Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I found out that my fiance is no longer a virgin

Love, marriage and virginity

Assalamo alaikom wa rahmatullah…

I have sent a message purposely to ask an advice from you for my personal problem. Let me give you a short brief of my problem.

A 3rd cousin of mine was introduced to me by her 1st cousin who happens to be my uncle (my mother’s 1st cousin) with a purpose of courting her and marrying her.
After few days of courting her, I got her YES and started talking to her parents and they accepted my proposal to marry their daughter and I have been required by them to give her Mah’r this month of Ramadhan.

Before I met her, she was kind of a girl who does not take her religion seriously. She does not care whether she has prayed of not. She used to wear pants and t-shirt without veil sometimes. But since I met her, all of those thing or her customs have gone because I did my best guide her or to impart her my little knowledge about Islam as I have studied Islamic studies for 14 years. I was really determine to make her a good practicing Muslmah. Since then, she stopped plucking her eyebrow, she stopped using perfume and always wearing abaya and veil wherever she is going and do not miss her salah. She made up the fasts she has missed and I told her to wear niqab and she was more than willing to do it.

But what hurts me now is that I found out that she is no longer virgin as she lost it to her previous foreigner boyfriend who runs away from her after he got what he needs from her. When I knew it, I was so hurt till now. I can’t eat properly, I have lost my appetite and weight. Wherever I go and whatever I do, it is still bothering my mind. I am so hurt and confused what to do, to accept her and continue the marriage or to leave her? But I really really love her because I really like her kindness to me. She has been so obedient to me when it come to my restrictions to her with regards to Islam.

I told her to repent, do Umrah and cry for repentance and she did. Please help me to balance my mind and form a decision.

Jazakallaho khair...



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120 Responses »

  1. You are lucky she even told you a Muslims sins are between that person and ALlah (SWT) NOT YOU. Therefore you can not punish her or ridicule her. She told you because she trusted you. If you love her you will accept that she made a mistake and has moved on from it. It was one mistake and she repented who are you to torture her for it whne Allah might have forgive her.

    I makes me angry when men say they can't marry a non virgin. There are tons of men who are not virgins yet can get away with telling their future wives.
    Cherish this woman she is a revert to Islam because of you. Love her for who she is now not who she was before. Define her for her good deeds she has done now not by the sins she has committed before.

    • Dear piousrevert,

      In my view habits die hard .Repenting is just one step in right direction and it takes lot of time for people to change their habits .As she has slept with some other guy before and might have got used to so many sexual and other habits .Also forbidden relationship looks exciting and if this brother seems to be simple person and if he fails to provide similar excitement there is possibility of her again sleeping around with other man ..She tells she has repented doesn't guaranty that she has changed .I think He should not marry her .

      Allah hafiz

      • ASA -

        I think that assuming she will commit adultery after marriage is a great leap.

      • There are two issues here: 1) the girl's past and 2) the OPs knowledge of it.

        If he does not marry her because he cannot focus on her current good behaviour, he should not marry her--NOT because some people think her repentance is not genuine and that somehow she will want to engage in many intimate relationships because of her past.

        I suggest that if the brother does in fact love her as he claims due to her current behaviour and kindness, he should work on ignoring the waswasas from shaitaan and build a halal relationship, otherwise, marry someone else. However, be clear and aware, that there are no guarantees in life. Just because you marry someone else, doesn't mean that they do not have a past--it may just be that you do not know about it, but in this case, you do.

  2. Asalamu alikum,

    Brother are you perfect? Have you never done something that you deeply regret? I would be impressed if you were, not many people are free of sin.

    Marry the person she is now, not what she was or did before. Everyone has a history, if that's something that bothers you and you will blame her for it and not forgive her, then please let her go. No one likes to have their sins/mistakes talked about over and over again especially if they repented with Allah.

    She is just a human being, she also needs love and affection and not be shunned because of it. If you can't understand that then stop the relationship and move on to someone who is more "pure".

  3. ASA -

    I am not an Islamic scholar, nor do I play one on the internet, but I think if she has made tawbah, then there is no impediment to marriage.

  4. Before you started meeting her, did you know she had a boy friend? How you came to know that girl you want to marry is not a virgin?

    • I'm just curious , why do you feel the need to always reply with questions?

      • He seems like detective 🙂

      • Iman: I'm just curious , why do you feel the need to always reply with questions?

        Just to help some one rethink about his problem, some time to make one look at the problem in a different way.

        Most problems are created by our minds.

        One easiest thing the world to do is give FREE advice, but hardest is to accept other people's opinion and change (accept advice).

        If some one knows their potential mate had a b/f before begining a relationship who used her and left her, they should ask about virginity before starting any friendship.

        One guy used this poor girl and left, another guy wants to leave because he knows her first b/f used her.

  5. No harm giving a person chance you should thank to Allah that you didn't found after married.... If you think she really did repent and asking for forgiveness please support her otherwise she will loose hope and might think no use of telling truth if it turn negetive.

  6. Dear Brother ,

    If you are so much bothered about her past then please don't marry her . If you marry her with negative mindset you might taunt her about being non virgin in future and might end up in loot of issues .

    As i can see you are sensitive in this case so don't marry her .Try your luck for some pious and virgin girl .
    Forget this girl .

  7. Salamualiekum.....Allahsubahana will richly bless you for showin her the right path....

  8. Assalaamualaikam

    Firstly, there is a difference between advising someone and placing restrictions upon them. Rather than imposing restrictions on her, it would be better for her to learn more about the Islamic reasons for the guidance we have been given, and to make changes to her life because she wants to follow Islam rather than because she wants to please a guy. When we make changes for ourselves, it is easier for us to maintain them and not to become resentful of them.

    From your description of her past, it sounds as though she has come through a lot, with limited awareness of Islam and upsetting things happening to her. Without awareness of the guidance given to us, it can be so easy for a young person (brothers or sisters) to get lost in the chaos and mixed values of modern society. But, when she learned of what she should be doing as a Muslimah (praying, fasting, etc), she has started doing these things, Alhamdulillah. This says a lot about her good character and faith - because once she saw the straight path, she has started along it without hesitation.

    I would advise that you try not to let something that happened in her past tarnish your whole view of her. Yes, pre-marital sex is a sin, but she has repented, and since that time has made huge changes in her life. Look at her as she is now - a practising Muslimah who is kind to you and respects you. Do you want to marry her as the person she is (not the person she was when she was not aware of the importance of Islamic guidance)? And do you think that you can be her husband without holding this against her? She has repented and changed, so it would not be right for her to have this held against her for the rest of her life. If you marry her, you will need to be able to put this behind the two of you and move on.

    When we are confused or anxious about issues in our life, we can trust that Allah knows what is best for us. So, pray for His guidance (you can find some information about istikhara and du'a in the relevant sections of the website).

    May Allah guide both you and this girl to what is best for you both.

