Father and brother beat me and my mother
Salam,
I am need help, I have visited this website numerous times in order to seek advice that may apply to me also. However, I feel that writing in to you all will be a better alternative for me. Any advice will be highly appreciated. Jazakallah. I apologize for the long post in advance.
I am a female who is in her early twenties and live in a western country. I am from a Pakistani family and my parents have been married for about 26 years now. Unfortunately, since I was 4 years old all I have seen is that my parents constantly fight and my father abuses my mother. Before when we resided in the Gulf my father would lock her up in the room, beat her with belts, kick her, etc. I was very young but my brother was about 8 years old and he would cry and beg my father to open the door and let our mother free.
When I was about 4 years old we immigrated to a Western country and my dad beat my mom once again. At that point, my mother called the cops and my dad left the home in fear that he will get arrested. My mother told the cops that she will give him another chance but if it happens again the cops said they will have to arrest him, despite her wanting to or not. Since then my father does not beat my mom but he threatens for divorce all the time and when he is very angry he’ll break things in the house. My father does not drink, smoke, etc but him and my mother never got along.
A huge reason for that is that my father never consider my mother, brother or me a part of his family. He loves his brothers and sisters more and never shares anything with my mom which as a result she gets upset and whenever she asks for her rights he treats her ill. My parents also do not sleep in the same room and hardly have intimate relationships (I know this because my father goes outside and complains to all our family friends that my mother never “sleeps” with him and denies his rights). My mother says she is sick and tired of being treated like a slave, controlled and threatened by him and does not feel any love for him. Therefore she says that she feels like a “who**” going to him and just sleeping under him whenever he’s sexually aroused and the next minute he calls her all sorts of profanity and treats her ill. But I try talking to her and explaining that she should fulfil his rights. She says she tries to but is so unhappy and only staying with him for us.
My father also hits me and uses profanity. He calls me a b*** and curses me. I have no respect for him now and at this point I talk back also and tell him on his face that I hate him. He threatens us through financial means. He always controls my mother by threatening her that he’ll stop the financial income if she argues with him or will stop providing us. In short, he has emotionally abused my mother so much that she is so scared of taking any step.
When I was younger I would cry a lot and ask my mom why she and dad don’t sleep together when all my friend’s parents do. I never understood why my parents fought but as I grew older I realized how selfish my father is. He doesn’t love any of us. He has immense hatred for my brother and since he was 1 years old he neglected him. Now the problem is that my brother has picked up all these bad qualities from my father and uses them on me. He has no relationship with my father and treats him like he’s nothing. He also beats me, uses profanity on me, calls me bad names, and when he beats me, he punches me on my head several times. My mother tries to stop him but he pushes her in anger and all I do is cry in pain and tell my mom not to get involved. I feel like my father abuses my mom and he abuses me and we two women are their slaves.
A few years ago my father was in the mood to fight so he kept picking on my brother. The fight escalated to a point where both my brother and father were standing face to face ready to raise hands. I became so scared that I came in between and began begging my brother to not raise his hands or else he will get arrested (because my dad made it clear that if my brother touched him he will get arrested). My brother in anger punched my face twice and blood began squirting from my nose. He broke my nose in anger. My mother began weeping and I couldn’t feel my mouth or nose. Everything was so numb and I didn’t go to the hospital that night in the fear that the doctor’s may find out and arrest my brother. A month later I went to the doctor and got my x-ray done and found out that my nose is broken. They performed a surgery and now my nose is fine but that day will never fade from my mind.
My mother is just waiting for me to finish my education and get married and she says the night I get married she will get divorced from my father. I’m at a point in my life where I hate my father and I know Allah says to love your parents but I can’t love a person like this. I just can’t find it in myself to love him. I loved him a lot few years a go, I would argue with my mom all the time for him but now I’ve realized that he’s selfish and doesn’t love any of us. He is only looking out for himself and saving money potentially for a second marriage once my parents get divorced because he knows my mom is sick of him and is only living with him for us. He is my father, he is supposed to be my shield, my protector, my role model but he is more like an enemy.
In addition, because of my familial situation I began seeking love from elsewhere and underwent two abusive relationships. One relationship was emotionally abusive and my last relationship was both physically and mentally abusive. I also lost my virginity to him and I am in so much pain. I feel like if my father loved us and we lived like a normal family, things wouldn’t have gotten this far. I feel like my whole life is ruined. I began seeking love from outsiders and didn’t realize that these guys could sniff my vulnerability and began controlling me just like the way my father controls my mom. I see no hope. I am no relationship now and regret my sins and I cry a lot but I have no one in this world. I am so unhappy. I feel like Allah hates us, he just doesn’t want us to stay happy.
As a result of all the pain I have been undergoing for years, I have fell into depression and the only goal I see in my life is my education. I am scared that Allah will give me a husband like my father so I want to be financially stable so that if this day comes I can divorce him and not live under pressure for my children like my mother has done. She is living her life like a living corpse. She is an extremely beautiful woman and people would always praise her beauty and now she looks like she’s dead. People ask her what is wrong with you, what happened to you, you were so beautiful.
How much more abuse does my mother and I need to face? My brother is as selfish as my dad and once he gets married he will never take care of my mother and my father will probably get remarried so my mom will be all alone. I always dreamt of getting married, I always wanted some guy to come and take me away from all these problems but now I’m rethinking. How can I get married if my mother will be left all alone? I am so hopeless.
Lastly, I am studying in university and doing very well but now my father is threatening us that he is not going to pay my tuition and that I should take a loan and complete my education. I am so scared and I will die if my father does this to me. I only had one hope and one solution to these problems: my education. And now he’s taking this away from me too.
Most of the times I just want to kill myself and quit living this torturous life. Im in such a huge mess. How much longer does Allah want us to suffer? Hasn’t he tested us enough? My mother has become a living corpse. I hate my brother and father and never want to see their faces. I want to become something, have a stable job and move out with my mom and tell her to ask for divorce. She sacrificed her whole life for us.
What should I do? I also don't know what I should do in regards to loosing my virginity, do I tell my potential husband, hide it? What if he finds out? I feel like my head is going to explode with all these problems surrounding me. I never wanted to lose my virginity. I was so upset with my initial break up and couldn't move on and fell for another guy in order to forget the first one and realized what a huge mistake I made. I will never do this again but now it's too late, I've lost everything and I have no one in this world whom I can go share my pain with. And I still love the guy who took my virginity (I want to forget him but I cant) but he dumped me long time a go and I am all alone once again.
