Feels like I’m going to die single
Salam Aleykum,
I never used to even think about marriage, but lately I've been thinking about it and I feel like I really want someone to be there for me. Someone who'll be there and support me through everything in life.
I am very independent & strong as a person, but still.. I want to share my life with someone else.. Maybe I should add that I am 20 years old. I know I'm still very young but It's like I'm never going to find anyone. It's like there is no one there for me.
I have two older sisters, one whose 21 (got married when she was 19) and one whose 24 (got married when she was 18). I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me. It's like everyone is getting engaged, or about to get engaged. It's not like I'm ugly or don't have any personality. I don't even feel like I'm 20. I feel like I'm mentally 24 or even older.
You know that feeling when you just feel like it's never going to happen? Yeah, that's what I feel. It's like marriage is something for everyone but not me. I've never been in any kind of relation with a guy. (well, I used to be in touch with a guy, but it's like he just wanted to "talk" with someone but that's not what I wanted. So I ended it).
Anyone who has the same thoughts? Or am I the only one?
Salam!
- Diddi
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Diddi,
Its natural to want to have a companion to share your life with, so marriage is a good idea. I don't think you're too young at all. But I do think you are harbouring some very negative feelings which won't do you any good.
Alhumdulillah you are young and you have age on your side, so there is no real reason for you to worry. It really is just in your own mind. As you want to get married, perhaps you could ask family and friends to start looking out for potential matches for you. You could also join marriage bureaus.
What do you think about that?
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Admittedly, you are not the only one sister.
I know how you feel. I feel like that occasionally especially as my younger sibling is married and I am a bit older than you. But it is important to try to look at it in a more positive way. Don't let it get you down. If you can try to take a more active role in looking for a spouse.
Speak to your parents. I assume that they helped facilitate your sisters marriages so InshaAllah they wont be averse to the idea of you looking into marriage at twenty.
Keep your eyes open, and protect yourself from zina. Make sure if you are considering a brother then involved your family and his family at the earliest opportunity.
Why not go on a good marriage course. There are a few good ones. Make sure your desire to get married doesnt cause you to make rash decisions, spend time getting to know him properly, do istikhaarah etc. and learn about marriage, rights and responsibilites.
Most importantly work in getting closer to Allah swt and correct your intention. Marriage is not everything - its a means of pleasing Allah swt and it is beautiful but as long as you are a good Muslimah and you purify your intentions Allah swt will grant you a good spouse. Either in this life or Jannat.
So to conclude: take the means while trusting in Allah.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
No sister don't think like that insallah you will find somebody soon because there is someone out there for everybody, plues what's the rush your only 20 years old. When I got enaged I was 24 years old my parents still told me I was young to get married. So enjoy your life ontill you get married honey. Just pray to Allah to give you a nice Muslim husband.
I sympathize with you. I am a Convert to Islam and over 50 now. Have had broken marriages and experienced domestic violence and all I have now is my children and thankfully Allah Subahnahu Wa Ta Ala. Add on financial debt and no job in a western country. I can tell you be patient and wait and pray to Allah. He is the one who guides our lives. It is easy to say and harder to practice. It brings sadness to my heart to hear but it will make you a strong woman and closer to Allah Subanahu Wa Ta Ala.
Every Moslem woman I know has a husband and I am the only one (the odd one out). Plus a minority western country. I feel there is no hope sometimes. I just cry so much. I feel maybe I am too old or unattractive too.
I know the only thing that gets me through this is crying to allah to help me in my life and with my heartache of pain and also I am the only Moslem in my neighbourhood and I stand out cause I am a western woman. It is hard because people are watching me and and I feel the other Moslem woman don't trust me. Maybe they are crazy to think in their mind I want their husbands and I don't at all. It truly hurts me so much I struggle to get through each day of my life. I also console myself with the knowledge that there are people suffering in the world as I write this email to you. Some will never grow up to experience life.
I encourage you to keep yourself busy, occupy your mind, READ AND LISTEN TO THE QURAN. PRAY TO ALLAH. Maybe he has made you wait to teach you something you will never forget. When we least expect it, (like me) we may be given the gift of a husband. And just because you feel you are last, does not mean he has forgotten you.
I have daughters your age and I can tell you, they are not Moslems. I am concerned for their futures and the decisions they make in life. I would love them to embrace Islam one day like me. Inshaallah this may happen.
Be a happy girl and I hope everything goes well for your future.
Love Sister S.
Assalamu allaikum sisters! May Allah make it easy for all the single sisters and grant them righteous husbands who have wonderful character. I will tell you a little story of mine. Before last Ramadan I kept asking Allah to give me a pious husband whom I could have Iftar with, pray with and go to masjid with. I daydreamed about that aspect so much. To my dissapoinment, Ramadan came and I was all alone. Instead of just giving up on the idea of marriage altogether or making it the purpose of my worship, I told myself Allah's plans were better than my dreams. Now that another blessed month of Ramadan is near, my thinking has changed a lot. I find myself writing down 30 different things I can do each day of Ramadan to get closer to Allah and make the most out of Ramadan because I know if allah gives me the opportunity to reach this one insha allah next one is not promised. Sometimes we see the trees and don't pay attention to the beautiful flowers beneath them. A reminder for you and I, my beautiful sister in Islam whose time to be a beautiful bride hasn't come yet.