    Midnightmoon editor

  9. Brother Cool: As she has slept with some other guy before and might have got used to so many sexual and other habits .Also forbidden relationship looks exciting and if this brother seems to be simple person and if he fails to provide similar excitement there is possibility of her again sleeping around with other man

    Does this apply to men also who have gotten used to so many sexual and other habbits? Why are there different standards for men as opposed to women who indulge in premarital sex?

    Do you think men and women should be given a lie detector test just before the wedding about their premarital affairs?

    • I would have advised similar way if the case was reverse where one spouse(male or female) had issues with virginity/ past sexual issues of other spouse .

      In this case it seems clear that this brother has problem with her past sexual issues and I feel this might come up in future where he might taunt her for it leading to so many other problems .

      I generally consider people as average followers ,Talking big is easy but how much you implement in life depends on so many factors .Very few people have actually strong taqwa and patience .

      You never know the good qualities he sees in her are actually present or just like it appears like that .
      If he is simple good person i advise don't go with this girl who has tested much excitement before .You wont be able to manage if you are very descent guy .Lot of men/women talk about so and so good stuff before marriage but after marriage in most of the cases its all about money ,comfort and life style based on that your spouse gets happiness(most of the cases .average followers)

      • Assalaamualaikam

        I'm not sure where you're getting that this girl has had lots of excitement. If we take what she has told this brother as the truth, she has had intimate contact with one guy, who promptly abandoned her - far from being exciting, that sounds really unpleasant. It's entirely feasible that having had such an upsetting thing happen, she may be even more appreciative of the intimate connection between husband and wife; she knows that the grass is not greener on the other side. For many girls, including non-Muslim girls, virginity is a big deal, and to be used and abandoned by the guy she gave her virginity to would be very upsetting.

        I agree that there may be problems if the brother can't get past this - it would be unfair for him to bring it up and use against her in arguments, and upsetting for him to struggle with his distress on a daily basis. InshaAllah, they may both be able to move on from this and find a positive future, either together or separately.

        Midnightmoon editor

  10. I think you should marry her.
    Her past is the past.
    Her future is with YOU
    SHE HAS REPENTED for her mistake. This is now between her and Allah.

    The rest is up to you, BUT to make her change and then you leave her was wrong OF YOU TOO!

  11. I think u should not marry her, after all the mistakes she did, and she was not even repenting ( u mentioned her character wen u met her) also u quoted, u studied islam for 14 years.. so it is better u get marry a girl, who is pious and chaste woman. u guided ur fiance how to repent and u show her path to islam. now she'll live her own life religiously ( hope so, bt in most cases they don't follow). Allah (saw) knows the best and he'll give her exact pair for her. also there r so many pious , religious girls, u ask Allah (saw) one of them..

    • @A Brother I think you are arrogant. Are you a very good MUSLIM YOURSELF!
      Not everyone is born perfect muslm from what i see my own are the WORSE and i REPEAT THE WORSE OF IT ALL TOTAL HYPOCRITES. At least she has changed and changed for the better. Its people like you that makes the whole situation worse so judgmental.


    • If he knew everything before he started talking with the girl, he should not turn back. Pious, religious people have the same hormones and same desires.

      Ever read news about little boys being raped in Madrassahs or by Imams or by preists?

      • She is an adulterous and this guy should not marry her as he seems to be virgin ,good and simple person .
        As per your guys it seems Enjoy the life ,do Zina many times and then repent or confess and that makes them so great that you are judging them to them to better than lot of other pious people .

        Brother ,i suggest you to look for some pious women and let this girl go and find similar adulterous man who has repented and became great person .

        • What's the gurentee that the girl he find next is a virgin? What's the gurentee that the next girl he will find he will know the truth weather she is virgin or not? He is virgin and a very good Muslim person but this brother didn't look at other girls. Will not be zina ? He is one of the lucky man who found out before married not after...

          • Irfaan: He is virgin and a very good Muslim person but this brother didn’t look at other girls.

            How do you know all this? Almost all young single men will try to do some thing sexual with a willing girl/woman if they get a chance.

          • I am sure everyone would be very happy if the original poster give some reply what we say!! No reason to have argument between the one who is advicing!!!

            My humbly advise to SVS don't know weather you read my whole answer you nicely quoted the part I work but you didn't wrote when I said "will not be a zina?" Was a question not saying that it will not be zina!! Whatever the reason plz kindly read comment then reply on other comment that what you are saying.

            May Allah accept our fasting and forgiveness for our wrongly words!!!

          • Maybe you type wrong brother I think you ment to say he did see girls not didn't 🙂

          • Brother Irfaan,

            I have never touched any girl in my life... Never had sex with any girls.

          • You don't need to touch to be in zina even if you look it's a eye of zina..

            Anyhow I glad to see your decision may Allah bless you both and showers his blessing... May Allah make you both in partners in Janna aswell

  12. Asslam o Allaycam....
    Dear Brother,
    If she is repenting on her sin and confess her sin, then who are you or who we are to punish her, If she is performing Salah, Roza, and keeping her in Vail and you can see lot of changes in her attitude, then forgive her and get married, please dont mind, if I ask you a question, what if you have involve with a girl with physical relations and she left you, will you tell your fiancée that you have erupted some ones virginity,
    no you will not tell her, but if you felt that both of you are at the stage of love where you are accepting each other with all of his or her defects, then you may tell her. Now the situation is this she love you and you love her, dont feel bad, and enjoy that you have a girl who love you too much, and let her matter with Allah, you know better if she is repenting on her sin or not God will forgive her,

    please keep me in your prayers...i need too much

  13. Brother,

    This sister has made some grave mistakes in her young life and she is repenting to Allah for those mistakes. Who are we to judge if her repentance is sincere or not? That is between her and Allah alone. If you feel that you can not get past the fact that she has been with another man, you should end things for both of your sakes. Only you can make the decision to stay the course of marriage or not.


    • Beautifully and perfectly said.

      People are confusing judging her repentance (and whether it is accepted by Allah swt) with whether she is worthy of being married.

      May Allah guide us all, Ameen.

      • It seems that brother can't get over the fact that she has slept with some one so it make sense for him to call a QUIT here .

        Regarding Repentance only Allah know about the intention but strange part is some people in this forum taking repentance as a tool to use it later after enjoying life . In other words you are telling to Young Muslims that doing Zina is not a big deal as you have tool called repentance which will purify you and make great and as equal as virgin pious person .

        People should at least hate SINS like Zina .

        In my view the girl/boy who is virgin and pious is better to marry than adulterous who tells he/she has repented .

        • If there is Shariah law , if some body committed Zina and have proof there is Islamic punishment for this act even though if he has repented sincerely .
          So Allah will decide about his repentance in Akhirat but Shariah court will still give punishment in this world .

          Also ,due to Zina there are lot of diseases coming in this world and this brother needs to mae sure that she has not got any sexually transmitted disease due to her Sexual intercourse with other person .

          Be careful my friend ,Don't go for crocodile tears and drama ...Trust Allah but be careful about people . After marriage the life looks different and you will find it difficult to digest that your wife slept with some one before marriage .

          • The hadd punishment is extremely rare due to the extreme burden of proof required. It's mostly symbolic. Your point about diseases is good, however. It's reasonable to ask the sister to take an STD test.