Hopeless
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Assalaamu alaikum dear sister.
How much more abuse does my mother and I need to face?
Your father and brothers behaviour is disgusting, and of course your brother picked this up from your father.
First and foremost. You are not hopeless, and neither is your mother. Regardless of your fathers threats you can get out of this situation and you do have the strength to leave. No one deserves to live in such an abusive environment. Taking the step to leave is unnerving, but your mother should not put it off.
Please get out of there with your mother as soon as you can. Do everything you can to convince your mother of leaving. This is THE MOST important thing! For now leave the thought of education, finance and marriage and her divorcing your father. Please don't wait until its too late. Education can be continued later, your mother can officially apply for khula later. But your lives are precious and cannot be replaced. But please get to safety and don't look back, before Allah forbid one of them kills one of you or permanently damages one of you. Before you leave if you can make some arrangements. You said you live in a Western country - there are many organisations which can help you. Please contact one of them. If you would like a female editor to contact you privately, we can arrange this InshaAllah, just let us know on here. If you let us know your country we may be able to point you towards organisations InshaAllah.
Sister living safely with your mother in a womens refuge or other accomodation is much better than living in a dangerous environment with your father and brother. Yours and your mothers safety is paramount. While you are preparing to leave do not tell your father/brother, do not act suspiciously and do not tell any relative who may tell them. Only leave when your father and brother are not around, and do not reveal your whereabouts to any of them. Bring necessary documents and items with you when you leave: passports, medications etc.
This website provides lots of good information on abuse so please read through carefully:
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310005
InshaAllah Allah swt will provide a means for you to get your education.
Please be awaer sister that suicide is a permanent mistake (NOT a solution) to a temporary problem. It will only result in more suffering. So please remember that your life is precious and Allah swt does not burden you with more thanm you can bear. In regards to losing your virginity, do not panic - accept that you have committed a sin, vow not to go near it again and repent sincerely to Allah swt and He will wash it away.
In answer to your question do not tell a potential husband about committing zina as we are required to hide our sins and shameful deeds. It is between you and Allah.
“All of my ummah will be fine except for those who commit sin openly. Part of committing sin openly is when a man does something at night and Allaah conceals it, but in the morning he says, ‘O So-and-so, last night I did such and such.’ His Lord had covered his sin all night, but in the morning he removed the cover of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990)"
Before you consider marriage in the future though, please get tested for infections to ensure you not at risk at transmitting any to a husband. For now dear sister concentrate on your and your mums safety - do not worry about marriage and the future right now. Allah swt will plan it for you so trust in Him. Once you are safe InshaAllah you can begin to make plans. Also this has naturally psychologically and emotionally affected you both - which is likely to be why you are drawn to abusive men, you have grown up seeing and believing this is how men behave. Consider counselling in the future to try and break this cycle InshaAllah.
I want to leave you with a thought: We have free will dear sister, and we have the ability to make our own choices. If we wish we can get out of a situation with Allahs help. So do not feel hopeless.
I will keep you in my duas InshaAllah
Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
Thank you for your reply sister Sara.
My mother and I have contemplated moving out and asking for divorce but due to all the expenses we have and my tuition being costly she has decided that we stay with him till I get married and till then we remain silent so really divorce is out of the question at the moment. I have tried to persuade my mother but I cannot force her and have left this decision up to her.
She tells me that silence is golden and in this situation we need to be smart and be silent and just pass our time till my education is funded. The thing is, when we are quite everything at home is okay but as soon as my mother asks for something that is her right a whole vicious cycle of abuse begins. Most of the time my parents don’t even talk, they live like room mates. My father comes home from work, cooks his own food because whenever my mom does cook he’s picky about it so she doesn’t cook everyday for him and then he sits on the computer, surfs for a bit and goes to sleep.
We have never gone to a “family dinner” in ages. I don’t know what true love or what a true family is all about. I just need help coming to terms with my reality, my life. In regards to my brother, the situation is exactly the same. If I talk back, he will curse and beat me so now I stay absolutely quite. Even when he’s angry and will curse at me for no reason, I stay quite and suck in my anger. Before I would talk back but I’d always get beaten. But now I’ve realized that the only thing I can do is change myself because these guys won’t change.
Please tell me another alternative other than divorce. I want to be hopeful of my future and want a good husband and education. What should I do so that these household fights don’t affect me? I’ve just become so depressed and I become easily jealous of my friends “perfect” lives with their happy family. I try not to envy them but I never got all that so I can’t help it. And after meeting all these player guys I’m so scared no man will love me. What if he abandons me like my father always threatens to abandon us?
I'm just so depressed. My ex boyfriend found out that my brother beats me and took full advantage of this. This was one reason why he began controlling me even more. He would hit me and say why do you talk back to me when you dont have the gutts to talk back to your brother? I don't know ...i'm just in so much pain. I cant help but cry over my bad kismet
There are days during the night that I cry so much till my chest hurts. I feel so unfortunate that I have an older brother who should love and protect his little sister but in return he doesn’t love me at all. He hits me and abuses me so much and the world will take advantage of this like my ex did. What if tomorrow I get married and my husband comes to know of this truth and he starts abusing me too? All men are like that; they control women and abuse them. I’m so scared of being committed and opening up. I don’t know if I should tell my future husband of the torment I’ve been through but my mother says not to or else he might take advantage to. So then who do I trust?
I can’t trust my father, brother, my husband, which man can I trust? I want to be happy and fortunate like my friends too. They will have a good married life and they have these loving, understanding boyfriends who they are getting married to soon (their families know) and here I am stuck and Allah isn’t even sending any right guy my way. This makes me feel that he just wants me to suffer. He will never bless me with a good man.
I’m in so much pain, I’m sorry I can’t help myself. I’m so overwhelmed with pain and hopelessness.
This is a passage from an e-mail a close friend friend of mine wrote to me who was in a similar situation to you. I felt like pasting it here because you sound exactly like this girl. Do you know what happened to her my dear sister?
She is now happily married and free from all this abuse. I highly suggest that you heed sister Sara’s advice. I do not want to re-iterate but your father and brother’s behaviour is un-acceptable. Please get yourself and your mother out there before it’s too late.
