Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Feeling less as a wife

multi tasking woman

Assalamu alaikum. May Allah be pleased with your efforts. I am a newly married women at 23 doing my university studies. I am confused about the duties of a wife and obey husband thing. It seems like we should obey him as he provides for us, what if the wife is capable of self providing?.Also, Is cooking,washing,households islamically compulsory on wife or is it just a long followed custom? I always fought for equality with my brother's at home but now I feel worthless as a wife. It's more like a maid. Is there anything wrong visiting my parents weekly? Why can't men clean their own mess? Am not asking them to cook or clean house but to do small helps like taking their dishes to sink. Keeping things at order. Putting things at dustbin rather expecting us to follow them and collect. Is it fine to ask him to help with that. Am sorry for this long post. I don't want to disobey allah but I don't want to feel worthless and hurt myself. Please help me with some simple clear answers. May Allah bless and forgive us.

mannu

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum mannu,

    You needn't apologize for your length of post. A post is neither too long or short but rather, varies according to the situation presented.

    The gender roles you are describing are a carryover from agricultural society when men, who are physically stronger, toiled in the field and women did what was easiest for them, which was to stay at home and cook, clean, etc.

    What each of you does in the house is dependant on each of your strengths and weaknesses and you can communicate your respective desires to each other. Your husband may be particularly bad at remembering to clean after himself because the woman might have done these things in his family's home. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man carrying his dishes to the sink and even washing them, so you can communicate this to him. If he continues in his current way, it is only because it is not natural for him, so you may have to communicate it again until he remembers that this is something that is important to you. You can mutually come to a routine. Remember first and foremost though, that the chores that each of do, you do out of love for Allah and love for each other, so they are far from meaningless and menial and are worth doing. They will not go to waste. Allah is most loving, and that should comfort you.

    And Allah knows best,

    Nor

  2. salam sis ! i think you should tell him how you feel .
    the Prophet Muhammad SAW used to help his wives in all task ;
    i used to have this issue all the time until i finally spoke up about it and now he helps alot more then before

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