Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Feeling guilty for him for being in a relationship with me outside marriage

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam

Halaal and Haraam of Relationships

I have been talking to a friend of mine who converted to Islam about 10 years ago. We both have been brought up in the same culture and beliefs. However, since he has converted some of our beliefs and culture has changed. We only talk on the phone for now and I have seen him once but we hit it off right away! We speak as much as we can all day. I have fell in love with this man! He is so good to me, he has helped me through alot of issues I had in my life. He always knows what to say to make me smile and feel better regardless of the situation. We wanna get married and spend eternity together. I'm christian but was brought up as an Italian catholic. We do share alot of the same morals as far as life and the way it should be lived positively. I have strong family morals and he does as well!

However, he said to me last night that he always pictured himself marrying a Muslim woman. But he fell for me and can not imagine life without me in his life. We laugh and have so much fun, just over the phone! When I did see him we were both so nervous, but that went out the window as soon as we saw each other. We have not had any sexual relations. His comment last night had me felling a little guilty I guess you could say! He made a comment the other day as well, He said that he can't even talk to his brothers of Islam about me and he doesn't like that. That also made me feel guilty. I am not going to say that I would convert, because that is a huge decision and I would need to know everything there is to know before I could make that decision, However I am open to learning and understanding.

As far as the respect and love a Muslim man has for his wife, I love that! My family doesn't believe in divorce and we take marriage very seriously! I come from a very good family. With him, I know I am protected and loved and respected and nobody better try any disrespect toward me because I am his queen! I have read other posts and people have said that a Muslim man is allowed to marry outside of his religion, however there could be problems when it comes to family traditions, and the upbringing of our children. I just don't know what to think of this! I love him and I want to marry him, I know he loves me and wants to marry me, but why am I feeling guilty about him going against what he has believed in for so long? I am going to speak to him today about this, I just wanted to have an opinion outside the box!

Melimena.


Tagged as: , , , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Melimena i understand the excitement you may feel frim meeting this brother and i would really suggest you read into islam and the sunnah. It will show that our religion is the last sermon or completion. When you look at the pure sense of christianity without the idols we have more in common than you would think however in islam iys a lifestyle. Rules on marriage business etc everything.. Its a beautiful way of life. If you do not want to convert he can still marry you however only of you are chaste AND any kids have to be raised as muslim. Our prophet did marry people of the book as well. Have a think about it but dont convert just to marry

  2. Take your time and study Islam maybe you what he saw. Islam is a beautiful religion sister. Above allnits a very natural religion, infact i beleive christianity and islam could be the same if a few points were amended in chritianity that Islam later came around to fix. In the end its your inner satisfaction that matters. Dont convert because you love him and want to be with him. Just remember that religion comes above religion. Its us who. have priorotozed the. wr ong things.

    Sometimes its the a fall that transforms us and makes us soar through the sky. Give it a thought in sha Allah
    things will be good.

    Sorry for a few typing mistakes my phone has gone crazy.

    Take care
    Peace be on to you.

  3. If you both love each other and want to be husband and wife, then discuss it. If you both feel it will be the right thing for you, then you can take steps to achieve this. While interfaith marriages do seem to have more challenges to face, if you both discuss the issues openly and honestly then you may well be able to resolve them.

    From what you have described, you seem to have strong morals, and this is a very positive thing. I'm glad to read that you have not had sexual contact with each other.

    You may wish to read more about interfaith marriage, and try to formulate your own opinions about some of the key issues, such as family interactions, children... Most Muslim men I know would want any children they have to be raised Muslim, and this would be non-negotiable. How would you feel about that?

    Try to learn about Islam; read reputable sources, visit a local mosque and talk with people there. Islam is a beautiful and very peaceful religion, and many people who have reverted to Islam feel that its teachings provide clarification of and conclusion to the teachings of Christianity.

    In the meantime, it's important to keep your interactions appropriate. This means you should be involving your families in discussions and interactions between the two of you should be in the presence of a mahram (a term for one of your close male relatives).

  4. Aswak,

    I know that Muslim man is allowed to marry a Women if she is from people of book like christian, Jews..etc
    But 99.9 % of the Christians believe that Jesus was God and have firm conviction in the trinity concept. I haven't come across any Christian believing that Jesus was prophet and not God. I see now big difference how God is perceived in both the religions eventually will leading to conflicts and problems after couple of years of marriage after the passion fades away.

    I feel the only criteria you can marry Christian women is if she has the same concept of God as Muslims have which will ensure peace and successful marriage.

    Let me know my understanding is wrong

    Allah Hafiz.

  5. @Msk,

    I think it's great that you brought up this topic. I myself, always tend to shy away from the conversations that involve marriage between muslims, and modern day Christians. My husband and I have spoken about this deeply, and have come to the conclusion that the allowance was given to Muslims, Christians and Jews to inter marry because for us the message was the same for all of us, that there is only one god.

    Now, Christians believe in as you said the holy trinity. I was born and raised Christian, and am American. I'm now a revert married to a born Muslim. Christians believe Jesus was God incarnate on earth, and There is God in heaven, and a link that binds them called the 'holy spirit'. To be honest I'm not sure how exactly the holy spirit or otherwise called the 'holy ghost' was its own entity, but Christians refer to it as its own, singular entity.
    The very concept of Christians worshiping the prophet Jesus (Isa) PBUH, makes Christians polytheists (believers of multiple gods rather than one singular god entity). Arabs call them Mushrik. My husband is from Iran, I'm not sure what the word is in Farsi, maybe the same.

    So I completely agree... the belief that binded Christians and Muslims has been, for the most part, lost and broken. There are however a small faction of Christians that maintain the original, true message that Jesus was not god but simply a messenger. When you ask an enthusiastic Christian about this, they defend their beliefs with the many miracles that Jesus preformed including making the blind to see, rising those from the dead, and so forth. Also, the back bone in the bible to support their arguement is the verse in the book of John 14:6, which reads "I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father, except through me." That somehow has been translated to mean that no one will make it to heaven unless they believe Jesus is God himself, although I think the incorrect translation had some "help" from men who wished to make Jesus a God, so they could rise in power by becoming men of god, such as priests and pastors. These people have gained enormous amounts of power, money and status as those who place themselves as "middle men" between men and God. A great example would be confessing your sins to a priest in a catholic church and leaving with instructions on things to say, for absolution from your sins. We Muslims know only God can do that.

    I'd love to hear the ideas of the other readers and editors on this topic... thanks!

    Sister Stacy

  6. @Melimena.

    I would like to tell you about Islam

    We Muslims worship Allah - the only one GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
    The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.

    why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
    Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.

    Allah says
    “And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
    {Quran 51:56}
    _________________

    Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
    HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
    HE is not like us.
    There is no one like HIM.

    Allah says,

    Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
    "Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
    He neither begets nor is born,
    "And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."

    (Quran 112: 1-4)
    __________________________

    what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?

    Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?

    Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.

    I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.

    Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
    -> quran(dot)come
    - > Invitation2Islaam(dot)wordpress(dot)com
    replace above (dot) by . and paste and search in your address bar
    __________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

Leave a Response