Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Feeling very shy and alone

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Hi Everyone,

I have a tiny problem but for me it's a big big problem. If you have time to read I want to discuss in brief. I am the youngest in my family, my sisters and brother all are older than me. From the very beginning I was a very shy person, even in my own family, I don't know how to talk and what to talk. It doesn't mean I don't know whats going on I am mentally perfect. But seriously even in my class in my school days I don't had any friend. I got my first friend in 8th class, then in 9th I got one more, but I was the simplest and duffer person in the whole school cuz I don't know whats going on in the school, everybody is enjoying but I stand alone and just watch and think if I also be from one of them, talk like them, laugh like them. But in metric I got some friends who helped me to gain confidence but still I was the very simple person.

One important thing I want to mention that my personality in metric was awesome cuz I have 6ft height, Also very fair skin tone, and also like a body builder naturally. But still have this low confidence and less talkative issue.

Then in Inter Classes, I got a new friend and I thought I am good to go now, I will soon be like all of them, but again after some time I was alone. And I came to know that I was like that before same shy person.

In 2nd year I got new friend who took me from ground to new heights, I was very shy but then he told me to sit in front of the class, there were only two rows in class, in first row me and that friend sit together at the front of the row and in the other row the girls sit at the very top. And in that days I got very high marks for which I will be treated specially and also because of my physical personality every teacher became a fan of me. Once a teacher told in happy mood to my friend to leave him so that he can got good marks.

So I enjoy the most with that friend and I thought now finally I got what I wanted. But then...

3rd year starts and my personality was awesome as I said earlier. Girls attracted to me at the beginning. One girl talked to me and take my phone number also when I wrote my number on the wall. But same problem my shyness, whenever a teacher ask from me any question I got puzzle and don't know what to do my face goes red, my breath gets stuck. The teachers told me many times to wear the uniform but I never wear one day I finally take wear the uniform and when I enter the class room every boy and girl said oooohhhhhh. means how that is possible that I wear a uniform.

4th year I came to know that the girl which take my phone number was liked by a teacher in our class. and that teacher wants to marry her. But he was 20-25 years older than her and that teacher turned on me by insulting me with no reason and tell me to leave the class etc etc. But every student of the class knows me that I was a good person. And I never make a date with that girl just telephonic conversation some time and she asked me why I was so shy.

5th & 6th year I enter university and every student feared from me from my personality cuz that time I was like wrester Like Batista or Randy ortan and everyone says batista in class. My skin tone is very good But sometime I think I have bigger head than my body. Like triple h from WWE. Every teacher in university become fan of me. Once a teacher said please come to university don't get leave we cant live without you. Everyone in the class laughs but again the same reason when presentation came I lost myself, I feel I am going to explode I got red face, my breath stuck again. Everybody enjoys I also enjoyed but the main reason is my less confidence. 0 percent confidence.

I applied for Airforce exams and in medical, a major told me in hapy mood that why I am so much afraid you have the very big muscular body and you are fearing.

Now I am a employee in a private firm. My boss when see me he rejected me cuz he thought he was so muscular that we can't handle him but then my friend told my boss that he is a simple person. So he appoints me for job. But now he told me that even uneducated persons in his organization are smarter than me. He told me you have the very healthy body but still you don't know how to impress others. Whenever I talked to anybody my breath, yes the same problem of breath and confidence.

I am alone living with my parents cuz my sisters all are married and my brother got separated. Also I don't have much friends and not much involvements with my cousins

My age is 30 now and i am Muslim from Pakistan.

Why this is happening, is this my mistake or is given by God? And what can I do to make myself better and make new friends? I feel very lonely too. Please resolve my issue.

(I also wanted to leave my country cuz I didn't getting the salary I wanted, any suggestions in this is appreciated too)

awannew


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15 Responses »

  1. OP: I have a tiny problem but for me it's a big big problem. ........ I am mentally perfect. But seriously even in my class in my school days I don't had any friend.............One important thing I want to mention that my personality in metric was awesome cuz I have 6ft height, Also very fair skin tone, and also like a body builder naturally. But still have this low confidence and less talkative issue..............Then in Inter Classes, I got a new friend and I thought I am good to go now, I will soon be like all of them, but again after some time I was alone. And I came to know that I was like that before same shy person.......3rd year starts and my personality was awesome as I said earlier.

