Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Fast Marriage and Faster Problems

game over, bad marriage, suspicion, secret marriage

Married in haste?

Assalamu Alaikkum friends,

Now Im facing very bad time in my life. Its all coming after my marriage. I was having very happy bachelor life in saudi arabia. For past 2 and half years, I have been very happy with my friends and family. Even, visiting mecca and touching kaaba, I couldnt get tears in my eyes and I dont no to ask wat with allah. All I prayed is give me a good life as u wish. No money problem or health.

After the entry of one girl , its all changed in my life. She came by facebook and chatted like a friend. She was good and we chatted morning to late night. Later she told she came to know by matrimonial site . So, she is interested with me. I told her, I have some basic expectations for my girl, Good looking, family status and money I said to her. She too replied, that she will be suited for that. But I'm not happy with her photos. So, I told her, that you're not as per my expectations but I dont want to leave you immediately. So, chatted for few days, and I got convinced by her character. But I was in dilemma , whether to make it marriage . I told her let's wait for sometimes and think, but she didn't agree. I wished to take slow and steady path. I told her my village won't suit you, there are no muslims at my place but once few people was there. So, plz come out of dream and think wisely. she said, she can adjust anything and wish to join me.

At last I got convinced and agreed for her and conveyed my parents. Later only she told her father was partially disabled by speech and hearing but works in govt . wat to I had given my word, and thought as being a educated person it's bad to think like that. but my parents and relatives are very angry and didn't agree. I fought all of them and convinced everyone saying that I don't need your support because I'm educated and earn enough to live my own life. SO, all convinced and started my marriage. In a faster way my marriage finished.....

Then only I came to know that we have big debt and need to finish it, otherwise that and its interest will eat me. So, decided to leave my family life and came back to saudi within 2 months for my job. becoz , my company is in a problem for project, it may affect me. So, decided to work and settle the money problem.

In the middle itself, my mother in law started double game. She didn't my parents, she avoided visiting my family. Eg- she calls me and convey that she cant come for the local function post marriage due to some reasons. So, I said no problem. But she conveyed my parents that she was ready to come but I only said not come.........she didnt trust the jewels given to her daughter and made a move to keep them with her...I ignored that.....one important disappointment I had with my wife ...tell u later...

With lot of sadness in my heart I shown smiling face at outside and made my wife family feeel proud about her with her relatives, friends, parents.....but inside it was hurting.....I convinced my self , since she sacrificed her city life and started to live in village ,let me also convince myself.......

After my arrival, my wife not even stayed for one month at my place. She said she want to teach her brother for exam and wish to stay until exam. So, I agreed ....she flew away.......thinks started to change slowly......she said , she didnt like that, this, bla bla....but i said it's all common and forget and adjust it......when exams are over....she refused to return my place......In anger my parents said few words not adultery or bad words......She took it serious as a chance and decided not to return to my place.....In the reply she started to abuse in bad ways......blaming my mother, father, relatives and atlast me also....."dowry problem, father in law misbehaving wiht me, relatives are creating problem, and finally I'm a impotent"" its all words are said to meeeeeeee ....I told her, dont speak in anger, think wat ur speaking, it will affect ur life, better stay cool...she didnt

at last by forcibly she was brought to my place, I scolded the activites to her mom, no use....her grand pa and uncle.....they spoke about this to her and advised be good to the family. But she thought it as ashamed by me, so decided to take revenge. She even said , she will take revenge for this....within couple of hours, in the night at 11 pm she has shouted as " father in law and mother in law are trying to murder me, help me, save me" .....whole village gathered..........packed her and sent to my relative house, informed her mother too..

she came after two days and said there is no need to speak with my parents, listened to my wife and took her to house without asking our permission to us..... now she is blackmailing to launch the dowry complaints in police station ....So as a precaution advice given by friends, I got a letter from my wife saying that all the jewls are with her only. becoz, wen she gone to her place , I gave her all jewels and 70k money which she has given for marriage....

So, there is nothing with me now..... becoz of me , my parents, relatives are ashamed and deeply hurt.....I can't leave my job, my debut is raising daily. Couldnt concentrate in my work, daily driving 200 km..always these incidents are coming in my mind....everytime I call my parents, they are sadly speaking and worrying about my future....I thought she would ve realized by now , but she didnt ....she is not feeling bad for that instead she justify this all. She make up a story , saying that my parents were tying her hands and legs, forcilbly gave her some milk by which she did all these things.... i wish to take this isue to jamath, but they want to take it to police station..... Allah only knows the future.....everything happening very fast.....problems with in two months of marriage life...nnow this is sixth month...... shall I leave her and find new life...I checked many times, she didnt change, she blames me and my family only......

