Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think my father is having an affair; what should I do?


Several years ago I saw a text to someone on my fathers phone, with x's and 'love you' etc written, but I ignored it for some reason. Only a few weeks ago, I saw him texting the same person and ending it with x's, so was really suspicious.

Since then I've been really worried and have been checking his text messages. Although he does delete them after reading them, I have seen a couple from the same person, one of which said her name (a woman he used to work with, who I knew when I was younger). They have greeted eachother with things like 'hello gorgeous' and 'I adore you so much'. I now know I cannot ignore this, and what I really hoped wasn't true seems to be true.

I really dont know what to do? My parents have been married for over 20 years; I have an older brother who I haven't told. I thought it might be just a friendship, or flirting, but now after seeing these messages, I know its something much much, and I cant ignore it anymore.

I dont know who to tell or whether to say anything at all. I dont want to break my family up, but cannot sit and let my mother be disrespected like this. I keep praying to Allah that things will get better and to seek guidance, but I don't know who to talk to (hence why I'm posting this online).

Any help will be really really appreciated.

Cupcake 123.



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25 Responses »

  1. first you should tell your papa and tell him or try to meet tht lady send her a text from ur dads fone.adn then wen u do inshallh everythig alright.

  2. Asalaam alaikum,

    I would advise that you proceed very carefully. I take it that you are his daughter and so, your position is a very delicate one. Suspicion is not a very good thing, but there is a definite cause for concern otherwise you wouldn't be here. First, I shall share with you a story and then some advice.

    What has happened in this time to you, also occurred to a sister that I knew. She also discovered messages from another woman to her father and his to her. She then told her brother about this discovery, but they decided not to do much about it. Six months later, their father left their family to be with this other woman. The fallout is something they are still dealing with many years later.

    In hindsight, we sometimes discover things that we wish we would not, and thus ignore them. However, perhaps there is a reason to discover these things. The hard part is figuring out what role you are to play in this scenario. It's easy to ignore it, but in the end, this is your mother who may become the victim.

    I would also recommend that if you do decide to involve your brother, that it is for advice and so that you both can determine whether you will talk to your father about these actions. If there were to anyone who would confront the woman or her family if this route is taken (something quite serious) it would be your brother. Though I will say, that this could cause a rift between your father and brother that may last a very long time. Again, your position and decisions must be made very delicately.

    I'm going to write a small script below that should you desire to confront your father, may help you. Sit him down privately and say...

    "I need to talk to you about something real important. You know that I love you, but I also love our whole family, especially mom. For it is none other than the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) who recommended that we be dutiful, loving and kind to our mother with an emphasis of three times. This is a part of why I come to you. The other reason that I want to talk to you is that on the fourth time, the Prophet mentioned our father and so, this is parcel of my duty to you.

    I have come to know that there is a woman who has taken interest in you and you to her, so please do not lie to me about it. Whether it's flirting or something more serious does not matter. I do not know at what level this has progressed to, but you do have the Islamic right to take a second wife, if you so choose. However, mom has the right to decide if she wants this kind of marriage, so it's only fair to her by Qur'an that you treat her justly in this matter. If you have no intention of marrying this woman, then you need to stop contacting her, as it is haram.

    I have come to you as your child to enjoin good and forbid wrongdoing. This is my attempt at doing so. Allah (swt) has put me in the position of knowing what is happening. Why? I am not entirely clear about that. You should know that I love you dad, but I also love mom. So, please do what is right and honest. Please don't put me in the place of having to do what you refuse to do."

    Insha'allah, I hope this helps. If he is not shamed or embarrassed, then I recommend that you contact the woman's family, if they are God fearing. There is no foul in talking to this woman and making it known to her that you know what is going on. I often find that one reason why adulterers do what they do is because they seldom face the family that they may be hurting. Once they see the tenacity of the family, they often back away.

    Lastly, whatever happens to be the outcome, please know that this is not your fault whatever you may be accused of from here on out. Your father bears ultimate responsibility of his behavior and there is a heavenly reward in protecting your mother.

    Some would say that this is not your place, but the ramifications of sitting idle will hurt your mother, foremost. Make dua, confide in Allah (swt) and then your path will be made all the more clear.