Trust in Allah swt and leave it up to Him. You will inshAllah find a suitable and righteous partner but don’t think of all this right now. You’re safety and well being is paramount right now.
-Helping Sister
Salam,
bismilah al ra7man al ra7im
im sorry you are going through these hard times.
"And after meeting all these player guys I’m so scared no man will love me. What if he abandons me like my father always threatens to abandon us?"
Any true beleiver, true muslim that has knaowledge of the BASICS in islam, and that fears allah, understands and implements this knowledge which is the greatest knowledge one can have, this will be the least of your worries. you are looking in the wrong places sister, may allah send you a good muslim brother with islam 1st and everything else comes after, and inshalah change your views.
"I’ve just become so depressed and I become easily jealous of my friends “perfect” lives with their happy family"
I no exactly how you feel because i went thru this my self. See people get comfort in showing off there hapiness that doesnt truly exist, without islam. only with islam and the struggle to complete yourself in terms of islam will truly make you a happier person. i use to see my boys driving a nice car with chrome 20's with girls etc and stugferallah i thot it was the good life, not seeing past the picture. then i got the nice car with chrome 20's and realised that IM PUTTING ON A SHOW. people see me and say oh nice car the girls are ther just for wat i have etc, and give me attention not for who i am and what kind of person i am what i beileve, just for what i have in material. I was decieved and then became the deciever and then realised this alhamdulilah. Now the home boys im around got love for who i am what kind of person i am not my material things.
So no such things as "perfect life" *******its all a show sister*******
may allah guide us all to the right path inshallah
salam
Take a lesson by this.
Try not to reveal family matters like this to anyone outside the family. Not even to husband lest people come to know of this and try to harm you knowing that your family did the same to you and then saying " I am better than your brother, you forgot what he did? etc.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Brother Muniib,
but when I get married I dont want to see my father's face ever again. I wil never call him even on Eid so my husband will come to find out that I'm not on good terms with him. What should I do then? I dont want to meet him and fake smile, I just hate his gutts. I cant stand him.
No Plans work. We have to trust Allah and do good.
All I say is there are people who take advantage of knowledge of the past to dominate the present of a person.
Be strong sister, and be kind. Remember Allah says in the Qur'an that the true believers are those "who are patient in whatever befalls them", so you have to keep sabr in fight and in peace, in loss and in victory, never lose Sabr, your composure. Be kind to life partner, but do not allow him to take advantage of you like your father spolied your mother's life.
She did not move out and many women don't once they get pregnant and have kids and some do not even when they have no kids.
When Allah shows us a way of "separation" if peace is not achieved and we do not separate still, then we are causing loss to ourselves.
May Allah ease your life situation.
Remember sister, the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) had to under go lot of discrimination, insults. verbal and physical altercations and abuses. But the first and foremost teachings of the Qur'an were :
1. By the declining day,
2. Lo! man is in a state of loss,
3. Save those who believe and do good works, and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to endurance. - Surah Al Asr
It is on this very foundation of Sabr that the Sahabas were prepared by Allah to be patience in tribulation and rejoicing in victory but not committing excess, because of self restraint and "sabr" which was in their souls due to their endurance of all the troubles.
Sabr, is a great quality and it develops only in situations where someone angers us, tries to insult us, cause harm, do evil, back bite, play games etc. Sabr can hardly be developed as a quality in a place where these things do not happen.
Hence, this earth is a place of toil and among mankind are those who like to cause hurt others, so be patient and wait until Allah gives command and separates you from the evil living folk.
Keep on praying, continue du'aas, thank Allah. "Stop planning" for God sake, stop planning. When Allah's command comes to pass, only His Divine Plans work out, everything else fails.
18. For lo! he did consider; then he planned
19. Destroyed is he, how he planned!
20. Again, Destroyed is he, how he planned! - Surah Muddathir
Live on the commandments of Allah and move out in the ways shown by Allah and Trust Him instead of this limited human knowledge and planning of future, when we know nothing what we will earn tomorrow.
.May Allah ease your way ahead. Please keep on reading the Qur'an with meanings and listening to qirat of the Qur'an.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Brother Muniib,
I thought of your advice today and felt like writing in to you asking for more assistance.
I have pretty much accepted my fate and don’t have high hopes for the future but can’t help but feel scared for my future. You say it’s best to stay quite about my past but I fear Allah will expose me. I have been tested and everything is okay but I fear that I might have an STD that was not detected and I’ll be exposed or that my records may somehow come out, or in the absence of bleeding my husband may suspect me. What should I do?
Also, today my brother screamed at me again, used profanity and tried to beat me but stopped and all I did was sit and cry my eyes out. I want to stay strong for another few years till I complete my education but everyday is becoming harder and I’m becoming emotionally disturbed. I feel scared of all men and think they will just use me and leave me or that I will not be blessed with a good husband.
My dear Sister, Asalaamualaykum,
Allah has made things simple for you by telling us to conceal our sins. You are worried about your future husband finding out that you are not a virgin anymore. But when the time for marriage comes, inshaAllah you will select a husband whom you can tell from his personality that he would not be judgemental towards you. If he is a kind good hearted man, he won't ask you about such matters and will just love you for who you are. So please, let this matter go from your heart. You are a pure good hearted young girl and deserve a successful future.
Allah has protected you, as you said your medicals showed you are clear of any stds, Alhumdulillah. Now let this go from your mind too. Don't allow shaytan to play mind games with you by making you worry about this matter when in actual fact it has long gone from your life.
And dear sister, you have tried to persuade your mother to move, you cannot force her. If there is no way you can move out yourself yet, I will say to focus on completing your degree. Do this so you can find a job and be independent of your father and brother. In the meantime, keep out of the way of them both. If you need to bite your tongue just to get your education completed, try to do so.
I will also say this though, if the physical violence continues, you have an absolute right to protection and if the only way is through reporting this to the authorities, then so be it. Or can you not confide in a relative? Can you possibly go to women's shelter/refuge just to determine what aid you and your mother have available to you under these circumstances?
