Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Family or husband

Young woman looking thoughtful, pensive

Asalamu Alaykum all I'm in a very bad situation and I need help.

Me and my husband had a bad argument he insulted me bad and had been acting different lately so I was very upset and told him to leave (we currently live with my parents) . My husband came to find out how long I wanted space from him and things escalated and I told him this isn't going to work because the discussion between my father and him and his two friends that came over didn t go well and my dad has high blood pressure and I was worried something bad would happen. As I stood up and ended the discussion my husband shouted you're divorced and he walked towards upstairs to go to our room my father went behind him and grabbed his arm and asked him where he was going my husband then screamed at my father "don't touch me" and he pushed my father. After he left he apologised and cried to me and said he was sorry and was willing to change and he knows what he did was wrong. I sometimes worry he isn't being sincere because of what my parents say.

Islamically he took me back by saying I take u back to his two friends as this is first divorce.

My parents now are refusing to forgive him and say to me I can't go back to him. I'm very depressed and sad I can't sleep or eat and my anxiety is through the roof. I have been praying Istikhara and feel my husband will change I want to give him a chance but my parents are refusing and they keep saying that because of the stress they have been put through that if I go back to him and something bad happens to my parents it will all be my fault. I feel my parents are being too over protective I just want an opportunity to give things a shot. They keep saying Allah will punish me for angering them but if he is stiĺl my husband won't I get punished for not listening to him.

Everyone is acting distant from me and blaming me saying I'm not loyal. My husband has good traits but his anger let's him down. Things have been stressful I had a miscarriage half way through my pregnancy in June and I haven't been doing well Alhamdulilah for everything.

Please help me what shall I do? I pray Allah protects my parents and their health and grant them a long healthy life Ameen. I don't want to disappoint my parents but I also don't want to live with regrets me and my husband had a lot of great memories I can't bare to think we won't be together and him be wirh someone else and me with someone else. I'm 22 years old and he is 24. Also my family think I'm under black magic by his family because apparently I'm blind and being controlled and used. Also there have been few issues since living with my family. My husband when adviced can take things personal and sound cocky with his replied but at the same time my parents complained about stuff that wasn't worth complaining about. I know they love me and worried but I feel like I can't make my own decisions any more. Am i blind am I not seeing something

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5 Responses »

  1. Sister you are married now I think you are making things get harder if he isn’t hitting you and going to your parents isn’t helping your marriage . You need to be mature . Marriage has ups and downs the closest person to you is him . If you Accepted the Nikha again. You are abusing his rights . Make your husband happy and give it another shot May Allah make your marriage work . Your responsibility as a wife is important

  2. But then pushing her father away and screamed shamelessly in his presence you're divorced?? Think of that as your self that your child's spouse did that to you as a parent how will you feel. PS he stays in her parents house. I think live is difficult for him that's why he called back. But if you still feel he is ready to change, then try to win over your parents and try to make them understand make du'a about it. If you feel you're under black magic then make du'a about it. And if he really wanted you back he wouldn't just say it in the presence of your friends or his. He would come down to your home and bare all the embarrassment and insults he would receive and apologize to your father show him his sincere heart and how he wants you back. Not just contacting only you and his friends and talking about how he wants you back.

  3. Salam,

    Your living situation isn't helpful to your marriage. It's like your parents are parenting two kids at their house. If you can move out that would probably help your marriage. Islamically he took you back and you are his wife. Your parents do not have a right to say you can't go back to him.
    Divorced women remain in waiting for three periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have more right to take them back in this [period] if they want reconciliation. And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
    And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not.

    They do not have a right to ask you not to fulfill your husbands rights. Allah will not punish you for their anger as they are going against the verses above. Also, where does it say that Allah will punish someone if their parents are angry at them? What if I have a short tempered mom, does that mean I end up in hell because she constantly gets angry at the slightest thing?

    Lastly, he's supposed to be supporting you financially and in other ways. I hope he's fulfilling your rights.

  4. Ok first of all sister if your husband respected you a little, he would not dare to raise his hand towards your father. Idc what it was a push or a tug he touched your father the person who raised you and nurtured you and gave you to someone (your husband) so your husband can take full responsibility of you. Honestly if I was in your shoes I would try to see why your husband is changing? Is there a reason? An influence? Another girl perhaps? Don't stay quiet and DO NOT sit there and say I can't leave him. You are stronger than him. If your parents are telling you to leave him theres a reason why because their intution is stronger than yours. Do not undermine your parents they are looking at your husband from a third perspective and that should be your strongest sign. As for your istikhara, istikhara is the events that follow after you make istikhara hence you pray that Allah SWT shows you right from wrong. If you don't see right or your denying it then it shows that he shouldn't be in your life. There is a reason for everything. Have you ever wondered why you had a miscarriage? Maybe Allah SWT didn't want you to have a baby with him. A child that may have you stay with him. Trust in Allah SWT and know that hes not worth it.

  5. What do you and your husband usually fight about? Is it related to living with your parents. Guys don't normally feel man enough when living under in-laws roof. What made him so angry at your father? I am not denying what he did to your father was wrong but if he can get easily upset at him then he can do the same thing to you, raising his hands. Pray istikhara.

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