Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Family not agreeing due to caste

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"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And God has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)." 49:13.

Hi i am currently going through the a problem and i came across this forum i have known this guy for 6 yrs my family hav met him and know his from a good family and is a good guy and that he will keep me happy but are not allowing me to marry him due to caste difference. I come from a family where my sister married out of caste and so did my brother but now that it is my turn the only reason they are saying it is becuz they have heard from other people that they are a low caste and yet on several occasions the boys family have spoke and proven to my family that they are not.

I am very much hurt and upset as my whole family are against me jus becuz of his caste and keep saying to me if u want to marry him you have to leave home. I have tried to speak to my family on several occasions and explained that he is a good guy and i know he will keep me happy and that caste shouldnt matter as caste does not come from islam.

I love my mum so much and i wish she would understand but i also love this guy and know will keep me happy and refuse to let go jus becuz of his caste. I feel so trapped and pray Allah swt softens my family's heart. I'm confused trapped and suffocated.

~N Sister

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3 Responses »

  1. Salaam, your problem is a common one, and as much as it is hard to say many parents tend to walk around islam when it comes to marriage to a particular caste/castes. it will be very hard to convince your parents of accepting the guy, the stubborn nature is one fixated from many generations and since your siblings followed suite, your accustomed to do the same, my advice is ask your mother to do istikhara, if the result is good then under islamic law and teachings she cannot argue with the will of Allah and therefore will have no choice but to let you marry the guy, this is your best hope and inshaAllah it will work out. keep praying and keep faith in Allah and inshaAllah everything will work out for you, suffer now and live the rest of your life in harmony inshaAllah.

  2. I am in the same situation sister. Inshallah if you keep praying and he is the man for you no one can prevent you two from getting married. Everything is in the power of Allah . However, you should try and tell your mother and giver her proof that what she is doing is HARAM. And she cannot refuse a potential suitor unless there is a legitemate reason due to religion. Also, it is said in the Quran that an Arab is not better than a NonArab (vice vers) other than Taqwa . So speak to her, and let her know that she is using a culture belief over what Allah (SWT) has mentioned. Also, try and get a Immam or someone they respect to talk to them .
    Good luck !! And let me know how it goes 🙂

  3. Aaah I am suffering from the same prolem.If i had your circumstances I must have married that person whom I love but unlucky i have bitter one. My family is too much rigid about caste, there had been no one in my ancesstors who ever married to a person out of caste even males never did it. The person I love belongs to a much lower caste in the eyes of the people but he is the person in my life. I'''m too much desperate. Life has become just tears which i'm shedding day and night...

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