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
(sorry i know my comments way too long but hear me out pretty please) salam sister i understand what you are going through i too am from a pakistani family my mother and father were both brought up here they too have been married for 33 years, we are 3 sisters and 2brothers. I am 24yrs old and my sisters are both older than me, 1 of my brother is the eldest and 1 is the youngest. Sister my father didn't let my mother meet her parents for 10years...my father made her cut all ties, he use to beat her with belts etc he threw me off the stairs when i was 14 because he caught me with a mobile, my father beat us sisters with all sorts he even put a knife to my sisters kneck for no reason. My father didn't even let us go to school or school trips, we wern't allowed to talk to are friends sit in the same room with our uncles who are mahram to us. We wern't allowed to watch tv, listen to radio, sit in our bedrooms. When us sisters use to go in our bedroom on a night my father use to creep up the stairs and listen to what we were talking about, so did my elder brother he too started acting like my father. They sealed all the windows with nails and Allah knows what so we don't look out the windows. When we use to go to our relatives and come home (with our mother) our bedrooms use to be tipped like a bomb had gone off, he use to search through our bedrooms to see if he can find something. We wasn't allowed to work, go school, wear makeup,wear nail varnish,go on trips, go in the garden we had sit in our own house with hijabs and socks with baggy jumpers baggy shalwar kameez you name it. When i was 16 i started practising my religion and me and my sisters started to wear our jilbabs my father and the whole generation mocked us but we kept strong. We never once gave up on Allah Ta'ala. My sister got married to whom my father said and so did my brother and they both ended up getting a divorce my father was banging his head ( lol ). My sister had to get married to whom my father said again and now she is divorced again. My other sister was forced to get married from pakistan and she aswell is going through a divorce. Once it was eid and me and my sisters put on some makeup and my older brother went running to my father mind u, u he was 23 and my father was saying i hope you 3 rot in hell etc etc My brother ended up marrying a convert who completely turned our life upside down. I wanted to marry someone and i trusted her so i told her she told my brother and father and my brother said to my father take them pakistan and let them rot and what was my fathers answer? "we will get a bad name?" now its been 6years i have been married my husband doesn't sleep with me we have no children and he wont even leave me. He's not even a husband material he cant even support me. He has got me in £30,000 debt i had to sell alll my jewellery that my parents gave just to keep a roof on our heads, i have to get the money to feed my husband and i don't work my mums always helping me out sometimes i don't even have food to eat its hard to believe but it's true. Alhamdulillah my father has started reading and he has calmed down because eventually my sisters and my little brother whos now 17 and is Masha'Allah a big man backs my mother up but we still get blamed and swored at. Theres sooooo much more thats happened and is still happening but thing is sister don't say Allah hates you because he doesn't no ones got a perfect life Allah is testing you to see your patience... yes get help don't sit round waiting for you education like helping sister said but don't give up on Allah Ta'ala! when im at home with my husband i wana scream with all the pain im going through, i cant even move on with my life because i can't trust anyone. If i leave my husband i will get chained back up in my fathers house theres so much we sisters have been through ex rape, my sisters was pregnant and my brother hit her because he wanted her to lose the baby because she wasn't getting pregnant and my sisterinlaw stood there laughing,abusive relationships this is all whilst being married but this life is a test feel free if you wana contact me and you wana talk thats what we sisters are here for to help one another. Iv'e given up on moving on. I just pray to Allah so that i can have a better life in the next life..................
muslimsister1432, I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you've been through. If you'd like to log in and write your question as a separate post, we will try to advise you on your particular situation.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Why our sisters, why you don't trust Allah's Word and move out if you cannot get peace in life?
Allah is the best of providers.
Allah has shown a "clear way" out of a stuck relationship to enjoy it by peace or separate from each other.
128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing. - Surah Nisaa.
May Allah fulfil His promise and provide the best to those who separate trusting Him and His Words, for there is none true in promise than Allah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
This is exactly what I'm scared of. I dont want to end up like this sister who is in so much pain. I hate these fathers who do this to their children.
Assalamu alaykum Sister Questioner,
If only we read the Qur'an 🙁
If only we understood the Qur'an 🙁
If only we lived according to the Qur'an 🙁
...... we would not have had to face these problems for which we blame Allah that He hates us and makes us suffer, when it is our own ignorance and unfruitful actions which lead to the worsening of our life situation.
The No. 1 Sickness of human mind is its planning. I will do this, I will do that, my education will help me if Allah does this, if Allah does that then I will do that. All planning fails when Allah passes His Command.
11. Leave Me (to deal) with him whom I created lonely,
12. And then bestowed upon him ample means,
13. And sons abiding in his presence
14. And made (life) smooth for him.
15. Yet he desireth that I should give more.
16. Nay! For lo! he hath been stubborn to Our revelations.
17. On him I shall impose a fearful doom.
18. For lo! he did consider; then he planned
19. (Self) destroyed is he, how he planned!
20. Again (self) destroyed is he, how he planned! - Surah Muddathir.
Sister Questioner, had your mom followed the below verses of the Qur'an, Allah knows best, the situation may not have been like this for you and her as it is now.
128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing. - Surah Nisaa.
We lack trust in Allah, the Creator of all things, who created the Universe without visible supports, and all that is beyond it with His might, on His Command, can there be any doubt about the Lord of the Worlds?
Yet women do not trust Allah's words " But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance", they think : who will marry my kids? kids of a divorcee? some women think how will they be able to live without financial help? how bad will their parents feel?
See the stupidness of human nature, how much it thinks, considers and plans and hardly trusts Allah who bestowed upon him all ni'mats, goodly things of life, how averse we we to the revelations of Allah, is He not right when He says:
11. Leave Me (to deal) with him whom I created lonely,
12. And then bestowed upon him ample means,
13. And sons abiding in his presence
14. And made (life) smooth for him.
15. Yet he desireth that I should give more.
16. Nay! For lo! he hath been stubborn to Our revelations.
17. On him I shall impose a fearful doom.
18. For lo! he did consider; then he planned
19. (Self) destroyed is he, how he planned!
20. Again (self) destroyed is he, how he planned! - Surah Muddathir.
Sister Questioner,
There is still time, obey the Qur'an and trust Allah, seek a way out of this troublesome life which shows so much turmoil and hatred within the family.
Sister Questioner,
May I show you words that if you read, understand and obey can change your outlook towards life, towards yourself, towards your past, towards your present and towards your future?
