Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Family culture clash, we want to get married!

Two Culture Clash album

Culture clash

Assalam alaykom wrb
Hope you are doing fine by the grace of Allah swt, may Allah swt protect you and your family from All evil.

I am going through a very diffcult situation, sometime I only see death as being the best option for my solution.

I fell in love with a person who was a very practising muslim, but he was the one who proposed to me first.
When My parents got to know, they got angry and told me to stop contacting him and that was what I did. We stopped contact with each other for the sake of Allah, as it is not allowed to have contact with each other. However we worked hard to convince our families. It has been 1 year, and they will not accept because he does not come from the same country and they fear people but not Allah swt, but we speak the same language though.
I can not think a single moment on spending my life without him. I ask Allah swt for forgiveness. May Allah swt forgive me and him..

Please can you advise me? we can't get married if our parents don't accept because there will not be baraka in our life, but the reason they give is totally against Islam. If they don't accept then I will not marry anyone else but will spend my life without a life partner.

He has met my family, and my father accepted the proposal after he met him. Then the families met, and then a cultural clash took place. His family never came back again.

Both of the families are very cultural, please help us and their reason for rejecting this proposal has nothing to do with Islam.

Can you please give me any wazifa or advice how to convince my parents and how he can convince his parents.

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22 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Let me assure you, if for some reason things don't work out with the person you care about now, it is highly unlikely you will spend the rest of your life alone. In the mean time, here are some ayats and hadith you and he can share with your parents to show them the Islamic basis for understanding those of different backgrounds:

    "Whenever you judge between people, you should judge with (a sense of) justice" ( Quran 4:58).

    "And do not let ill-will towards any folk incite you so that you swerve from dealing justly. Be just; that is nearest to heedfulness" (Quran 5:8).

    "And if two factions among the believers should fight, then make settlement between the two. But if one of them oppresses the other, then fight against the one that oppresses until it returns to the ordinance of Allah . And if it returns, then make settlement between them in justice and act justly. Indeed, Allah loves those who act justly.
    The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy.
    O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers.
    O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.
    O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. "(Quran 49:9-13).

    The Prophet has said that: "The life and blood of Muslims are equally precious" (Abu Dawud; Ibn Majjah). In another hadith he has said: "The protection given by all Muslims is equal. Even an ordinary man of them can grant protection to any man" (al-Bukhari; Muslim; Abu Dawud).

    No Arab has any superiority over a non-Arab, nor does a non-Arab have any superiority over an Arab. Nor does a white man have any superiority over a black man, or the black man any superiority over the white man. You are all the children of Adam, and Adam was created from clay" (al-Bayhaqi and al-Bazzaz).

    The Prophet (pbuh) said, "People are equal like the teeth of the comb."

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. salaam

    i am goin through same situation but difference is girl come from different tribe than mines.
    i have put all my trust and hope on Allah and hope for the best.

  3. Im in a very similar situation...so many young people are. Wise guy and zawia, did you end up getting married? can u give some advice to people that are experiencing the same thing?

    • Assalam Walikoum,

      I am going through the same thing, but alot worse. My husband is a convert to Islam so of course from a different country than my parents; they are Algerian. We got our Nikkah done 2 years ago, I knew he was a good Muslim and by the Will of Allah we got married, with my father present even if he didn't love the idea. My mother still does not approve and so my dad now follows her. I have been blackmailed this entire time to leave my husband, which I did once Astaghfirullah but with constant prayer Allah brought us back. It is still not accepted by my family, they are now threatning they will never be happy with my decision and this hurts as I am the only child and would only love to make my parents happy.

      I would like to give some advice to whoever is going through this culture clash; it is not permissible in Islam and is detested by the Prophet, He, pbuh warned us to erase this tribalism as it is ignorant however the older generations still put greater importance to culture than religion. Before making any decisions Salat Istikhara is the best way to rely on Allah and put everything into His hands. If everything pans out, no one can stop the LAWFUL marriage of 2 individuals.. as the Prophet (pbuh) said there is nothing better than marriage for two people who love eachother; and now a days it is hard to find people who are strong in their Deen and who are compatible. Therefore, I strongly believe it is up to our generation to erase this culture nonsense and really start focusing on the true value of Islam. And when parents say there will be no 'barakah' without their blessing; remember Allah is in control of everything, only He can bless the righteous and it is every WOMAN and MAN's right to pick their spouse; only reason for denial is charachter or deen. I have spoken to countless Immam's who have all given me the same answer. Do not delay marriage for petty reasons; complete your deen while still being respectful and obedient to what is RIGHT towards your parents and always pray that Allah will soften their hearts.

      This is the advice I can give to everyone who is going through the same thing. I am still dealing with it after 2 years, however with prayer and Dua I have learnt to slowly cope with it... Patience is a way to become closer to Allah and gain rewards, this is a test from Allah. I believe we should all work together to support one another and slowly erase cultural dominance over Islam.

      • That is a beautiful piece of advice. Jazakillah khayran sister. I ask Allah to bless your marriage and to soften your parents in favour of this. I'm not sure if you have children but I know of several marriages that began sour and continued that way until babies came into the picture. Usually, parents can't continue being angry and cold when an innocent human being becomes their grandchild. All the best sister, may Allah protect you. It's so sad to see and heart of so many young muslims that are stuck in the same situation because of some jahil attachment to culture.

