Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Feeling lost and hopeless

Muslim woman wearing niqabi, known as niqabi

I do niqab ALHAMDULILLAH and I was a very good practicing Muslim. I prayed and made dua with whole concentration. I tried my best to please Allah. I knew that I had very much shortcomings and that my past according to me was horrible. I was in blasphemy and rejected the divine completely on the very first time but then i turmed to ALLAH, I found peace and solace and my wishes came true my worst past and the horrible memories now did not bother me until........ one time I made a mistake and then I got hopeless. I stopped praying but then again I got really depressed and my heart was filled with anxiety, ALHAMDULILLAH I again turned to ALLAH, my iman was so weak I had to do a lot of research on Islam. Then I became a practicing Muslim, I did dhikr, prayed extra prayers (plz tell me if it is takabbur) read Quran and stopped from many bad things. Life was good until.....

One day my father suddenly made a plan to go to a resturant after picking up my sister from her centre. She wore my niqab as I was on home (I did my niqab with a veil) and we went on our way. My hijab was so awkwardly tied and this has happened many times that my hair got visible. This irritated me but what made my really hopeless was this..... My sister returned my niqab there was no time to fix it up in the car as I thought that someone would see me so I took hold of it with my hand. Upon entering the resturant, it accidentally fell. The guard saw me and I fear some other men also saw me (a similar mistake happened earlier but that was my fault) however ASTAGHFIRULLAH, MAAZALLAH, I don't know why but I got hopeless as to do hijab or not.

Since that day I felt oppressed blamed Allah for it that why did he do this to me when He had promised to protect me, He promises every revert and every person who turns to Him and do good deeds, this was a good deed but why did He not protect me. Why did He allow the non mahram to see me, He opens doors and makes ease for His servants but why?

Since that day I became hopeless. I had made many duas from Allah to protect my iman, to give me sabr and make me successful in His every test but then I think all of the duas are...... I know hopelessness is kufr but this is not in my hand, I had led a very depressed life, had no one to really love me. I just have one question - why? He made me, He controls my heart, He made feelings than why am I so weak? Am I that sinful that my duas are not being listened. Am I so worthless, cheap and disgraceful?

I feel ashamed and extremely jealous when I see Muslims who are better than me, Muslims who when repent once never go astray, who in their hardest times have so much faith and who kill their nafs just for the sake of Allah. Do you know that I am not jealous because they are better than me in deen, I am jealous because they are happy, successful and have almost everything that... well, my heart is now dark, I never repent because I know I don't have that sincerity, I know that I will again commit sins and my duas.... I don't know what to say.

I am fed up of this life, I am tired of being such a dumb, ugly and lazy girl. Now I do not want to pray, read Quran, repent, do hijab. Allah said that those who complaint about me to the creation are like ankaboot (the spider). I am like that, I am sinful, munafiq, fasiq but the ugly fact is that I don't feel ashamed, I don't accept my mistakes, I just and always wanted Allah to make my wishes come true and when that doesn't happen, I leave Him. I know this is not decency and is unfair but what should I do, I am not worthy of anything, I am not that smart, beautiful, perfect in deen type of girl. I do not have iman, I am not ashamed, I do not fear Allah and I have no feeling to make Him happy.

I even don't know why am I writing this? Probably because I don't want others to say that: "She used to advice us and now look at her!" Or probably some novels have so much affected me that now I am a lunatic. Quranic ayahs and hadiths dont affect me at all & now I am again becoming a bad girl. I know you won't understand my situation but I am completely lost. I am 14 and I wish I was never born. I am worthless.

Plz plz plz give me some really sincere advice that really gives me hope and plz plz plz plz plz plz plz brothers and sisters remember me in your prayers, plz pray for me that Allah gives me hidayat, forgive me, gives me the noor and makes me capable, strong, sincere & such a servant who really loves Allah. Plz remember me in your duas and plz reply very soon, I know that you reply kinda late.


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8 Responses »

  1. NIQAB IS NOT A FARD. Sister, you need to calm down. That a man, or even many men, saw your face is not at all a big deal and is certainly not some great sin. Only the hijab, that is the covering of the hair and body, is an obligation for Muslim women. Covering the face is NOT obligatory. The Prophet is reported to have said that only these should show of a women, and then he pointed to both his face and his hands. Did you know sister that you cannot perform Umrah or Hajj with your face covered? Did you know that you cannot perform prayers with your face covered? Let me tell you, I have been on both Hajj and Umrah Alhamdulillah, and there are millions of men there! Not only do they see you, because it is so crowded you bump into them and they bump into you. So sister, if Allah forbids you to cover your face at His Holy Mosque in front of millions of strange men, what does that say to you about covering the face? It says that it is not an obligation at all on you. If you prefer it, that is fine, but if you do not there is no sin at all on you. It is absolutely no reason to give up hope in Allah and feel that He has exposed you to sin, and it is no reason to have such a low opinion of yourself.

