Family will disown me if I choose an Arab, so who do I choose?
I have been with someone for many years and we decided to get married and are really happy.
Keep in mind I began talking to this Palestinian man when I wasn't religious and as time passed I am more religious and do my best to keep it this way. He was never religious and still isn't but with my help he is learning to change and is a really nice guy.
My family has a guy from my country ready for me and he truly loves me-honestly. I don't love him but I look at him like a friend.
He is open minded and is the perfect guy for my family yet I find no comfort with him. I can also have a wedding with this man but I can't have a wedding with the Palestinian man because my family will object and it is a disgrace to them. I have been praying for signs for over 6 months and I am not getting anything nor is any one of them leaving.
Once I tell my father about the Palestinian guy, he will kick me out so no I can't tell him right now.
I need help on choosing the right person. Do you pick someone your happy and comfortable with or someone who loves you and will keep your family happy?
- afggirl
30 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalamu alaykum Afggirl,
I believe you have an Afghan back ground. Afghans are very "cultural" people and find it hard to tolerate anything against their culture, though it may be against Islam they may have no problem.
Being from such a family, you should have chosen not to be with any person from a back ground other than yours. When you well know that your family would not accept a Non Afghan why give hope to someone?
You said your dad would kick you out if you make mention of it in the family. I do not know what sort of behavior would that be from a father.
Sister if you think your family will not accept a Non - Afghan and your disobedience is likely to cause much Fitna, better make a choice which would make them happy, if you wish " not to be kicked out".
If you are ready to be kicked out and you think this guy will marry you, then it is your choice, if you have Alhamdulillaah the right person for marriage, then Allah knows, you may go for it.
It is good to have a religious person who fears Allah and it is equally imporant for you to be religious and God fearing to live a smoothe married life together.
I just do not understand such cultures. They just do not reasoning nor do they see the verses of the Qur'an nor the Islamic perspective about different race and colors of people.
What they have in mind is " tribal pride", "societal price", "cultural pride". Allah does not love any person who boasts about what he has. The consequences of their actions will not be right if they keep on forcing girls to marry. I am sorry to say, but Afghans are too much in to culture and lacking " Islamic brotherhood" in their acceptance of Muslim poeple from other races for marriage to their children.
May Allah give them hidayah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
BrotherMunib,
I hope you dont mind me asking but from everything you have said....Have you had a personal experience with Afghans???
Assalamu alaykum Sister Faith,
I would like to write to you in detail, but this is not the right place. I hope you understand.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Assalam O Alaikum sister Faith,
I think we should remain to the point and try to help the poster. It is well known fact that most of the Muslim families have problems when it comes to marrying their son/daughter in another culture regardless of where they live. I hope you don't mind me saying this but this is not the place to narrate personal experiences but a forum which is dedicated to help Muslim Ummah across the globe and WE SHOULD AVOID THESE KIND OF UNWANTED CONVERSATIONS AND STICK TO THE RULES.
Wasalam,
Your brother,
Muhammad1982.
Editor IslamicAnswers.com
Walikum assalaam,
I was only asking a question because brothermunib also got very specific towards Afghan people and was not speaking generally hence I didnt see anything wrong in asking him that q...I was genuinely curious because all that which he said could not have been 'general' knowledge only.
Also I wasnt asking the question intending to mean that did he have a personal experience as in with a partner who was afghan or something along those lines to be honest.
I wanted to know his grounds for his opinion on the matter and advice given, not his biography and personal life.
Anyhow, no biggy.
Wassalaam
Also, can i request something from the editors, specifically to brother Wael.
Many a times people on this website have something to say to someone but cant because its against the rules or simply the fact that it is an open forum where all can read whats written so its not appropiate. Have you thought of ways to maybe make communication between people here a little more relaxed incase sometimes u have something to say to another member but dont want everyone to see it? Like Private messaging facility?
Just a thought. Kind of seen the need for something like that as many a times people are having to say to the editors "can you pass my email to.."
Was salaamu alaikum
Walikum assalaam afggirl,
Yes I too believe you are afghan so being an Afghan myself, I can understand your situation VERY well.
Khuwaher mehraban, I recommend you marry the man who has the most deen in him. That of course is the primary thing any muslim should look for in a marriage.