        • Assalam Walikoum 'Similar'. I also ask Allah to bless every individual who is going through something similar, it is so tough and draining no one knows how it truly feels unless they are in the same situation. I do not have children, I do not feel it is appropriate to use children to fix issues, especially petty ones like Culture Clashes .. But I also rely on Allah and whenever He feels to bless my husband and I with children I sure hope my parents will come around. It is hard and Ramadan is soon approaching, I do not know how to handle either situation... leaving my husband to keep my parents happy or keeping my husband happy and depressing my parents. Culture has ruined the view of Islam and I hope people in inter-cultural marriages erase these divisions that older generations have placed on us. Are you in a similar situation ? I always make Dua for Allah SWT to help myself and every person going through the same problem.... it has scarred me emotionally and I feel as if I cannot enjoy my life with my amazing Husband. May Allah soften every parents heart and allow us to complete our deen .

  4. salaam

    i haven't got married yet.proposals come on girl but get decline with the help of Allah.finally i have decided to stand on my own foot get financially strong and ask girl hand from her father on my own.putting my trust on Allah.coz that's the last option i have got.

    i would advice try hard convince ur parents first but if they don't agree and u cant live without the girl then make yourself financially strong and ask the girl hand on Ur own or friends putting ur trust on Allah.

    Allah has his ways

  5. May Allah give you whatever is best, Wise Guy. I've been keeping you in my duas. You keep me in your duas too as I'll be approaching my father about this...once again.

  6. Assalam alaikum wa rmb.
    I live in uk now, My situation was solved Long time ago. ALHUMDOLELHA
    I Will remember you all in my duas. Inshallahh
    Remember me n ur duas.
    Zawia

  7. salaam everyone

    inshallah i will be approaching girl parents on my own or few friends after this ramadan.i am financially set and will be assuring them that i can manage it on my own so lets hope for the best putting my trust on allah.
    kindly pray for me all

  8. Wise_guy, I will make dua for you as often as I remember inshaAllah. My last approach fell apart and with the help of Allah, we just (yesterday) came up with another plan to overcome this hurdle. Inshallah we will do our best to tie our camel...please remember me in your duas too.

  9. Salam

    Similar, thank you for keeping me in your duas,inshallah i will also be keeping u in my duas.i jusr read muslimah403 advice thas realy good.i will be updating u guys after ramadan and u also update me about yours.
    waslam.

  10. Salem aleikm.
    I will inshAllah pray fr all of u going through these kind of situations, I used to
    Recite some kind of duas and dhikrs I had got from one shaikh and Alhumdolelha it helped.
    I can really feel wot u guys ar feeling but my all duas are with u my dear brothers and sisters.
    May Allah solve all yr problems. Amin.
    Sister zawia

    • im also going through this situation myself I already posted my story similar to yours, I really hate how people place culture backgrounds before Islamic beliefs I wish this would change asap because I cant stand how people see a view world out there and make themselves superior to others islam doesn't teach us to be racist to our own kind where all Muslims in the end just different kinds but with same belief and religion does the background have to matter ?

      ill be praying for everyone aswell I know how it feels dealing with blind and ignorant people I just wish Allah swt will help open their eyes and make the world more loving with equality and diversity in shaa allah ameen

      zawia can you give me that dua that you said you have received from one of the shaikhs please.

      • sister Zawia when you see this can you please reply asap for that dua you have told us about please.

        • Salam eliykm.
          Sister,am I allowed to ask you for ur email?
          I can inshAllah tell u in details there, but if its e prob fr u ,I can inshAllah tell.u here.
          May our Lord Allah help u all. Amin

  11. salem aleykm!
    No prblem. Sister Kay786 I read your story and feel so sorry for you. May Allah help you. My advice to you is that you follow Islam, make your iman stronger because when deen comes to the heart , the problms disappear and you will never feel lonely inshAllah. Remember that Allah is always with you.

    Recite Darood as much as you can because, Allah showers 10 blessings on the man who recites a Durood and the first man who will meet the Prophet (Sallal Laahu Alaihi Wasallim) on the Day of Judgement will be that person who had recited the Durood maximum number of times in his life time.

    The duas I had gotten from the shaikh were for my Marriage problem, do you still want them?

    My duas are with you sister.

    • hey sister zawia ,

      I do pray my duroods everyday I never leave a single day without praying atleast 100 maximum of durood i wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise.

      yes please is that ok my friends having some marriage problems i would like to help her out.

      my duas are with you aswell sister.

  12. Salem alaykm

    Not e prob. I can post the dua here.
    Sister I was told to recite many other duas as well but this is one of those.

    You have to do this everyday.
    11 times darud
    7 times ayah 54 in surah furqan
    8 times ya Allaho ya waajido ya Majido
    3 times Dua for ur prob
    11 times darood

    But my advise to your friend is that before she takes any step , she has to break contact with the one she loves. We must leave something which is haram first and then Allah will surely help.

    I am afraid to tell the whole thingy about my situation and the website doesn't allow personal contact but leave everything on Allah and trust him from the bottom of your heart. Inshallah my duas are with you dear sister

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