    I hope this eases your mind a little. Remember sister, if you feel you cannot wear the niqab or do not want to wear it, you are free to take it off. But hijab is an obligation for Muslim women. Therefore you must not give it up so easily. Continue to wear your hijab and return to prayer. May Allah guide you to what is best.

  2. Assalamualaikum sister. Subhanallah the people that have doubt is nothing but from shaitan. Sister there are people that have been hurt by men. A women don't even have to whare a niqab. Be strong my sister I will have you in my dua inshalla. May Allah make it easy for Ameen. To give you faith you should look up about two oceans that met but not mix, and Allah mention this in the Quran.

  3. Salam,

    You are NOT worthless please remember this.

    I am not the best person to give you advise, I just want to let you know that you , me & everyone other muslim Will be sinning until the day we die, you can either let shaytan have his way with you or turn back to Allah again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

  4. SalamAlikum sister,

    To answer you briefly, if that was the only incident - shown you face in public - you felt "guilt" about, you are not sinned, please relax. There are tons of information discussing about niqab and the majority of scholars agreed that is not required, not Fard.

    By reading your post, anyone can notice that you are overworked/overburdened/ overwhelmed yourself unnecessary. Muslim are not supposed to live in a monastic life. Practicing Islam in a moderate form, do not go extreme. The problem is there are some people / sects practice Islam in an extremely way that have diverted from the main idea. They believe by self-denialing their own desires, even the normal one is the right way and the only way to heaven or to please Allah. These people live in fears and the fears overtaken their heart that they cannot see the mercy of Allah. I do not know where you get your knowledge of Islam from. I hope you can go back to the basic, learn Islam from scratch by studying with the right sources. (I hope some readers can suggest some sites or books for this teenager.) I am not sure if the mosque you are attending will understand your situation. If they are the one pushing those ideas, it will only damage you more.

    The root of your problem is you have a very distorted image/knowledge NOT only in Islam but your self-image. Your mental health is not healthy to an alarming level. I urge you to seek some professional help, maybe a counselor in your school. (What you have described does not justified to have suicidal thought!)
    A teenager like you should not be worried about this too much. Do you have any friends in school or in the masjid? Do you have anyone you can talk to? Do you have any interests? What do you want to do in your college? What do you like except religion? How's your relationship with your family?

    I sincerely hope you get some help. You are a high risk case of going to the path of mentally breakdown if you don't take action. Your mental health is not healthy at all. For now, just go easy for yourself, pick up your prayer slowly, read Quran in your own pace. Do not push for niqab (if it is not imposed from your country, why not just do hijab if that will make you feel better), I think niqab somehow makes you isolate from the society. Ramadan is coming, why not give yourself a fresh start! Inshallah, I hope Allah will lead you to the right path. You are loved by Allah.

  5. Sister your post made me smile. You are such a nice person that only a man seeing your face by accident worrys you so much. There are so many of us who don't even cover their head properly and yet feel no guilt (what do you think is worse?). Trust me you are a very nice person and a very good muslim too. Dont worry, never lose hope in Allah, HE will always protect you and everything happens for a reason. Maybe you wouldn't have found out that niqaab is not farz (compulsory) if that incident didn't happen with you, maybe this happened to make you aware and make it easy for you. You are just thinking too much. If you ever feel you have committed a sin then ask Allah for forgiveness and promise yourself to never do that thing again. Also I have a similar example Like you know how we eat during fast in Ramzan by accident but that fast is still counted because it wasn't our fault so Just keep praying, and cover your head and body properly and its good if you also want to cover your face, this way there will be no chance of any man getting attracted to you (however this I say from my own understanding I do not for sure know what is compulsory and what is not) and don't worry, just keep making dua to Allah. 🙂

  6. Assalam alaikum,

    The following paragraph that you wrote, really stood out for me:

    Now I do not want to pray, read Quran, repent, do hijab. Allah said that those who complaint about me to the creation are like ankaboot (the spider). I am like that, I am sinful, munafiq, fasiq but the ugly fact is that I don't feel ashamed, I don't accept my mistakes, I just and always wanted Allah to make my wishes come true and when that doesn't happen, I leave Him. I know this is not decency and is unfair but what should I do, I am not worthy of anything, I am not that smart, beautiful, perfect in deen type of girl. I do not have iman, I am not ashamed, I do not fear Allah and I have no feeling to make Him happy.

