Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Feeling lonely and stressed

Muslim school girls

I'm struggling to make friends at university.

Salam,

Basically im 20,and i just started college.. my first semester is over and i met new people but yet im very lonely.. i have no friends that are close to me or someone that i could hang out with.. my other close friends all went to some other university and are finding friends and have each other.. while i am finding no one and am left alone. In fact my old friends dont even bother to text me anymore because they have found new people.

I have never in my life felt this alone. Yes i have family but it is crucial to have close friends in college. Everytime i see my old friends having fun and posting on social media i instantly feel depressed and get this rush of feelings. Every morning i wake up with that feeling of loneliness. No matter how much i try to get rid of this depressing and anxiety feeling it is always in the back of my mind. Seeing all my old friends and all the people from college making new friends and laughing makes me feel insane.

I used to pray occasionally before this matter but ever since then i have made sure to pray every prayer ..i even pray tahajjud but yet i dont see any improvement..i had made tons of duas and i want my duas answered...

My issue may seem stupid to others but ever since i was child making a lot of friends was easy for me. Idk if this is a test or maybe im not making dua correctly.. but i feel more and more depressed which is starting to make me question if i will ever gain close friendships and happiness.

I have also thought of switching to the school where my old friends are but that would cause a lot of stress to my parents. I am stuck.. i dont know how long this will last for.. will i ever find my bestfriend or will i be lonely in this huge univeristy? My health has become bad because of all this loneliness ...i have even started making istikara for if i should go to the university where my old friends are and havent gotten anything yet since its only been a day i made it...i just dont know how much longer i can hndle this..inshalah i will continue to pray five times and make a lot of dua but i am starting to lose myself.

I have even got prescribed medicine but i know i have no problem and that if only Allah blessed me with a group of friends and a best friend i wil be normal again..

Is there any duas or anything i can do to not be lonely..i have tried making dua at times that duas get accepted most but havent seen anything.. i am not losing hope in my duas ..i just feel very lonely now and dont want to wait much longer...

I dont know wht to do i have even went to more activities and clubs to meet new people and i do end up meeting new people but they all already friends that they are closer too while i have absolutely no one ..i am grateful for all the people i have met these past weeks but i need someone that i am really close too ..someone that i can hang out and be with..

I really feel like maybe i did something that is preventing me to make friends because making friends wasnt an issue for me..maybe i did something that Allah didnt like... seeing everyone rlse happy and seeing myself lonely is making me more depressed ...If Allah knows that i am going through all this which can even lead to depression why isn't He taking me out of this misery..please help ..will things get better?

afrahkhan

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6 Responses »

  1. First of all ask yourself what is the ultimate purpose in your life? Your just a young girl and Allah loves you much and so shaitan wants to ruin your purity.This fact! If your that lonely get involved in activities such as sports student council and volunteer programs to keep you busy.Remeber your at college for a career not job?This is the final stretch you either waste it or utilize it.......You will always here or know that people who are highly educated will say they didnt really have friends.I guess thats why rich people really dont have friends and if they do its because the got money?So dont worry so much about friends. sometimes theres one around the corner that you overlooked.Just invite them for lunch or coffee etc.......You cant expect that they can read your mind? I was alonely person until i met my maker i knew that lifes to short to worry about little issues because true friends have Iman and are sisters of one another.....

  2. It sounds kind of like a blessing to me. Since you said that you only prayed sometimes before and now you've turned to praying and even praying tahajjud. Ma Sha Allah.

  3. Dear little sister,
    Assalamu Alaikum!
    A big, warm and tight hug for you. You made me smile! You are such a sweet, sensitive and sincere soul. Welcome to the practical world, out of the cosy confines of school where you spent a sheltered childhood with friends who grew up with you and who can now seem to make their moves all on their own. You are taking everything at its face value. The pictures splashed on social media are just snapshots in time. They do not signify deep, sincere connections. As you yourself write, you too have met many new and interesting people but if you did not tell us you feel lonely; we too would look at the snapshots of your life and say, "Wow! Look, she has a knack of making friends. So many new friends!" Get the picture? Just keep yourself open to new people and new experiences. You will grow close to one or the other group of people you hang out with and start feeling the connection or you might bump into people who are like minded. But, that does not happen in the real world all the time and connections have to generally be cultivated. Do not stress yourself over it.
    One more thing, cultivate your own self. Learn new skills, take up new hobbies, develop thoughts and opinions, read a lot. In short, make yourself a well rounded personality, content in your own self and not needing to cling to anybody to take your life forward. This will not only stand you in good stead through the ups and downs of life but will also invite like minded, strong individuals into your life with whom you can form deep, meaningful connections.
    Do not despair of Allah's mercy ever. This is your chance to grow up into a strong girl. All the best.

  4. HANG OUT WITH THE MOST GRACIOUS AND MERCIFUL ALLAH!

    Make ALLAH & his NABI (Sallalahu Alaihay WaAlaihe Wassalam) closest and dearest to you, regardless of performing your an act to get worldly benefits.

