My mother and brother have been beating me since I was a child; I feel suicidal.
I NEED HELP!
I am a female in my later twenties. Since i was 8 years old my mother and elder brother beat me a lot. They used to burned me with hot knifes and different part of my body got that burnt mark. In my early childhood my father used to escape me from them but then he got paralyzed and their cruelty started again. I have no clue why they show me this much hate. I remember every time i used to come back from school my mother never served me food and give so much love to my other two brothers and always look at me with a very hateful eyes.
I dont know the reason behind this. later on when my younger brother grown up he also showed me the same attitude once he hold my neck and i was about to lose my breath and get back to normal position in an hour but even at that time no one bothers to ask him about anything.
Now after finishing my school they stooped providing me a single penny so i started working and now my mother take my all salary from me but their behavior with me is still the same. I cry everyday and ask Allah about this cruelty i am suffering from last 19 years.
I tried suicidal attempt couple of times but i failed every time and to find love from outside i unfortunately lost my virginity but whoever come in my life wasn't a true love. they only used me for money and sex
I am very much disappointed from my life i wana kill my self , once again i was beated and abused yesterday
Please help me what to do.
Pinky Lost.
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assalamalikum-
Dear pinky you are not lost who told you that-
you are having the prophets type of patience-
Who will come out of this situation unless there is very very strogn faith-
One thing you read this http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/suicide-in-islam/
Suicide - It's Not An Escape!
http://www.missionislam.com/health/suicidenotescape.htm
SEE YOU ARE MASTER OF OWN LIFE AND YOU HAVE ALL THE RIGHT OT LIVE ON YOUR OWN AND WHEN THERE IS DANGER TO LIFE YOU CAN LODGE A POLICE COMPLAINT AND LIVE IN SEPERATE PLACE ENJOYING LIFE WHICH ALLAH HAS GIVEN-
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HARM YOU TORTURE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE EXPLAINING THIS IS NOT JUNGLE RAJ [RULE]AS AND WHEN ANY ONE CAN HARM ANYONE PRESS YOUR NECK AND SEE THE SHOW PF GRASPING FOR BREATH WHERE ARE YOU THIS WORLD IS NOT SO DEPENEDANT ANY-ONE IN THE NAME OF RELATIONSHIP BE IT BROTHER MOTHER AND ANYONE CAN DO AS THEY LIKE-
PLS LET US KNOW YOUR COUNTRY SO THAT WE WILL UNDERSTAND THE LAWS OF THAT PLACE AND GUIDE YOU MORE BETTER-
Not a day passes except that the same Creator sustains this life – and the six billion others like it on the planet – with attention to the most minute of its needs. It breathes effortlessly without even noticing the complex art and perfection in the organs that enable it.
JUST ARRANGE ANOTHER PLACE FROM YOUR EARNINGS AND LODGE COMPLAINT THAT ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU THESE THREE MUSKETEERS ARE RESPONSIBLE SPECIFICALLY WRITE THE TROTURE THEY HAVE GIVEN[KEEP THE COPY OF THE F.I.R] AND TAKE THE HELP OF POLICE TO TAKE YOUR LIVING THINGS FROM THE HOUSE AND GO AND LIVE THE WORLD IS VERY BIG ALLAH WILL ARRANGE SOMEONE IN FUTURE WHO WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE LOVE A GIRL LIKE YOU IS WORTH-
Why despair then…
With such care and attention for detail in each individual, is it then warranted to despair of the help of the most Merciful?