If yes, then here they are from Surah 25, Al Furqaan:
63. The (faithful) slaves of the Beneficent are they who walk upon the earth modestly, and when the foolish ones address them answer: Peace;
64. And who spend the night before their Lord, prostrate and standing,
65. And who say: Our Lord! Avert from us the doom of hell; lo! the doom thereof is anguish;
66. Lo! it is wretched as abode and station;
67. And those who, when they spend, are neither prodigal nor grudging; and there is ever a firm station between the two;
68. And those who cry not unto any other god along with Allah, nor take the life which Allah hath forbidden save in (course of) justice, nor commit adultery and whoso doeth this shall pay the penalty;
69. The doom will be doubled for him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein disdained for ever;
70. Save him who repenteth and believeth and doth righteous work; as for such, Allah will change their evil deeds to good deeds. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
71. And whosoever repenteth and doeth good, he verily repenteth toward Allah with true repentance.
72. And those who will not witness vanity, but when they pass near senseless play, pass by with dignity.
73. And those who, when they are reminded of the revelations of their Lord, fall not deaf and blind thereat.
Keep quite about losing virginity. There is no method to find out about it except if Allah makes it happen by someone telling him or by some other way, if Allah wills He may hide it. So keep quite about your past, about your boyfriends and about whatever happened of the bad things with you. Let Allah conceal it.
If you wish to tell him or keep quite about it, it is your choice, if you repented to Allah truly and try to be a good Muslima and he accepts this past and keeps it as a past, which a good Muslim would do, Alhamdulillaah, if not then tell him on his face before marriage: " Whatsoever happened before, is between me and Allah, this is me, what you see me now, if you accept me, you are welcome, if you can't, then don't come. Bye"
Read the Qur'an to find solace for your heart. The Qur'an is a Healing for the believers and a Mercy from Allah, a Scripture full of Blessings, that you may ponder upon it's meanings and find solutions to life's problems and have no need to go on feeling alone as Allah Himself reveals to you the code of life.
29. (This is) a Scripture that We have revealed unto thee, full of blessing, that they may ponder its revelations, and that men of understanding may reflect. - Surah Saad.
82. And We reveal of the Qur’an that which is a healing and a mercy for believers though it increase the evil doers in naught save ruin.
83. And when We make life pleasant unto man, he turneth away and is averse; and when ill toucheth him he is in despair.
84. Say: Each one doth according to his rule of conduct, and thy Lord is best aware of him whose way is right.
May Allah guide you and increase your iimaan in Islam.
57. O mankind! There hath come unto you an exhortation from your Lord, a balm for that which is in the breasts, a guidance and a mercy for believers. - Surah Yunus.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Okay, this is what I understand from your posts.
1. Your mother is not getting a divorce because she wants your father to continue paying your tuition fees.
2. You don't want your father or brother to go to jail for beating you or your mother up.
3. You have been in two haraam relationships.
1. How much longer can you let your mother tolerate abuse. Is it right that you and your mother should put yourself through this for tuition fees? I'm not judging you, I just want you to take stock of your priorities. Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change themselves. Is there possibly any other grant/aid/finance available to you?
2. Your brother is abusive and broke your nose. If he went to jail, what would you loose? If I can be callouse about it, I would say that you would be safer and your father would be frightened into behaving himself.
3. I think the less said about this the better. Improve your iman. Read the quran. Ask forgiveness from Allah. Stay away from haraam and haraam relationships. Change your friends at Uni. if they are into boyfriends, etc. Concentrate on your studies, your deen and your mothers wellbeing.
Salam everyone,
Thank you for taking out the time to respond to me. I’ve read over each and everyone’s post and have gotten some guidance. But my situation is not as easy as you guys think.
I know the best option is divorce. Although at this point my father is not beating us (but emotionally damaging us greatly) we are being patient. Yes, there are student loans that I can take for university and I will have to take it from next year. At the moment, my father did not pay for my fees so my mother had to borrow it from her brother or else a year of my education would have been stopped. I feel so much hatred for my father; I don’t even want to see his face.
My mother has arthritis and I am a full time student. If we are to move out how will we manage rent, food, clothing, etc? I can work of course but how much will I be able to bring to pay the rent, food, clothing, etc? My brother is good for nothing so clearly expecting anything from his is useless. It’s easier said than done really and we know that life would be extremely difficult (if not, even more difficult than now) if we are to move out and seek divorce. Therefore, my mother herself has decided that staying with him for about the next 3 years (till my education is complete) will be ideal. I wanted to do my Masters but now I have decided to cut my career goals short because I can no longer make my mother suffer with this “man”.
I really appreciate everyone’s genuine advice but can you all tell me of a coping method for the time being we are living with them? I want advice on how to handle this situation right now because walking out is out of the question right now. I cannot force my mother, I’ve tried to persuade her and give her hope but she is scared and weak and just says that she’s spent 26 years, what’s another 3 years. So I don’t want to push her more.
I just hate my father with all my heart. I know it’s not the right thing to say or feel Allah sends parents as his blessing but this is more of a punishment in a disguise of a “blessing”. Will Allah put me in hell if I hate my father and never see his face after he gets married? I intend to never call him or see his face after I get married. I just can’t love him especially after the way my mom has to take money from others to pay for my tuition because we don’t have enough money to pay right now. How can I love someone so evil who can do this to his own flesh and blood?
Those who believe and do good works shall enter Gardens underneath which rivers flow.
As for those who disbelieve, their abode is the Fire, wherein they abide forever.
Insha Allah, open the Qur'an and read Surah 31, Luqmaan, the answers to your questions are waiting for you there.
http://www.openburhan.net/ob.php?sid=31&vid=1
Salaam,
Your brother.
dear hopeless......
(MIGHT BE MY WORDS HARD FOR U........)
i don't even know about your complete profile at yet but by reading your post i reach a point where i think abt u that u r fearing from father's evil but not Allah SWT..Many times u have discussed if u never respect your father then Allah may put in to hell but u have never thought abt your major sin that u have committed (Gunahe Kabeera). why were u not so much conscious abt your sin.............
i m Pakistani guy n i m here to get marry with u its not emotionally decision which i have made......................i had thought it when i had read your post.
luk hopeless ............. i m 28 yrs live in Lahore n doing private job....i m so faithful to those who really faithful to me luv me n cares me ...........
