My Family don’t accept him because he is not educated
Salamalaikum wa rahmat Allah
I'm a 21 years old muslim girl, I have just graduated college to become a pharmacist, I knew a man since I was in high school. We weren't in contact all the time since then but we used to talk for times and off for times. First it started as friends because at that time I had no close person to talk to, my mom was busy and I have no sisters. So I found in him the person I could tell my secrets and my sadness. Even when I started to talk to him as a friend he wanted to meet my family so that we won't talk secretly but I was afraid of telling them because they wouldn't accept that idea and I'll lose him.
Then feelings developed between us and I loved him, he's really a good person he knows Allah well and he's a good muslim he helps peple and we used to remind each other of prayers in time and encourage each other of many kinds of good deeds. Since then he talked to my family to propose for me but surely got rejection as I was still studying and still young but the second main reason that made them say no and never because he had left school to work, he doesn't have a college degree and his family was "not as educated" as mine. After that we had no connection, he travelled to another country and started working and studying. Recently we talked again (that's after five years), he had taken many courses to get into a college and still didn't but started going to an academic institute that qualifies him for college. He came to visit my family again but still got rejection as they said "he'll get diploma while you have a respected bacheolar degree" and sometimes they said they'll never accept me to go away to live in another country
I hated my degree and I sometime wish I'm more simple and can have the person I love in halal rather than putting me in this situation. I truely believe he's good and honest and he's trying to continue his education while working and make a living. Also he's trying to build a financial support to come back and get married and live here. My mother said if you decided to marry him consider yourself no longer my daughter and we'll have no connection with you. I don't think that's fair to him or to me. I'm still waiting for him and I can't accept another person to be my husband because I don't think that will be fair to the man who loves me nor to the man to be my husband. Currently we're talking secretly and I don't want to do a sin and I think shaytan is getting closer to us when we do private talks I don't want these things to make us weaker. He says talk to me to help me in studying and I'm helping him.
He planned to get the diploma then we get married mean while he tires to finish college because it's hard to wait for another 5 years especially to him as a man living in a european country. But again my family said NO. Please help me I feel really lost, I'm sad all the time and I really don't know how to think. I refuse to accept that a person has to be punished for what his family did and made him behind in education and that he's trying to overcome that.
-muslima_pride
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Salaam Muslima_pride.
Sorry to hear your situation, it is wrong of your parents to reject him soley due to education. Even worse are their threats to disown you. However, we do not have control over anyone elses actions except ourselves. So the only thing you can change here is yourself. First and foremost, stop being in secret contact with this guy. Cut all contact with him, as its haraam to talk to non-mahram without reason. Also you are dragging it out. If there is no way you can marry this guy, one day you most likely will split. And the longer you continue chatting with him, the harder its going to be. This means that when the time comes for them to break the engagement it will be much more difficult for you
The only thing you can do is try to nicely explain that education is not that important as marrying to please Allah swt. If that fails, try to get an imam to speak to them and convince them
Sara
Islamicanswerscom editor
hi sara, i am sorry that wat i am goin to ask is not relevant , but i am new to this site, i really need some advice on a personal matter, do u know if it is possible to talk to one of the admins of this site in private?
and i am sorry about your situation muslima, i know families are hard to convince, but i hope allah gives u strength and helps u through this.
You can log in and submit your question as a separate post, and ask for one of the Editors to contact you privately, but I cannot guarantee that anyone will do so. What I recommend is that you submit your post for normal publication, but use a fake name and don't reveal any personal details. That way your identity will be safe.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam Muslim Pride,
My suggestion is that since your family is not accepting the muslim brother then you should break all communication with him and instead u should complete your studies become qualified and get a stable job. And in the interim if you happen to like another muslim guy that ur family is also cool then go for that. But after completing ur studies with a job,if u still feel for this muslim brother and provided he is still single then u should convince ur family that u will marry to him in halal way (i.e if not ur parents then try to make ur brother or unlce ur wali).
Remember by u getting a secured job and if u happen to marry this muslim brother, then this would mean u could inshaAllah live happier life with him. one of u- husband (most often it is the husband) or the wife should have a secured source of money coming in for everyday living. think about it.
Also, one important thing you and this muslim brother shouldnt wait or make promises for or to each other that u will marry each other coz when this promise doesnt get fulfilled then both of ur hearts may break greatly and u will find it harder to move on with life.
I wish u well.
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