        • In other words you are telling to Young Muslims that doing Zina is not a big deal as you have tool called repentance which will purify you and make great and as equal as virgin pious person .

          No, I haven't said that at all, it is you that has both said and understood it that way.

          How you came to understand that my comment suggests that zina is not hatred, I don't know. For the record, zina is a most hated sin.

          Repentance doesn't exist for beings that are free of sin, it exists for those who sin. Repentance can only be sincere, otherwise, there is no repentance.

          If someone decides to sin on purpose with the intention to gain repentance as a joke, that there is there decision, no person on this forum is suggesting that.

          As for men and women who sin before marriage, they should repent for their misdeeds and make sure they do not repeat that sin again. I do not think their misdeeds gives me or anyone a right to consider them lower in status in the eyes of Allah swt. It could be that they become some of the best Muslims, better than any of us here.

          It is possible for a person to move beyond their sins and it is possible for them to get married and follow Islam fully--If anyone suggests that this is not possible in Islam to fully repent and change one's ways permanently, then they should be providing full proof of that. And we should remember that even our small sins may not be forgiven while other's big sins may be forgiven--it all depends on our sincerity and our relationships with Allah swt. Some of us tend to be very hard on those who have sinned gravely with the understanding somehow that our smaller sins will be forgiven.

          • Thank you Saba for the detailed clarification .Jazak Allah.

          • Dear Saba ,

            Also one point to mention ,
            I agree some one who has repented sincerely can become better muslim in sight of Allah but in this world you don't know who is sincere .

            If there is no question of marriage then you can esily say ,YES , he/she might have repented sincerely and might have became a good muslim BUT this is the case of marriage where you need to be careful and can't just go by simple theory .

            Say for example if some one comes with marriage proposal of boy for my sister and i come to know that this boy was alcoholic but now he has repented sincerely then still I will think 100 times because intention only Allah knows. His past will still be an issue and it is normal for any human being to go in a safer way .

        • Straight Talk: In my view the girl/boy who is virgin and pious is better to marry than adulterous who tells he/she has repented .

          How can one be sure his/her spouse is virgin and pious? Do you think there should be viirginity test like they do in Somalia? Should people be given a lie detector test.

          Do you think some one who has watched porn on Internet can be considered pious? This one criteria alone will disqualify most men.

          A girl can fool with 10 boys and still technically a virgin. Same is true for a boy. As for being pious you can see outward behavior but you can't know how the person is inside.

          • SVS ,

            For any thing In life there is no guaranty that you will get what you want .Only it should be an effort to get a pious girl but there is no guaranty .Same way there is no guaranty that repentance of that girl is sincere .
            Also previous intercourse with some other man comes with own problems ,like STD ,previous memories ,comparison etc etc .So it is foolish for this simple man who thinks about this virginity issue to marry her .It should be fine for some other man who has gone t through similar experience and repented .

            Regarding ,Porn it is a SIN .I don't know Watching PORN and Illegal sexual intercourse are of same level .I have not heard ZINA equivalent punishment for watching porn if they get caught with proof .Nowadays even a simple Hollywood movie also comes up with soft porn kind of stuff .If you compare this to Illegal sexual intercourse and say both are of same level then hardly few men and women left to be called as VIRGIN .

            In my view PORN is definitely bad(No body should watch it) but going extra level for ZINA is worst .

  14. May Allah forgive our sins and accept our dua..

    I can relate to this brother myself. I was gentle nice honest always lowers my gaze towards women always attented mosque 5times a day I made a contract with my manger that durin my pryer time my office need to give me time to pray afterwards I makeup my work. I got married to a girl her family is very religious her father did hajj 4timea alhumdulillah my wife was educated beautiful but after married I found out that she is not virgin. That day was like qayamat to me. My body was freezed was speechless. I was questing Allah where was my mistake? I was walking on the path of Allah in my work my boss was female I don't think anyone in my office can say that last 6years I looked eye to eye with my female boss. Some of my collique used to call me gay I used to laugh from inside. After that day I was searching for my fault and trying to solve it praying more carefully behaving to others more carefully I didn't scrolled or said any words towards my wife. She said her long ex story I heared then told get to repent to Allah and pray for tawba. She did I told her never ever again mention about your past to anyone els. Let's keep it between me and you and Allah. She said if I not satisfied with her tawba or repetence then I can get married without divorcing her or I can divorce her and get married. I did ishtikara my result was weird I tried doing again was not clear then I submitted to Allah to guide me. My wife and I pray together fajr and ehsa as I do my other prayer during my office houre. Mashallah I have now 2 kids 1 boy 1 girl my wife changed like a merical.i can't complain about her motherhood also her responsibility toward me my family. We are now married for 16years in 16years I don't think I uter her past and fought alhumdulillah . One day I was sitting and was playing with my kids then I realize that Allah did send her to me so that I can help her to learn about islam on our weeding night I felt was a punishment from Allah now I realize that Allah gave me duty to bring someone in right path. Alhumdulillah. Maybe if I would find out before married I would have rejected her but don't know what might been happen maybe she won't change who knows!!!

    All I wanted to say brother that it's your ishtikara... In Ramadan Allah accept everyone's dua forgiveness.. Don't loose that chance.

    • That's a wonderful story, brother. You have a good heart ma-sha-Allah.

      Wael Editor

    • Mashallah , you're a very level headed person with a good head on your shoulders. May Allah reward you for being so patient and understanding.

    • SubhanAllah...May Allah increase the love between you and wife in a limitless way in this world and the hereafter in Jannah, Ameen.

    • Zafar: One day I was sitting and was playing with my kids then I realize that Allah did send her to me so that I can help her to learn about islam on our weeding night I felt was a punishment from Allah now I realize that Allah gave me duty to bring someone in right path. Alhumdulillah.

      How did you know she was not a virgin? Do you ask her? Did she confess she had sex before?

      I don't think a man who never had sex before can tell if a girl is virgin or not on his wedding night.

      I am sure majority of people don't share their sexual experinces with their potential spouse or some one

      they get married too.

      Premarital sexual play is very common now a days.

      You talked about lowering gaze in front of women? What percentage of Muslim men do you think lower their gaze in the right sense?

      For readers who think men should only marry pious, educated. attarctive girls here is what Zafar says
      "I got married to a girl her family is very religious her father did hajj 4timea alhumdulillah my wife was educated beautiful but after married I found out that she is not virgin"

      • For Allah sake will you stop attacking people comments?? No wonder said you are bossy!! No harm sharing someone story but you sound like judge and we are criminal asking question again an again!!!

        Your question is in bad manner the way you asking who will bother to answer your rude question? Why on earth one person will tell you what his wife did how did he found she is not virgin?? Please give everyone space.

      • Astakfirullah!!! May Allah forgive me for sharing my story.. My mother was right never tell anything to anyone about your private life. My mother died 10years now I realized.

        Subhanallah, May Allah forgive our sins and accept our fast.