Allah like those who r kind on His creatures especially human being... i want to get one attribute from the numerous qualities of Allah n that is forgiveness.. n u know Allah SWT like those who really ashamed of their sins n decide to never commit it again.if your post was in the result of your catharsis and for the sake of shortly self satisfaction then ultimately u live in foolish paradise.. keep on asking the forgiveness from Allah SWT wat u have committed coz in Islam accused person deserve to stoned to death who committed this Gunah -e - Kabeera....
After reading my post, might be possible u will think that after knowing your past life, i m getting upper hand on ur life so that is not true... u may talk to me...
i m not so much financially strong as much as your father is............. but i guarantee u i will support u along with my family if you will remain faithful to me n with my family...........
dear hopeless change your name on your post coz this planet is the place for hopeful people instead of hopeless people.........n try to strengthen your contact with ALLAH on consistent basis.
i will be waiting for your reply............
Allah Hafiz
Jibran, I removed your email address from your comment as this is not a matchmaking service.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
wael,
i know that's not a matrimonial website but the post which was publish here demanding the solution from its readers, for this i had given a better solution for "helpless" problem.......... that's the marriage with me.
if post has been publishing over there just for the sake of passing time then i would request to u to close this answer question session because if we are never able to resolve issues we don't have the right to listen others problem..........
excuse me for toughened words............
We do not know you, nor do we know her in reality, so we do not know that a marriage to you is the solution. If you want to help, offer sincere advice with no element of self-interest.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Jibran,
I did not write this post for the sake of passing time nor am I brushing over my past sin as if it is nothing (nauzubillah). You have no idea how much pain I am in after what has happened to me. I still do love my ex but have never returned to him after he dumped me. If this was something small for me, I could have casually met him for sex and had fun until we decided to part and marry whomever, but that’s not the type of person I am. I was sincere, I was genuine and I was loyal, but he treated me like a piece of trash. I’m still healing from the pain he put me through and my familial situation is like salt on my wound. I am in desperate need of help and I have been emotionally damaged to the extent where I see no hope for the future. So please, although your intention may be to help me, do not judge me by assuming that I am not feel remorse or nor guilt for my sin. I think of it everyday and have spent months crying myself to sleep. The cherry on top was never getting closure from him.
What’s weird is that although my father is abusive towards us, he always told me to make myself stronger both academically and financially so if Allah forbid something goes wrong in the future I can stand on my two feet. Now he’s behaving like those very men who he warned me of. At this point, I am not contemplating marriage and nor will I marry anyone unless my parents introduce me to him or if someone is interested, they approach my family then I. Brother Wael is right, this isn’t a matchmaking site nor am I interested in pursuing any relationship (especially after the sin I committed, if I want to be forgiven I cannot return to that same path again).
Jazakallah
Sister Hopeless,
There isn't much I can say that hasn't been said already. My understanding of what has been said is that there are two disjointed issues at hand. The first is the case of domestic violence. The second is the issue of Zina.
1 - There is no place in Islam for domestic violence of any sort. I think brother Muniib and Sister Sara put it best. We are creatures reliant on Allah's mercy and the blessings. It is most advisable, in my opinion, for both, you and your mother, to exit the relationship as soon as possible. However, you mentioned that doesn't seem to be a possibility at this stage. To that, I shall request, you give another thought.
My worries, usually stem from uncertainty about the future. What appeases my heart in tough times, is the yakeen that regardless of what I have planned, what will play out is what has already been destined by Allah which Duas have the power to change. When I approach my mother, and am worried about something, one simple request is met with not only deep concern but great advice and help in the matter. Then the entity that loves you a hundred times more than your mother loves you and is infinitely more powerful than your mother, Whose act of giving diminishes nothing from His dominion, how is it that when you prostrate and ask Him for help He will not answer? And we all know the significance of the Dua of the oppressed. Then what have you to fear? When He who loves you a hundred times more than your mother is looking over you? We humans are creatures of impatience though. Be hopeful. If not today, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow then maybe a week from now. If not a week from now then maybe a month from now. The Holy Prophet (SAWS) was persecuted for 11 years in Makkah before he lead the Muslims of Medina. "InnAllah ma'asaabiriin". Lose not your hope from Allah and ask Him for help, He shall answer. He will answer because that is what He promises to you.
If you're worried about leaving your University education incomplete, about paying the rent, bills, utilities, paying for food, know that Allah provides in the most mysterious of ways when necessary. You are exiting the relationship to to escape abuse, to protect your dignity and live your life as the Ashraful Makhlookaat that Allah has created you as. Your action will be an action of a Muslim with strong Iman in Allah. You ask sustenance from He who provided your father with sustenance and He will provide you as well.
That said, it is still a decision that is difficult to take. If you do not find you can convince your mother to leave, I suggest you try to live the 3 years out. I don't know if this will be useful, but remind your Dad whenever he goes into his fits of rage of the ayats in the Quran on anger. Remind him of the Ayats on injustice. Remind him of ayats on the supplications of the oppressed. Remind him of a painful punishment in the hereafter. In my experience, they might not work on your brother, but Allah might soften your fatehr's heart and make living bearable with him for 3 years. However, I have seen this backfire and increase anger so decide wisely or test the waters before you do.
The one thing I will add is while this is continuing, this may be hard on you, but it seems it is much harder for your mother. Try to keep her spirits up. Sometimes it is hard, but the odd good deed - cook food for her once in a while, come to her and put your head in her lap and tell her you love her, make her a card telling her how much you love her once in a while, tell her about your day, kiss her on the forehead, hold her hand, do the laundry, massage her feet - no matter how small, will bring her happiness in her life. May Allah make you the "coolness for her eyes".
I pray Allah SWT eases your worries and fills your life with peace, love, joy and happiness. Ameen.