  3. Hi, i really understand what your going though because i'm pretty sure by dad is having an affair. It all started when he got a new phone and he told me to program it because hes not good with technology. and this girl wouldn't stop texting him. and i responded once saying "who is this" and she said her name called me "crazy" and basically avoiding telling me anything else. and i asked my dad (who was sitting next to my mom) and said who is this? showing him the text and all he said is "its probably someone who knows me from work who gave her the number, DID YOU READ ANYTHING ELSE?" and i said i asked who is was because she sent me 32 messages saying "why wont you answer". and he started lecturing me about how i shouldn't respond to strangers and he doesn't know who it is. This all happened yesterday. and after every time he puts his phone down i check if he texts her. this morning i noticed a 7minute phone call to her when he told us he was on his break at work, and another minute call this morning. i've been taking photos of the texts and records to show him one day. but i know ill chicken out. i view him differently and act like i have headphones in my ears when he talks to me. and i basically only answer him in yes or no or of course( in a sarcastic way). and hes the type who is overprotective and annoying. and i wish it was so easy to tell my mom but part of me is scared shell just brush it off, and (the worst) if they get a divorce, ill totally side with her and not want to ever see him again. But i have a 3 year old brother who loves him obviously more than me and i don't want to see him get hurt. Also the texts don't seem as intimate as the ones i hear stories about. Its just "why are you ignoring me" or you know exactly who this is" saying my dads name. im starting to think this will blow up in my face, but i'm praying to Allah and hope for the best. Yet, i never though i would be writing this.

    • Hi, i also understand what your going through but i never had the courage to say something to anyone about it till a few weeks ago. A, couple of years ago, when i was 10 (now 15), one time all my family, except my mum stayed in one bedroom due to redecorating the house. It was late in the middle of the night and i could not sleep. My dad, obviously thinking everyone was asleep, was on the phone to someone. He's the type of person that is on the phone 24/7 so i didn't think much of it, apart from the fact that it was really late. Anyway i just laid in the opposite bed, still but wide awake. Then suddenly he started whispering on the phone and saying stuff like 'I love you' and 'Go to sleep if you love me too'. I did not sleep properly for the rest of that night and for a few weeks after. At this age my dad was everything- the one i looked up to for every little thing and i was broken. From that day onwards i did try to find out who it was and try tell someone but i just could not bring my self to do it. I was thinking a million thoughts in my head and i remember suspecting it to be other family members (auntys etc) but i know they would never do such a thing. As time went on i kinda stopped thinking too much about it, but the thought was always in my head and my mum and dad had another baby, which made me think maybe it was all over. However, A year ago it all started again..he was constantly getting phone calls, texts etc of this woman. I knew it was her because she always used to give miss calls and he would run off into another room to call her back. He also used to leave the house late at night after these phone calls, my guess was to probably meet her. These phone calls would also occur during the day and he would run off. I decided to go through his phone and take the woman's number to my mum or someone i trust...but i have never been able to bring myself to do it. So i decided to call her myself but i didn't let her find out who it was. Then i found out it was a woman who my mum was good friends with. The worst thing about it was that this woman was also married with kids, the eldest my age and the youngest 5. One time he invited the woman and her family over for dinner and this was the first time i saw her. They were acting really suspiciously in front of me, i don't know if it was just my imagination but there was some definite flirting going on. Yet being weak i was still not able to say anything. My dad is also the type of person that is annoying and always wants the best for me. He is kind of controlling and him and my mum argue. He is fairly religious so im really confused on why he would do stuff like this. A couple of months ago it just got too much i couldn't stand him acting like he was gods gift and i broke out and decided to tell my close cousin. It really helped cos he comforted me, but we both knew we couldn't do anything as it would kill my mum inside and i also have little brothers age 7 and 2 who adoree my dad..... I pray 5times a day and i know Allah swt will insh'allah do what is best....i'll pray for you and others who are in the same situation. Insh'allah Allah swt will accept all our duas x

