Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Feeling hopeless about marriage

ASA everyone. I will be turning 26 in a couple of months. My problem is that I can't find a partner for myself at all even though I have done many wazifas and prayed a lot. Though I have had proposals, but nothing seems to eventually work out.

I don't have a brother and my dad passed away too. My mom can't see much and she's getting worried about me by the day. I try to console myself that whatever happens happens for our good. My sister and mom tell me to continue praying but even though I shouldn't, I now feel kind of hopeless. I do want to get married. The thought of loneliness scares me.

I work, study, am social to some extent and keep myself busy. Eventually I know people will start questioning me. I don't know what answer to give to them. I don't want people to say that I have never had any proposals as that's not true. It's just that nothing works out.

I request you to please help me by giving me hope and by giving me some wazifa or dua that can help me get a good muslim partner soon.

Looking forward to your response.

need a light of hope



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17 Responses »

  1. Inshallah sister don't feel hopeless email me inshallah

    • Salaams,

      This is not a matchmaking website. Please do not include your personal contact info in posts. If you are seeking a spouse go on a proper matrimonial website such as, in shaa Allah.

      -Amy Editor

  2. Salaams,

    It would be helpful if you can share a little bit more about your attempts to find a proposal. What avenues are you using to find a spouse? What about the proposals you have received have not "worked out"?

    Generally speaking, waiting for men to come to you in this day and age is only part of the process. Sure, men are looking for wives, but they are having just a difficult time to find someone suitable. A lot of people are turning to matchmaking sites to expand their options. Sometimes people find a good match that does work out this way.

    Making dua is important, but so is getting your name out there. Since you don't have a father or brother to act on your behalf, turning to the internet may be a good option for you. At least you can screen the candidates yourself first and decide who is compatible before you bring them home to meet your mother.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Same here!

    I am 31 years old man, seeking for marriage, I had been praying for many years like you. All my friends even my younger brother got married.

    Any way, God willing, I never lose hope, Allah told us to keep patience. May be better something waiting for us.

    I would recommend you to recite Sura Asr from Quran.

  4. I'm sorry for the situation you are in right now sister, inshallah I will make dua for you and you should pls make dua for me too I'm seeking for admission in to a university this year, I have submitted my credentials and got no one things they need I want u to put me in your dua too thanks. A brother from Africa, Nigeria.

  5. Actually I been loking for proposal for my brothr but everytime they says yes and next moment no
    Plz pray for my brother and my sister amy

  6. Assalam u alaikum,

    Your are going through the same phase of the life as I am in. What I am seeing is my mother doesn't seem to be interested or lworried about my marriage. I guessed she is just too lazy to think about this matter seriously. She had the same attitude during the time of my eldest one sister. She got married two years back AllhamdulilAllah! at the age of 28 years old. ( My nani brought her up , and she was actually pretty much worried about my sister's marriage.)

    I am also turning to 26 in this year.
    I have had many good proposals atleast for me they were good. But my mother wanted my eldest sister to be married first so she refused the good one proposals too by saying she is still studying or she is not old enough etc. Though my mother does say that the couple of the proposal during the time of my sister came she liked for me. I don't why din't she take them serious that time.

    Now, on one of my friend's advice I have started taking my marriage matter serious. So I have to push my mother to start looking a guy for me. Unfortunately, she still doesn't seem to take this matter serious.
    I am a university student my brother in law , whenever talks to me he inquires me , is there no one who approached to you with a proposal. I said no.
    The proposals that came for me are either from a friend side, neighbors and during the time my family was looking a guy for my sister 4 years ago. one of them directly said why don't you give your youngest daughter's hand as our son is younger than your daughter. Rest just proposed my mother if they could see the youngest daughter as their son was also young.

    I am not marriage type of girl. I have lived a simple life. I do have good male friends but i have kept a distance from them. And I am hopeful that may be Allah wants me to serve my parents for more years, 🙂
    but still I don't know, I should take my matter of marriage serious or I should just leave it on fate.

  7. If your parents are not actively networking on your behalf and introducing you to suitable bachelors, then you are going to have a very difficult time. The model established by the sunnah has the parent/family members as the main resource. The reason is simple - Islam does not allow extended contact between the sexes, and, parents are assumed to know best and can filter out the bad ones by their inquiries. This model acts as a source of protection for unmarried girls.

    I guess you can try the internet but the rationale behind the Islamic model disappears. Be very cautious. There are a lot of charlatans on the internet. So-called "muslim" matchmaking websites are not any different than mainstream dating websites. The only difference is the word "muslim".

    Your married friends might be able to introduce you to people, but you must have your parents involved.