There is one issue, she hided onething with me. She had problem at the time of age attending, so she got operation, which I came to know during my first night.. Real or reel allah only knows, but I forgot the issue and led a happy life...

Its her , who makes me to remember all the bad incidents. I already warned her, If we like any person all his doings even if its bad will look good but if we dont like him, even if he do good will look wrong.....I cant blame anyone, its all my mistake to spoil my life....Insha Allah, let me wait and see......

cicada


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6 Responses »

  1. Leave her. This is so much headache and unfairness. Move on and live ur life. Ramadan kareem

  2. Dear Brother Cicada ,

    You should thank Allah that you don't have kid here in this marriage otherwise things would have been the worst .
    Also be careful and don't have a kid for quite long time as this marriage looks problematic .
    I can understand your situation and i feel she is not worth to take tension . Enjoy your job and if things don't work out in future too take some tough decision .

    I can understand your bachelor ways where life was looking so good and marriage comes to destroy this pleasant life .Often chatting ,internet friendship ends in to bad result .

    Bachelor life days are the best when start earning and feel good but marriage comes to screw up these good days in most of the cases .

    Whatever happened is happened .Do pray regularly ,keep calm and take wise decision .If things are not working out there is no point in simply dragging life just for the sake of marriage .

    Also it is Ramzan now .Pray and make dua frequently .

    I too feel good when i think about my bachelor days when i started earning and was leading so good,carefree,pleasant life .

    Allah hafiz

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    As the first brother advised, leave this woman. She is malicious and caused you and your family too much suffering.

    It's always so easy looking back, but from your story there were many red flags. She didn't meet your expectations, she wasn't prepared to wait and above all meeting people on facebook is never the way.

    I wonder if her and her family plot to have her marry someone only to acquire wealth. I understand from your story that she has profited rather well with jewellery and 70k of your currency. Not satisfied with this she seeks to ruin your family with accusations to the police.

    Just draw a line under it and cut your losses. Life is not plain sailing and now you are in hard times turn to Allah even more. This debt you talk of with interest. You will have to work to get rid of it as soon as possible. I hope this debt was not due to this marriage but I'm sure you know that interest is haram.

    Your bachelor days are a sweet and distant memory but be grateful that have already experienced good times in your life so far. Use these memories as a motivating force to get back to such a time.

  4. OP: " father in law and mother in law are trying to murder me, help me, save me" .....whole village gathered..........packed her and sent to my relative house, informed her mother too............ ...blaming my mother, father, relatives and atlast me also....."dowry problem, father in law misbehaving wiht me, relatives are creating problem, and finally I'm a impotent""........She had problem at the time of age attending, so she got operation, which I came to know during my first night.. Real or reel allah only knows, but I forgot the issue and led a happy life...

    Does not look like any thing is going to change. Work hard and help pay off your family debts. She accused your family of trying to poison her. She called you impotent.

    What kind of operation she had? Why she told you about it? Did you notice any scars? This information may be useful if she takes your family to court.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    I think the first question you need to ask yourself is: "Do I want to be with this woman?". Rather than thinking about superficial things like physical appearance, family status, wealth, etc..., think about her faith and character. Is she practising and committed to Islam? Aside from the difficulties in your own relationship, is she kind to others, especially those less fortunate than herself?

    If the answer is that you want to be with her and to try to make this marriage work, then I think the first step would be for the two of you to meet without either set of parents, in a neutral environment, to see if there is any common ground that you can start to work from. It's often helpful to have a neutral mediator, so maybe think about marital counselling? Harsh words and actions seem to have taken place on both sides (she has not treated you well, but at the same time, you mention that she was forcibly brought to your place, which was also not right), so although it might be hard, try to put the past behind you both and start from where you are now.

    If the answer is that you don't want to be with her, then you would be within your rights to consider divorce. Don't take such a big step lightly though - divorce is not a minor thing, and will have significant consequences for you and for her. But if you truly feel that there is no way your relationship can move on from this, then it might be kinder to both of you for you to separate. If you do choose this option, make sure that you follow Islamic guidance about appropriate financial and practical considerations, and that you find a lawyer with a good knowledge of Islamic law, to ensure that nobody's rights are infringed.

    This is a very big decision you need to make, so don't make it alone. Pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to the option that will be best for you in this life and the next.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  6. "There is one issue, she hided onething with me. She had problem at the time of age attending, so she got operation, which I came to know during my first night.. Real or reel allah only knows, but I forgot the issue and led a happy life..."

    What is age attending? This isn't something I've heard of - I follow Maliki figh.

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