    Once ALLAH become dearest to you, then whole world is yours.

    Make your self buzy in ZIKAR and DAROOD

  5. assalamualaikum my dear Muslim. make dua for Good and religious Muslim friends. My dear Muslim it looks like your being tested, and Allah test those who he loves. look at the good side Mashallah you started to make all of your salat and that's good because you are getting closer to Allah more then you could know it, Allah knows best. Please don't be fooled by shaitan and think the bad and the negative things about Allah, everything is going to be okay inshallah. 1# that will never a banded you is Allah Alhamdulillah

  6. Hi Afrah, it seems you are in a very lonely and tough situation that I can relate to immensely! Firstly I am a convert and only converted in August but since then I have lost a lot of friends and family life has become very difficult due to this, but one thing I hold onto is that Allah never let's us endure problems that he knows we are not strong enough to overcome. I know I am only a convert and I don't know much about Islam compared to yourself, but perhaps Allah has placed you on this path for a short time to bring you closer to him? From what you have said you have recently started praying more compared to before which can only be a good thing, right? I know you said you are praying for new friends and you have a right to do so but maybe and I mean this with all respect and I hope you don't get offended by what I am going to say because I really really don't want to seem horrible, but maybe you should put those prayers to one side for the time being and focus on growing in Islam for now, focus on praying because you want a closer relationship with Allah and then maybe things will fall into place in time. When I converted I had a Muslim friend at work and we sat together at the same desk and I would bug him all day to tell me stories from the Qur'an (he was very good at telling stories lol) I use to find it interesting learning new things from the Qur'an but he once told me a story about a man in the Qur'an called Lot, I'm sure you are aware of the story but basically he had a wonderful life with lots of friends, his wife, children and loads of money and Satan said to Allah he is only faithful because he has all these things and he has an easy life let me take these away and you will see he will not pray to you, Allah said that Lot was one of his most faithful men and nothing would stop him praying and following God, he did however let Satan take things away from Lot step by step so that in time he had no friends, money, his children were killed and he eventually got so ill his wife had to care for him. His wife was angry with Allah and she said to her husband why are you ok with the things Allah has allowed and Lot replied to his wife "how many years did I endure good health, wealth and a happy easy life?" She replied with a certain amount of years and Lot said "so you see my suffering has not matched that many years so who am I to ask of God when he permitted me all those years of a happy life" Lot eventually got everything back even had more children. Firstly, I am not saying that will happen to you but I am saying Allah knows your pain and it maybe happening as a small test that you can and will overcome because he does not weigh us down with more than we can handle, I can't speak for Allah or what his will or plan is but to me it seems he wants you to become closer to him and in a sense that seems like a massive honour to me. Also don't be too hasty about changing university's, you chose that Uni for a reason and I don't want to seem harsh but as you said your old friends have met other people and have stopped contacting you as much, also am I right in saying that previously you didnt pray as much when you were with them? what's to say if you did go there that things won't be the same, I really don't want to seem harsh but I don't want you making wrong choices.. Uni is for you and your future you obviously thought it right to be at that Uni from the start even though you were going to be alone, don't let it affect your studies. Also you said you were on medication, I am not a doctor but I assume it is for the depression? I really think that you should try to stop taking that medication as it can have more of a negative effect than positive, my boyfriend is a pharmacist and my friend was taking tablets for depression and he explained the side effects and how in time your body becomes dependable on that medicine. He said that in time it prevents your body from releasing the happy hormone and you become more depressed. Please look online about that medication and speak to ypur doctor abput tje long term side effects and how people sometimes become dependable on them, if that is what you are taking. It sounds silly but exercise helps in a massive way to realise endorphins that make you happie and eliminate depression, why don't you join the gym and that way you're getting fitter and it does help releave stress and depression. Two birds one stone lol! Try to look up some natural remedies to releave depression also. But you will meet new people in time, focus on your studies, prayers and stay strong! Pray for the reason that Allah wants us to pray and to grow closer to him. Remember this could be becuase he wants you to become stronger in Islam and he will not let you suffer anything that you can't handle. I know if seems tough but stay strong, I will be praying for you 🙂 also I really only have said everything because I don't want you making wrong choices, it is hard being 20.. I am only 23 and I know I sound like an old lady but a lot of things change in that time. I have had some amazing friends that I have met and lost in the time from being 20 to 23, I have found Islam and lost even more friends and family in that time. I have met my future husband in the time from when I was 20 to now being 23, I am not saying life will get easier.. It would be amazing if it did but things change when you least expect them to change and this situation will get easier. You meet people at the most random times and you make friends in the most weirdest way, the friends that are good for you and the friends that help you to grow in Islam and the friends that are good for you and the friends that are genuinely friends will stay in your life no matter of distance or anything else. Pray for those kind of friends and pray because God wants us to pray try putting those other pray to one side for now

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