If the choice is between the two you have mentioned and no1 else, then sister I would say that marry the man who loves you and who your family will also accept. As they say, marry the person who loves you, not who you love . There is a lot of wisdom in that saying. Many a times people marry someone THEY love and despite loving that person, if that person doesnt love them then they end up being very hurt and seperate over time...but if someone loves YOU then they will treat you well and you will grow to love them for all the love that they show you - that is if someone else is not in the picture simultaneously. So if you inshallah decide to go with the man your family wants and has chosen for you, then make sure you do it properly= leave the Palestinian bro for good.
Remember one main thing - you really will never be happy without the blessings of your parents and if your parents are weeping.
I know that in Islam there is no racism however when we have a choice, we should go with what pleases our parents and what hasnt been prohibited by our deen also - which would be for you to IDEALLY marry an afghan.
It is unfortunate but also the reality that most of our community is VERY prejudiced and racist towards marrying their children, especially daughters, to anything but an afghan.
Inshallah May allah guide us all.
Also I want to congratulate you for becoming more religious and showing more interest in the deen.Inshallah keep that up 🙂
Agar mekhahi ke dar tamaas baashi baaz metani az editors khwahish koni wa baret ma email konom.
=)
Was salaaam.
Assalamu alaykum Sister Afggirl,
Afghan girls are made to "surrender" to these customs under pressure. So, Allah forbid, aisa naa ho, par you may also be one of those made to "surrender" to the family customs and cultural traditions, left with no choice but to marry an Afghan and then to make yourself happy by being made to think " I married by choice", I was not forced in to marriage.
Do you have a choice? Ask yourself, do I have a choice to be with the Palestinian? If not, then sister there is no meaning in thinking much when you know they won't allow with their own will such a marriage. See the amount of fear the father puts in his girl's heart that she cannot even speak to him about such an important matter of life.
Allah knows the truth of the matters. It is not just Afghans but a lot of Muslims in different countries find it hard to accept Muslims from other cultures.
The women folk sit in halaqas in mosques in the countries they live in, they speak about Islam, and say we make no difference between white and black, arab or non arab, our Prophet said " Do not keep the pride of Jahiliyyah" and he said marry a person for his/her iimaan and the Qur'an says: O mankind we created you from a single pair and made you nations and tribes so that you may know one another and not that you may despise one another. For Da'wah and giving lectures on islam and listening to Sheikhs and speaking to Non Muslims it all souns very sweet, but they reality is be it Afghan or Arab or Indian or Pakistani Muslims, people find it awful to welcome a person from a different country in to their family and they further feel "ashamed" of the same Islamic values being put in to practice by marriage.
What is the use of reading the Qur'an? Sitting in halaqas? Hearing lectures of Shaikhs? Being happy at seeing a non Muslim come to Islam and then when the same person would look for marriage to one of their kids, the same people, how they change and take a you turn, why?
Lot of questions and only one answer which those who do forced marriages of kids would never give - but it is surely their unanswered answer- We know what the Qur'an says but we submit to our cultures and not to Allah in matters of marriage. Yes, in other matters we submit to Allah, but in this matter, we submit to out cultures and desires.
How can that be submission? How can that be when you accept some revelations and deny others? What kind of surrender is that?
We trust Allah and hope He will guide new generations to a more open outlook to Islamic borhterhood beyond borders and help them understand and act upon the true values of Islam.
I am sad at this situation of yours and that of countless Muslim youth in today's times.
I do not know, only Allah knows how to change this situation, I can be happy if you get married happily with the person of your choice and mourn with you if you are denied.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Assalam O Alaikum sister Faith,
I don't mean to sound harsh or rude at all but whatever the reason it still is not acceptable to allow members of opposite gender to have a private conversation for whatever reason. We are humans and prone to making mistakes and boundaries set by Islam are there for a reason. I am not doubting anyone's intention but no matter how hard we try shaytan will always make us stray from the right path.
It doesn't make sense to me to ask people for their personal experiences with whomsoever they had with someone. You said that you didn't see anything wrong but I couldn't see anything RIGHT there and the fact that someone cannot give advice without going through the experience is also not logical. It could well be that someone very close to him (friend or family member) went through something similar which gave him an insight into the whole situation.
I can't tell you about brother Wael but I am sure if you need any assistance then he can get you in touch with one of female editors Insha Allah.
Sister again, you can take details of our a fellow editor (e-mail of a sister) and as far as privacy is concerned; we try our best to make all the questioners/poster feel safe and that's one of the reason we don't allow opposite gender interactions.
Yes about the "private messaging"
I hope you were not offended or felt that I was being rude but understand that we have a responsibility to protect everyone on this forum in all possible ways.