Along the same lines we find these verses in the Quran, (their translation) “Has there not been over man a period of time, when he was not a thing worth mentioning? Verily, We have created man from a drop of mixed fluid (of man and woman) in order to try him so We made him a hearer and seer. Verily, We showed him the way (gave him guidance in all matters), whether he be grateful or ungrateful (lit. kafoor i.e. who conceals and denies the favours or signs of Allah). [Surah Insan 76:1-3]
Thus suicide forbidden in Quran and hadith…
Given that Allah promised to undertake the sustenance and any delay thereafter or withholding of any of its needs being merely for a trial, then there is no room for a person to take away the life that Allah has created for an important purpose and meticulously sustaining it each second for that purpose. He prohibited the destroying of ones life in any manner as understood by the general meaning of the wording of this verse, “And do not throw (yourselves) with your own hands to destruction; but work (deeds of) excellence for verily Allah loves the people of excellence.” [Surah Baqarah 2:195] Thus we are ordered to not destroy ourselves rather to direct the mind and energies to doing good deeds that please Allah. In another verse, “And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is Most merciful to you.” [Surah Nisaa 4:29]
The pain of suicide is for ever…
But from His mercy He may forgive suicide – so why not stay alive in His mercy…
A day’s worth for a Muslim…
An extra day alive is that much longer to work good deeds to distance oneself from the eternal torment of Hell-fire and a golden opportunity to win a better place in Paradise.
Self-worth… with people…and with Allah…
No matter how insignificant a person is in the eyes OF THIS WORLD, he is important enough in the sight of Allah that He created him with such care from even before birth.
Even the worst moment can actually become the best…
In fact not a moment passes by in the life of a Muslim even if a catastrophe befalls him, except that it can be a success and a bonus for the Believer if he bears it patiently!
HOPE YOPU WILL NEVER NEVER AGAIN ATTEMPT SUICIDE INSTEAD IT IS BLESSING IN DISGUISE FOR YOU TO MOVE IN LIFE THAN GETTING STUCK IN THIS DIRTY FALSE RELATIONSHIP OF BLOOD WHOCH AHS LOST ITS VALUE IN THESE TIME SO JAHILIAH [IGNORANCE]WHEN SATAN RULES THE MIND OF WORLDY PEOIPLE LIKE YOUR MOTHER AND BROTHERS
PLS DONT FORGET TO MENTION YR COUNTRY/CITY NAME
REGARDS
ALI
brother can you ever have a REALISTIC response that will HELP HER NOW? GOODNESS
DEAR AYATHBINATHAMZA
ASSALAMALAIKUM
I DIDNT UNDERTSAND YOUR SENTENCE
IF YOU PLS CLARIFY I WILL BE GREATFUL-
REGARDS
ALI
🙂 . I admit that brother's comment are so long and personally never read them it's annoying it's too long and I feel I need to focus to read the big letters. My brother youssef my personal opinion you should be a little bit more brief and give a concrete response as said above. You have good intention, but really me even if I was desperate for advice i dont think i would read all of this. And do you really need to use sometimes big letters. Sorry if i offended u but I wanted to react to the sister above as I read a lot and love this website.
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
ACTUALLY I SEE THE COMMENTS BEFORE DAWN IN TAHAUJUD TIME OR FAJR TIME AND MY ROOM LIGHT IS OFF AND ONY THE IGHT OF THE LAPTOP IS ON AND THE SMALL LETTERS IN THIS FORUMS PAGE ARE VERY SMALL AND I CANT CHNAGE THE FONT LIKE I CAN DO ANY OTHER BROWSER-DUE TO THIS SMALL FONT SIZE AND NO CHANGING FECLITY I TYPE BLOCK LETTER EVEN IN THAT SPELLING MISTAKES TAKES PLACE-
COMING TO LONG ANSWER THE PERSON CONCERNED IS IMPORTANT AND THEY NEED THE RIGHT ADVICE AND THE MATTER HAS MANY QURAN AND HADEES POINTS WHICH I MAKE SHORT AND REACH THE CONCLUSION.
AND THE CONCERNED PERSON AND THE OTHERS THERE IS LOT OF DIFFERENCE 1ST IS EAGER TO COME OUT OF THE SITUATION THE LATER IS A WELLLWISHER 1ST IS DIECTLY EFFECTED LATER IS NOT EFFCETED BUT WELLWISHER-
FOR EXAMPLE THE ABOVE GIRLS CASE- I HAVE TO GIVE SOLACE FOR WHICH THEY ARE COMING TO THIS FORUM -HAVE YOU READ THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE 3 TIMES BIGGER PAGE THAN MINE WHEN THEY EXPALIN THEIR PROBLEMS???