        Special request to the ADMIN. Please for my sake my iman sake please delet my story.

        Thank tou May Allah bless you all..

        • Relax, brother Zafar. Many people appreciated your story. Don't let one person spoil your mood.


          • There is one related news but groom was not forgiving here .I support Grooms's decision as we should not tolerate cheating by spouse for the marriage

            A man in Saudi Arabia call it quits with his wife right on their wedding night, after looking at her intimate images, given to him by her spurned lover.

            According to religious preacher Shaikh Ghazi Bin Abdul Aziz al Shammari, the shocked and traumatized groom, who had come to him the very next day, couldn't bear the humiliation, the Mirror reported.

            It is believed that the lover had threatened to reveal the pictures if the woman refused to be with him, despite which, she had told him off as she wanted to start a new life with her husband.


        • Brother Zafar ,

          I agree .Your mom was right .You should not have shared this Story .

          Allah hafiz

          • I'm not judging for sharing this story and it was nice to read it. :-)But I'm a bit confused about one thing.
            Why would you on the earth share your wife's premarital experience with your mother?? I would be really upset about that if I was your wife.
            Anyway don't take it as a judging or attack on you, just don't understand it.

          • In his comment where did you see that he said he shared his wife story with his mother? He said his mother said don't talk about private life!! I don't think you read his story thoroly he said in his story that to his wife to keep this between she him and Allah.

            May Allah save brother Zafar from our comments!!!

        • Assalam alaikum Br. Zafar,

          I agree with Br. Wael that you shouldn't let some people spoil your mood especially when you didn't do anything wrong and your story shows that there are people out there who can focus on what is most important in the present situation.

        • Assalaamualaikam

          I agree with Wael. Many people have appreciated reading your story and learned from your sharing of your experiences - mashaAllah. Don't let one or two people's opinions take away from that.

          It takes a lot of courage to share such a personal account, so thank you for feeling able to. InshaAllah, the original poster and others can read about your experiences and find a new perspective from what you have written.


        • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Zafar,

          May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reward and bless you for sharing your wonderful and successful story. Indeed, there is a guidance and wisdom for us and for many people, in your story, so be calm and relax brother, and then enjoy endless rewards from Allah for sharing it, inshaAllah.

    • Subhanallah!!! I wish I could have learn something from you in person.
      I was also in this brother situation I loved a girl when we talked about marriage she told me she is not virgin I was like falling from the sky. It's not that I was perfect like brother Zafar but never had sex. So it pinched me and broke up with her she cried asking for forgiveness started to make tawba wear hijab anything to prove she is changing still I said NO I won't be tolerate in future that my wife is used by other man. Then after 3years of trying she realized its waste of time begging me. Unfortunately or fortunately one of my cousin friend proposed her he is like brother Zafar to break her relation I told everything to that man that man said she is lucky she didn't marry you I said what you mean?? He said one who revels someone truth after repetence it it's sin then what she did. In 3 years did you see any bad action I said no then he said it's enough for me past is past she has changed now I will marry her. They got married now have 3kids. And me STILL single no future nothing looking for girl to get married but all are rubbish not matching with me I also did tawba and now I try to stay away from shaitan. May Allah bless everyone and accept our dua..

      • Assalam alaikum Br. Zahid,

        I am sorry for your loss, but indeed there is a lesson for all of us.

        What I find most interesting in some comments is how some Muslims in the West are more accepting of premarital relations and some Muslims in the East are not--as if to suggest that Islam in the East is more staunchly practiced in the East. In fact, we could argue that Muslims who practice Islam in the West are more apt to not carry so much cultural baggage and are able to get to separate Islam from the culture and this is perhaps why then can move on in a situation like yourself or other brothers and sisters in a situation described by you.

        What is even more interesting is that when posts are made by girls (I don't recall any posts from boys asking about this in particular) who have entered in intimate illegal relations, they have been encouraged to disclose this to potential suitors for marriage so that the man can make his decision for whether he accepts her or rejects her. And here on this forum, we see a brother seeking advice and there has been many of the same people who have discouraged him from pursuing the relationship. Further to that, we have a brother who disclosed his successful personal story and some of the negativity towards him has been quite sad to see.

        From this, it seems that some Muslims are saying that if a person (particularly female it seems) does make the grave mistake of a relationship prior to marriage, then they are now a write-off and never deserve to be married--and this is certainly not the message of Islam.

        Not that I want to pick on you, Brother, but when you disclosed her sins to her future husband, this is a perfect example of why a person should exercise extreme caution in disclosing one's sins (and in fact should avoid it) because you never know how many more ears it will reach.

        My Du'a for our Ummah is that may Allah guide us all in having successful marriages in which we focus on what is important and rise above the whispers from shaitaan that lead us to destruction, Ameen, Thummah Ameen.

        • I loved your response!

        • Assalamolaikum Saba ,

          Your response seems to me like Today's football match where Germany Hammered Brazil 7-1 🙂 .I feel so good for Germany

          This is Happy Happy ending kind of post lets wish our Brother good wishes and avoid any negative comments here even if we disagree (For this thread)

          Jazak Allah .

  15. Brother Arnel;

    The stoy narrated by Mr. Zafar should be an opener for you. Ur fiance disclosed her secret of not being a virgin because she thinks that u are a good & nice person, so thought it is better to start a new life on a good note nd not on a bad one. Her repentance, am sure seems true as she is followng all that u advise her. She has started wearing an abaya, a niqab, stopped plucking her eyebrows, is saying her prayers, caught up with her missed fasts, all for the sake of pleasing ALLAH SWT and then u. ALLAH SWT says that if ur sins fill all the space between the earth & the sky, I WILL forgive it if u sincerel;y repent, but will not forgive shirk. If ALLAH SWT can forgive her, how can u try to over ride the laws of ALLAH SWT. In fact u are now getting urself into shirk because u are now trying to bring ur self on par with ALLAH SWT, Naoozubillah.

    U should take her repentance in its face value and not be judgmental. By revealing her secret she infact confided in u, but it seems ur imagination & suspicions is taking its toll on u and leading u to a wrong decision. Brother try to look at everything in a positive way and decide it according to the will of ALLAH SWT and not yours. I can tell u that by repenting and following in ur footstps of Islam, her sin has been forgiven by ALLAH SWT.

    There is no need to be suspicious anymore. Let me tell u brother, she has been guided by ALLAH SWT, and whom HE guides no body can misguide, and whom HE does not guide no body can guide. You are a very lucky person who is 100% destined for JANNAH because it was ALLAH SWT who choose u to guide a misguided soul. So don't loose ur chance of JANNAH, otherwise u will not get a another chance like it. ALLAH SWT gave her a chance and she successfully availed it and brought her into ur life. Now its infact u whom ALLAH SWT is testing. How u avail ur chance and fare in this test will decide whether u fail or pass.

    So, let her be ur wife in this dunya and in JANNAH as well.

    May ALLAH SWT gude u in coming to a correct decision. AMEEN.


  16. Dear Brother ,

    If this worked for Zafar doesn't guaranty it will work for you .First you need to analyze yourself and see if you can handle it .If SO go for it else don't go .

