLAH khair

      And Jazak'ALLAH khair fid'daariyein

  2. assalamualaikum sister , allah is great and love us more than anyone will love us , just turn towards allah respect urself and ur body this is ur body and allah has blessed u with good health and thank alah for that and see around u people who are suffreing from deadly dieses , who are handicaped who cant even speak and express, few have never seen colours in thr life tjay are blind , nw u have everything and what ar u doing with that dont u think it is a test for you , practice hijab and forget the past what hapnd in childhood and yersterday is gone and it is upto u to make ur future better , see u are lucky to have realised ur mistakes before death. if u had died without repenting do u know what was the consequence , when u knw u are doing wrong then dont get temped by this dirty things , all this will take to hell , u have to fight back and fight for life after death , as this life is not permanent , what will u answer in grave , are u ready , only allah can help us none will help us , so do good deeds , recite quran with its meaning and understand the message of allah and make good religious friends and ask allah for protection from evil things ,u need to respect urself and understand the good and bad and decide urself what u want HELL or HEVEN , love of allah or anger of allah ,

    jazakallah khair

    • Walikum salam wr wb.

      No doubt ALLAH is forgiving.

      Jazak'ALLAH khair and In sha ALLAH ul aziz


  3. Assalam alaikum,

    It seems that your fear of responsibility in marriage and addiction to some haram activities has outweighed your fear of Allah (SWT). As humans, when this happens to us, we have to realize that Shaitaan is the first to take advantage of our fears, and the quiet desires of our nafs. You have lost control over yourself and even when the good in you thinks about marriage, Shaitaan quickly whispers to you about your other fears to prevent you from coming on the right path. He is very good at this and does this with us all. You should ignore those whispers, do prayer, think of the ones who are less fortunate than you, keep yourself busy and do things that will feed your soul with goodness, not with guilt and a low self-esteem.

    Whenever you get those whispers, make du'a to Allah and seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaitaan. Remember Allah again and again. You have to begin with your thoughts, before you will notice a change in your behaviour. You have to acknowledge that you will be answerable for this, that you are in control of your behaviour and that even when the whispers come to you, you will ignore them because this is a part of Shaitaan's plan to destroy your amaal.

    I am very sorry that you were abused as a child. May Allah give you peace and strength. Ameen. You should consider counselling if this is really bothering you still as it could be detrimental to your life later. Eventually, you will have to learn to handle these emotions, because they may drive you to do haram. It isn't easy, but it is possible, inshaAllah. When, not if, you will succeed in dealing with your emotions, coming back to the straight path, Allah will reward you many-fold and shower more blessings on you--think of the eternal happiness you want in the Aakhirah and not the short pleasures of this world which bring endless pain.

    May Allah guide us all, Ameen.

    Take care sister, and you can be successful.

    • Walikum salam sister.

      Indeed it might the whispers of Shaytaan, but I've noticed some stuff in relationship of married couples which i am incapable doing and my family won't agree due to some situation,

      But Jazak'ALLAH khair fid'daariyein
      remember in prays

      • As Muslims, we are supposed to get married as that is half our deen.

        What are the things you are incapable of?

        might be the whispers of Shaitaan? I would say indeed for sure they are because they have brought you down and made you feel low to the point that you are following your nafs.

        You are completely capable of nourishing your soul with better things and you are worthy even though you made some poor choices - we all do.

        BTW, what made you start this behaviour again?

  4. Sister nagina,

    I feel your pain and feel that you're lost. I'm not here to tell you that you're wrong, because you're already here asking for help for the sins you've committed. Let me tell you that nobody can force you to what you don't wanna do. First of all, stop the porn, the lust, etc... Put an end to it because its evident that you are listening to shaytan's evil whispers. That's all they are-whispers. Shaytan is weak and you are strong, not the other way around. Allah created man stronger than shaytan and that's why you do have the strength to overcome these sins and sinful desires.

    Second, go make abulotion, wudhu and pray to Allah to forgive you, to strengthen your heart n mind and to direct you to the straight path. Allah will accept your repentance if you are sincere about it and vow to never ever do that stuff again. He will forgive you, there's no doubt about that. But you gotta be willing to worship Him on His terms and to fully submit yourself to Him alone and to nothing else. You are Allahs servant and not the slave of your lustful desires. You are an important sister in Islam and to this ummah. I believe you have something special to contribute to your community, family, masjid and so on. So, busy yourself in doing something productive, doing good deeds so as to erase the bad deeds. And keep your mind on Allah and seeks ways to improve yourself as a young muslima. Don't waste your time on the tv or the net watching haram. Start listening to lectures on Islam. You need to keep your tongue moving in constant thikr. Each time you get a bad thought whispered into your head, say aootho billahi min ashaytan ar Rajeem....I seek refuge in Allah from the cursed satan.
    For the school situation I'd keep myself busy with my studies. Since you're 19, there might be a MSA at your college campus. If there is, then join it. If there isn't, then start a sisters club where y'all can meet and do community projects. You've got to keep yourself and your mind busy.