I AM ATLEAST GIVING 1/3RD AND THAT THE SATISFACTION FOR PERSON WHO IS IN A STATE OF SUICIDAL THOUGHT I FEEL THAT MUCH IS GOOD AND OK AND THEN THE 2ND BECOMES SHORT AS THE MAIN POINTS ARE OVER IN THE 1ST-
HOPE YOU ALL UNDERSTAND MY POINT VERY WELL-
REGARDS
Sister,
Please RUN as fast as you can away from your family. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Do you have any distant family members that are kind, trustworthy and reliable? Is there any family that you know of that you can live with and they are strong enough to stand up for you and protect you from this cruelty? If so, please go to them immediately and leave this abusive household.
If you dont have any family I really suggest you reach out to a local Muslim organization or womens shelter and try finding some support /counseling there because what you are going through is not acceptable.
You are a young lady and have a bright future ahead of you. I am glad you sent a message to this board because this is the first step in realizing that their is something wrong with your mother and brothers behaviour and there is nothing wrong with you. You are not a failure. I will say it again, you are not a failure, its just that your mother failed to provide you with kindness and love. Love yourself and be kind to yourself my dear, because the world is very cruel out there. You need to be your best ally.
Please do not commit suicide my dear, I know life is tough right now- but hang in there, make lots of dua, and take a few steps to escape this abuse because no one should be beating you up at 19 years old.
Sister, we all have challenges in our lives. This is unfortunately yours, and you have to face it head on and start standing up for yourself. Because if you dont do something to advocate for your own safety then no one will. I know you are strong enough to deal with this. Allah does not challenge a soul more than it can bear, and I know you can handle this. For all your struggle, know that Allah will reward you for your endurance and strenght and your ability to turn to him when you are in need.
Please please stay safe- and do talk to a local organization/family or friend about what is going on and make sure you get some help as soon as possible.
You work and make an income- you can technically leave your home and start a new life without abuse. Will it be hard- oh yah it will- but will you be safer- yes.
May Allah protect you and make things easier for you. Also, please update us, I am concerned and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Samira
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Your mother takes your money? What on earth? I am 19 and Allah didn't put me through a fraction of what he put you through. You will have the highest reward in Jannah inshaa Allah.
Find a husband, a trustworthy good one, get married to him and leave this family. You should not stick around with your cruel mother.
You can keep up ties of kith and kin by giving salams. Being excellent to your mother which is mandatory doesn't mean you have to give in to every one of her cruel demands.
Your father Alhamdulilah is not such a low thing as your mother. She is going to have to prepare for a severe punishment in the akhirah.
Don't commit suicide otherwise you will be killing yourself in Jahannam forever.
You will get your justice on yawm al Qiyamah.
Imam Ahmad recorded that `Abdullah bin Muhammad bin `Aqil heard Jabir bin `Abdullah say, "I was told about a Hadith which a man heard from the Prophet , so I bought a camel and put my saddle on it, then I traveled on it for a month until I came to Ash-Sham, where `Abdullah bin Unays was. I said to the doorkeeper, `Tell him that Jabir is at the door.' He said, `Jabir bin `Abdullah' I said, `Yes.' So he came out, still putting his garment on, and embraced me, and I embraced him, and said: `I heard a Hadith narrated by you, that you heard from the Messenger of Allah about reciprocal punishments. I was afraid that you or I would die before I could hear it.' He said, `I heard the Messenger of Allah say:
«يَحْشُرُ اللهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ النَّاسَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ أَوْ قَالَ: الْعِبَادَ عُرَاةً غُرْلًا بُهْمًا»