      • Thank you for responding, i completly forgot about this.
        This happened a few monthes ago, and now my dad acually knows how to delete recent calls and texts on his new and complicated phone. I have a 4 year old brother who plays games on his phone but sometimes looks around, not really caring, but my dad would freak out. He bought me an Ipad the day after i told my mother about the calls and texts and i showed her all of the pictures that ive been taking of his calls and texts. She basically laughed it off (and not that i dont trust my mom), but shes the type of person that would tell your secret accidently in the middle of her conversations WITH THE PERSON ITS ABOUT. I think that my dad and mom fight a lot, but its not about what happened, and he leaves to go out for an hour or two, and she jokes (in front of me), saying"Oh, are you going to your girlfriends house?" and start laughing he would feel uncomfortable and then leave. I think he has still been talking to them, but its been monthes, and i talk to him less, ignore him, and he doesnt like it, but at this point i really dont care. To tell you the truth, i have both of the girls numbers but i want to call them, I texted the first one, but she was like who are you? and i got scared and said wrong number, i texted the first one but they never responding. I week ago, my dad walk into the house after "going out with friends to the coffee shop", stumbling, and threw up, i told my mom, but she didnt care, she just said well You allready know that hes going to hell, cuz he doesnt pray or fast.I think ive changed because when i found out i was 13 and crying (and even though ive only been 14 for a month), i just feel like its not a big deal, but i can never look at my dad the same....
        Thank you again for responding, it helped me reading other peoples stories and knowing that im not the only Muslim girl with this problem. Thank you!

        • Aw...yeah it's nice to know that your not alone 🙂 and yours and my story are so unbelievably similar. I think my mum has an idea of whats going on aswell and she does mention it when he's going out. But she says this in a jokey way and my dad doesn't take much notice or just laughs it off. I guess if she knew it was actually true, there would be major problems in our family- which would probably lead to divorce. Don't get me wrong my dad isn't the worst of muslims...after i started reading salah, my dad also started reading and being the only two people in the family that read it, he felt that we should be closer, but i was still constantly ignoring him. He bought me loads of gifts such as an iPhone and i was still ignoring and disrespecting him, so once he decided to ask my why..and i still did not have the guts to say something..even after nearly 6 years of knowing. My advice to you is tell someone in your family that you are really close to (aunty, uncle, cousin etc.) or even a close friend which you trust, because even if your mum doesn't seem to care...the fact that his own daughter knows and it is hurting her is extremely wrong.
          Best wishes and i hope that this helped somehow.
          Ps. Keep mailing on this forum and we can help each other out or mail me privately x

  4. Thank you! I wish i could tell anyone, but i only have a little brother who is family here, and i ask my best friend what she would do and she said she would hate her dad, which i try to do, but i feel guilty.. And my parents got into a fight, for some random thing, and it was crazy and i said "are you going to divorce"? are she was like NEVER THINK OF THAT AGAIN.. My best friend also said that her parents would have divorced before, but she said it was haram, but my mother doesnt think it is. The thing that makes me mad is that, my mom understands everything that he is doing, but feels like its not a big deal, because traditionally, the man is domiinant and even though she stands up for herself, i dont think that she can seriously confront him, unless she already did..
    Thank you so much for commenting, and i hope you continue to, thanks! 🙂

  5. Ahhh no other family :/ thats tough but atleast you have you have your friend to talk to. Hmm hating your dad? Easier said than done. Hmm maybe divorce isn't the best option but bottom line it needs to be sorted out. I think you need to confront your dad properly and tell him the things like its hurting you and all that..and if he truly cares he'll feel guilty about it...I am hoping to confront my dad sometime, but i really don't want my mum to find out or the rest of the family because they're not the strictest of people but they will definitely not tolerate affairs and cheating- they are firmly against it.
    So even though iv got my cousin on my side and one of my best friends knows, i'm still really stuck at the moment...eurghh stressing :/
    Aw your welcome and you too x

  6. Thanks Again!
    My family will probably get mad with me, and be like 'Why are you talkking to your dad like that"
    and now a days, my dad doesnt really really listen to what I say unless its about school. I hope you can approach your dad, because mine wont even care. But Thanks! Im stressed out too..