    Just because some one managed to handle it doesn't meant you too should go for it . There are lot of negative stories also .So be careful and take wise decision .

    Most of the time decent guys/women got screwed up in life because of their own foolishness .

    • I think there were three things that lead Brother Zafar to success:

      1- His wife repented sincerely, and he witnessed the changes in her after tawba.

      2- He saw himself as a light of guidance, which helped her a lot during the marital life.

      3- He relied on Allah after he prayed istikharah.

      This is the same in Brother Arnel's case:

      1- His fiancé has repented sincerely, and he is a witness to the changes in her after tawba.

      2- He sees himself as a light of guidance, which is helping her gradually, and he could learn to do it perfectly, and everything will be alright, inshaAllah, but Shaitaan does not like it.

      3- What is left for him, is to pray istikharah and rely on Allah wholeheartedly, and then proceed with the nikah--if that is what Allah wanted for them both, the nikah will happen, with much blessings in the future, inshaAllah.

      Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Says:

      "...And whoever fears Allah--He will make a way out for him. And will provide for him from where he never expected. Whoever relies on Allah--He will suffice him. Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has set a measure to all things."
      (Quran 65: 2-3)

    • May Allah forgive me if I mention or state any wrongly word in my story. I never going to say that what happened with me what worked for me it have to work for anyone only Allah knows. I shared my story not to push this brother to accept her as I said it's your choice perform ishtikara let Allah guide him. All I wanted to suggest this brother by telling my story that sometimes we should not take the situation as a punishment if we do we will try to solve our problem and if you look like Allah wants me to help her to show right path that is also my duty as a husband but as far this brother not married yet he can do ishtikara for Allahs guidance we normal human vein only can judge by both side we can't guide him only advice him. As far this brother story he alredy showing her right path alhumdulillah.

      May Allah forgive our sins and accept our dua we all are fasting alhumdulillah May Allah forgive our wrongly word and accept our fast.

  17. Assalamu'alaikum brother

    Pray istikharah. In Syaa Allah you will find the answer. Whether it is a yes or a no, it is the best thing to do In Syaa Allah.

    I too had experienced this in the past. I tried to be chaste by not having pre-marital relationship. But my potential was telling me that he was having this Bulgarian girlfriend in the past and did the sexual intercourse. I was heartbreaking. But later I tried to accept him how he is. I prayed Istikharah too because I felt so much doubts. And the answer was no. It's not me who left him. It's he who left me. I said alhamdulillaah that day because Allah had saved me from the biggest fitna that might happen. It's hard to mend the broken heart but alhamdulillah I am coping with it now.

    • Mockingjay: But my potential was telling me that he was having this Bulgarian girlfriend in the past and did the sexual intercourse.

      What do you mean by potential? I can't understand why a man will brag about sex with a girl friend in the past to his current g/f, wife.

      To me it seems like he does not value the person whom he told about his previous sex encounters.

      What is proper Sharia punishment for people who commit Zina?

      • What makes you think he was bragging? Maybe he was confessing, so as to begin truthfully. Don't assume the worst about people.

        Wael Editor

        • I don't know why some one will confess their illegal sexual relations with a girl that is his potential bride and then leave her.

          I am not a mind reader but in my opinion guy bragged and had no intention of marrying this girl.

  18. My view is people come from different cultural background .For some Loosing virginity might be a big issue and for some it is not so big issue .This brother seems to be so much concerned about virginity so definitely he belongs to that part of world where Virginity is taken so seriously .If he is so worried before marriage imagine what will happen after marriage once he thinks about it . So in my view he should not GO for this marriage . It will be good for both him and that girl .

    I will tell one thing/known event , During first night of Marriage one simple poius person who was trying to have sex with wife gets major turn off when he found his wife is much more active, knowledgeable ,experienced in that act due to her past sexual experience with her boyfriend and later before marriage she repented sincerely . She might have repented sincerely but it will take away the features,charm of virgin girl .
    First time comes only ONCE .You can't become virgin again after repentance .Repentance should be appreciated and encouraged but you want to go for that marriage is Entirely your call .But be prepared for all set backs .

    There is no guaranty you will get virgin girl but in normal way people put efforts to get pious,virgin girl/man . Just because there is no guaranty doesn't meant you should go for non virgin girl/boy
    Allah knows the best .

    • Assalaamualaikam

      As you say, the first time comes only once. But what this brother needs to decide for himself is whether this is so important to him that he cannot accept a non-virgin wife, or whether he wants to marry her because of her deen and her character - in which case it would be important for him to be able to leave this issue in the past and not hold it against her. There is no right or wrong answer to the question - just what is right or wrong for the brother and sister in the situation.

      For me, I think that sometimes we can get so hung up on the idea of virginity, that it becomes the most important thing - the first time comes only once, so by focusing on virginity too firmly, we risk missing out on a spouse who has many other positive qualities, because of one thing. Instead, should we maybe be focusing on chastity? Which as a wider concept also includes widows/widowers, divorcees, people who were forced into sexual activity... Often people talk about virginity when they may mean chastity instead, but it's important to remember that people can be chaste without being virgins.

      Please don't misunderstand me, I agree that if this brother cannot get past this issue, it may be better for the two of them not to marry, but it might be worth his while thinking about whether this sister's good qualities are worth accepting this as part of her past, for which she has repented. Is it more important to be someone's first, or to be the one they are with for the rest of their life (inshaAllah)?

      Midnightmoon editor

      • I am also pondering over the statement of brother Midnightmoon "so by focusing on virginity too firmly, we risk missing out on a spouse who has many other positive qualities, because of one thing.".

    • Dear Brother Zafar and Wael ,

      I apologize for this particular comment .I could not communicate some thing properly here while putting my view .If possible please delete that part .

      May Allah bless both of you long happy married life .I don't agree with some of views here but i am sorry if my comments crossed the limits .

      This is the month of Ramzan and i worry I did some SIN because of those comments to brother Zafar's case. Sorry again .


      • Very well. I edited your comment and deleted mine.

        Wael Editor

      • No problem brother you have very right to give opinion but I am not here to show how good Muslim person I am I know I am not perfect I didn't share my story to show that I am a very great person no I am not a great person nor I shared my story to take people attention. I just did so that this brother can read my story and judge by himself nor I shared my story weather people agree or not I don't need comment on this brother post I am not here for advice in this brother post this is someone els post inshallah I also have problem in my life I will post seperatly then inshallah everyone can suggest me!!

        May Allah forgive us accept our dua and forgive for our any wrongly word we utter during fasting.

        • Br. Zafar,
          I do not think that I speak for myself when I say that many people appreciate you sharing your story and when I read it, I thought to myself, Alhumdulillah, there are people who focus on the person they have married and the deen and take time to make decisions. Your courage and honesty is admirable especially because you didn't hastily divorce.

          May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

          • May Allah bless brother Zafar and bring more happiness to their married life .

            There are Pros and Cons of every situation .