(Allah will gather the people -- or His servants -- on the Day of Resurrection, naked, uncircumcised and Buhman.) I asked, `What is Buhman' He said,
لَيْسَ مَعَهُمْ شَيْءٌ، ثُمَّ يُنَادِيهِمْ بِصَوْتٍ يَسْمَعُهُ مَنْ بَعُدَ كَمَا يَسْمَعُهُ مَنْ قَرُبَ: أَنَا الْمَلِكُ، أَنَا الدَّيَّانُ لَا يَنْبَغِي لِأَحَدٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّارِ أَنْ يَدْخُلَ النَّارَ وَلَهُ عِنْدَ أَحَدٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْجَنَّةِ حَقٌّ حَتَّى أُقِصَّهُ مِنْهُ، وَلَا يَنْبَغِي لِأَحَدٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْجَنَّةِ أَنْ يَدْخُلَ الْجَنَّةَ وَلَهُ عِنْدَ رَجُلٍ مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّارِ حَقٌّ حَتَّى أُقِصَّهُ مِنْهُ حَتَّى اللَّطْمَة»
(They will have nothing with them. Then a voice will call out to them that will be heard by those far away just as easily as it will be heard by those near: "I am the Sovereign, I am the Judge. None of the people of Hell should enter Hell if he is owed something by one of the people of Paradise, until I have settled the matter, and none of the people of Paradise should enter Paradise if he is owed something by one of the people of Hell, until I settle the matter -- even if it is only the case of a slap.'') We said, `How will that be, when we have come before Allah barefooted, naked, uncircumcised and having nothing with us' He said,
«بِالْحَسَنَاتِ وَالسَّيِّئَات»
(By ﴿merit for﴾ good deeds, and ﴿recompense﴾ for evil deeds.) Shu`bah narrated from Al-`Awwam bin Muzahim from Abu `Uthman from `Uthman bin `Affan, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah said:
«إِنَّ الْجَمَّاءَ لَتَقْتَصُّ مِنَ الْقَرْنَاءِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَة»
(The animal who lost a horn will settle the score with the one that has horns on the Day of Resurrection.) It was recorded by `Abdullah the son of Imam Ahmad, and there are corroborating narrations through other routes.
http://tinyurl.com/kpl9bn3
You need to repent to Allah for all your sins, especially the unlawful sex you had as that is shameless immorality.
But if you repent, Allah aza wa jal will forgive you, it is a promise.
There are so many hadith on this. Allah is certainly able and willing to completely forgive you. In fact, if you repent and follow it up with good deeds, Allah will turn your bad deeds into good deeds!
You must make sure to pray Salah on time. Not doing so is a grave matter. Salah is your connection to Allah aza wa jal.
http://www.assimalhakeem.net/node/3818
Also,
By the way Wael, JazzakAllahu khair for letting me back! I promise I won't be harsh inshaa Allah but very concerned and caring. As you can see, I am using the ayat and hadith about abandoning salah so that inshaa Allah this sister of ours will stick to it.
Sister, I will make dua for you. However, you need to make dua to Allah consistently to get you out of this situation.
I will give you more later. Right now, repent, perform salah, and seek help from Allah to get out of this situation.
Sister, if you want to know that Allah and His Messenger have promised you forgiveness if you repent, just ask and I will soon bring you as many ayat and hadith as I can which will convince you beyond doubt that if you repent you will be forgiven.
nearly every other problem on this site is about people sleeping with each other.
you all know it is haram in Islam yet you all do it then you are surprised when it becomes a problem?
and then once you have committed these acts instead of privately repenting and sorting out your lives you declare publicly that you have done such and such.
This is the aqil of the people nowadays. brothers and sisters here is a hadeeth, for people who can think:
A wise person is one who stays away from haram and who remembers Allah frequently. A FOOLISH PERSON is one who commits sins and then begs Allah for mercy.
As for this lady, leave immediately. Do not rely on finding a man who will give you the love you deserve - rely on Allah to stay with you as your friend when you are desperate and who will cover sins, and who will shelter all people without a home.
Leave your mother and psycopathic brother, who sounds like he needs a slap too.