  7. Well you dont have to approach him in anger. Say it in a calm, meaningful way and mention how wrong and bad he is doing and if he doesnt listen then im certain one day he'll realise by himself, the wrongness of his own actions. You could also start reading salah if you dont already do so, and make duas for him and the rest of your family and insh'allah Allah swt will deffinitely bring peace upon those who pray with meaning 🙂 Thanks, im turning 16 next month and there is no way i am gonna tolerate my dad doing what he does.. Wish you the best and insh'allah it works out in the end if not now x

  8. Hello, i know i havent responded in a while, and im sorry about that, but im kind of having problems with my father again, and i wanted some advice. I forgot about the whole affair thing since he deletes all of his texts and phone calls. But, i have noticed that he has been drinking, and its not normal drinking, he comes home drunk. My mom and I would be staying up, and she would say "Where are you going", and he would say "None of your business", and he comes home at 2 am when im awake sometimes, and he would be falling everywhere, and hysterically laughing. It had gotten to a point that its been like that every day (during is vacation from work), and i wouldnt say anything to him, but i would tell my mom, and she said "Oh whatever, your dad is crazy". But one day i was sleeping, but was awoken by my mother screaming at my father saying "Your drinking has gone too far", and it was 4th of July, and he went to the store to get things for a party, and my mom was crying, and she called my uncle (dad's brother), who my father worshipps cuz hes so smart, or something, and he lives in Africa, i think my uncle drinks to, so when my mom said "Can you talk to him", i dont think he took it really seriously, my mom was telling me, how he was drinking since before they got married, but she let it slide, cuz he was new to america, and he was young, but he continued it, but stopped for a while, and he started this year again. I confronted him on that day, and he said sorry, and that he would stop, but i went to a 1 month trip to Canada, and when i came back he was still doing it, and i confronted him, and he doesnt really care now that i know, and he tells me to never talk to him like that, evern though i dont say it in a rood way and he says "i have a beer or 2, no big deal, its just like coffee", and i have given up, and i just cant wait until i dont like in the same house as him, but im only 14 so i still have a few years left.

    • I have the same problem except the drinking one. A friend of mine was also facing the same circumstances so her mother consulted a professional and well known Muslim Scholar. He's more like a molvi but a good one. He told my friend's mother that her husband had been a victim of black magic. The scholar recited some Quran ayat on the man's picture and told the mother to visit him for a few days. After some days, my friend's father stopped seeing or responding to this girl. My friend's mother recommended my mother to go see this scholar. Mom went and he said that black magic was inflicted upon my father. He did the same reading and told my mother to visit him regularly and to treat my Dad as softly as possible. The issue is still the same and my Mom will see him after Ramadan.
      My point was that if it is possible for you to see some well known Muslim Scholar please do. These kind of women stop at nothing to destroy a happy family for their own personal gains. I do advise you to ask your mother to give some quality time to your father. This might help him realize that this lady is really a well-wisher of me and not that bitch.

  9. Morning sisters, i have had an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders today as I thought i was the only person in this situation. A couple of years back my dad bought a new phone and he left his old one with my sister to play with . One day I was looking through the messages that was left on the phone , it really hurt me but at the time I was young and the fact that he had bought a new phone led me to believe that he had finished the relationship. Until recently , my dad has an iPhone which has a tracking devise on it . I too have an iPhone and I wanted to see if the tracker was legit . I put in my own phone code and my home showed up on the computer screen. For a number of years my dad has supposedly stayed late at work on Fridays since he started this job five years ago. Me wanting to see if my dad was at work or had gone to dinner with his colleagues , I put his phone code into the computer , there it came up my dad was in a nearby town close to where we live in an unfamiliar house. At this point I was boiling with rage and anger I immidiately showed my mum. She seemed bothered at the time and called his office phone just to check if it was true and it was . He had been lying to us all for five years about staying late at work instead he has been having an affair . Now when he speaks to her he turns the radio up high so we can hear what he is saying even though we all can. My dad was my role model the person I looked up to in life , now he is a stranger nd I don't like thinking about because I have a major exam in a few weeks nd this is stopping me from concentrating . Please sisters give me advice on what to do I'm heartbroken and honestly I don't know why my dad would do such a thing

    • Salaam aminat,
      Hope you're well inshaAllah.