            Type 1 )Very good people will accept any thing which comes in their way like non pious ,non vrigin ,dishonest,fraud etc etc provided they see her spouse is ready for change and want to move in good direction towards Islam . So people who fake their profile for marriage with them , no need to worry . Its Cool.

            Type 2)Not so religious or average people might not tolerate lies,non virginity,dishonesty even if their spouse is ready to move towards good direction . They might end up in divorce .So people who fake their profile need to worry a lot here

            Say for example some X person want to get married but he/she has certain problems like he/she is non virgin ,aged ,lot of debt , health issues etc etc so what X and his family will do .They will fake the profile .Hide all these details and look for Type 1 people . Because they are sure Type1 is going to accept them whatever they are so need to worry much . Type2 they won't dare to approach as they know they will get harsh response for their fake profile .
            Now their objective will be to just get married to Type1 people by any means because one marriage is done their plan is successfull .


            Accepting dishonest/cheater spouse who will hide their details might save the marriage .


            Type1 people will become soft target as they are supposed to accept whatever comes in their way if cheated spouse say he/she has repented and looking towards better life .
            It will encourage people to hide and fake their details and marry such people because they are large hearted and supposed to forgive everything .Anyone can fake anything and get married to them without bothering much about their fake attributes .

            So it will be easy to cheat and marry type1 people with false information as they are soft targets .

          • Br. StraightTalk,

            No offence, but your description of two types of people isn't true and nor are there only two types of people.

          • Sister Saba ,

            Forget about types of people but my main point here is that somebody can fake their profile ,get married to pious person as he/she is supposed to forgive all of that faked data .
            So when is there is no fear of harsh response from cheated spouse (because of noble character) it will easy for other person to fake their personality and get married .

            One example : Say If I am trying to get a job in reputed company and i know that this company is very strict and might sack me if they found that whatever i have put in my resume is not true then i will put all details with honesty because of that fear of getting sacked .
            If i know that this company don't bother much about my details and might even forgive me for my fake data then my frist preference will be to get a job at any cost (even by faking profile,putting lies )

            So similar way , I feel negative part of this kind of acceptance is it will encourage Fake people because there is no harsh response from cheated spouse .

          • AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Straight Talk,

            You wrote:

            One example : Say If I am trying to get a job in reputed company and i know that this company is very strict and might sack me if they found that whatever i have put in my resume is not true then i will put all details with honesty because of that fear of getting sacked.

            It is not right to put lies on a resume to get a job in a company, especially when the company has already stated what they are searching for..

            == No one should give wrong information about themselves to get married to someone, especially if the person they are marrying has already stated what they are searching for.

            You wrote:

            If i know that this company don't bother much about my details and might even forgive me for my fake data then my frist preference will be to get a job at any cost (even by faking profile,putting lies ).

            There is no need to lie to a company that doesn't bother, and wants only your honesty--if the company will forgive and keep you, then telling the truth from the beginning (if they ask) is better, so that they could know how to assign you to the appropriate level.

            == There is no need to lie to get married to a person who doesn't bother, and wants only your honesty--if they will overlook things and keep you, then telling the truth from the beginning (if they ask) is better.

            You wrote:

            So similar way , I feel negative part of this kind of acceptance is it will encourage Fake people because there is no harsh response from cheated spouse.

            I think you are mixing two different issues that are supposed to be discussed separately, in two different forums.

            When a company accepts a person regardless of their background, that does not mean that, they are encouraging others to be less-perfect, but it means that, they have places plus training for people with different backgrounds.

            This is the same for the person getting married to someone who has sincerely repented, regardless of their background. It does not mean encouraging others to commit sins, rather it means encouraging people who are regretful to tell the truth with confidence, and plus it means following the sunnah of Allah. When Allah forgives us each time we commit a sin, that does not mean that, He is encouraging us to commit sins--He forgives us here, and warns us there, till we be on the right path, by His Mercy and Forgiveness.

            Finally, there is a difference between a person who has repented and changed (and wants to marry), and the person who is still commiting sins (and wants to marry). This forum is about the one who has repented sincerely and have changed, and brother Arnel's concern is about the jealousy-feelings, so the advice here should be on how he could control such feelings.

            thinking 100 times is true if there are some clues that lead to doubts about the repentance, and in addition to if the repentant is a man. To be more strict in the case of a man, makes more sense than on a woman, because the man is considered the leader of the household, so, when a man is blessed with the deen and good character, in addition to good knowledge of the deen (like brother Arnel and brother Zafar, mashaAllah), then there is no need to worry about the hidden and unseen things, rather, he should rely on Allah--as Allah knows the deceptions of the eyes, and what the hearts conceal, and He is capable of changing everything.

          • Dear brother Issah ,

            You wrote

            When Allah forgives us each time we commit a sin, that does not mean that, He is encouraging us to commit sins–

            Allah has set punishments for the crimes/sins in this world like death punishment for murder ,Lashes for Zina ,punishment for theft etc etc .So if some is caught with proof in a country where proper shariah is followed these punishments will apply to him .
            Can some one escape from this punishment if he has repented sincerely later .NO .

            If there is a fear of harsh punishment people will be having fear in their heart .If there were no harsh punishments it will encourage people to indulge in more crimes/sins .

            Similarly when acceptance is made so EASY for fake profile people it will encourage more people to fake their profile for the marriage as there is no fear of any punishment .

            My focus in my previous post was about those people who got married(And not about to marry case) and after marriage they came to know that they were cheated .I was trying to show PROS and CONS for such acceptance of spouse who faked his profile before the marriage (like non virgin etc etc)

            May Allah bless brother Zafar and bring happiness to his married life but I was just trying to show the PROS and CONS of such cases . I still believe that if you make acceptance so EASY it will encourage people to FAKE their data for the marriage .

          • So you wanted to say brother Zafar made mistake by knowing the truth he should have divorce his wife? You are mixing brother Zafar and this brother situation.. Brother Zafar got to know after married he did said in this post he also said if he knew before maybe he would not get married to her however for this brother he knew before married so it's not difficult for him to decide , I guess it's their personal choice!! We shouldn't interfare. Only advice!!

            It's potty that someone shared their story and people are attracting the person and having debate with each other rather then giving brother advice in islamic manner.

          • @Straight Talk

            I was actually talking to you in your own language, but it seems you don't understand the grammar in your own language, and therefore you are mixing the grammar of a different language with yours, however, I understand that one too, so we could speak that in a different forum, at its appropriate place and time, inshaAllah.

          • Yes, exactly brother Issah, the jealousy-feeling. It is really hurt because I have never touched any woman in my life and yet here is the girl I wanted to marry who has been touched by another man. Please advise me on how an I control that feelings. I told heralso to wear Niqaab and she did.

          • You got 79 comments can't find any solution? Because of this post everyone is debating mocking each other attacking if someone shares their personal stories !! What els can say then this? You got very good nice advice as well.. I will suggest go thorough one by one comment then judge by your self...

            By the way nice to see you replying...

            May Allah forgive us and accept our fast and forgive for our wrongly word!!!!