Wasalam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Assalaamu alaikum,
Well brother , I am aware of the restrictions set islamically on the opposite gender and interaction, however, I really dont see how private messaging which the moderators/EDITORS of the website can easily view (so its not really private like an email can be) is any more harmful than opposite genders interacting here like they are already doing.
And I wasn't proposing it for opposite genders to have fun chatting..It would actually be more useful for same genders interacting as the need for that has been greater. Many a times a sister posts and due to brothers also being present and everyone on the net being able to see it, the issue can only be addressed to a certain extent so the questioner is having to ask ' can you email me sister so and so' ..then the editors come and have to pass emails etc...
Anyhow, it was just an idea that I thought would be beneficial. Up to the owners of the site anyway.
May Allah swt bless you for your efforts , Ameen.
Was salaam
I appreciate the suggestion, but I do not feel a private messaging feature would be appropriate for this website. There is too much potential for abuse; and moderating all messages would be extremely time consuming.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I have deleted the comments that followed this one between brother Muhammad and sister Faith. I apologize for any offensive comments that were made. Let's remember that we are brothers and sisters - that means we are like family. We should not overreact. We should think the best of each other and try to understand each other, and always be forgiving and kind.
Note to all members: please do not post email addresses here. If there is a valid need and reason, we sometimes put a female questioner in touch with a female editor, or a male with a male, and on a few occasions I have put female members in touch with each other, although I am reconsidering that policy. However, in general we encourage all communication to take place in public, through the comments.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you all for your responses and yes I am Afghan but were a conservative family.
Please keep your opinions about Afghans to yourself because we do boost culture but we are also a great Muslim country.
My father will kick me out if I approach him but that's because to tell a father I am with someone is disrespectful. He is a good father to me and I have no complaints from him if it is my fault that I put myself in this situtation.
I don't want to commit another sin by marrying someone I can't keep happy but at the same time my Mother tells me it's my choice about him and that I will find love after marriage for him.
And that's why I was asking do you marry someone who you know you can keep happy and are comfortable with or do you marry someone that your not in love with and might find love down the line and will keep your family happy!!
Afggirl,
You know best which guy you would like to marry and will be content with. You also know your household situation best.
If revealing your relationship to your father can result in you being disowned, you need to ask yourself what impact will this have on you, your relationship and your family? Will the guy whom you love be able to support you and maybe help re-connect the broken family which resulted due to your haram relationship?
Please do not think that I am attacking you. I feel you are an intelligent female and you do not want to disappoint your family, but as humans we do fall weak to our desires and go astray.
If I were in your situation, I would try to get a trusted family member who is close with your father to discuss your relationship. I would also tell the guy to formally come to my home and send a proposal. If the guy is strong in deen, is caring, loving and brings out the best in me, my family would need to give me a strong reason to leave him. If they reject him on the mere basis that he is from a different culture, well then I am sorry I won’t agree. I know my Islamic rights as a female and as Muslimah and it is my right to choose my partner as long as it is done within Islamic guidelines.
If however, I love him but deep down I know that he may not keep me happy (and we all know this but we think for some odd reason our love will change thing—it wont!) and we fight a lot from now, then I will re-consider my relationship as things always get worse after marriage. I personally believe that inter-cultural marriages should not be shunned upon in any community as it is Islamically allowed.
Always listen to and obey your parents; the only time I suggest that you do not do this is when they want you to go against Islam and what Allah swt has commanded/allowed. Therefore, rejecting this Palestinian guy on the sole basis that he is not afghan is not a justifiable reason for me, but do seek your parent’s advice. They are much wiser than you are and many times their advices will give you deep insight in regards to this world and the people in it.
-Helping Sister
Assalamu alaykum Afggirl,
We do boast of our culture??
Well sister, Allah does not love boasters at all. He says this in the Qur'an repeatedly. Better Afghans would wake up to Allah's call.
A great Muslim country? Only Allah knows how "great" this Muslim country is..
Every Afghan father is a great father, but still his "respect" is so high that he would kick you out even if you say you like xxxx and what would be his opinion about you marrying him?
Very good that you see all fault was yours and not of your father. I am amazed how Afghan girls are made to think even choosing someone for marriage is " disrespectful" to parents. I seek refuge in Allah. And I am further amazed by the behavior of mothers who instead of approaching the father to consider a proposal of your choice, in turn tells you to marry another person who would keep you happy.
And I am still amazed how easily Afghan kids fall in love with someone, give hope to that person and agree to whatsoever they are made to understand and then "kick" that person out of their life whenever they understand parents. This is quite amazing about Afghan kids.