      That sounds like such a difficult situation. I think you need to try to stay calm and keep praying and making Dua. InshaAllah your exams will go well, just be prepared and stay calm. Don't worry too much about failing, we all fail exams, and carry on, it's okay.
      As for the situation with your dad I know exactly how you feel.
      I made this post quite a while ago, feeling completely helpless. I haven't confronted my father, mother, or brother, but kept praying. Earlier this year my dad went on umrah for the first time and I was so thankful, I thought all my prayers had finally been answered, that he'd go there and come back a changed person. When he returned, he was praying salah all the too me (which he didn't before) and everything looked good. He kept a diary whilst he was there which I read, he was so remorseful and begged Allah for forgiveness and I was ready to forgive him.
      But earlier today I saw a text he sent on his phone, to the same woman. It wasn't even flirtatious, it's like they've been in love for so many years... And it killed me. I just broke down again, I honestly thought he ha changed. How can you go to the house of God, beg for forgiveness, return and carry on having an affair? I don't understand. I feel like I'm back where I started. I have nobody to talk to and can't deal with this alone. My father is so important to me, I just don't understand how he can do this. It hurts so much.

  10. Assalamualikum.
    Guys i am 13 and going through this situation please guide me what to do. I discovered the girls name on line. I know she is a staff working at my fathers hospital. I have 4 sisters of ages( what shall i do tell my grandma or what.
    Jazaq Allah
    Waiting for a warm reply.

    • Aslamualaikum Umer,
      I'm so sorry you have to go through this too. It seems like we're all going through the same thing, but have no solutions. In the same way 'A' said above, I don't want to tell my mother because I don't want her to be lonely etc, and I know it'll just hurt her.
      'A', everything you said sounds so awful, I have no idea what Id do if I found out my father had other children, I just pray he hasn't.

      I'm not a confrontational person, and the thought of even talking to my dad about this makes me so anxious.

      I'm just going to continue to pray and like 'A' said, learn from my fathers actions. However, I do feel like I now have a (maybe irrational) fear of getting married and being cheated on. It's honestly one the biggest things I fear and think about. Because I just think, if someone so pure and caring and giving and beautiful as my mother has been cheated on, then what will happen to me. Ah, my thoughts are getting ahead of me now. I just pray Allah has a better path for me and I know I will never make the same mistakes my dad has, because I know how much it hurts the children involved.

      I find this thread very helpful.

      Salaam and thank you

  11. Salam everyone..reading your comments has reminded me of something I don't really speak about or try not to think about. Maybe after me sharing this with you guys might help you to be strong. I was 8 years old when I found out that my father had a daughter one year older then me with another women. My mother found out few years after marriage that my dad had a daughter. She forgave him and yet completely cut it out of there marriage life. Dad worked, mum was a house wife, and to our friends and family we was seen as a perfect family. Our dad provided us with everything. I am now 24, when I was young I learnt how to forget about dad's past life. I was happy that he chose to live with us and not his other daughter. I don't think my dad ever supported or saw that daughter. However last year my uncle told me that your dad's daughter is looking for him and she had come to his house asking for him. My uncle told me she was 17. I didn't believe my uncle as it didn't make sence, when I was 8 I knew dad had a daughter that was a year older then who was this 17 years old. I then found out that this was my fathers second daughter yet from another women. My mother doesn't know about his second daughter. And it would destroy her if she was to find out. What made me feel sick was when I thought to myself my father was 38 when he cheated on my mum again..and the worst bit my mum also had my sister who
    Is the same age of my dad's second daughter. I had to choose either I tell my mum or not tell her. I decided not to, the reason was because my mums been married to my dad for nearly 26 years. I don't want my mum to ever feel lonely, I knew without my dad she would feel lonely and as her child I wouldn't be able to replace that loneyness. I felt sick and wanted to hate my dad but I couldn't because he's my father and I have a lot of love for him..what he did is unforgivable but in life you have to learn to accept peoples past and use there example to be a better person. I've learnt how hurtful cheating and affairs can be..this has made me a stronger person to never treat your loved ones in that way. I don't have children but I love my partner very dearly and will never cheat on him. You can't disrespect or hate you dad for their actions or sins but learn from their doings.