          • Brother Arnel, I understand how you feel. However, it is possible to get rid of such feelings by training your heart and focusing much on the positive side of your fiance, inshaAllah.

            Perhaps, you don't want to leave your fiance because she is very kind, religious and submissive to you and Allah--you fiance being in such a beautiful state and progressing in it, could also help you control the jealousy-feelings, inshaAllah. Please know that, not every woman is like your fiance, therefore your fiance is indeed a precious gold, mashaAllah--don't lose her, lest you be regretful, rather, be very wise when making your final decision.

            For the meantime, allow yourself much time for praying istikhara, and for breathing-in everything, and then see how much you could grow up a space in your heart for your fiance, for the sake of Allah (not for your sake). Whenever, the feeling starts to approach you, seek the protection of Allah from shaitaan, and then seek His help in controlling it--He will definitely help you (inshaAllah) since you did everything for His sake.

            Also, please reflect on Brother Zafar's story, and see how Allah Has helped him after he prayed istikhara and relied on Him. Now he does not feel the jealousy-feeling anymore, rather, he is always thankful to Allah for the blessing and success in their marital life...This means that focusing on the good side of your fiance, and relying on Allah is the best thing to do, inshaAllah.

            May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala be with you, and help you throughout the process. Ameen!

          • Brother Issah ,

            Just curious to know if there is any sexually transmitted disease due to her past sexual encounters still you will advise him to go for this marriage ?


            Medical test is not at all required as it will be wrong to ask her as it will hurt that pious Muslimah ?
            Or he just need to pray about her good health and no need to show to any doctor as that will be wrong?

            My question is important because of culture issues people don't ask for medical test but i think it is very much required these days.

            Allah knows the best .

          • @Logical

            Actually I am not against any medical test, therefore there is no harm in going for it. However, I believe that Allah will not disgrace her, inshaAllah. May Allah protect her, Ameen!

          • Brother,

            She is in medical field of work so she knows herself. She is a Med-Tech.

          • Brother Arnel,

            Congratulation as you have decided to marry her .May Allah bring happiness in both of your lives .
            If you feel there were some harsh words/suggestions please ignore and forgive . Remember to pray for all the people in this forum for good . You are blessed to be there in the Holy place during this Holy month of Ramzan . So please pray for all of us . Jazak Allah

            Allah hafiz

          • Insha ALLAH... Jazakumullaho kulla khair...

          • Mabruk, Brother Arnel, for standing in the best masjid, during the best month, and making the best decision, which is to marry--may Allah makes her the best woman for you in Dunya and Akhira!

            Please don't forget to make du'a for us in the masjid al-haram, inshaAllah. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala accepts your Umrah deeds and du'as, and that of all the brothers and sisters performing Umrah, and those at home. Ameen!

            Brother, I am not sure if you have already pondered on the statement below, by sister Midnightmoon.

            "Firstly, there is a difference between advising someone and placing restrictions upon them. Rather than imposing restrictions on her, it would be better for her to learn more about the Islamic reasons for the guidance we have been given, and to make changes to her life because she wants to follow Islam rather than because she wants to please a guy. When we make changes for ourselves, it is easier for us to maintain them and not to become resentful of them."

            For now, it may be that your fiancé is being obedient (due to your kindness, and your care about the best for her life) before even learning the reasons/wisdom behind the guidance you are showing her, however, I think when you rather focus on explaining the reasons or the wisdom to her (and one of the secrets -- which is very important and fruitful -- is to care much about her feelings, choices, wishes, needs and emotions, and then try as much as you can to compromise in some issues for her, in the beginning, especially the minor ones), till she understands the wisdom and see the guidance for herself, that would make her feel that you have always wanted only the best for her, which could result her to feel more secured with you -- and the more she feels secured with you, the more she wants to be more religious, kind, obedient and submissive to you and Allah, wholeheartedly, on account of her trust for you and your good Islamic insight, wisdom and guidance, inshaAllah.

            Many men make mistakes and misuse the opportunity of having an obedient and submissive wife, like your potential-wife, MashaAllah. They put many restrictions on her, and therefore she becomes fed-up and stressed-out eventually, due to the unexplained and compounded restrictions on her. So I hope that inshaAllah you get the whole point, and I believe you could take care of it perfectly, inshaAllah. May Allah help you.

          • Yes I have read it Brother Issah. Of course every time I forbid something to her, I would explain why... Like for example when I forbid her to use perfume, I told her that it is the Prophet SAW that forbids woman to use perfume as it attracts men when men smell the fragrance of their perfume, and the sin of that woman is like she has committed zina with all those men who smell the fragrance of her perfume.

            Insha ALLAH I will make dua for all of us here in Masjid Al Haram.

          • If so then my brother, you have nothing to worry about, inshaAllah.

          • Insha ALLAH brother. She told me even to teach her how to read Qur'an when we are together. Actually she can read but not that fast and accurate tajweed.

            Anyway... Thank you so much to everyone who gave me a wise and inspirational advise. I ca not enumerate all because you are too many ya Ikhwani wa Akhawati feLLAH...

            From the Holy place, I para to ALLAH to reward you all, forgive us all and accept our fasts, siyam, qiyam and other Ibadah. May He give me also a strong SABR and move on. Please dont forget also to pray for me.

            Let us close this issue as I am satisfied with the words of encouragement I have been receiving from you.

            Shukran lakom wajazakomollaho kulla khair...

            Assalamo alaikom wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

          • ☺BaarakAllahu feekum Akhi, wa jazaakum khair al-jazaa!

          • Brother, thank you so much for the very inspiring words of advice. It is precious for me. I did istikhara many times already, I did it twice also in Masjid Al-Haram as I am in Makkah right now, Alhamdulillah. and I feel the heaviness of my load is getting lighter and lighter, Alhamdulillah.

            For those who are advising to have her undergone medical check-up, I think no need because she is not that hooked-up with it that much or I mean not that worst as she was just deceived by that guy who escaped and run away from her after having what he wants from her and that has been more than 2 years ago.

            You know brothers and sisters, she has been so kind and obedient to me. When she is planning to go out of their house, she would ask permission from me and if I refused, she would never leave. I told her to do Umrah and cry for ALLAH's forgiveness and she did 3 times. She is always telling me that she will do everything for me if I choose to stay with her. She told me also that even if I didn't pursue the marriage, she is still thankful for having me known as I became the way for the many changes in her life. She told me also to teach her about the teachings of Islam once we got married and she will do her best to learn it. She gave me this task.

            Actually I am scheduled to give her dowry (Mah'r) to her parents right after Ramadan so I am now fixing my final decision.

          • Subhanallah!!! May Allah guide you the way he guided me to see the real reason behind this.. Since I followed your post I prayed to Allah that to give you chance to bring someone in light from the dark. Trust me after 1/2/5/8 or even 20 years later you will realize that don't know what deeds we did wrong or right but atleast you know one deed good you did that to bring someone towards the true colour of islam and on the jay of judgment inshallah my belief Allah will judge.