As far as your question for marriage goes:
You will be told by family, mom in specific, dear, the guy we saw for you is good, we know him, we don ot want anything wrong for you, he will keep you happy, he will fit in our culture, our family and "eventually" you will begin to love him.
So "eventually", most probably, you may given in to their assurance and "kick" out the Palestinian guy, because you don't want to see "tears" in your parents eyes. And once "kicked" what will happen? He will cry for a few months, then remain sad for a few months and then find a new one or not, Allah knows, but by that time he heals from the hurt of deception, we have a "little one" new member in the family.
Sister, when you well know Afghans, when you well know you will be forced in to marriage and you well know you will agree to parents, why you play with someone? Don't you fear Allah?
I do not even think our advices could be of help when ultimately you have to submit to the parents choice.
May Allah give you the best, either Palestinian or anyone else. My du'aas are with you.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Munib,
The sister did not say we 'boast of our culture,' please re-read her comment. It would be better to keep your advice to the point, without the constant reference to 'Afghan'.
I have deleted a second comment of yours giving out a sisters email address, please refrain from doing this.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asslamu alaykum Sister Z,
Fyi
Sister wrote, I quote again:
Please keep your opinions about Afghans to yourself " because we do boost culture but we are also a great Muslim country."
She probably wanted to write "boast", but spelling mistake lead to :boost culture. We cannot boost a culture, we can only boast. I seek refuge in Allah from any boasting.
Well, I am aware of Afghan mentality with some close contacts and I do not see any harm in mentioning it because the sister is Afghan and my answer is very much to the point for all to see.
The sister is Afghan and the situation she is in to and the question she posted is because of being in an Afghan family, so my referring to Afghan is not a "sin" Sister Z.
SisterZ's point is that you should not generalize and make statements about an entire culture. You can advise this sister on her situation without saying all Afghans do this, and all Afghans do that. We got a lot of Indians who come to us asking questions about astrology and numerology, but you will not see me generalizing and saying, "Every Indian Muslim believes in numerology." Since there are many educated Indian Muslims who know better.
You see my point, Insha'Allah.
If you think that a personal experience you had will be beneficial to the sister and will illustrate your point, then feel free to mention it. But let's stay away from characterizing entire cultures as one way or another.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Brother Wael,
I get your point, Alhamdulillaah.
I say sorry to "Afghanistan and Afghan people" if any of my comments above hurt your sentiments.
But you well know your suffering and you well know the consequences of your "love for culture" and "strict adherence" to man made laws.
Salaam,
Your brother.
When I say a great Muslim country, I meant because we are dominant Muslim. No Muslim is greater than another so stop twisting my words. I choose religion over culture because I have found the ayat stated in the Qur'an to call yourself a Muslim. Within many Muslim communities, not just Afghan, culture plays a major factor and that's not in my hands.
Also, Islamically we are supposed to RESPECT our parents. Both mother and father.
If I don't respect my father, then I might as well tell him to his face about every detail but you have to know what to say and not to say to a father. I can't disrespect him by telling him about a haram relationship I had but I can tell him that a Palestinian is asking for my hand. If you don't understand that then maybe if your daughter told you to your face about her mistakes, then you will understand my viewpoint.
Also Brother Munib, you seem to come off as a little hateful towards Afghans and I suggest YOU find further help with Allah related to your feelings because you are out of line. No one has forced me to do anything and I won't explain anymore to you. I hope you find peace within yourself and Allah will guide me to the right choice.
Thank you to everyone for all your input.
Assalamu alaykum Sister Afggirl,
I have no hate for anyone except the wrong doers. The Zalimuun.
All Muslims are my brethern and all those who reject Islam, I have nothing to do with them.
Yes, I take your advice, Insha Allah I shall seek more help from Allah in my approach to all matters not only those related to Afghans, Insha Allah.
As far as my daughter goes, Insha Allah, when I have one growing up, I would educate her, instruct her in good and bad with the Qur'an and do my duty as a father. Insha Allah I would also tell her, that whenever she is ready for marriage and likes a guy, Insha Allah we would consider her choice, look at his iimaan and his ability to make her happy and if she is content with her choice, Insha Allah, marry her without force.
Insha Allah, I would not decieve myself nor my daughter.
Thank you for giving important advice on where I am lacking.
I am sorry to give you advice. Please forgive me.