Salam sis
Please don't kill yourself,never give up in life dear coz dis life is always full of tribulation,never despair for Allah's mercy is always available for us all have patience my dear inna llaha maa sabirin and after every difficulty there is an ease inna maal usri yusra dis is a test for u dear but alll in all u have to leave for a better place u got a job n hence dat will help u in your upkeep
Dear I don't urge u to report to police NO but leave it to Allah almighty he will deal with dem accordingly as for d sin of fornication ask for repentance for d doors of mercy is always open
I pray dat may Allah ease your pain,help u prosper in dis world n hereafter
Please don't halt your life be strong enough to move out n in sha Allah ,Allah will grant u a pious religious husband in sha Allah
Move out now and keep ur address secret. None of them should know ur address. Even change ur cell number. Lodge a complain, police should know, incase anything happens to u. May Allah bless u.
assalamu alaikum sister,
Im sorry but please dont follow any advise to rush and get married to escape you problems at home. You need to work on yourself mentally, spiritually and enough to wear you are not just running from one bad situation to another. Work on yourself leaving that situation!
call the police on your brother or mom the next time they abuse you. they could KILL you. the police will put you in a safehouse.Work on getting some help. they will give you govt assistance to get on your feet and then finish school. do NOT speak to them again until you are ready. and with a third party involved.
i had a friend killed when i was a teenager in a situation like this. She didnt want to reach out for help and she paid with her life.
get out. you are NO ONE'S doormat..you are a adult woman that can take care of herself if need be. YOU DONT NEED TO GET MARRIED NOW PLEASE DONT! WITH all th emotional issues you may have work those out first.
please dont listen to some of these brothers on here. You can live alone work on yourself and youdont owe your parents an inch of respect after them nearly killing you
move on and im sorry you are going through this. im soo sorry and if there was a way i could get you some resources i would.
Salaam my beautiful sister.
Try to save up some money from your salary and try to start living on your own!
And I understand why u fell into that trap of losing virginity and all that and May ALLAH forgive u for every sin.
My sister IDK bout others but I love u as my sister ^_^ and no lies! I am being honest!
Salaam sister.
I urge you not to consider suicide, it is a mistake and you will get out of this situation InshaAllah if you take the right steps. But please please dont ever even think of taking your life.
I strongly advise you to get out as soon as you can - the sooner the better. Contact your local womens shelter privately - make sure your mother and brother are not aware of this. Make arrangments and leave. The sooner the better. Make sure you leave secretly though.
Here are some tips I have pasted here on keeping yourself safe. They say 'partner' but in your case it's mother and brother.
Making a Safety Plan
A personal safety plan is a way of helping you to protect yourself and your
children. It helps you plan in advance for the possibility of future violence and
abuse. It also helps you to think about how you can increase your safety
either within the relationship, or if you decide to leave.
You cannot stop your partner's violence and abuse: only they can do that. But
there are things you can do to increase your own and your children's safety.
You’re probably already doing some things to protect yourself and your
children – for example, there may be a pattern to the violence, which may
enable you to plan ahead to increase your safety.
• Plan in advance how you might respond in different situations,
including crisis situations.
• Think about the different options that may be available to you.
• Keep with you any important and emergency telephone numbers -
e.g. your local Women's Aid refuge organisation or other domestic
violence service; the police domestic violence unit; your GP; your
social worker, if you have one; your children's school; your solicitor;
and the Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline run in
partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge: 0808 2000 247.
• Teach your children to call 999 in an emergency, and what they
would need to say; e.g. their full name, address and telephone number.
• Is there a neighbour you could trust, and where you could go in an
emergency? If so, tell them what is going on, and ask them to call the
police if they hear sounds of a violent attack.
• Rehearse an escape plan, so in an emergency you and the children
can get away safely.
Know where the nearest phone is – and if you have a mobile phone,
try to keep it with you.
• If you suspect that your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a
lower risk area of the house - for example where there is a way out
and access to a telephone. Avoid the kitchen or garage where there
are likely to be knives or other weapons; and avoid rooms where you
• Pack an emergency bag for yourself your children, and hide it
somewhere safe - e.g. at a neighbour's or friend's house. Try to avoid
mutual friends or family. (There are some suggestions below for what
you need to take with you when you leave).
• Try to keep a small amount of money on you at all times - including
change for the phone and for bus fare might be trapped - such as the bathroom - or where you might be shut into a
cupboard or other small space.