          • Assalam alaikum Brother Arnel,

            Congratulations on your decision to marry, May Allah put endless love and joy between the both of you in your marriage, Ameen.

            Brother Issah's words are indeed very inspiring and educational for all of us, Ma shaa Allah.

          • Brother,

            My husbands niece got married several years ago. Her husband was a tyrant...cruel, and straight up brutal. This man did not allow his wife to see her parents, no cell phone, no television and pretty much was destroying her in any way he could. They had a child together. His mother would not even allow her to care for her own child. Long story short...they divorced. It was ugly.

            Along comes her cousin. He himself had never been married. He told his parents he wanted to marry her. He did. Today, they are a beautiful and very happily married couple with two children. When I see them together, they are always smiling and you can tell there is so much love in their relationship. I myself admire him because although he had never been married, he did not allow the issue of her virginity to make it a deal breaker for him. He was able to see beyond the things that he knew he could not change and see the beautiful woman who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and bear his children.

            I imagine one has to look within themselves and ascertain if they can move forward with a marriage knowing the other half is not pure. Allah hu Alem.


          • But divorcee, of course will never be a virgin and she doesn't have to explain why she isn't.
            Everyone knows that from the very beginning and nobody is asking questions. She doesn't have to hide the fact that she isn't a virgin.
            BTW I hope your husband's niece has her first child with her as well.

          • Assalammoalaikum Arnel ,

            If you are born and brought up in india/pakistan/bangladesh region it will be difficult for you to accept it due to the cultural influence .

            Some of brothers/sisters here who are born and brought up in western countries will be sharing exact opposite view and might make you feel like HERO if you still go for the marriage .
            You will feel like Superman 🙂

            My suggestion for you is don't get influenced by any people in this forum .You need to take your own decision .If you can't handle it then don't go for it .

            Please note that Marriage is very tricky thing and lot of things which appears now as very good and attractive will look very ordinary after marriage . Most of the time marriage turns out to be disappointment for people and on top of it if you carry this negative thought again it will be an additional problem .

            I will advise you take a wise decision .Assume yourself as very average Muslim (not very pious of high end type ) and see if you can manage it .Marriage normally comes with lot of other surprises also so be ready to handle ..

            Also Tell your girl to go through medical checkup .There can be a risk of Sexually Transmitted diseases due to her past sexual encounters with her boyfriends .Don't take it lightly .

  19. Subhanallah!!!! I think it's time for the this brother to answer to our advice/comment I don't know weather this brother following it or not but if he is then he should reply an answer and if he not then no use of arguing between us. We all know now a days what is happen thing around the world am May Allah forgive us you will see it will be worst not better May Allah save us from those days.

    Last night was watching news I live in Australia in news it's 30min in 30min there was only news of raping and murder yeah Allah it's getting harder to go out even everyone wants to stay safe that's why they come overseas but what is happening around the world can't even imagin what will happen after 10years.

    Anyhow we all hoping and seeing forward for some response from the brother who posted this situation.

    May Allah forgive us!!

  20. Assalamoioalium

  21. No .I didn't say he or some one should divorce .It is their choice .May Allah keep them happy.

    May Allah bless brother Zafar and his wife happy married life .Brother Zafar will be rewarded for this Insha Allah .

    My point was about How people can fake their data to marry such good people intentionally as they will feel they are easy targets and there will not be no big issues once truth is out after marriage (Either sincerely/repentance or by chance)

    • Why you taking everything negetive bro? Cool down!!! As per I know there are some stuff Allah himself told us not to revel to everyone. Everyone make mistake we are human being we are ment to do mistakes because we are friends of shaytan we help shaytan to lead us trouble!! There are some people who repent after they commit major sin and repent sincerely so why that person will be punished if you see he or she is changed? No one has right if someone change and walk in Allahs path. In Middle East there are punishment in my eyes I saw one man got cut his both hand because he used to steal unnecessarily 1 time 2 time they have him chance to make tawba he did but didn't change so he got his both hand cut. If he would have changed I don't think it would have turn that way. Anyhow I was following this thread and was loughing inside me that brother Arnil don't even bother or care we are debating on this chapter I am surprised that some poster post their problem but give response sometimes I feel like a waste of time... We all expect at least one reply.

  22. There is one related news in Saudi where groom divorced in weeding night due to the same reasons.

    • Logical: There is one related news in Saudi where groom divorced in weeding night due to the same reasons. c

      i don't know how a man who never had sex before can tell if his wife is virgin or not on the first wedding night.

      • Don't know weather you are male or female if you are male even if you didn't have sex before married you can tell by bleeding she will bleed. In some culture it's more disgusting you have to show the bed sheet to in laws to prove you ware virgin!!

        • Man here. .But not all women bleed the first time they have sex. Not only can hymen tissue simply stretch during penetration, rather than tear and bleed, but it is also very common for the hymen to rip before a woman ever has sex. Physical exercise, like riding a bike or doing gymnastics, injury to the genital area, or inserting a tampon....... into the V.... can all cause the hymen to split. Source: Internet

          That is the reason I asked OP how he came to know that his wife is not a virgin.

          • Well if you relating with brother Zafar story then he said she talked about her ex maybe she told him by fear that he will find this way I don't know but you can guess. And if you relating with brother Arnil maybe same she might told him.

  23. Brother ,

    Please do a complete medical checkup of your girl for any sexually transmitted diseases as she had sexual relationship with boyfriends .

    Don't take it lightly .You might end up in very dangerous situation if you take it lightly . As your girl is quite open minded so she should not have any problem for this checkup . The reason is very Logical .

    Allah knows the best .

  24. Brothers and Sisters, I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude for your effort and taking time to comment and give me an inspirational advise. I do check your comments everyday. By the way, I am from Southeast Asia but I am not going to tell where specific country to hide my identity.

    Jazakumullaho khair... Please include me in your dua. Ramadan Al Mubarak to all of us.

  25. Whoa, partner. There is so much misinformation here.

    First, not all women bleed on their first sexual experience. Some have almost no hymen to begin with, so it doesn't even tear. It can also be ruptured by something as simple as falling down and having one's legs go in the wrong directions.

    Second, one is to ward off the hadd punishments with technicalities. If Allah (SWT) has cloaked a sin, it is not ours to run around and shout it out to the world.

    Third, the Sharia is not simply a penal code unless you're Wahhabi/Salafi, and that is a terrible thing to do to the Sharia.

  26. Sara: Well if you relating with brother Zafar story then he said she talked about her ex maybe she told him by fear that he will find this way I don't know but you can guess. And if you relating with brother Arnil maybe same she might told him.

    There is no need to guess, they are hear reading everything. Arnel was introduced by family (cousin) I am sure they told him about previous relationship with the foreigner. I can't imagine a Muslim guy asking a girl he wants to marry if she is a virgin? If that is a norm then girls should be allowed to ask the guy the same question.

  27. All fingers are not equal,we r all different in various aspect. whether a virgin or non virgin,her repentence is what counts....

  28. Masha Allah.may Allah bless your marriage aameen.Hope you are married now with that sister.

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