  12. Salaam,

    I really need help. I just saw messages on my dads phone from her, saying that she misses their intimacy and making love. Maybe I was so naive and stupid enough to think they were having a relationship but not being intimate, but I was wrong. They're planning to go away together for the weekend in October.

    I seriously can't do this anymore. After I read the messages I couldn't breathe. I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do. How can he do this?
    Now I have to go downstairs and talk to him and act like nothing's wrong.
    I have no-one to talk to.

  13. I'm will turned 16 this year. Idk but i think that my that has an affair but I'm not sure. It is bcs i always see him whastaapping someone after he got his new phone last year. He's like sometimes trying to hide frm smiling at his phone. And he got a fb which I know his password but my brother found a new Facebook of him that i don't wvent know exist. My brother showed it to him and i searched for it but it disappeared. I think he's having an affair with his worker bcs he is like always saying good things about his worker and I saw him whatsapping his worker recently but when I'm gonna check his phone, all the messages between him and his worker has been deleted. It bothered me so much since last year and I even failed my exam last year bcs of worrying. What should I do? I really love him and don't wanna torn our family out. What should I do? What should I do to make my dad feel bad about it? I'm a Muslim and his worker is not a muslim. I really feel like I wanna kill his worker as in dramas always but I just can't. Pls tell me what to do. My dad is rich and Im afraid that he will waste his money for that girl bcs I hate girls that trying to ruin others relationship and i hate it when someone asks money from my dad. I really hate sharing like its my dad so it's mine and mine only !! Pls help Me. It bothered me everytime. It's so stressful.

    • Salaam Pinkiepie,

      I know exactly how you feel! Please don't get lost in your own thoughts, I've done that too many times. Keep coming back to this forum whenever you need it and get other people's opinions.
      What your going through is really hard I know, and honestly I have no solutions for you. I've slowly come to accept that my father is having an affair and is in love with another woman that isn't my mother. However this might not be the case for your father. He could be flirting with this co-worker and it might not mean as much. Maybe suggest your mum and dad go for a weekend away together or a date night while you stay at home. How does he behave around your mum, does he show affection etc?
      If this woman is interacting with him for his money, he will soon realise that and feel like a fool.
      You could also talk about islam with him and ask him about some of the major sins and what the punishments are. This might be a way for him to hear what he's doing wrong and feel guilty, which could make him stop.

      I'm sorry I have no concrete answers for you. This is such a hard thing to go through. I just pray that our fathers repent and Allah forgives them, that's all I can hope for.

  14. Salam everyone like most people on this I am to so confused to what's happening and I can't off load this kind of information to anyone because of several reasons anyways my mum and dad always argue and not just the petty arguing but serious arguing to the point that one would have to leave the house and police getting involved I'm only saying all this stuff because I think it may have been the key issue to the marriage failing back to the point since the day they got married they've had issues so I've heard my mums always had a temper and my dad is humble my mum has always had a problem with how she got treated by her in laws yes I understand her view and everything but she has never let anyone sit peacefully she make a a big deal out of things she perhaps shouldn't she would swear and curse and my dad's family infront of him on a daily basis to be honest I don't really feel any sympathy towards her because she was to in the wrong and because she playing an act of feel sorry for me it's now having a effect on her family meaning her kids we are now old enough to understand things for our selfs I love my mum but I just feel like becuz of her actions my dad and her are just two people together sake of the kids I love my dad I hve always fought his side in everything so for something like this to appear has an huge effect on me I don't want to moan becuz I've heard that all my life from my mum and then seeing that my dad just hating or drifting away from her becuz of that my dad would come back from hard day of work but can't sit in the house in peace becuz of my mum. Don't get me wrong my dad has done stupid things like get into business and get in debt which had an effect in our family anyways I wouldn't know where to start or finish obviously there are more incidence Tht have happened which I won't go into my father has preform hajj and umrah and prays 5 times a day as do I but mother dosnt I went through his phone and didn't find and number or mes from any one that raised my suspicion about 1 year ago my parents had yet another big fight which got out hand and my dad is so fed up of this that after that fight they never slept in the same room but civilly talk to one another but don't share any intermercy after that although I have tryed to set them up together but dosnt work I pray to Allah becuz that's the only thing I feel that I can do so basically on my dad's birthday I went thro his phone I went on Internet and checked the history and found such disturbing things like escorting and stuff like Tht now my brother is teenager 17 he is giving my parents a handful trouble this is something I expect from him not the man I thought was perfect but it turns out desires can ruin a soul i just didn't kno how to react to all this so I acted as if nothing ever happend as this family has gone through to much dramas that it has become embarrassing to the family when I think about it I just feel so bad for my mum but yet I still one side if me blames her but I cnt not feel for her but then again I don't blame him but then I think this wrong how could he do this to us after all this but i just don't know what to do anymore please some one just advise me on what I should do