2 - On the issue of Zina, the less that is said about the better in my opinion. There is no sin that Allah does not forgive. A large portion of the Sahabaas were polytheists before they accepted Islam and yet they are of the Sahaaba. When Allah forgives Shirk after sincere repentance, then what is Zina compared to that grave sin? You have repented to Allah, but humble yourself again and again and there is no sin that Allah will not forgive. Ask forgiveness with sincere Tauba, vow never to do it again, and let yourself be. You are at his mercy, sinful or not. Accept that and Inshallah Allah will forgive. As per telling your future spouse of the issue, I agree with Brother Muniib. When Allah has covered your sins then let them be covered. However, in my opinion, if your future husband asks you directly about the issue then be honest and truthful and mention that you have had yourself tested and regret the mistake you made, and have vowed to never do it again. Allah knows best. As for your future husband having an issue with it, it is possible, but have faith in Allah. He will find for you a partner that will inshallah keep you happy in both this world and the aakhirah and inshallah you will find a partner that you can keep happy in both this world and the aakhirah. Allah is the Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful. Ameen
Salam to all, and salam to you "hopeless". Im new here, and have read a few stories posted, but nothing has touched me or stayed with me like your story. Firstly, your father's and brother's treatment is untolerated in any country, any religion, any culture. Secondly, you are so beyond abused, in every way possible, I cannot understand how it is that you'll manage to get the proper education you need and deserve while going through the pain that you are. I cannot give you any better advice than the above people have already given you. Why you are stubborn about it is beyond my comprenhension. Perhaps it's fear of getting caught, or perhaps confusion, as I do see a bit of uncertainty in your posts. Do not misunderstand me, I am not here to judge you, but I'm not too sure what it is that you want yet. I am trying to pinpoint it and have been unable to do so. I think you need to be sure of what you want (and deserve) first, and then following after your desires.
I pray that Allah stabalizes your mind and leads you to the path best for both you and your mother, Inshallah. In the meantime don't underestimate Allah's mercy on his people. I know how hopeless and meaningless life can become, but Allah will not give you more than you can handle. Keep the evil thoughts (suicide) as far from you as possible. This life is our test for the hereafter, and no human deserves that you take your life away. Think about it, you're living in torment in Dunya, is it worth it to live in torment in the hereafter as well? Turn to Allah as often as possible and make duaa at all times and Inshallah Allah will hear you and will grant you what's best for you. You and your mother are in my prayers and duaas.
hi guys, m nt muslim m hindu
bt my story is same lyk u
when i was reading ur story i was crying cuz i think its impoosible tht we both hav same problems
m in 8 clss nw
m in a reltionship
he loves me alot
i dont knoe wht to do
shoul i continue my relation or not?
plz help me
sagarika, please log in and write your question as a separate post. Be sure to include more details. We'll try to advise you Insha'Allah but you will have to wait your turn.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear sister,
I pray that this message reaches you at a time where things are better for you than when you left your last message.
I read through this entire post and your story really touched my heart. I can relate to you because I went through a similar situation. The thing is i dealt with abuse for so long throughout my childhood that it became a norm, the only time I begun to realize its wrong was when my brother phoned social services. I of course I lied and said my dad was a wonderful human being and he wouldn't lay a hand on us. Times went from bad to worse when his sister got involved and sewing the seeds of hatred and slowly physical abuse turned into repressive mental abuse teamed with a fist or two or a slap every now and then, team that with another abusive relationship and extreme anger. Lets just say it was ten years of allot of hurt and anger and constant disappointments. I wont go into full details about what happened over the years, but it was difficult and I can truly say I understand you.
I too tried to find the love elsewhere. I was adamant I wanted to marry and this would help me escape my problems, but I had a lot of issues and repressed problems and let people treat me badly, the thing is when your in a situation ten times worse at home, you keep letting it slide and keep putting up with it. Thank GOD I saw the light eventually.
I know you feel like out of love and out of fear of Allah swt you should stay and for your mums sake. But I'm telling you now, if you have it in you. live out for university like i did. Even if its just for a bit. Start gaining your independence and work part time. Pre plan your life from now on, plan you interviews and jobs, make sure everything is there ready and waiting. Do NOT make the mistake I did, which is let your education fail because of the abuse. You will live to regret it.
I have to tell you now, don’t let it build up In you, this hurt and this anger, alhadmuallilah, though I went through a fair bit, I think allah swt blessed me with some understanding friends who were there for me each step of the way and they were the ones who kept telling me to stand up for my self, thing is when you go through so much you make excuses for your parents and brothers and the abuse you have deal with.
One day, you will stand up and you will realize you've had enough, but you need to understand YOU and only you can make that decisions, you need to begin setting your self life goals. Set the marriage thing aside. set the love factor aside. forget the men for a moment and envision your life in a few years time. Where do you want to be ? you know in your heart you want to be a success in life and you want to be out of this situation, the only way to do that is if you take a stand of this situation. protect your self first of all, move out. get educated. and get a job and slowly get your mother out of there.
I know you have it in you. I'm still working towards freedom, but I'm out of the worst of it, but it took extreme patience and it took courage and it took standing up for my self in the end. One day I just had enough and I left and I think that’s the day they realized I wouldn’t take it anymore and I was more than willing to make it public knowledge I was being beaten up. I was fearful for my life many times, all the time infact. But YOU need to stand up. only YOU can make that decision. Have faith in Allah swt in the sense that he's only testing you to atone for your sins, but also to raise your rank in heaven. seek refuge in your prayers, but its not in your best interest and your mental health's interest to endure this . Its not your duty to put up with this. and like Arab proverb ' tie your own camel, but put your trust in god'
I really want to speak to you or converse with you further. If you need a friend to talk to I want to be that friend. My friends helped me through so much over the years that to extend that hand of friendship to someone who went through something similar to me is imperative.
I know, for everything I went through in my childhood im a stronger person. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for all of that, but that doesn’t make it right. I know there are some memories I wish I could forget and I wish I could entirely forgive my parents for everything and part of my does feel rage towards them both and part of that reason was because my mum didn’t stand up for us and leave him, but I know deep down inside I should forgive.
anyway, there's too much to go through. Years worth of stuff to type up. just know that only you can make the decision to slowly move on with your life. let go of the fear and make your own life happen.
From your senior sister in her midtwenties, who regretted not trying harder at uni.
I will never marry. All men are same. First my father used to beat me up, now my brother does. They think they are strong and can do anything because they are "men." They will all pay one day.
A row between a brother and sister turned so ugly. The ugliest I've ever seen. My brother is a maniac. He doesn't care whether I live or die. At least he didn't care when he aimed punches after punches at me, beating me to pulp.
Living all my 22 years with my family, I have realized that no man is different. They are all the same. Filthy, vicious animals. living to oppress and suppress women. Insha ALLAH, they will pay one day for all the times they raised their hands, aimed their fists and beat a woman up just because she is "weak."
