His family found out about my past and now hate me.
Don't let shaytan keep whispering the past to you when you know Allah promises to forgive his sincere repentant slave
When I was 16 i started seeing a guy. I never had intention to do bad with him but after 1 and half years together we committed zina. I soon found out he was cheating on me and I started hating him and I stopped speaking to him. I regretted what I did so badly and promised myself to never do this again except with my husband. After starting university, I met someone new and He asked me if I was a virgin and I said yes as he was a virgin and I was ashamed to admit my mistake. We started dating but stayed away from evil deeds.
After almost a year of speaking to this new guy who once drank and smoked, but all of which he left for me, he came into contact with my ex. My ex showed him a secretly recorded video which he had taken on his mobile phone and hidden whilst I had exited the room, of us committing zina. My ex also admitted to showing other people in our area the video and even sending them it. Hearing this my boyfriend was so angry and betrayed and in his anger he gave me an ultimatum; to commit zina with him also or leave.
At this point, I was so in love with him and had even met his family including mum who loved me, and so I rationalised it to myself by saying I new I will marry him so I committed zina with him. A couple of months ago his family asked why we were waiting and why we didn't get engaged now. He was also ready to get engaged to me, but due to us still being in Uni and him failing a year and so behind me, I wanted to wait since my family take education very seriously and I wanted them to love him as much as I do.
Now, after 3 years of us being together someone has gone to his dad and shown his dad this video of me. His dad then emotionally blackmailed him and made him give his word to marry a girl from back home or else he would be kicked out of his house and would never see his mum, brothers and sisters again. When I found out; I was devastated and told him that although I loved him so much I could never let him leave his family for me and I told him we should let go of each other. I tried to avoid his calls after this and didn't reply to his text messages, but he called my cousin and cried to her so much that she begged me to talk to him.
When I spoke to him he told me he will find a way to get out of the engagement as he cannot imagine spending his life with another women. Though in the past we have not been regular with our prayers we both now pray everyday and are desperately looking for a solution to make his family like me again even though they have now all heard I am not a virgin and therefore hate me. I am worried that even if he somehow manages to get out of the engagement, his family will hate me and also hate him. I don't know what to do except pray to Allah for forgiveness and to show me the right path. If any one has any advice i would be grateful.
123meh.
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Asalaam alikum,
The first thing is that you have to do something about that video. Since it seems that you were underage at the time, that video can be considered as child pornography depending on where you live. If you have the fortitude, I would involve the police to confront your ex and possibly prosecute him. Anyone else who has that video should also be made aware of the fact that it is possibly child porn and the implications of possessing such a video and sharing it with others. Many school campuses involve the police in places such as high schools when something similar occurs and the videos are usually quickly destroyed. It's time your ex is faced with the reality of the law and faces it's possible punishment. You need to put an end to this situation and bear with it by taking advantage of the law.
I am also going to advise you to leave the current man that you are seeing. He has emotionally exploited you, blackmailed you and put you into an emotional state where he forced you into sex. No good, honest and decent man would do such a thing. He is a manipulator and it will in the end be for the best if you leave such a man behind. You also need to face the reality that his father has seen you in a sex act and the implications of that for the rest of your life, if you marry his son, is too harmful to consider.
You are being constantly manipulated and controlled in your life: from an ex and with your current boyfriend. Knowing this, you should realize why it's important that Allah (swt) has set down certain guidelines as to how you are supposed to relate to the opposite sex: with modesty and aloofness. The consequences of having boyfriends has been one calamity after another in your life, so you need to reassess how you view and value your own self, before you can start to consider marriage to another person. If you do not, you may continue to find yourself emotionally manipulated into acts that you never wanted to be in.
The best you can do to reform your life is cut all these ties with the past by putting an end to the men who exploit you by criminal prosecution of your ex and leaving your current boyfriend. I see no real hope that the later will ever be a good man for you.
You need to find refuge in Allah (swt), instead.
I agree with professor x you are being controlled sister 100%. Neither of the men loved you, they are using you and continued to betray your trust don't you think you deserve better. Dump this man and move forward find your own path in correcting your own mistakes you don't need these filthy men. Sister men use women once they know where they can get a woman by sweet talk etc we think differently to them if he your recent man was decent he wouldn't have never done haraam with you instead would have married you the haalal way. I hope you wake up and see whats going on and don't allow yourself to keep being used you deserve so much better and put faith into allah.
Totally agree with professor x and samina.. You need to get in contact with the police. Firstly your ex is disgusting and needs to be delt with.. And your current guy is so low! No man should give you ultimatums instead his own motif was to fulfil his own desires.. You can walk away walk away with some dignity instead of marrying a guy who has no respect for you and family that will always look down at you and won't let you live this down' keep repenting and believe allah knows best...inshallah you will find a guy who whos actions will show love your bf is a sleaze sorry
Dear girl
I agree with professor x. Tk cr of the video first.
