Islamic marriage advice and family advice

False Hopes Over Lost Love

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I am a 21 year old Muslim girl I meet a guy through Facebook and we been greeting each other . I liked him and choose not to tell him in order to keep things Halal but , he had liked me too ,so he told me i like you so . Asked me do you want to be in a relationship with me ? so that we are committed to each other Or I won't be your friend anymore. I  was so in love and couldn't seen myself without him . It got even worse where . he said I need to see you in order to date you. I kept avoiding that because once we are together Shayatan can push us to Haram . After few months he said  I want to leave you . If you can't do that . And I told him okey in a public place then I can't see again you , because it's Haram . He then told me he will leave me because I can't keep seeing him and going out . I was a teen and let it slide by so I did as he said I would see him once in a while . I felt loved when he would call me and when I was with him . one day when I was with him He got physical with me and I told him that . His Disrespecting me and I can't let him do that . He told me because I love you that's why I want to hug you and kiss you You are very beautiful . I can't keep my hands to myself once I see you . I then said  let's chat then not see each other .   I was so in love with him and someone you love leaving is the hardest thing.

After that I started seeing bad things about him in my dreams , like my parents not  like him And they haven't met him .   I would pray to Allah always if he is good for me May Allah keep us together . If not let us go our separate ways . The second dream was . I was Married to him and on my Nikha day I wasn't happy and felt like I made a mistake . He told me he had positive dreams about me and that we had a kid together . After months we had Arugements how he Disrespects me and physically touches me and how he thinks his right about things he do to me . I told him I don't want to date or anything with a guy anymore now or then . Our relationship is Haram and that's why it's not working out , I don't want to date . I want Marriage and that's it "He told me" No body will ever love you ! You will never Ever be happy with anyone ! You will be lone . Insha Allah you will be Married to someone who mistreats you ! You will Met someone who do you bad . It's been 2.5 years since I have moved from the Middle East to United State and broke up with him . I haven't talked to him or text him . Or spoke to someone else or him . How can someone be so mean? At that time.   I was 17 and he was 27 he lied about his age to me ? Said I thought if you knew you wouldn't want me . I miss him everyday I think about him everyday walahi . Even thought I don't want to . Time has passed but I didn't forget about him . I sometimes think what if I never forget about him . He posts about his feelings on social media and that's probably about me . I am worried about the physical touch such as hug and kisses . I didn't let him get near my private parts or anything either did I get near his .he would always make me promise him . That I will marry him .always made me Swear in the name of Allah ?

Will that Effect me ?  Will I find love in my future husband? can I keep moving on even thought he owns my heart ?  Plse help me !  any advice is helpful . Am tired of listening to my mind and Heart unhappy

Happy

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4 Responses »

  1. There is a saying
    Don't dwell in past.
    Just move on with positive and vibrant energy.

    You are lucky that you did not engage something major with him because there could have been psychological effect to you in terms of emotional attachment, even though you may repent for all and Allah forgive those who He pleases.

    Mention it but do not dwell on it. That will be able to clear the air forehand with the person with whom you choose to get married.

    Thank you

  2. how can you love someone who clearly used you, lied to you, forced you to meet up and said such horrible thing about to you? love is built on honesty, respect. imagine you were still with this man, he would continue to meet with you, you would be committing haraam with him, is this what you would want? allah has saved you by removing this man from your life. you are young, focus on your studies, your namaz, repent for getting involved with him and in she allah in right time you will find the right spouse, someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve.

  3. dear Happy Sister

    its infatuation which will go out from your heart if you keep yourself busy. your feelings for him will die if you keep yourself busy.

    wash plentyyyyyyyyy of clothes and utensils even if they are clean. just to cut the time.

    walk for about 10 kilometers with out any purpose or climb trees, get down and climb again ....repeat it about 100 times like this you can cut 8 to 10 hours ...

    within 1 week you will forget him ....100% sure/.

  4. Salams sis,

    I have read many stories and comments online from various people but this is the first time I am replying myself. I feel that as a sister, I would like to advise you. Please note that although I am knowledged in our deen alhamdulillah, I am not an alimah.

    You sound like a beautiful person inside and out. Throughout your story, you mentioned that you tried to avoid meeting with the boy as much as possible to avoid a haraam relationship, this shows your strong character and fear in Allah and you should always try to make that bond with the Almighty stronger. Thank Allah swt every single day for making you close to him, which helped you avoid in doing a great sin with the boy.

    Always remember, that his positive dreams about you were just shaytaan that was encouraging him to continue a haraam relationship with you - which ofcourse cannot be from Allah swt. As well as this, you must remind yourself that although you felt like you were so in love with him, and he was in love with you - this was all the work of the shaytaan which made you feel like this when you used to speak to him and meet him. The boy then became physical with you - which is a natural thing to happen as Shaytaan is always the third person present when you are both alone. Even if you are in a public place - you are still meeting with a non - mehram alone so there are no blessings in what you are doing.

    It is clear that the boy felt a slight obsession and ownership over you - which is why he said horrible things to you when you told him you don't want to date him - and you want marriage. These type of guys do not deserve a beautiful person like you. Sister, stay strong in your faith and Allah will bring you so much happiness inshaAllah. It takes a lot of strength to stay away from temptation like how you did. Now you have moved away from him - and you have to thank Allah swt for saving you from a life of unhappiness with that boy. Now it is time for you to think positive, remove him from your facebook, phone, email and everything else so you don't have to read or see anything that reminds you of him. Then, do things that keep you happy - like hobbies, studies, islamic talks, spending time with friends and family.

    InshaAllah you will find the right person for you - but first you must clear your mind and seek Allah for strength and guidance. I know you swore by Allah that you will not marry anyone else - but Allah is great and the all-knowing, so surely he will know what your heart felt and the mistake you made.

    I pray that things work out for you sis. Do not let your life become miserable for something that is really not worth it.

    Salams xxxx

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