Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Fiance drinks and I don’t like it; should I marry her?

Drinking alcohol from a bottle

"He drinks alcohol..."

Assalam O Alaikum,

I've been seeing a girl seriously for almost two years now. She is an amazing person, all my friends and parents love her. However my parents don't know that she drinks. Now I come from a religious family. Even though she is Muslim and she does fast, her family isn't very religious at all, and drinking in moderation is considered of the norm, by them. She doesn't drink often, perhaps only 3, 4 times a year, however I do want her to quit it completely. She claims that it shouldn't be a big problem because she doesn't perform it often. She knows the severity of it the sin yet she is insistent on not stopping it. She is an amazing girl, yet I am repulsed by drinking and so is my family. Shall I get engaged and in time get married with this girl?

ktemur.


Tagged as: , , ,

11 Responses »

  1. Assalaam I personally think you should avoid her because she might be an influence on you in time and it might mislead you, there's plenty of fishes in the sea my brother lol, find a good pious sister for your self and you will be happy with her inshaallah

  2. Brother in my opinion I don't think you should marry her. You say you from religious family I don't think she follow Islam if she dose then she should know that it's haram in Islam. I think you should look for religious like you. Dosnt  matter she "only" drinks 4/5 year it's same it's haram in Islam. I can tell you if you marry her and if you try to stop her then she will create problem in married life she won't understand that easily. 

    Brother amazing has lots of definition to me I think she dosent sound amazing because she is Muslim and she drinks. She fast in Ramadan dosent explain she is amazing, do not go in her looks or so on try to look at her iman if her iman is good then it's amazing otherwise Its not. 

  3. And to add to the above advice - if and when you have kids and she still has not quit drinking, you may be bound to her because of the kids, who in turn will be influenced - children learn in the mother's lap which is one reason why Islam says that jannah lies at the feet of the mother (in addition to bearing the pregnancy and nursing). Your responsibility is to make sure your kids have a practising muslim mother.

  4. I had been in a relationship with a similar so-called 'modern but Islam loving' girl. We are to get engaged and everything, both families liked each other, but her casual drinking and casual dressing and casual talking to guys wouldn't go away. That was just the beginning, things never progress in such relationships, because the person is not willing to make an effort to change habits.
    As people have rightly said, you will feel trapped in the relationship later because of other commitments, like children, etc.
    I never got married but it was a huge emotional bond that I found impossible to break, but I finally had to.. and alhamdulillah, though it was painful for a while, I eventually got over with, and now I am with someone who comes from a religious background and is personally religious too. I did not have to compensate on looks or beauty, in fact, I can go on to say, that I found someone a million times better. 😉
    Be patient and have faith in Allah, tell Allah, everything I do, and every step I take, is keeping your pleasure in mind. Look how he rewards you.
    And Allah knows best.

  5. Salaams,

    To put it simply, if it's truly "not that big a deal" to her and she "only" does it a few times a year, then it should be no problem for her to give it up completely at your request. Not only that, but drinking alcohol can cause one's salat not to be accepted for 40 days from the time of intoxication:

    This was narrated from ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn ‘Amr.

    See al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 709, 2039, 2695, 1854.

    Narrated by Ibn Maajah (3377) from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever drinks alcohol and gets drunk, his prayer will not be accepted for forty days and if he dies he will go to Hell. But if he repents, Allaah will accept his repentance. If he again drinks alcohol and gets drunk, his prayer will not be accepted for forty days and if he dies he will go to Hell. But if he repents, Allaah will accept his repentance. If he again drinks alcohol and gets drunk, his prayer will not be accepted for forty days and if he dies he will go to Hell. But if he repents, Allaah will accept his repentance. If he commits (this sin) again, then Allaah pledges to make him drink the mud of khabaal on the Day of Resurrection.” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is the mud of khabaal?” He said, “The juices of the people of Hell.”

    Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

    Here are some other hadiths that talk about the danger of drinking alcohol:

    "O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), and gambling, and Al Ansaab [stone altars for sacrifices to idols, etc.], and Al Azlaam (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination of Shaytaan's (Satan's) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful.
    Shaytaan (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah and from As Salaah (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain?" [al-Maa'idah 5:90]

    It was narrated in a saheeh report that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) cursed alcohol, the one who drinks it, the one who pours it, the one who extracts the juice, the one for whom it is extracted, the one who carries it, the one to whom it is carried, the one who sells it, the one who buys it and the one who consumes its price.

    And it was also narrated in a saheeh report that he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Allah has made a covenant that whoever dies drinking alcohol, He will give him to drink of the mud of khibaal." He was asked, "O Messenger of Allah, what is the mud of khibaal?" He said, "The juice of the people of Hell" or "the sweat of the people of Hell."

    Honestly, I feel for a Muslim to engage in this type of haraam willingly (not even out of personal weakness) with no intentions to stop shows a severe lack of taqwah. If it shows up with this, who knows how many other areas of her life reflect this type of blatant disregard for Allah and His guidance.

    I personally advise you to make the drinking a deal-breaker if you want to pursue marriage with her. Either the behavior goes, or you go. Simple as that.

    But before I let you go, I do want to kindly remind you that having a premarital relationship with girl (as you asked, "shall I get engaged?", you weren't even engaged to be married all this time) is haraam as well. If you are religious and fear Allah as you claim, you will refrain from entering or maintaining such relationships-- with this girl and any others that may come along in the future.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. my advise to you is tell her she has to quit, tell her it is haraam and if she doesn't then allah knows best.

  7. i drunk beer in 2013 it was so good , how to control the temptation

    • Lorelie lee: i drunk beer in 2013 it was so good , how to control the temptation

      You also mentioned you have "male friends" in another post. Drinking beer with a male friend could easily lead you to do other things.

      Some people drink to relax/lower inhibition in social interaction.

      • yes i mentioned , i dont shake hands with them or touch them. our topics of discussion are always on people, politics, social crimes, marriage and religion.
        i am not fake atleast, i dont watch porn , i dont try to pick dirty things from religion such as sex in islam which many people do. i never had sex with anyone. yes i made a mistake , i know its haram but there is no punishment for alcohol in Islam too and i try to control the craving to drink. thats why i asked the question. i am trying to become better. its why i am here

        • lorelei lee: i dont try to pick dirty things from religion such as sex in islam which many people do. i never had sex with anyone........ thats why i asked the question. i am trying to become better.........i dont shake hands with them or touch them. our topics of discussion are always on people, politics, social crimes, marriage and religion.
          i am not fake atleast, i dont watch porn

          Your asking the question shows you are honest and looking for a honest solution. Drinking beer in small quantity can make one feel relaxed, excited. It can also lower inhibition, lower stress. Many people may be experiencing different feelings.

          So one way to deal with carving is to see what beer does for you and try to get those feelings without drinking. Do you have cravings while alone or when you are in a group settings?

          What do you mean when you say " i dont try to pick dirty things from religion such as sex in islam which many people do"? How can one pick dirty things from religion?

          • you know the molvis these days when it comes to religion they read such kind of books and thats my observation, most of the maulanas speak about sex, hoors and all dirty things while speaking to the people they only see 4 marriages, hoors, sex, sex life in religion , i dont watch scholars but many people have sent me such videos in which they openly talk about sex just like that comment you made in previous post you remember those lines which you sent.

            about beer i just cant forget the taste and the feeling i experienced it was like an anti depressant but i didnt take for anti depression i was curious why people like to drink and somehow that was my dream dont judge me here . i know its haram and its very difficult for me in future if i ever get the chance i am sure i will be unable to control the desire i dont know how. but sometimes i just want to have a full bottle of whisky . anyhow i will try to control by myself and thanks for the answer

Leave a Response