Family against our Love
True love comes from Allah Alone, rest all is from Shaitaan
Assalam O Alikum
You are doing a wonderful job by helping people find solutions to there problems please ans my question as soon as possible. I am completely lost and also many times i thought to commit suicide but Alhamdulillah i didnt because i know i am a muslim and how the punishment will be at the end.
Please please answer my problem i dnt knw what to do i am not able to concentrate on anythng i stopped eating i use to sleep alot but now i cant sleep whole day and night i stay awake. I love my cousin and he also loves me we use to talk on phone and chat most of the time we didnt commit any sin Alhamdulillah other than talking with each other.
One day i was calling him and his family came to know about our relationship. His father is my uncle my moms brother he likes me alot and even trust both of us. When he came to know about our relationship he said to his son my cousin if he talks with me again he will leave the house and go. He asked my cousin to promise he will never talk with me because its matter of our family.
Now my cousin stopped talking with me because of his dad he is not replying to my calls i msgd him more than 50 times and daily msg him because i cant live widout him i am so attached to him we use to talk each and evrytime. When he use to wakeup , go to work he use to call me but now he left me and everythng because he dont wanna loose his dad.
What should i do please help me. I said him to tell his father everythng so that we get engaged as its nt possible for us to get engaged because both of us are studying and we are youngest in our familys i am 22 years old. I have 3 sis before me and 1 bro not married.
Everyone in his family now know about us but my family doesnt know my mom trusts me alot and she will never forgive me for what i am doing. Please help me what should i do Alhamdulillah i pray 5 times offer tahajud prayer pray nafil read all azkars but then also my heart is not ready to accept .
I want him to come back he promised me he will never leave me but now he left me please please help me. I might commit suicide i have no other option. Please suggest me any specific dua to recite so that he or my uncle accepts our relationship.
JazakAllah
~ jawii
(Editor's Note: Dear readers, please go through the following posts by the author of this post, before you give any advise to her on this:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-cousin-gets-angry/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/questions-regarding-sexual-intercourse/
Thanks!)
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Salaams,
Sister, after reading this and your other two previous posts I think I can safely say that there are several red flags about your cousin's behavior, the nature of the relationship you've shared with him thus far, and the potential concerns for your future together that you should do NOTHING but respect the decisions your family has made for you in this matter. Leave your cousin alone, and respect the boundaries outlined. You don't think that all this haraam "talking/chatting etc" is that bad, but apparently you guys were discussing things that were sexual in nature at some point. That's the exact reason such correspondence is forbidden prior to marriage.
Personally, I don't think you are exercising the best judgment in what having a marriage with this cousin will mean for you. Out of these haraam activities you have fostered an emotional attachment that is clouding your objectivity. Not only that, but you are coming to drastic and desperate conclusions of how to manage this situation (ie suicide) just because you can no longer talk to this person. I'm sorry to say sister, but these types of feelings and thoughts don't come out of a relationship that is helping you be your best, is bringing you closer to Allah, and is keeping you from sin. In fact, this relationship is having the opposite effect on you, and that's exactly why you should let it go.
At this point, here's your choice: which is more important to you: a man who your family has forbidden contact from, who wants you to engage in haraam activities once you're married (anal sex), and loses his temper easily at you and has the potential to eventually come violent with you.....or your bond with Allah and your hereafter in His presence? Allah wants only good for you, He doesn't want to harm you, He doesn't want you enticed by sinfulness and becoming a slave to shaytan, He doesn't want to come between you and your family who have loved you since birth. Who are you going to follow? A nafsani man, a mere created being who is being guided by his lusts and emotions, or our incomprehensible Creator who has a perfect plan for your life?
This is serious, sister. These aren't little things. These are seeds that create very, very big problems down the road. Take time away from this cousin, respect your family, focus on your studies...but most importantly, submit to the only One who can care for you as you truly need.
And just a note, this is your third post, and we limit everyone to a maximum of three per year. If you submit any more in the next few months, they will be set aside.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I'm not sure where in the post it said that her cousin "wants you to engage in haraam activities once you're married (anal sex)"
Salaams,
It did not say that in this post specifically; but this sister has written in two previous posts and it was mentioned in one of them. The links to those two posts are included at the bottom of this one.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks sis amy for the advice but i am still not able to forget him everytime i decide not to call or msg him but after 2 or 3 days i become so weak i start texting him i dnt know what to do i am completely lost. Even though i start reading quran and offering prayer then also i become so weak and start crying. My health is also becoming bad i become sick and when i text him after many sms he repiles i become happy and feel better. I know he is the reason behind my sickness if he is with me i feel i am the happiest girl. I love him so much and i want to get married to him only. He promised he will not marry someone else all what i have to do is wait but i cant wait i want to be with him. Please i need more advices any specific dua which i would read so it softens his heart plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I know it sounds foolish what i am speaking but i dnt know what to do. Please help me out. I feel comfortable after reading the advices but then i become sad and everythng seems darker. Please sis remember me in your prayers and pray for me .
Thanks.
Salaams,
Sister, I think what might really help you in your case is to read a new book written by sister Yasmin Mogahed called "Reclaim Your Heart". She talks a lot about being attached to the wrong things/people and how to let go of that and seek Allah more effectively. If you want more info on how to obtain a copy, please check the following link:
http://www.yasminmogahed.com/reclaim-your-heart/
I personally don't feel that trying to make dua to keep him in your life or change him is the healthiest direction you should be moving in. If you were my daughter, I would be actively encouraging you to be doing the opposite and cutting all ties with him. I hope you check out the book and benefit from it. If you can't afford it at this time, sister Mogahed has several articles on her site that may prove helpful in the interim that are free to access.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks alot sis you helped me alot slowly i am trying to forget about him and its now 4th day i didnt even call or sms him and whenever i feel to i start reading various dua and In sha Allah i will not think about him anymore and i will read the book as soon as possible In sha Allah all what i need from you as sister or as a mother please remember me in your prayers i really need it and you have helped me alot i will always remember your words and remember you in my prayers IN SHA ALLAH
JazakAllah.
first of all was he pious? trust in AllahSWT is the foremost thing in every thing we do.and AllahSWT is all wise.
when you both were talking,how many times did you remember AllahSWT and how many times did you thank him for this guy?
Salams! Trust me you should be happy that your relationship with him os not working out darling, you know why Im saying this? Because a guy who really loves you will not force you to do things specially when it comes to sex :/ This shows he is not a real gentlemen.... for a man to get angry its natural okay? but his other acts are not really good and maybe Allah loves you so much that he made this relationship come to an end.
You might be feeling this bad because you always use to talk to him so spend more time with your friends, get close to your family and Allah. Everytime you remember him just go pray and ask dua, ask for a good husband who would treat you well and ask dua to get rid of this feeling.
You know shaiythan is very clever at making us falling in love with wrong people 😛 and when Allah tries to save us, he whispers things which makes us feel we can leave him and later we end up spoiling our life. Just THINK, your a girl right? Why do you want to be so cheap? He must be feeling happy that your coming behing him and maybe purposely ignoring you more. Darling men are really cunning not everyone but some are) You have to be careful when your deciding your future!
Be smart, ask dua and dont contact him! inshaallah hope this helps <3 take care