    One of the ways that I dealt with this situation was just focusing on other aspects of my life. Studying at university, working and building up my career, and developing other interests like traveling and volunteering. You are 26 years old - presumably your parents are not young. In a few years they will need your help. Elderly parents need a lot of attention and we are directed by Allah to take care of them. All these things will fill your life. They don't replace marriage and children, but at least you wont be sitting at home waiting for a husband to magically appear out of nowhere.

  8. Im 32 years years old and my parents are not bothered either. I know what you going through do not give up hope may Allah make it easier for you inshAllah. As for people questioning you or me of why we are not married are usually the ones hiding behind masks trust me I have also seen this. My strong advise to you is be patience and ignore the rest.

  9. Sister take practical steps alongsiden istikharaa have sabar look fr good.

    Now get as much people on board as you instance I know a good brother... but theres no sister I know hes a back homie but u know nicest guy..u will meet n loyal..
    My experience the more people u get on board the easiser it will be to search outnpeople....u can get someone to ask ur local imam...if I had ur contacts details I would let u k w this brother is looking fr instance.

    • This is not a skill that Muslim girls are taught. It is much easier said than done. In Muslim families, the girls do not talk about the opposite sex and we are conditioned to rely on our parents to help us get married. This reticence about gender relations and marital relations permeates the entire Muslim community. So it is pretty difficult to "round up a team" that will advocate for us, knowing our own families are not on that team. Non Muslim girls are taught from their teenage years how to approach the opposite sex, date, and eventually get married. Muslim girls are taught to stay put and tight-lipped. So at age 30 or 35 it's not like we can easily embark on a marriage crusade. Nor is thus type of thing taught in Islamic classes. I went to islamic classes twice a week until I was in my teens. The teachers -- who were elders in the community-- never ever made any of these suggestions and the only thing about marriage that was discussed was 1. No dating allowed and 2. Family is the cornerstone of Islam and 3. Obey your parents. That's it.

      I could never walk into a mosque and start talking to a Male imam about my marriage woes. First of all, women are not allowed to have a tete-a-teeth with men so I'm not sure how the imam suggestion even works. Secondly, I know in my family if I started asking my parents friends to help me, word would get back to my parents and they would be really embarrassed, really mad, and would stop talking to me. Most Muslim communities are tied to their ethnic origins so if this type of conduct is frowned up in in the ethnicity then there will be am element of ridicule as well.

      There is no solution when your parents are not on board. All if these solutions are hypothetical at best.

  10. dear sister..start an account in any Muslim matrimonial sites which is more common in ur area..dont lose hope..watever happen is for good only...keep always praying..memorize Allah's 99 names and ask Allah by calling calling his names..find a religious and truthful guy..May Allah help u..ameen..we all are ur brothers in shaa Allah i include u in my prayers too..

  11. Salaam,

    I read on one of the comments above that getting married can be difficult as family memebers should play an active role in assisting you to find the correct partner,

    subhanallah i am a revert, and have had a lot of difficulty getting married, i have met 2 different people and both families rejected me due to my back ground - the families were pakistani and i am indian

    i appreicate many people say that they would accept reverts however living in london this is not what iv found...
    i am really interested if someone can advise me on this matter and what islam says on the matter of families saying no for this reason?

    • Wasalam brother, subhanallah Islam is very clear on the topic of marriage, and what to look for in a spouse, first of all two Hadiths of the prophet SAW, he said "if Someone who is righteous asks for your daughters hand in marriage do not refuse him for this will cause trouble and tribulations in the world"
      The next hadeeth is the prophet SAW said a Arab is not superior to a non Arab and a black is no better than a white only he is most god consciousness will be ranked" these are sufficient to say what Islam says about cast and tribal marriage Islam came to abolish thee jahil ways we are all equal in Islam and it shouldn't matter where your from or who you are if you are righteous upon the deen, well financed and mentally fit for marriage then there is no reason of rejection, cast marriages are the foundation of nationalism which the prophet sad who ever supports it is not of my followers
      So people who are into such thoughts and beliefs needs to fear Allah and Break free from such a disease

      • Thanks for the response - although I'm not a brother!

        I was told by one brother that although his parents are saying no becquse I'm not the same background he refused to go against what they say - which is fine however does he not have a duty to correct them rather then agree with them..?

  12. Well for a Good man that really wanted to get married to have a family that so many others were very Blessed with that Gift of life which i am still Single today as i speak since so many women these days are now so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, and very money hungry, which really speaks for itself why i am. And many women that have their Careers now expect the Best and will Never settle for Less since they will Never go with many of us men that make so much Less money than they do which makes it very sad that many women today will Choose money over Good men like us. Times have really Changed since the Good old days which many women back then were Never like that at all which made it so much Easier finding love the way our family members had it since both men and women in those days hardly had any Money at all at that time since they had to live with their parents too. What a Change from years ago to today. It is too bad that many of us Good men weren't born at a much Earlier time since we could've been all settled down by now with a Good wife and family today instead of being Single and all Alone now.

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