    Is all of your family like that?
    Looks like your family environment has made you a very insecure person.
    You need to work on your insecurities.

  2. You probably never had a chance to develop your social skills, so you compensated by focusing on your looks. You want friends but it is possible that people sense both an insecurity as well as an arrogance about your looks and musculature.

    It is unusual to refer to yourself as having a nice skin tone, for example. People will not be drawn to you because of your skin tone or your muscles. They will be drawn to you by your personality. Do you show a genuine interest in other people?

    You may wish to try joining a sports team - not sure if they have recreational sports teams in Pakistan. I'm sure they have social clubs where you can interact with other men your age. You can also try learning a new hobby, one that will involve other people. Charitable activities always require human interaction.

    The point of these exercises is they will give you an opportunity to practice and enhance your social skills. They will also make you feel less lonely. You will also see that people come in all different shapes, sizes, colours, etc, and you won't worry so much about your skin tone, muscles, height etc.

  3. where was your shyness when you were having an affair with your brother's wife?
    i know how shy you are

    • What are you trying to imply? Are you a psyche? Who told you he slept with his brother's wife and how would you know? Where you there with them when the "alledged act" was taking place? Did you catch them in action? Its haram to accuse another muslim of committing a major sin or any other sin for that matter without any prove! Why would any "muslim" man in his right mind sleep with his "own" brother's wife? Smh u make no sense. Watch what you say.

      • She is referring to a previous post this young man wrote here where he describes how he harassed his sister-in-law, declared his love for her, trashed his parents home when she refused him and physically assaulted her. It's actually quite disturbing. Frankly I have to agree with Lorelai, I'm not buying the whole "I'm so shy" story he's selling here. I think he's disturbed and needs professional psychological help.

        • Yes, i also just saw that post smh. Am also not buying the am soooo shy crap either, after reading his other post. @Lorelei Lee am sorry for sounding so harsh i just confirmed ur comment to be true, i didn't know b/4.

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    It sounds like you've placed so much value on external things, that you're struggling to feel at ease with what's inside. Things like your height or your skin tone do not define your personality, or make you a good or likeable person. Islam teaches us to cover and act modestly, and this is for a reason.

    Think about some of the inspirational people in the world today - are they all so respected because of their physical appearance? No, it's what they do, how they treat others, what they stand for...

    Spend some time deciding what kind of a person you want to be, and getting to know yourself.

    Study Islam, not to impress others, but to know for yourself what path you want to walk in this life. Spend time at the mosque and meet pious brothers, and notice the differences between how you and they perceive other people's opinions.

    Take on voluntary work with people in need - soup kitchens, hospices, nursing homes, orphanages... all these places (and many others) are desperate for people to help. Spend your time there getting to know the people you're helping. Find out their stories and their struggles, and appreciate that their worth as human beings doesn't depend on their age or their looks.

    InshaAllah you will see that true beauty and strength of character come from within, rather than being dependent on transient external things like muscle mass, and to recognise that you have these qualities inside you, and to maybe find a direction in which to develop them.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  5. How is your Mom? Had she been scolding you all the time since your childhood? Have u ever been to doctor for hormonal or physical or psychological checkup? How tall r u now?

  6. Your brother got seperated because you finally succeeded in getting ur brother to seperate from his wife so now why don't you go and marry her? Or u were just playing games with her in order to come between their marriage smh

  7. 🙂 can anyone explain what's going on ? PLease??? What really happened to our shy bro?

    • Just click on his name Awannew and you will see a previous post written my him a couple of yrs back. From that you will be able to figure how " supposedly shy" our brother really is.

      • Where shall I click "GOOGLE"?? thanks

        • Lol, Noooo. Just click on where it says posted by awannew then click on his name there otherwise nvr mind. Let's just drop d topic, there is no point in wasting time tryn 2 explain if u still wouldn't get it.

          • Oh , so I got it ! thanks ! and red that one, it was incredible,compared the new and older one and found that this guy wants our judgement /advice but wants to win, but don't understand why he is here I mean in an Islamic site, he must be in a kind of "social site",, his problem is irrelevant to islam ???!!

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