My only message to all who prefer to chose culture above Islam is:
8. And how many a community revolted against the ordinance of its Lord and His messenger, and we called it to a stern account and punished it with dire punishment,
9. So that it tasted the ill effects of its conduct, and the consequence of its conduct was loss.
10. Allah hath prepared for them stern punishment; so keep your duty to Allah, O men of understanding! O ye who believe! Now Allah hath sent down unto you a reminder, - Surah At Talaaq.
Salaam,
Your brother.
And Munib,
I did not write boast because that is haram.
I wrote boost which means encouragement if you didn't know and it was not an idea of pride and support it was being sheer honest about the fact that Afghans do encourage/boost culture but that is along with many other nationalities.
Salam
Assalamu alaykum Sister Afggirl,
You have a right to write what you like, whether it be "boast" or "boost" your culture.
I am sorry for writing reply to your post, I was just trying to put everything on "plain" terms to make the picture clear that if a family, culture does not approve of marriage outside it and a person has no strength to oppose or does not want to oppose, then she/ he should not set up a relationship with a person from another culture. Else it would lead to loss, waste of time, energy and most importantly - emotions.
But I am sorry for giving my views, as of course, you are an Afghan girl and even though they suffer due to their culture, they cannot hear anything said in its criticism.
So I am sorry for giving you advice.
Please be forgiving.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Brother munib, there is no need to get sarcastic.
The sister has done what she has done, that is her past, she is ALREADY involved with the palestinian so what is the point of you constantly saying to her 'why get involved , why get involved?'
It defeats the whole purpose of this site which is to encourage people to grow into better muslims, despite having committed 'wrongs' and 'sins'...and yes doing wrongs that you are even AWARE of whilst you are doing. People here come having committed zina, theft, adultery, all kinds of sins - sins that are worse than falling in love with someone...instead of repeatedly telling them 'why did you...' we advice them what to do NEXT now that they have committed the mistake.
Afggirl slipped, fell for someone and whether she knew the consequences back when she started the relationship or not, she does NOW hence she has come here and explained the situation (having realised it).
Bro, you have refrained from explaining your personal experience, which you obviously have to be this extremely prejudiced against the community in general, yet you have exerted so much energy into talking ill of a community in general. Perhaps if you could have explained your reasons for thinking this way a little more specifically, then me and other afghans here could help you out. As you can see, the two afghanst that are here - me and afggirl do not think the way you keep claiming 'afghans' do or are.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with loving your culture and traditions as long as they are not in conflict with the Deen. I cant think of anything in my culture that I do not like, except the things which are contradictory to what Islam preaches. I went through a phase the way you did, when I chose a man to marry who happened to be non Afghan. You can imagine the rest...If i was to type this a couple of years ago, I would have been typing your words however , experience, parenthood and time has shown me alot.
Our parents DO know what is good for us and sometimes, though it may seem 'racist' to tell your child to marry someone from teh same culture, it is only advised because theyve seen and experienced more of life and know what their child can deal with and what not. Islam has given us the permission to marry from any race/culture...not made it obligatory...But certainly the obligation on us is to make sure that we dont make our parents 'weep' at something where we have the option (given by shariah) of doing something that will make them happy.
That is why I adviced this sister, who has the option of pleasing her parents, and the man loves her, and there is no issue of the palestinian being certainly a more pious man than the afghan, that she marries the afghan man if she can see hersefl doing that and leaving the palestinian for good.
By the way, regarding the email address you passed..I dont know how to help the sister now as apparently its not allowed to do that. So...if you can think of any other way for me to get the details of that afghan sister that needs help, then inshallah I would be open to that.
May Allah swt bless you and make it easier for you to forgive and forget whoever has wronged you, Ameen. 😉
Was salaam
Assalamu alaykum Sister Faith,
The sister's case which I told you about is more like a scandal and not wise to be discussed here.
I am not against the "afghan community" at all. Please get this misunderstanding cleared. My constant mention was of a general Afghan psychology which is prevelant and known in the East and the West by people who have come in their contact.
I do not say all of them force their daughter in to marriage, but definitely from what I have read, heard, seen and experienced it makes me think that girls have a very little say when it comes to chosing even an Afghan who is from Pashtun background then one with Dari. So forget about Non - Afghan. There are really issues within the community which are known to people who have come in contact with them and this is not at all my own saying, others too feel the same, even those who are Afghans.
If we feel the wrong thing and say it wrong, I say sorry to all Afghans and seek forgiveness from Allah for my misconceoption about the Afghan community.
