Feel so betrayed about his past relationship
Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.
Salaam,
I am with a guy that has revealed to me that he has an ex who has had his child. He claims to not want nothing to do with this ex or this child as he was not given a choice as to whether he wanted this baby, and she is not muslim.
I am meant to marry this guy and its eating me up inside knowing that somewhere out there is a child that is his.
Is it wrong of me to still want a future with this guy?
Please help
- confused9876
6 Responses »
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Dear Confused9876, Asalaamualaykum,
I would run ten miles away from a man like this. If he had sincerely repented about having a child out of wedlock and had become closer to deen, I would hear him out. However by saying he wants nothing to do with his child, this shows he has no regard, love or respect for his child or the woman he impregnated. This shows a very selfish, unkind, unmerciful and irresponsible character. I would never recommend anyone to marry such a man.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
Assalamu'alaikum Sister,
I agree completely with SisterZ. Even if he didn't want anything to do with his ex, he still has a responsibility to care for the child monetarily and emotionally. His ex did not do this on her own. He was a willing participant so he needs to be accountable for his actions.
This should be a strong indication of the character of this man. How do you know he won't do the same to you? If he is having sexual relations with women whether they are Muslim or not he has sinned.
I would question him. Has he made taubah? Is he willing to commit to Islam? Is he willing to provide for his child even if he is not with the mother? Is he willing to stand up and be a man? You want a man, not a boy.
Don't leave him right away, but I would wait to get married. Talk is cheap. Wait to see what he is going to do. We all make mistakes and we also change as we mature. If you are not in a hurry to get married then I would take my time. If he is not willing to change his ways then I would walk away and not look back.
Your Brother in Islam
Abdul Wali
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hello,
I agree with both responses.
One you said he had no choice in if he wanted the baby or not. Well that means he wanted her to get rid of it. That is a sin in Islam. It also means he does not really regard life very much. He had the choice to sleep with her. That was his choice.You get babies by having sex. I don't think he is a stupid man, do you? He knew what he was doing.
Two he hasn't really repented because he cares nothing for either of them. His own child. If he doesn't care for his own flesh and blood why would you be any different when he gets bored of you? He's the kind of guy that when he gets bored with you he will probably cheat on you. Any children that come of that he wouldn't care for either. He might even lose interest in any children the two of you have. Do you want that kind of father for your children? Does he even want children?
Now your question is it wrong for you to still want a future with this guy. No it is not wrong for you to feel this way. You have your hopes up for marriage. It's normal to think that way. Just you need to take caution and seriously think about the issues we all brought up. After thinking about it do you really want to be with a man who wanted to get rid of his own flesh and blood? Think about it.
Salam sister,
Just like SisterZ has said, I would not walk but RUN away from this person. He is nothing but bad news! You are so lucky to know from beforehand that he has a child from another woman and cant even man up to his responbilities for this child. Would you really like to live a life where you know you will have to deal with all these issues? The biggest red flag that pops up here for me is his dishonesty. He informs you of all this AFTER you are in a relationship with him? How selfish! If he can use and throw a previous girl like that and want to bear no responsibility for his child, what gurantee do you have that he will not do the same to you? From his past actions, it is evident and very clear that his is not following Islam accordingly. Even being in this relation with you as a boyfriend is not Islamic at all. You're going to be only gaining one thing from this relationship: sins! The cost here is very high but the benefits are very low. I suggest you save yourself from the miseary now because I dont see this heading to a very positive direction. Count your blessings: you're one of those lucky women whom Allah has bestowed his blessings upon. Use this opportunity to walk out from his life and then thank Allah SBT from saving your life from this liar. He's NOT worth it!
is it a chating website or problem solving website i only see chating here
The comments above to help in solving the problem whereas your comment isn't doing that.