Mah, I'm very sorry to hear about the way you have been treated. I won't try to convince you that not all men are like that. The important thing is that you get out of that household as soon as possible. Is there anywhere you can go? A friend's house, a shelter, a relative's house? Is it possible for you to get a job and move out on your own?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salamou 3likou a rahmatou Allah ou baraqatou,
Hope things are going better for you and your mom, reading your story made me cry as well… I’m living a similar situation and felt like posting mine in yours….
I defended myself after 25 years old of violence and psychological abuse... I feel so bad because even if our parents bit us we should keep quiet and not give any response to it... But they were almost going to kill me this time so i didn’t really have the choice... I was really tired about them kicking me so bad… Since that my father is more quiet and less aggressive physically with me and my brother went to jail because he fight with some guys that gave him a huge lesson...Subhana’llah....
Today, he still cursing me so bad, saying unbelievable things… i don’t know what’s wrong with me that i answer him without even realizing...anger blinds me a lot when i wasn’t like that at all before... I use just to cry or beg… I feel guilty to a point that it’s ending with me…It must be due to my depression as well, because I couldn’t finish my studies and I’m feeling myself lost and I blame him so much for it…
My father is getting old and he is sick as well…the last thing I wish is to take his dounoub ... and make the error of acting as him…He use to be a nice man, loving us so much... but he turned into a depression those last 10 years that he became unrecognizable.... I wish i could hate him, but i don t... i don t at all... am trying to work with myself to forgive all what we’ve been through but it is costing me a lot…
(Sorry if there is any grammatical mistakes, I’m Spanish and learned English not long back… am still working to improve it)
Baraq’Allah ou fikoum
I'm crying while reading this imagine my father being just like your father only a 100 times worse ' i have seen all of this while growing up in our case we were 4 brothers and 4 sisters my mother got beaten up by my father the day she got married and it went on for 42 years my. Mom's arms were burned with hot kitchen knives he would beat my mother with belts burn her with cigarette buts and wood fire...and these beatings were over nothing but the why the tea was late why the food is greasy why the food isn't cooked on time just the smallest things that don't even exist in many households ' my mother was jailed in my father's house for 18 years and wasn't even allowed to go to her parents house and they were also threatened that if they try to meet her they ll see her dead ' but in my father's case he hates everyone in the family he gave the hardest time to his father while he "granpa"was alive ' my father did all the bad good nasty things in his younger days being born in a rich family he used to think of human beings as maggots. He never paid any attention to us while we were growing up got beaten up occasionally and one house one kitchen we were served different food than him my mother would make beef and sort of fry it for hours when ready take out a plate for him and add water n potatoes or veggies to the rest ' my father hated all of his our relatives we never went into relatives weddings cuz it was not allowed we never got to see or feel what love is or what a grandma love any love whatsoever ' he hated my sisters more than us and that's why he just wanted them out of the house at a younger age anyone who came to ask for my sisters hands he just asked how wealthy n that's all' didn't care how old or educated they were didn't even see or let my mother see their faces two of my sisters are married to men twice their age...thanks Allah they are not as much abusive as my father but my father has been in fight with all four son in laws...all of my father's relatives n my mother's relatives hate us so much that one cannot imagine ' I'm 32 years old and hardly remember if I were ever treated nicely by the people I know because it's a pay back time ' we also just like you sis came to America around 15 years ago and things didn't change for us a bit the beatings and abuse even became worse but till this day my mother say I ll kill myself before calling cops on him ' he kicked us out of the house occasionally we slept in the cars on people's couches in people's garages etc...he would bring us back only to abuse us more ' there came a day when we started talking back to him and one by one moved out of his house in 2004 he went back to pak n took my mother along but abuse didn't stop there ' in 2011 him n I started talking again he asked me to come home bring money so he can get me marry anyhow got trapped went there n got beaten the worse in life just 13 days before my wedding but I in defense punched him in the face which I regret till this day and the wedding was also a disaster 97 % of the family didn't even show up or were not invited ' he kicked me n my wife out who didn't give a sht about what I was going through and was happy to go to her moms house....things didn't stop there he finally kicked my mother out if house 2 years ago and now living alone no one in the village talks to him when they see him they change the path there walking on.
Dear sister in your case you lost your virginity and you have the guilt which means your are forgiven because you repent Allah will forgive you there's no other most forgiving most merciful than Allah.
But in my case I have done much worse things than you and at the end I do ask for Allah's forgiveness but do it again and my wife who I know never loved me so the word love was never written in our fates. She always tells he parents come first now our son comes 1st anyway the story goes on and goes on and pain feels like doesn't have an ending in my case sometimes I too ask Allah why us why us why us why me why me why my mother who was one of the most good looking most polite most loving caring my mom never even talks back to 5 years old kid.just the sweetest person on earth.
Don't know if Allah will forgive us since we are not talking to our father or in this case he doesn't wanna talk to us ' sometimes I think what would prophet Muhammad SAWW about a father/husband/son like this.since he hated his mother more than anything.
I just read your post and it felt like somebody has wrote everything that i've been through. Except for the fact that i'm still living in Pakistan and here such an environment where father and brother dominate our lifes is pretty normal. My father is an alcoholic and i'm still suffering through this pain. Sometimes i think this is what Allah has wrote for me and things will never change.
I am 26 and i get beaten up when ever my mother and brother want to they have always been abusive towards me. They dont let me communicae to the outside world they dont let me make friends they influence my decisions and call me a whore even though i am a virgin
I have never had a boyfriend there was a guy who used to message me whe they came to know of him they threatened me i got a job and my mom used to call me a data entry operator daily when ever i left for my job she used to ask me to go out late nights and get food for my elder brother sometimes i want to kill myself but i dont have the courage to do it i only some one could do it for me because of their abusive behaviuor i have prblems in trusting people around me i never go out cause they call me a dirty whore
As-salamu alaykum sister. Suicide is not the answer. Quite simply, you have to find a way to get away from your family. Get a job in another city, maybe, and cut off contact with them. I know that sounds daunting. Make a plan and save your money. Find a way, Insha'Allah. May Allah make it easy for you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Bleeding after sex doesn't prove virginity. See here http://en.islamtoday.net/node/1821 don't worry
Hi. Instead of three years to do your education and live with your father, could you gete a job and save so that after two years you are ready to leave. Couldn't you work part-time and could not yr mother get welfare benefits. I am sure in a western country, she should be able to get social assistance if she went to a shelter and explained her situation.