Finish your education and find a new man, as long ad u repented Allah is the only judge, don't ever care again abt yr past it's done & if anyone reminds u tell them to mind their own business as it was in the past & of nones concern but yours.
Inshallah Ay Allah guide u o the rite path Amin
Asalamo Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barkathoo
Sister the only thing i will say is PRAY TO ALLAH swt to take u of this mess, and one more thing, no soul in this world can help you.........if only ALLAH swt wills it .......
u were into a past relationship with a guy and u did zina, and he was a cheater.......thats the first mistake u ever did , we all do mistakes nobody is perfect...neways
i am not being disrespectful here.....but tell me what made u go after another guy who was drunk and was a smoker....and u did changed him that is very nice..........., i mean what i dont understand is.......y didnt u learned from ur past mistake.............y did u had to fall in love again.........y not fall in love with ALLAH swt his prayers his praises his tasbeeh .............and to be honest with u , the 2nd guy after hearing the truth about u "he asked u to commit zina with him" thats wat strucked me ..........he could have shrugged off and would have understand u, but he wanted other way around........ya ya i know i am talking alot here........well sorry i cant help it......... u could have ignored the 2nd guy....and would have concentrate in ur studie and u could have gone more near to ALLAH swt ........and ya one more thing........nobody can bring bad person to right path......if ONLY ALLAH swt will it.....he will walk the right path, u had the sign of ignoring him "when he asked u about commiting zina" ...well u could have just walked away and ignored him .....neways
ALLAH swt the merciful the forgiver...........pray to ALLAH swt and go near to ALLAH swt the gates of forgivness are always open......its never been closed...............wat happened in past is past.........u can leave that past and walked towards future .....going strong with the love of ALLAH swt in ur heart .......and beleive me only RABUL ALAMIN CAN GIVE U PEACE.......we the commenters....cant give u the best advice....only ur heart can give u the best advice.......coz ALLAH swt is in the heart.
Insha ALLAH ALLAH swt will give u the peace and all these problems will be gone......BELIEVE IN ALLAH swt not wat we saying
HUMANS DO ALOT OF MISTAKE..................BUT THEY GET TIRED OF ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS
ALLAH SWT ....never gets tired FORGIVING his creations
LATERZ
Your better off without any of them, what I can't understand is how can you let someone film something like that yes you mentioned u somehow didn't know but really I'm sure he did tell you, and the new guy he forced you into doing something you shouldn't have shows you what he really is like, maybe he did that because he was angry and felt like he had to get one over on you even though it was not your fault,
Sister please stay away from these men just all men in general and have some time to yourself and pray to Allah for forgiveness and then get married.
Asalaam alaykum,
One of the problems these days is that cameras are so small, they can be hidden anywhere. I suppose what happened is that he kept it, but didn't tell her after they separated and he was contrite. This is why zina should never be committed and why women must ensure their surroundings. Unscrupulous neighbors, employers without ethics and immoral lovers will try to shame, blackmail and extort women with these types of videos.
Women must understand that we live in an electronic age in which these pictures, videos and live video feeds can be broadcast around the world instantaneously. The implications of this cannot be overlooked. Surely this is a calamity to befall those people who are not careful. It's another sign of why zina is such a terrible sin.
Sister 123meh,
The shaitan tricked you twice, once at your tender age and now in your early age. Please repent to Allah (swt) a lot. And my advise to you is, LEAVE this recent guy. He abused you. He took advantage of your situation. He blackmailed you. My dear you need his love nor his family's love. Dearest sister, LEAVE him. You don't need someone immoral and unethical in your life. Even if he sheds tears for the rest of his life for you, don't ever go to him. Please don't have any contact with him. I am more angry with the recent guy than the other filth who filmed you.
Sister, from now on take care of yourself. Don't ever let any losers come near you. Sister, please take your time and purify yourself. Turn to Allah (swt) for forgivness. Make yourself a better and wiser person in Islam. Alhamdulillah, you still seem young. Work on yourself, work on your emaan. That is what you need.
Sister, at the same time I urge you to go to your police and report the first guy about the footage. The police will go to his house and will confescate the original clip from him and may give him couple of years in jail. Don't let that guy to get away with it. You may need to involve your family.
At the end if you do all that and there is still no success with your case then don't worry. You tried and it didn't work, but you must continue to move on with your life. InshaAllah, Allah (swt) will protect you even if you don't get hold of the footage.
Takecare of yourself. And never let any guy come and talk near you. Keep yourself to yourself. And, inshaAllah, the next person who comes to your life let that be only your pious and understanding husband.
InshaAllah, you will be in my duas. May Allah (swt) protects you and make your situation easy for you.
Your sister, Parveen
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Please could somebody advice the sister in question about how should she handle her past, to a potential spouse? I don't think she can hide something like this and at the same time she is not allowed to disclose in full?
* you don't need his love...
sister, i will pray for you to be happy and what ever happens happens good inshallah BUT you hae to pray to allah and ask him to forgive your sins.