• Be prepared to leave the house in an emergency.
Preparing to leave
Whatever coping strategies you have used – with more or less success -
there may come a time when you feel the only option is to leave your partner.
If you do decide to leave your partner, it is best if you can plan this carefully.
Sometimes abusers will increase their violence if they suspect you are
thinking of leaving, and will continue to do so after you have left, so this can
be a particularly dangerous time for you. It’s important to remember that
ending the relationship will not necessarily end the abuse.
Plan to leave at a time you know your partner will not be around. Try to take
everything you will need with you - including any important documents relating
to yourself and your children - as you may not be able to return later. Take
your children with you - otherwise it may be difficult or impossible to have
them living with you in future. If they are at school, make sure that the head
and all your children's teachers know what the situation is, and who will be
collecting the children in future. (See below, Protecting yourself after you
have left.)
What to pack if you are planning to leave
Ideally, you need to take all the following items with you if you leave. Some
of these items you can try to keep with you at all times; others you may be
able to pack in your "emergency bag".
• Some form of identification.
• Birth certificates for you and your children.
• Passports (including passports for all your children), visas and work
permits.
• Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit and debit cards.
Keys for house, car, and place of work. (You could get an extra set of
keys cut, and put them in your emergency bag.)
• Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you
are entitled to.
• Driving licence (if you have one) and car registration documents, if
applicable.
• Prescribed medication.
• Copies of documents relating to your housing tenure, e.g. mortgage
details or lease and rental agreements.
• Insurance documents, including national insurance number.
• Address book.
• Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental
value.
• Clothing and toiletries for you and your children.
• Your children’s favourite small toys.
You should also take any documentation relating to the abuse - e.g. police
reports, court orders such as injunctions and restraining orders, and copies of
medical records if you have them
I hope this is useful for you. The information was taken from: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=0001000100080001§ionTitle=The+Survivor%27s+Handbook (the survivors handbook link.)
If there is anything you dont understand or you need any help/support feel free to write on here. We can also get a female editor to email you if you need information on where you can get support in your country. Just let us know on here InshaAllah.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Oh my dear sister,in your case it is your mother and brother but in my case it is my father and brother, my father has been torturing me and my mother for about 16 years now. I posted my question here and to be honest now Im so hopeful and feel so better. See these are the trials which Allah sends on his beloved servants and those who pass them are the successful. Don't give up hope and never ever attempt suicide, we think its a solution to every problem but its a direct flight to hell fire! Please my sister calm down and relax! Pray salah five times a day and read Quran everyday! Ramadan is 4 days away and start preparing yourself for that and if you have lost your virginity without marriage than I would love to say you to repent to Allah and make tawbah. Allah is Al ghaffor ur raheem. The most merciful and the most forgiving! He has promised in surah e furqan and surah e zumar to forgives all sins if one repents! Allah will forgive you! Turn to Allah and He will save you from this abuse! Allah will punish them for their evil ways! You are my sister in islam and i love you so much and care for you alot and I swear im saying that from the depth of my heart! Reading ur story made me cry and i really wanted to help you. I advice not to run away as it is unsafe for u and at the same time your mother will take advantage of this and may make up stories. Ive heard alot tht running away is a bad idea as parents might call it a loss of honour of the fanily while this is wrong the society always blames the victim and the innocent! Return to Allah and have patience! Find a good partner and marry him he will help you heal inchAllah. Oh habibtu,you will be fine soon and u have a bright future, rabba'al alamin will help you through this im sure! Inna lilla hay wa inna ilaye hay raji oon! 🙂
Dear sister,
as they told all above over brothers and sister u tray to save a some money and run away from those stupid peoples. n see ALLAH is knowing everything definitely ALLAH never forgive them. dear sister one more thing u find out if u have any buddy distance relations. if it there u please go ahead with them and now stop to tolerate a torch er , and i pray to ALLAH for u,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoqhNz7wD3I
This is a really great 8 minute mini lecture. I saw this and i thought of you sister. Keep your head up and I know you will get through this.
tell the cops your mom and brother deserve jail