Sister Faith, may Allah bless you and bless sister Affgirl as well. You are Alhamdulillaah my sisters, I only hope the best for you ladies. I only hope Allah gives you strength and makes you and your family happy.
Your parenthood has taught you, this is what my mother always says, the day you become parent you will know what it is to be a parent and how it feels when you child is in pain and when your child disobeys. Alhamdulillaah, you got to learn things from parenting a child.
I have always been on the forgiving part as far as my personal experience is concerned. I really would like to write to you things in detail, much detail, you may be of some help as well. But this forum, this place is not right for it.
I leave it up to Brother Wael, if he can get across my email id to you or arrange for me to write something to you in absolute privacy.
Or else, we leave and close the matter here. Allah was it''s care taker before and He is it's care taker now.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah brother Munib,
Jazakallah khair for your response and I agree with much of what you have said..I know where you are coming from.
Indeed your mother is right =)...Inshallah when you become a parent, you will learn a tremendous amount, on top of the knowledge you are blessed with. Some things, no matter how much we know about it in theory, can never be fully understood until experienced..and one of those things is how it truly feels to be a parent and the heaps of things that we get to learn from the moment you know you expect a child. SubhanAllah.
I do hope brother Wael will be helpful here inshallah and see the exception as you dont wish to discuss it in detail here, which is understandable, so hopefully he can make it possible for you to msg me the details outer forum.
May Allah swt always take care of you, Ameen,.
Was 'salaam
Salam Alaykom Brothers and sisters,
I believe that the topic has swayed in a direction of debate over ones Cultural and religious background, which really is not Sister Afggirl's question or concern originally. I think that when we come together on sites such as this to SUPPORT our brothers and sisters, and we should not question or criticize each others comments or opinions. Are we not here to lend advice and support? Also, I would like to point out brother Muniib, sister Afggirl did not say boast of religion but boost of religion, which has a different meaning. Afgan or not we are all believers of Allah (SWT) and we have our different cultural upbringing and practices that should be respected by others, especially those who might not entirely understand ones specific cultural beliefs. I, myself is an Arab Muslim female who was brought up in the States and I know how frustrating it can be defending or explaining my cultural and/or my religious beliefs in a country that does not thrive on culture nor embrace it. So, its better to leave such talk aside because it can be a very sensitive and misunderstanding topic that can result in tension rather unity...this is a very complex discussion.
Salams Sister Afggirl,
Your situation is obviously stressful for you and very much confusing on what to do...follow your heart or satisfy your parents wants. Your parents seem to want the best for you and feels that this man they have chosen is the right one. The thing is, you have to ask yourself, how will your relationship to your love or your pre-arranged suitor be in the long term. The foundation that you will build with your [to be] husband will be determined on the mutual faith you share within Islam and to be obedient to Allah (SWT) without your faith, the pillars within a marriage will not hold. Also, strength and unity between you two, as well as the support of extended family also plays a part in a solid foundation within a marriage.
I do not know what you are going through sister, for I was given the choice to choose my suitor, so all I can do is offer advice from a logical perspective. Sometimes, our emotions may lead us in the wrong path. This is your life and future...where do you see yourself, and with whom, and will you be happy and provided for? Many things to take into account, insha'Allah sister you will make the right decision and have family support. May Allah (SWT) guide you!
Salams...
-OmDania
Very intelligent and diplomatic comments, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister Om-Dania,
You said good things about saying nothing about culture, but either you agree or not, indeed culture is responsible for making up narrow mindsets where are religion of Islam broadens one's sphere of thinking.
This is the pyschology I am against. The pyschology of "convenience" and "shifting" love when and where the need arises.
No matter for how long you kept someone in life and on promise, but when time has come, decide " what is good for you now between the two".
Sisters need to take a lesson that you cannot keep a non mahram brother on hold for years and when he puts his feelings for you and time comes for your marriage, you just clear the "dust" off.
That is not only sick, it is "dangerous" psychology.
Khair, Allah is not unaware of what His slaves do. May He have mercy upon all.
Salaam,
Your brother.
@ Om Dania,
And the topic has not swayed in to culture, because the question posted is an "effect" of this very culture. The situation which has arisen in this sister's life is due to the same culture.
If I pretend to be "soft" and " all good" in words, by the permission of Allah, Insha Allah I can write volumes of "all good", "no bad" material and preachings here or anywhere else.
But come on, let us face the reality. Sister Afggirl is facing more of a cultural problem and than Islamic one.
****