    • Ayssha, please register and submit your question as a separate post and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah. I'd also be grateful if you could break it up into paragraphs and summarize just a bit.

      Wael Editor

    • Salaam Ayesha.

      Your situation sounds really difficult, but I hope you're coping and doing well inshaAllah.

      Have you ever considered talking to your mum and dad seaparately about your concerns. Often when people fight in a marriage they don't realise how it's affecting the children/family. They could be completely oblivious to your reaction. Try talking to them on their own when they're both calm (not after a fight) and say something like 'I know you and mum/dad have been fighting a lot recently and I don't like it. It really hurts to see you both arguing'. Maybe if your parents see that you are hurting because of them, they might try harder to compromise and change for you. Explain to your mum that some of her behaviours hurt you, if she hears this from her own daughter, it might spark a change. You really need to communicate with them, as hard and awkward as that might be. I know many couples just stay together because they have kids, but don't realised that their behaviour is creating an unstable environment which is unhealthy for their kids.

      My biggest piece of advice is to make dua. Just talk to Allah, tell Him how you feel, ask for guidance and peace in your family. InshaAllah he will ease the hearts of both of your parents.

      As for the things you find on your dad's history etc, he might be resorting to those measures because of his unstable relationship with your mum. Maybe ask him often to borrow his laptop, or try to spend time with him, watch a movie etc, so he keeps his mind off sinful acts. Try doing things as a family, going for a day out, trip to town, out to eat. Anything that gets the family together and talking, to remind your parents why they're together and how blessed they are to have a family.

      I know its a really hard situation, but by the look of your post, your inward thinking is making it worse. Use this forum and let us talk you through it and try to help. I wrote the first post here almost 3 years ago and still go through periods where I've completely lost hope, but honestly this thread has helped me realise that so many people are going through the same thing and it's a test for us all. InshaAllah we'll all be alright.

  15. Hello everyone..
    At the age of 17 I came to know about my father's affair when I checked his phone. There were suspicious messages from an unsaved no. I felt bad. For few days I didn't know what to do.
    Later I read few cheap texts, not mentioning here purposely.. they reflected all physical intimacy. I broke then. I was in delima whether to tell my mother or not. I kept it to myself not wanting mummy to get hurt.
    I then confessed the whole thing to my best friend. She was with me through all this otherwise..
    Now I am 18. I had talked out to my dad about it, he had got a new android phone and continued on whatsapp. He said there is nothing like that. I told him you tell mum or I will. He said nothing. Days later I tried another method to see if his conscience responds to such wrong doings. I told him I love and I care for the family. I do not want mum to suffer because of his deeds. My little sister may not understand it now but later it my devastate her living. He cried hearing it. I chose to forgive him.
    I am not a muslim but I have equal faith in Allah. I make du'a.
    Even after all this I found another text in his phone and this time I would not stop.
    I took the screenshots of all the nasty vedios, the messages she had sent, what my father had replied, the call logs, and I sent it to her husband on fb. I sent a screenshot of this to her, accompanied by a meaasge stating that I had read that cheap thing too, and if she does not stop I will send him that message too.
    I would not talk to my dad, that night my mum asked him what he had done to me, he told her some story that I misunderstood him.
    Mum asked me not be depressed and we could talk it out. Slowly I acted upon her advice. I would treat my dad as family again.
    However, on the night of my result I found one more text.. I give up now. I told my mum about it. The next dad they had a brief talk, an argument.. My dad still lies to her and I can not trust him. I do not talk to him. I dont know how to deal with it...
    I failed to mention, she is married, with 2kids, one elder to me. Please help...

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