    Dear Sister,
    When Adam, peace be upon him, erred and disobeyed Allah swt, he instantly sought Allah's forgiveness and didn't lose hope. He accepted his mistake and only wanted to please Allah swt. He didn't lose hope despite his error and most importantly, his trust in Allah swt didn't waiver one bit.

    On the other hand, iblis said to Allah swt:

    Al-Quran: [7:16-17]

    [Satan] said, "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path.
    Then I will come to them from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their left, and You will not find most of them grateful [to You]."

    His reaction to having a choice between good and bad is that Allah swt put him in error. Yes, Allah allows us to choose and without Allah's will for our freedom in choices, we could not error, but at the same time we know about Allah swt the following:

    Allah's attributes of mercy and forgiveness are stressed to encourage humans not to fall into despair. No matter how great the sins of human beings may be, Allah can forgive them if man turns back to Him in sincere repentance. The Prophet (pbuh) was quoted as saying, "When Allah created the universe, He made an obligation on Himself [recorded] in a document kept by Him: My mercy supersedes my wrath." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

    So, although we have a choice between good and bad, we should not blame Allah swt. When we do something wrong, we should ask Allah for forgiveness and be like Adam, peace be upon him, and not like iblis, arrogant and hopeless.


    "If a person falls into sin because of a desire, I fear not because Adam ate from the tree, repented and was forgiven. However, if a person sins because of arrogance, I fear for him because Satan sinned in arrogance and was cursed." Sufyān bin 'Uyanah

    So, while you may be doing some things that are right, they are becoming your weakness as shaitaan uses them against you. When you do something right, it doesn't mean that your prayers will be answered. When you go astray, it doesn't mean that you will only find difficulty in the world. In fact, this world has many inequalities, injustices, and deception in it. We are to find our way through these distractions--that is the test.

    I pray that your heart heals and that you find your purpose again. I hope that you see that the fruit of this world has not bloomed yet--we will see that in the next world. Stop analyzing the results of your prayers in the way that you are, rather, read again the difficulties that our Prophets, peace be upon them, faced and how they reacted--use this as inspiration and guidance. May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  7. I had to comment on this because this felt so close to my heart. I'm twice your age and have been through these phases several times. I myself am in need of advice and guidance.
    A lot of things have happened to me, and like you Iturned to Allah and asked him how could you do this to me when I invested all my trust in you?
    Yet i fluctuate between these two extremes of faith and hopelessness time and again l.
    However I remembered a story that I read in sOme Islamic book. It was of a very religious and great man (sorry forgot his name but I think he was rich or a king). One night he didn't get up for tahajjud, he regretted it all day and was devastated at how he could miss it, and cried all day. The next night Some man woke him for tahajjud and he asked him who are you and what are you doing inside my palace/house?
    He replied that I came to wake you because Allah loved your regret at missing your prayer so much, I don't want you to feel the same.
    So apparently he was the devil.
    Another story is that Moosa A.S. was very shy and people in those days Used to bathe Together, yet he would bathe alone, and people started Speculating that he must have some deformity he was hiding.
    One day he went to bathe and put his Clothes on a rock which rolled away and came to rest where a lot of people stood. The prophet had followed it there and took his clothes and put them on. The people saw that He had no fault. That was Allah's way of showing them.
    For you to feel bad about your naqab goes to show how devoted you are. But the devil's using the very thing that makes you dearer to Allah, against you. Do you think the naqab or a scarf makes any difference to the Master of the Universe? What matters to him is how much he matters to you. And I can see he matters a lot, or you wouldn't have said any of this.
    At least that's what I believe.
    Anyway, in answering you I guess I also answered my own self.

  8. A/s everyone
    I pray to azzawajal that he grants everyone a great success and makes us the best on earth.Let me make clear that I'm not superior to anyone.Firstly,I sense a great waswasa from shytaan to the sister who wrote this.Literally shytaan has the calculated strategy to poison Muslims and he succeeded hugely.I mean shytaan doesn't bother about the people who don't pray salaah and they have weak faith.But he wages war against those whose Emaan is a threat to his mission.I say to her that you are simply deceived by false ideas of shytaan.The thing you have to work on is stop saying that you're worthless.And simply start becoming tough on your a'maal.Daily progress is a prerequisite.For example you prayed fardh,progress by praying Sunnah.If you family is against you,try the way of Ibrahim a.s how he dealt with his parents.Not even a single minute should be wasted in unwanted things even in religion.Prefer things which will bring more benefits (hasanath) to your account.AND THE FINAL RESULT WILL BE VICTORY (INSHA ALLAH)

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