    Keep your mind filled with doing everything for the sake of Allah. Keep your heart attached to His words, al Quran al Kareem. Keep your tongue busy by say alhmdulillah wa subhanallah wa allahu Akbar wa la illah illa Allah. If you leave your heart empty then shaytan will occupy it. If you occupy your mind with visions of haram then shaytan will take over your mind. So sister, don't lose hope. You have sinned and sinned again, yet Allah will accept your tawbah again and again. Don't despair, Allah is there, always and forever.

    Have faith in yourself and you will overcome your desires. Allah has given you a chance to do good and to be a better muslim. Take advantage of that before you meet your Creator

    As Salam alaykoum

  5. Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

    make sincere repentance to Allah.

    Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.

    For such, the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Paradise), wherein they shall abide forever. How excellent is this reward for the doers (who do righteous deeds according to Allah’s Orders)” [3:135-136]

    Ibn Katheer said:
    The words “and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done” mean: they repent from their sins and quickly turn to Allah, and they do not persist in their sin, rather they give it up, and if they do that again they repent to Him. Tafseer Ibn Katheer.

    Prophet Muhammed(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

    A person committed a sin and said: ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’

    His Lord said: ‘Is My slave acknowledging that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for them? I have forgiven My slave.’

    Then as much time passed as Allah willed, then he committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’

    His Lord said: ‘Is My slave acknowledging that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for them? I have forgiven My slave.’

    Then as much time passed as Allah willed, then he committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’

    His Lord said: ‘Is My slave acknowledging that he has a Lord Who forgives sins and punishes for them? I have forgiven My slave,’ – three times…” [al-Bukhaari, Muslim].

    Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) included this hadeeth (narration) under the heading: “Acceptance of repentance from sins even if the sins and repentance happen repeatedly.”

    He said in his Sharh (commentary):

    We have already discussed this issue at the beginning of the Book of Repentance. These ahaadeeth (narrations) clearly point to that, and even if the sin is repeated a hundred times or a thousand times or more, and he repents each time, his repentance will be accepted and his sin will be erased. And if he repents once from them all, his repentance will be valid.

    Sharh Muslim.

    Sincere repentance is not merely the matter of words spoken on the tongue.

    Rather, the acceptance of repentance is subject to the condition
    -> that the person gives up the sin straight away,
    -> that he regrets what has happened in the past,
    ->that he resolves not to go back to the thing he has repented from,
    -> that he restores people’s rights or property if his sin involved wrongdoing towards others,
    ->and that he repents before the agony of death is upon him.

    The Muslim does not have to make promises and vows in order to give up the things that Allaah has forbidden to him. It is sufficient for him to know that it is haraam and that should be enough to make him give it up. If he makes a promise or a vow to Allaah not to do the haraam thing then he goes and does it again, then he has committed the sin of doing something haraam as well as the sin of breaking a promise or going back on an oath or vow.

    Make good company of friends. make friends with religiously committed sisters.
    leave and avoid bad company of friends.

    when ever you feel like the thoughts of doing that bad thing comes to your mind (which could be whispers of the shaitan) then seek refuge in Allah

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And if an evil whisper from shaytaan (satan) tries to turn you away (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) (from doing good), then seek refuge in Allaah. Verily, He is the All‑Hearer, the All‑Knower”
    [Fussilat 41:36].

    say أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم (I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan).

    Remember that,
    Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it.

    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    • Jazak'ALLAH khair fid'daariyein for response brother and really helpful response

      • Alhamdulillah

        Wa antum fa jazakumullahu khairan.

        what is fid'daariyein ?

        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  6. Wa'alaykumsalam,

    You've got great advises above and so I'll just put more emphasis regarding your friends. Certainly they helped you to your downfall, they took advantage of you in your childhood unfortunately etc and so its time to make a decision to remove them from your life and make new pious muslimah friends. There's a saying like it is better to have good friends than no friends but its better to have no friends than to have bad friends.

    Prophet said: “Man is on the religion of his friend, so let every one of you examine whom he befriends.” (Abi Dawood )

    The Prophet said: "The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him, but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him’. (Bukhari)

    Allah said: "..and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance, one who follows his own lusts and whose affair (deeds) has beenlost.(Quran 18:28)

    These sort of friends are useless, they will only increase fitnah when with you and spoil your life further they will never be your friends on the judgement day as Allah said: "Friends on that Day will be enemy to one another except the pious ones" (Quran 43:67)

    Therefore, throw them out of your life before anything worst happen and you'll regret later and start making pious muslimah friends.

    Allah said: "And (remember) the Day when the Zalim (wrong-doer, oppressor, polytheist, etc.) will bite at his hands, he will say: "Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger ( Muhammad SAW). "Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! "He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (this Quran) after it had come to me. And Shaitan (Satan) is ever a deserter to man in the hour ofneed." (Quran 25:27-29)

    "And keep yourself patiently with those who call on their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds, etc.) morning and afternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart Wehave made heedless of Our Remembrance, one who follows his own lusts and whose affair (deeds) has beenlost." (Quran 18:28)

    Finally, Allah said: " Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves." (Quran 2:222)

    Allah said: “Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

    Allah said: “Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful,” [Sûrah al-Furqân: 70]

  7. Assalam u alaikum wr wb & Walikum salam wr wb.

    Jazak'ALLAH khair fid'daariyein for helpful responses.

    • Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

      wa antum fa jazakumullahu khairan.

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    “The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors.” [5]
    Imam 'Ali (a.s.) exhorts, “Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the Prophet.” The Prophet (s.a.) also said, ”Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition.” [6]
    Recommendation for Early Marriage

    Islam highly recommends an early marriage. Even those who feel they would not be able to bear the expenses of family are urged to repose faith in Allah, as He is the Giver of Sustenance (Rizq), and go for an early marriage.The Prophet (s.a.) said, “Two rak 'ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night-vigil and the fast of a single person.”

    The proper time and age of marrying is when the individual reaches sexual as well as mental maturity. Mental maturity may mean the capability of establishing a cordial family life and the ability to fulfill rights of family members.
    So dont listen to the people listen to the prophets teachings.
    The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) and the Holy Imams (a.s.) also encouraged their followers to marry and to fulfill their sexual urges in lawful ways as can be seen from the following: The Prophet (s.a.) said, “O you young men! I recommend marriage to you.”


    • Walikum salam wr wb.

      Jazak'ALLAH khair for advice brother in Islam..

      And hehehe Thanx for believing in me Jazak'ALLAH khair for that.

  9. Bism Allah, wa Alhamdulillah,
    assalamo alaikom, my dear sister in Islam.

    I've seen the good advice our brothers and sisters have given, may Allah reward them the best of His rewards for being there for their Muslim brothers and sisters. I wanted only to say that I was in your shoes, and to add a point that I thought was important, which is that: sinning is part of our nature as humans. Islam does also recognize our humane frail nature. Islam does not say we are angels. Allah(sobhanaho wa-ta’ala) says in the Quran :
    وخلق الإنسان ضعيفاً - آية 28 من سورة النساء
    Meaning translation (And the human being was created frail).
    (Surah: Al Nisa'a - Ayah: 28)

    So, sinning is not peculiar to our nature as humans.
    Prophet Mohammed (salla Allah alaihi wa-sallum) says in one Hadith:

    (لو لم تكونوا تذنبون لذهب الله بكم وجاء بقوم يذنبون فيستغفرون فيغفر لهم)
    Meaning translation ((If you do not sin, Allah would have taken you from off the face of earth, and He would have created others who sin and ask for His forgiveness, so He would forgive them.))

    That Hadith background meaning is that Allah is the God, and one of God's attributes is to forgive the sinners their trespasses, so if we, humans, did not commit sins, then one of God's attributes would not be existent, that is the very reason He created us prone and liable to sin so that we repent and ask for His forgiveness. That means: the real bad thing is not "to sin" but the real bad thing that takes humans to hell is "not to repent and ask for Allah's forgiveness". That's the underlying meaning of Prophet Mohammed's Hadith. and therefore, if you sin, just remember that you can wipe out your sins by istighfar (repent) and asking for Allah's forgiveness. In another Hadith of Prophet Mohammed's (salla Allaho alaihi wa-sallum) he says (The satan (and I didn't want to capitalize the initial purposely) says: "I defeated the sons of Adam with sins, but they defeated me with istighfar/ repentance and asking God for forgiveness"). So, my dear sister, keep istighfar, never yield to satan, and know that in doing that- Allah sobhanaho wa-ta'ala Himself will be your supporter. I didn't want to write a lengthy thing, but just to add, how you should keep yourself on track??? Anyone of us here, whom you think might be good Muslims, they all have one single way to keep themselves on track, on the good side, and that’s by clinging to Allah’s path, and that happens by keeping the five prayers + reading the Quran+ making dua’a(ask Allah to support you, esp. in sojood during prayers) A Muslim scholar (Ibn Al Qayyim) gives a good example(and I’m adjusting the example), he says: imagine someone who’s fleeing a German Sheppard, whatever he is trying might not be as helpful as asking the beast’s owner to stop it). And, my sister, Allah is the owner of everything in this universe, so ask Him to stop that beast. And it’s very important to read Quran, if you can't read Arabic, you can listen to the Quran, it’s available everywhere on the internet for free, download it in mp3 files in your playback device and listen to it a number of times every day. I should tell you I was in your same position and almadulillah (thanks to Allah) it was the only thing that saved me from that agony. Keeping the 5 prayers+ reading (or listening to Quran)+ and making dua’a (keep asking Allah, esp. in prayers, to help you out of it.

    • Walikum Salam wr wb brother in Islam.

      Jazak'ALLAH khair for beautiful advice and if you were in my shoes I am pretty sure you understand about the mess I am in....

      Again Jazak'ALLAH khair fid'daariyein for advice ^_^..

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